I'm Hair-Challenged! Dealing with hair for 1st time on OWN...HELP!

[drappedup]

Hi Ladies! I'm newly registered and whatnot here, but I assure you all I have been lurking and ghosting for a while now. I finally decided to register once I realized for sure I have no clue whatsoever what in the heck I'm doing with my hair. This is embarrassing, too, because I am an adult woman (just turned 21 2 Saturday's ago, woot, woot!) and I should be able to care for my hair without feeling like a lost little girl. Let me just say before I jump into explaining my story and seeking any sort of advice/help/tips/criticism (heh!) from anyone who knows more than I do (which is virtually everyone here I've discovered, after lurking lol), I appreciate ANY and ALL feedback/comments/suggestions/etc. I honestly, honestly do. Like I said, I'm lost at this point. And google gives way too many sources of conflicting info.

I have very, very thick hair. So I relate completely to many other posters here. Texture is straight, but frizzy at the roots (without relaxer, of course -_-'). When wet, my hair does get a little wavy, but once it dries it's straight again. Not sure what hair "type" that is. After looking at the charts (that whole ba, 4c, 7x, exaggerate, etc.) i didn't really come out any better as far as knowing what "type" it fell into. None of the pics on the sites looked like my hair. I have seen pics of users on here, though, that seem to have my hair.

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[Platinum]

How often are you washing, conditioning, and deep conditioning?

 

[drappedup]

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[mariofmagdal]

Welcome to the posting side. ;0)

 

[drappedup]

How often are you washing, conditioning, and deep conditioning?

Well, I haven't really set a rigid time period yet. I was thinking every 2 weeks seems good, but for example, I washed my hair last weekend and then midway through this work week I noticed my hair is super flaky and my comb was already getting small dirt build up. Then I found out about the extra virgin olive oil thing and wanted to try it, and so I decided to wash my hair again today. So I think either once a week, or once every other week.

I heard washing too often makes your hair dry? But I don't want to not wash it enough and not give it the water and nourishment it needs. This whole thing is pretty confusing tbh.

But thanks so much for the welcome! ^___^

 

[Americka]

Well, I haven't really set a rigid time period yet. I was thinking every 2 weeks seems good, but for example, I washed my hair last weekend and then midway through this work week I noticed my hair is super flaky and my comb was already getting small dirt build up. Then I found out about the extra virgin olive oil thing and wanted to try it, and so I decided to wash my hair again today. So I think either once a week, or once every other week.

I heard washing too often makes your hair dry? But I don't want to not wash it enough and not give it the water and nourishment it needs. This whole thing is pretty confusing tbh.

But thanks so much for the welcome! ^___^

Welcome to LHCF! To the bolded - that is so not true and the women of this board has disproved this myth. I can testify that since I have adopted washing more often (particular during the summer), I have not suffered from dandruff. From what I gathered from your posts, your hair needs more moisture (in the form of deep conditioning and leave-ins) and less heat (from blow dryers and flat irons.) No more extensions, add-ons, or weaves until you are prepared to take care of the hair underneath. Your hair sounds quite damaged. Try washing once a week including a deep conditioning session. Make sure to invest in a good heat protectant if you are going to blowdry or flat iron. HTH!

 

[drappedup]

Welcome to LHCF! To the bolded - that is so not true and the women of this board has disproved this myth. I can testify that since I have adopted washing more often (particular during the summer), I have not suffered from dandruff. From what I gathered from your posts, your hair needs more moisture (in the form of deep conditioning and leave-ins) and less heat (from blow dryers and flat irons.) No more extensions, add-ons, or weaves until you are prepared to take care of the hair underneath. Your hair sounds quite damaged. Try washing once a week including a deep conditioning session. Make sure to invest in a good heat protectant if you are going to blowdry or flat iron. HTH!

Thank you sooo much for the welcome! You guys are dolls! ;D

Probably a silly question, but me leaving leave in conditioner is deep conditioning, isn't it? Like today, I used the Creme of Nature detangling leave in one. And so far I've decided not to blow dry my hair today, but to let it air dry. I don't know what I'm going to do about my roots, though. The frizz is too much to NOT flat iron. >.<

 

[sharifeh]

What conditioner are you using? And what's that nexxus product in the pictures?

Well for starters, you are going to need a hefty moisturizing deep conditioner and use it regularly for awhile. I would recommend aubreys organics honeysuckle rose
Olive oil and coconut oil are great but those along w/ a Deep Conditioner will be much better.

As you spend more time on here, you will find that you don't necessarily need a blowdryer or a flat iron.
Also, I really think you should wash your hair once or twice a week and deep condition with heat each time.
If you find that it dries out your hair, maybe you don't need to use shampoo each time or maybe your shampoo is too harsh. But I would wash and deep condition at least once a week.

You say that your hair is falling out when you comb. examine the hair that falls out, is there a little white bulb on one of the ends of the hair. If there is, that's normal. That's normal shedding.
If there is no white bulb, that means it is breaking...and that is not good.

 

[sharifeh]

Thank you sooo much for the welcome! You guys are dolls! ;D

Probably a silly question, but me leaving leave in conditioner is deep conditioning, isn't it?

No it's not.
By deep conditioning we mean using a conditioner that's specifically formulated for deep penetration into the hair strands (keracare restorative mask, aubreys organics conditioners,pantene relaxed and natural mask etc.), leaving it on under a shower cap with heat for whatever amount of time, 15, 30, 45 minutes or without heat for like an hour.

 

[30something]

Wow thank you for sharing so much, I can totally relate.

Anywho reading blogs and following people on youtube is tremendously helpful. The good ones usually lay out important information for you, verses using search on this website and reading through pages of thread.. which is just as useful.

Oh and welcome

 

[Americka]

Thank you sooo much for the welcome! You guys are dolls! ;D

Probably a silly question, but me leaving leave in conditioner is deep conditioning, isn't it? Like today, I used the Creme of Nature detangling leave in one. And so far I've decided not to blow dry my hair today, but to let it air dry. I don't know what I'm going to do about my roots, though. The frizz is too much to NOT flat iron. >.<

No Ma'am! A deep conditioner and a leave in conditioner are not the same thing and therefore do not serve the same purpose. A deep conditioner is used to replace the moisture lost through daily styling, chemical usage, heat usage and environmental damage such as dry air and wind. Deep conditioners are usually left on the hair from 5 minutes to 1 hour and preferably with a heat source such as a heat cap or hair dryer. Leave in conditioners are used to add instant moisture to the hair after washing it. A regular conditioner can be used as a leave in conditioner as well, but MOST instant conditioners do not work as deep conditioners. Does this make sense?

 

[30something]

http://keepitsimplesista.blogspot.com/
http://www.hairliciousinc.com/

Two good blogs, just click around

 

[Beaute Noire]

I agree with Americka...you need to "Deep Condition" meaning you leave the conditioner in your hair for 15-45 minutes with a plastic cap and then you rinse it out...then you can spray your leave in and style as you normally would..I think that is a big part of your problem...you are not deep conditioning regularly.

 

[my1goodnerve]

Just in case you haven't seen this yet, here's a link to help get you started on your healthy hair journey http://www.longhaircareforum.com/for...ad.php?t=50291. And I would definitely check out youtube for help with styling suggestions. It helps to see how styles are created.

Oh, and welcome hon!

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

Welcome!!

I feel like your story is so common among black women. People get addicted to the weaves and braids, and don't realize what is happening to their own hair. And their broke down stylists don't care enough to tell them.

Anywho, the first thing I'd suggest is to educate yourself. I don't know if you've seen them, but one of the ladies here, Sistaslick, has written an entire series about black hair care.
I really think that they should be required reading for every black woman who desires healthy hair, because they are super informative and even have product lists, so you aren't just jabbing around in the dark. Plus they're free. Here's a link:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/83046/audrey_sivasothy.html

I think that the ones about protein, moisture, regimen building, heat, coconut oil, porosity and breakage will be most helpful to you in particular. Also, take a look at the stylist checklist, so when you are ready (if ever) to find a new stylist, you can know what to look for, and avoid this kind of thing happening again.

And there's also a newbie guide here: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/for...ad.php?t=50291

Although those sources contain tons of information, try not to get overwhelmed, and just take your time going through them. I think once you have, you'll definitely have a better sense of direction, in terms of what you should do with your hair.

Weaves and braids can actually be great, low-mani protective styles. I think the reason why you had a bad experience with them is because your stylist sucked, and you didn't know any better. Many women have grown beautiful and healthy hair with weaves, so once you know what you are doing and your hair is up to it, that can still be an option to you, if you choose. If you want, look up Ediese, Reniece, Nichi...and there's one other lady I'm thinking about. I don't remember her name...maybe one of the other ladies will know it. But she has lovely hair and wore weaves to grow it out.

The other ladies already talked about the deep conditioning, so I'm not going to.

Hth, and good luck on your HHJ!!

 

[Jazala]

Welcome to the boards. The ladies above have given excellent advice already so I'm just posting to say sorry about your mishap with that stylist.

How in the hezzy could she just sit back and watch your hair getting worse and worse over a two-year period of time and just keep on slapping in the weave and taking your money? Was she going to wait untill you were completely bald before saying anything?!?.... just mindboogling

Anyhow as stated above there is a healthy way to wear weave and grow your hair at the same time but please do NOT ever let that lady touch your hair again because she could be a major part of your breakage issue (braiding too tight, putting too much tension with the string on your braids, etc.). She also failed to give you the proper advice on how to keep your hair from getting brittle while wearing the weave.

On a positive note, you can learn all about that here on this board. Here's a hug. No worries now, you will be on the right track if you do your homework and start taking charge of your own strands.

 

[back2relaxed]

Welcome to the board..


One question, did you end up cutting the dead/broken hair? If so what length, style is the hair in now?

 

[drappedup]

Thanks again for all of the welcomes! I know I sound like a broken record, but it's why I lurked for so long so I appreciate it!

No it's not.
By deep conditioning we mean using a conditioner that's specifically formulated for deep penetration into the hair strands (keracare restorative mask, aubreys organics conditioners,pantene relaxed and natural mask etc.), leaving it on under a shower cap with heat for whatever amount of time, 15, 30, 45 minutes or without heat for like an hour.

Oh, I see! After googling those products, I see what you mean. I didn't know there was a difference between leave in and deep conditioner. I might try that keracare one, since I'm likely going to try kereacare shampoo/leave in conditioner once my CoN stuff runs out.

No Ma'am! A deep conditioner and a leave in conditioner are not the same thing and therefore do not serve the same purpose. A deep conditioner is used to replace the moisture lost through daily styling, chemical usage, heat usage and environmental damage such as dry air and wind. Deep conditioners are usually left on the hair from 5 minutes to 1 hour and preferably with a heat source such as a heat cap or hair dryer. Leave in conditioners are used to add instant moisture to the hair after washing it. A regular conditioner can be used as a leave in conditioner as well, but MOST instant conditioners do not work as deep conditioners. Does this make sense?

Yes, thank you! So it's okay to use both a deep conditioner and a leave in in the same day? And so, it's good to deep condition every time you wash your hair to up keep the moisture you've lost? I think I'm catching on, lol. >.<

http://keepitsimplesista.blogspot.com/
http://www.hairliciousinc.com/

Two good blogs, just click around

Oooh, thank you! I've tried googling for hair blogs, but none of them were what I was looking for except for one, which was from 2008. Checking these out. Bookmark!

 

[drappedup]

I agree with Americka...you need to "Deep Condition" meaning you leave the conditioner in your hair for 15-45 minutes with a plastic cap and then you rinse it out...then you can spray your leave in and style as you normally would..I think that is a big part of your problem...you are not deep conditioning regularly.

Probably about right, since I have never deep conditioned the few times I have washed my hair, and I don't think my stylist did either.

Just in case you haven't seen this yet, here's a link to help get you started on your healthy hair journey http://www.longhaircareforum.com/for...ad.php?t=50291. And I would definitely check out youtube for help with styling suggestions. It helps to see how styles are created.

Oh, and welcome hon!

Thank you! I will youtube as well. Youtube videos really do help as well, you're right. ^_^

Welcome to the boards. The ladies above have given excellent advice already so I'm just posting to say sorry about your mishap with that stylist.

How in the hezzy could she just sit back and watch your hair getting worse and worse over a two-year period of time and just keep on slapping in the weave and taking your money? Was she going to wait untill you were completely bald before saying anything?!?.... just mindboogling

Anyhow as stated above there is a healthy way to wear weave and grow your hair at the same time but please do NOT ever let that lady touch your hair again because she could be a major part of your breakage issue (braiding too tight, putting too much tension with the string on your braids, etc.). She also failed to give you the proper advice on how to keep your hair from getting brittle while wearing the weave.

On a positive note, you can learn all about that here on this board. Here's a hug. No worries now, you will be on the right track if you do your homework and start taking charge of your own strands.

Aww, thanks! It's sort of upsetting when I look at the hair in the back, because it's so clearly damaged. Particularly when the tracks were taken out for the first time. I think she didn't want me to see how it looked, though, which is why she asked me a couple of times to let her put in a full head weave. I know it's also my fault for relying on my stylist to take care of my hair, simply because it seemed easy and what had been the regular for me since I was 5. I've just always been under the impression I couldn't do my own hair. I didn't know I could have decent and regularly washed hair WITHOUT using relaxers. -__-' Which sounds stupid, but I have very admittedly been ignorant on my care hair all of my life. I've thought I NEEDED relaxers. But, yes, I'm definitey through with that stylist. She's only about a year older than me, and she does do 'good' hair as far as end results, but I have learned the HARD way she clearly does not care about perserving her clients hair health. When I started seeing her almost 3 years ago, my hair was in pretty good shape. Had just gotten it cut too. It was strong and thick and shiny. Now it's choppy and brittle-looking and maybe it's my imagination, but I feel like my hair isn't as thick as it used to be.

To think, had I started taking care of my hair myself 3 years ago, maybe I really could have grown out my hair by now. It's definitely a sensitive topic for me these days because though it sounds sily, I am used to having "nice" and "touched up" looking hair, and now suddenly I don't.

 

[drappedup]

Welcome!!

I feel like your story is so common among black women. People get addicted to the weaves and braids, and don't realize what is happening to their own hair. And their broke down stylists don't care enough to tell them.

Anywho, the first thing I'd suggest is to educate yourself. I don't know if you've seen them, but one of the ladies here, Sistaslick, has written an entire series about black hair care.
I really think that they should be required reading for every black woman who desires healthy hair, because they are super informative and even have product lists, so you aren't just jabbing around in the dark. Plus they're free. Here's a link:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/83046/audrey_sivasothy.html

I think that the ones about protein, moisture, regimen building, heat, coconut oil, porosity and breakage will be most helpful to you in particular. Also, take a look at the stylist checklist, so when you are ready (if ever) to find a new stylist, you can know what to look for, and avoid this kind of thing happening again.

And there's also a newbie guide here: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/for...ad.php?t=50291

Although those sources contain tons of information, try not to get overwhelmed, and just take your time going through them. I think once you have, you'll definitely have a better sense of direction, in terms of what you should do with your hair.

Weaves and braids can actually be great, low-mani protective styles. I think the reason why you had a bad experience with them is because your stylist sucked, and you didn't know any better. Many women have grown beautiful and healthy hair with weaves, so once you know what you are doing and your hair is up to it, that can still be an option to you, if you choose. If you want, look up Ediese, Reniece, Nichi...and there's one other lady I'm thinking about. I don't remember her name...maybe one of the other ladies will know it. But she has lovely hair and wore weaves to grow it out.

The other ladies already talked about the deep conditioning, so I'm not going to.

Hth, and good luck on your HHJ!!

Thank you so much for this post! I'm honestly so inspired by some of you wonderful ladies on this forum! You all seem so happy with taking care of your own hair; I wish I could be like you all! And, yeah, I don't see how someone doesn't say anything as their customer's hair whittles away over the course of TWO YEARS. What's really upsetting is, after I enlisted, I worried about not being able to see her anymore. Then, luckily (or so I thought >.<), I was stationed just 4 hours away from my hometown! So I was thrilled I wouldn't have to find a new stylist and could just schedule my visits as regularly as before, when I visited home on leave or 3 day weekends, etc. So I pointedly KEPT seeing her even though I have been out of state for more than half of the time she's been my stylist. And she knows this. erplexed

Anyway, you're completely right. I need to educate myself first. I've slowly been trying to since I've been sans stylist/relaxer/weave, but just knowing where to start is hard. All of the tips and info you're suggesting is more than helpful! I'm willing to learn simply because I feel like if I don't know, what am I going to do, blindly depend on a stylist for the rest of my life? No thank you! Clearly didn't work fo me, lol.

Am definitely taking your advice. I will keep you all posted as I go from zero knowledge whatsoever (I seriously thought deep conditioning and leave in were the same thing, lol! ) to some sort of info. I'll figure it out eventually, I'm sure. I'm already pleased with washing/drying my own hair, goooo me!

Welcome to the board..


One question, did you end up cutting the dead/broken hair? If so what length, style is the hair in now?

Um, well, I had the edges trimmed. I don't want to cut my hair. Which sounds stubborn, but I really do not want to go even shorter than what I am. As it is, I can barely get my hair into a sock bun. Any shorter and I'd have to wear my hair down to work, and I am just not comfortable doing that with my job and my styling skills. But, currently, the front pieces are longer than the rest. I've been hesitant on getting that cut so it's even with the rest. It seems logical, but..... Should I? I mean if having my hair different lengths is really goingto seriously deter progess I suppose I have to. I'm just scared it's not going to grow back. The back has since grown/thickened since the end of December. Now it at least goes a bit past my upper neck.

 

[drappedup]

Also, ladies, question.....

if I'm sleeping on a satin pillowcase, should I still sleep with a hair cap? It seems like the 2 would cancel each other out, and I thought the whole purpose of the satin pillowcase was because it prevents breakage. Wearing something over my hair seems like it'd contradict the whole purpose of the satin pillowcase.

OH, and what seems less damaging as far as updo styling goes, a hair clip or a sock bun? I use both. I try to switch out between the two..... some days I just don't have time to make my hair look good enough for a sock bun, so the clip is a quick result. But I would think the clip would be more damaging since it grabs at the hair with its teeth, right?

I hope these aren't no brainers like the deep vs. leave in thing, heh.

 

[drappedup]

So I just wanted to post again and say I have spent the bulk of the last 2 hours reading many of the articles written by the user Sistaslick, and I swear I feel as if I have learned more this evening on hair care subjects than I have in my life. Dramatic, but true! Very informative and interesting. And I didn't even get to read all of the articles I wanted. To be continued.

Anywho, I think I feel like I'm ready to slowly decide on a plan. I don't have any details mapped out or anything, but with the helpful article on newbie regimen building, I feel like I can at least come up with a very 101 plan, lol. I think I'm going to try washing twice a week, since once a week has already proven maybe too little (something I discovered last week). I really plan on documenting all of my embarrassing, clueless, newbie journey through random posts here, maybe in a "hair journal" in a notebook, etc.. Hopefully one day a slightly less confused me can then look back at these posts or the pages in my notebook, and laugh. Maybe. >.>

I'm updating this thread with new hair thoughts and stuff, so sorry if I'm talking to myself! I just wanted to share I've been reading many of those articles, and they're fabulous!

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

Welcome to the board, sounds like you are getting plenty of assistance!

 

[Americka]

Also, ladies, question.....

if I'm sleeping on a satin pillowcase, should I still sleep with a hair cap? It seems like the 2 would cancel each other out, and I thought the whole purpose of the satin pillowcase was because it prevents breakage. Wearing something over my hair seems like it'd contradict the whole purpose of the satin pillowcase.

You don't have to, but many of the ladies including myself do. In the beginning, I did so in case the bonnet or scarf came off. Now, it is habitual. It's about whatever you are comfortable with. I like to think of it as extra protection.

 

[drappedup]

Okay, so I am putting together a list of products I plan on buying!

I last washed on Saturday, so I am going to wash tomorrow. I have no DC purchased yet, though (waiting on my paycheck lol!). By my next next wash for sure. I am going to try coconut oil for the first time tomorrow. I'm excited, guys!

I'm actually enjoying learning about hair and the products and etc.!

You don't have to, but many of the ladies including myself do. In the beginning, I did so in case the bonnet or scarf came off. Now, it is habitual. It's about whatever you are comfortable with. I like to think of it as extra protection.

Ahh, I see, thanks! Maybe I will use both every other night and on some nights just the pillowcase. I'm just paranoid about that honestly only because I sleep with my ceiling fan and stand fan on. I'm a sleeper who needs a continual breeze going in my room, heh.

 

[infojunkie]

You're too cute. You'll pick up quickly because you're open-minded and eager to make up for lost time. You've been given excellent information, I just wanted to pop in and say welcome!

 

[Janet']

Welcome!

 

[drappedup]

So I have been googling what products I am officially going to incorporate into my 101 basic newb official first haircare regimen ever.

I've particularly been paying attention to deep conditioners since I never knew they were so important and I haven't be DCing. I'm probably going to start off with Kenra Moisturizing Conditioner, because the reviews seem really positive, the ingredient match the helpful article I read on DCs, and I can order it through Amazon.

And I'm definitely buying that Ouidon comb! And these very comfy-looking satin rollers I found.

I'm excited! I still have a lot of other product to sort through, though.

You're too cute. You'll pick up quickly because you're open-minded and eager to make up for lost time. You've been given excellent information, I just wanted to pop in and say welcome!

Heh, thanks.

I already feel like people here are more genuine than my stylist. Whenever I'd ask her questions about my hair, she'd just give vague and rushed answers to stuff. You guys are so helpful, patient, and kind!

 

[drappedup]

I officially bought my deep conditioner! I'm going to be using the Kenra DC. I also bought a Mastex Heat Cap, some satin rollers, and a new boar brush. I'm nowhere near done yet, though.

I'm still in need of a water based moisturizer, protein DC (will come later, because apparently protein DCs are less required than moisture?), new wide tooth comb (likely the quidad from Sephora). I saw this really awesome tutorial on youtube earlier on how to rollerset with flexi rods, and I LOVED how it came out. It looked so simple I feel confident I can do it.

I am wondering, though, what type of paper is the paper to use on your ends when you do use the flexi rods?

 

[lilsparkle825]

Hey there....welcome!

When I read the above posts, I get really happy because I can see that not only are you receptive to the tips you are being given, but these wonderful ladies are giving you SO MUCH advice...but I wanna warn you -- don't try too much too soon!!! Becoming a product junkie is something MANY members go through, myself included! I've now been a member here about two years, and I still have stuff clogging my shelves that hasn't been used up in that time period. I know the desire to try products, especially ones that have pages and pages of raves about them, is great....but your wallet will suffer if you try to jump on every bandwagon you see. If the Kenra MC works for you (and as it was a staple of mine for the longest, I fully expect it to) stick with it. The same goes for products you are still looking for -- proceed with caution!!!

I can't wait to read your updates in a few months when you get your hair on track. I am more than confident that you will soon be advising the next class of newbies on the dos and don'ts of healthy hair care =) HHG!