I'm not getting married, having sex, or dating ever again in life.

I don't know. I feel betrayed, like I thought this was real. He proposed to me gave me a beautiful *** ring and everything. Then he has nerve to be walking around with my name on his arm like it means anything. I know he probably wishes he never got the shti now. I'm always like that in relationships though. I'm just not the type of girl who's with somebody but still has side pieces or other dudes that I talk to. Like if I'm with you I'm with you.

Maybe that's the problem too is that I take these fools seriously. I don't know its a wrap though. Its just really sad. I know I'm young and everything but I don't have that type of mentality. Dating doesn't appeal to me like it does most people my age. I don't want the stress of trying to keep up with multiple boys when I can just focus or be with one. Then here comes this idiot with talks of "settling down" and my *** was hooked.

I'm glad I dont have any kids by him. Maybe my miscarriage was Gods way of telling me he's not the one. I don't even want kids now. I was just talking to my mom about this yesterday.
 
Girl, I just went through a break up earlier this year. I know where this type of pain in your words comes from. It's natural to feel this way, especially since the break up is still fresh. You are going to be angry, you are going to cry, you are going to have this on your mind until it gives you a headache. But realize that each second, minute, hour, and day is bringing you closer to sanity. In due time those thoughts, that anger, and those feelings will gradually dissolve. Right now it seems like it will never happen. You just feel like you want to scream, but you will get over that fool.

I think venting about it is definitely a good way to help. Talk to people about it. I talked about it over and over again to my friends and I am sure they were thinking in their heads "oh, here we go again". But I just had to get those thoughts off of my mind and feelings off of my chest. Invite the girls over or have a girls night out. Don't listen to love songs or watch romantic movies. Stay away from those. And I also find that writing down my thoughts and feelings helps. Praying helps. OH! And Think about the things about him that you despise, think about his negative qualities. This helps too. Because then you will eventually (though you cannot see it now) see the light. You eventually will thank God that he showed you the light. You will realize that this is a lesson in love and is leading you one step closer to your king. I feel like some women go through this to make them tougher, to make them stronger. Just remember that everything happens for a reason. Even though the reason may not seem apparent now. It will become clearer to you later on.

I'm sorry that this happened to you. Just remember that you deserve better and it's his lost, not yours.
 
PinkyPromise said:
I don't want the stress of trying to keep up with multiple boys when I can just focus or be with one.
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...the problem is that "one" that you're with is causing you more stress! Don't put yourself through that. The majority of us arent saying that you should date around. We're saying work on you...date yourself.

PinkyPromise said:
I'm glad I dont have any kids by him. Maybe my miscarriage was Gods way of telling me he's not the one. I don't even want kids now.
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I don't think God would place a miscarriage in your life as a sign to end a relationship...

Don't rule out kids either!

PinkyPromise said:
Maybe that's the problem too is that I take these fools seriously. I don't know its a wrap though. Its just really sad.
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Does this mean that there is a possibility that you may go back?

OP...it really does get better. Believe these women, I'm not sure about anyone else...but I've been there before. I've been in a relationship in where I gave my all to someone who didn't deserve it. I've been abused (mentally and physically), used, and cheated on. Of course, I had my "single for the rest of my life moment" but then I dusted myself off got up from my pity party and MOVED ON!

Please don't limit yourself OP....like I said earlier take this time to work on yourself. Learn your worth, you're worth so much more than you are giving yourself credit for. Used this time to work of your confidence and to learn what you really want for yourself.

I don't know you personally, but I used to be you. You'll get through:bighug:
 
I just want to give you a :bighug:. When my best friend was close to your age she swore off men after her first serious relationship turned out badly. But instead of looking for Mr. Right she has been self destructive ever since. It hasn't been easy to watch her lower herself repeatedly for unworthy men. I couldn't fix her :(.
Do not let one man's actions destroy you. You are young and so is your immature ex. Don't let this make you jaded of all men. When you feel ready, start dating cautiously and carefully and you will find a good guy or two or three :)....
 
Hey I can certainly understand how your feeling. I don't think anyone likes being hurt in any fashion. Like most people have said, give it time, you'll be alright :). In the mean time, use this time to release any negative feelings and thoughts about what happened and then use positive energy to do YOU :) Once you are glowing from having inner peace, men will be attracted to you without you even trying. You'll look back at this later and thank him for being the "The best thing you never had". Let the man that is for YOU find your "Good Thing" :)
 
freelove said:
You know what? I think I felt like this at 21 too! :yep:

I'm 23 now, and I already feel much differently. Just give it time. We've all been there at some point or the other.
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I felt like that at 21 too, but now that I'm 31, that feeling seems worlds away. I've matured a lot since then. I quickly jumped into another "situation" that wasn't good for me. It was a rebound relationship that learned a lot from too. I had to realize that I was young, and it was not the end of the world for me. I took some time off from relationships and just had fun learning me and dating. Even at 31, I still feel like I'm young and have plenty of time before I make a committment. I'm seeing a great guy now, but I'm still not in any rush. Just take it one day at a time. You'll get there.
 
It's allllllll been said. I just want to give you a (((((((((((big hug))))))))))))))

These are some painful lessons we learn about folks (men) as we grow. Please use it to make yourself better and wiser. My grandmother always used to tell me. The best revenge is to have a great life.
 
OP there isn't an age when pain and betrayal doesn't hurt. You've been given some really good advice. Take a break, put yourself first and protect yourself, use birth control ALWAYS.
 
BeautifulFlower said:
The relationship was imbalanced. You loved him by giving him everything you thought he wanted and in turn he probably lost respect for you. A man that doesn't respect will walk all over you, lie to you, tell you he love you, then do it to you again.

Next time, all of the above should not be happening plus more. And ONLY deal with men whose actions are in alignment with his words. But most importantly, next time, make sure you're not giving with regret.
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This I agree with and will strive to do in my next relationship. OP, I was with a guy for 4 years--for the first 2, I stood my ground, we had an equal relationship and things were fine...as soon as I started going overboard for him (won't get into everything I did), he stepped out on me. I will never make that mistake again. I also thought I would never get over it, but it's been 10 months since we broke up and I am a happy woman. I still think about him, can't say that I don't...but, I am in a much better place. Right now, I listen to "Best Thing I Never Had" by Beyonce on repeat :yep:

Time is the ultimate healer...
 
PinkyPromise said:
That was the problem. Me not loving myself first but I have to because no one else will.
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Once you love and value yourself, YOU won't put up with someone treating you like crap. Use this as a learning lesson as to what you don't want in a relationship. People get involved in no good relationships all the time. However, the smart ones use it as a lesson learned to never let it happen again.

PinkyPromise said:
I don't want love anymore. True or not. I'm good. This bullshti has happened too many times I gave love too many chances then here comes this fool and here we are lonely and broken all over again.
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Again, figure out why you put up with it....repeatedly. Breakups and betrayal hurt something fierce. Once you get over this (and you will *big hug*) be determined to value yourself. Then you will be able to weed out the losers and pick men who will be good to you. You are the one who needs to set the bar. Don't let anyone else set it for you.

mischka said:
Don't stop dating. Just stop dating losers.
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Ding ding ding..........we have a winner!!!!!!!!!!
 
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm going back to school. I applied for financial aid today and I'm going to a school for Massage Therapy. Work and school will be challenging but I need to do something constructive instead of sitting around moping over this boy.
 
PinkyPromise said:
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm going back to school. I applied for financial aid today and I'm going to a school for Massage Therapy. Work and school will be challenging but I need to do something constructive instead of sitting around moping over this boy.
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Good for you. I applied and went to grad school when I filed for divorce. I had entirely too much time on my hands. It helped to keep my mind occupied.
 
freelove said:
You know what? I think I felt like this at 21 too! :yep: freelove

I'm 23 now, and I already feel much differently. Just give it time. We've all been there at some point or the other.
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:yep:

Exactly...at 21 I rev'ed up school and refocused on my life...

23 was a good pivotal year...

It's healthy to vent and get it out. However Your too young and pretty to let some random man ruin the chance of you being honestly happy!

:hugs: to you lady!!! Head high!!
 
Op when I was your age I went through something similar. You'll be fine. Cry if you need to. Not all men are losers. Take it as a life lesson.

And if you want to get over him, DO NOT keep in contact with him. Block his calls, change your number, whatever you have to do ((HUGS)) This too will pass. :yep:
 
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