I'm finally facing some of that "healthy hair journey" opposition from family

nodisrespect

New Member
I'm away at school all year which works best for everyone since my siblings get on my nerves and they, in turn, resent me because my mother is pretty much supporting me financially. (Long story how they could call themselves having a problem with that since they are all older than me but still live at home but WHATEVER).

One of my sisters and my mother already knew I was doing things differently concerning my hair in order to grow it out. But then I came home, no relaxer for months, not using heat and generally KISS. For the first couple days I brushed off any comments just by saying, "ok, I am black. This is what black hair is gonna look like if you're not abusing it with a heater every day" and that was sufficient enough to at least laugh things off.

Some of the comments I've gotten (I don't even think I've been here a week yet):

I'm not letting you go back away to college coming back looking like that.

You done went away and got afrocentric.

How you think you gone get a job with your hair like that?

You need to straighten that mess.

Come on man, when you gone comb your hair?

(My mom to one of my sisters, behind my back) Why don't you take her to go get her hair done?

Your hair done all fell out doing that stupid stuff you doing.

Even my three year old niece called my hair "messy."

I did a deep condition last night and was checking my airdried hair out in the mirror this morning. My sister started talking about me again and I must have said something like, well whatever my hair is growing and when I graduate next year with my hair down to here all y'all gone be hating and looking stupid. Then she went off into this diatribe about I don't know better than nobody else, including that old myth about needing to trim frequently in order to "stimulate growth" (I asked how could cutting ends stimulate the scalp where the hair grows and she said some stupid junk about spilt ends, which, while it's true it's bad for split ends to travel up the shaft and break off the hair, that is not the same thing as trimming hair to make it grow faster out ur scalp). And that all that junk I'm reading "on the computer" don't work for nobody and her hair grows just fine washing and flat ironing every two weeks and if she hadn't cut her hair it would be longer than it was now.

Two things that really irritate me, one, why is it that people who go to the salon frequently always end up getting frequent haircuts, or having to get a haircut for damaged ends and never see it as a problem or hindrance to growing out hair... and somehow don't realize if you keep cutting your hair off it don't matter how long it COULD be cuz it ain't gone never get there!

And two, I am more than four months post, my hair is shrunken beyond belief and even with that, it's STILL longer than it's ever been the past however many years in my life, when I would STRAIGHTEN it! When I first got home I asked my sister to put 2 cornrows in my hair cuz I was planning on running in the morning (which she keeps using to cite as evidence that my hair is in bad condition). The braids came to the middle of my neck, not even shoulder length. You can check my fotki to see where my hair falls when it is straightened.

According to them, my hair is "dry", even though my hair is soft, supple, and moisturized. I need to get a cut, even though I don't have any split ends. My hair is broken off, even though my hair has always been uneven ,since I started this journey, and the parts that were shorter cannot magically become the same length with the parts that are longer. Through some round of questioning, eventually my sister said that nappy hair looks dirty.

My mom is going to keep trying to push me to straight my hair or go to a salon and I don't want to do either because 1.) I know I'm not going to be able to keep my hair straight over the summer so I'm not bout to do that for no reason and 2.) I'm stretching until August and I know every single thing I have done for my hair going to a salon would erase all that. To think I have over two more months of this junk, it's going to be a long summer...
 
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Geez im sorry to hear that... I did the BC and my family thought I went crazy too!! Just keep doing what ur doing and before you know it, you'll be swinging ur hair and they'll be asking you for advice!! Have you thought about getting box braids or something so they wont bother you about how your hair looks?
 
Yo, seriously, I feel you b/c I went through that same bullish when I was a dread. People, mainly my family, acted like it was their phuckin’ head. What I did was express to them that I basically didn’t give a damn how they felt and preferred not to hear anything else about it. Simple as that.
 
i'm sorry you are going through this with your fam, especially on your summer break. all i can say is just keep on keeping on. you know what you're doing and by the way you describe your hair, you seem to be doing a darn good job with keeping it healthy. and when you do end your stretch, you can swing your hair around and about and listen to crickets where the negative comments used to be. :rolleyes:
 
IMHO it seems as if they're more opposed to your hair regimen because it's so foreign to what they're used to. Also, to most people who aren't into hair care forums and such, they believe everything a hair stylist tells them. Similar to how some people believe everything they're doctor says, whether it sounds right or not. I think you should continue to ignore them and let the results speak for themselves. On the other hand, i don't see why they're talking about you so badly. If they're concerned with your overall appearance than a comment like "you would look really pretty if..." or "I think this style would so nice on you..." instead of just poo-pooing everything.
 
Hang in there. You will reap the rewards and then all will see.

Stay strong and keep in touch, yes it will be a long summer, but these are your goals and your wishes for your hair.

We are 50000% behind you in whatever it is you want to do with your head.

You keep doing YOU! :yep:

As the saying goes let the haters be your motivators!!!!!:yep:
 
So true. Isn’t it annoying when people cling to something as truth just b/c it’s the status quo? Like this chic who lived in my dorm when I was an undergrad. She stayed trying to “educate” me about hair care and what does and does not make hair grow when my relaxed hair was MBL and hers was ear length and dry as he//. I just wanted to grab her by the neck and say “hello, look at my hair stupid and look at yours” .

IMHO it seems as if they're more opposed to your hair regimen because it's so foreign to what they're used to. Also, to most people who aren't into hair care forums and such, they believe everything a hair stylist tells them. Similar to how some people believe everything they're doctor says, whether it sounds right or not. I think you should continue to ignore them and let the results speak for themselves. On the other hand, i don't see why they're talking about you so badly. If they're concerned with your overall appearance than a comment like "you would look really pretty if..." or "I think this style would so nice on you..." instead of just poo-pooing everything.
 
IMHO it seems as if they're more opposed to your hair regimen because it's so foreign to what they're used to. Also, to most people who aren't into hair care forums and such, they believe everything a hair stylist tells them. Similar to how some people believe everything they're doctor says, whether it sounds right or not. I think you should continue to ignore them and let the results speak for themselves. On the other hand, i don't see why they're talking about you so badly. If they're concerned with your overall appearance than a comment like "you would look really pretty if..." or "I think this style would so nice on you..." instead of just poo-pooing everything.

It's exactly that. People act like stylists are the end all gospel truth on what to do about hair when more often than not, their hair is not longer or in better condition than the person they are advising. I'm like, I have researched the stuff I'm doing and it makes sense to me, and not only that I have seen endless proof (you all being the evidence) that THIS IS WHAT WORKS TO GET REALLY LONG HAIR so stop looking at me like I'm crazy and being stupid. To be completely honest I have never IRL known a black girl who has hair to BSL, forget MBL and WL, so why would I ignore the different techniques that I have SEEN help people dramatically improve the length of their hair?
 
It's exactly that. People act like stylists are the end all gospel truth on what to do about hair when more often than not, their hair is not longer or in better condition than the person they are advising. I'm like, I have researched the stuff I'm doing and it makes sense to me, and not only that I have seen endless proof (you all being the evidence) that THIS IS WHAT WORKS TO GET REALLY LONG HAIR so stop looking at me like I'm crazy and being stupid. To be completely honest I have never IRL known a black girl who has hair to BSL, forget MBL and WL, so why would I ignore the different techniques that I have SEEN help people dramatically improve the length of their hair?


And people say hair isn't that serious. :rolleyes:

I agree with what you've said here totally. When I BCed I got nothing but grief and STILL do. It's brought me to tears more than once. You're handling it well. Do YOU. I keep telling myself in two years when my hair is huge and healthy and theirs is still over-greased, yet somehow crispy and barely past their ears my hard work will speak for itself.

They'll still talk. However, we'll both know it's to keep from hearing the defeaning screams of their battered hair.

Keep doing what works for YOU! I wish you the best.
 
I'm away at school all year which works best for everyone since my siblings get on my nerves and they, in turn, resent me because my mother is pretty much supporting me financially. (Long story how they could call themselves having a problem with that since they are all older than me but still live at home but WHATEVER).

One of my sisters and my mother already knew I was doing things differently concerning my hair in order to grow it out. But then I came home, no relaxer for months, not using heat and generally KISS. For the first couple days I brushed off any comments just by saying, "ok, I am black. This is what black hair is gonna look like if you're not abusing it with a heater every day" and that was sufficient enough to at least laugh things off.

Some of the comments I've gotten (I don't even think I've been here a week yet):

I'm not letting you go back away to college coming back looking like that.

You done went away and got afrocentric.

How you think you gone get a job with your hair like that?

You need to straighten that mess.

Come on man, when you gone comb your hair?

(My mom to one of my sisters, behind my back) Why don't you take her to go get her hair done?

Your hair done all fell out doing that stupid stuff you doing.

Even my three year old niece called my hair "messy."

I did a deep condition last night and was checking my airdried hair out in the mirror this morning. My sister started talking about me again and I must have said something like, well whatever my hair is growing and when I graduate next year with my hair down to here all y'all gone be hating and looking stupid. Then she went off into this diatribe about I don't know better than nobody else, including that old myth about needing to trim frequently in order to "stimulate growth" (I asked how could cutting ends stimulate the scalp where the hair grows and she said some stupid junk about spilt ends, which, while it's true it's bad for split ends to travel up the shaft and break off the hair, that is not the same thing as trimming hair to make it grow faster out ur scalp). And that all that junk I'm reading "on the computer" don't work for nobody and her hair grows just fine washing and flat ironing every two weeks and if she hadn't cut her hair it would be longer than it was now.

Two things that really irritate me, one, why is it that people who go to the salon frequently always end up getting frequent haircuts, or having to get a haircut for damaged ends and never see it as a problem or hindrance to growing out hair... and somehow don't realize if you keep cutting your hair off it don't matter how long it COULD be cuz it ain't gone never get there!

And two, I am more than four months post, my hair is shrunken beyond belief and even with that, it's STILL longer than it's ever been the past however many years in my life, when I would STRAIGHTEN it! When I first got home I asked my sister to put 2 cornrows in my hair cuz I was planning on running in the morning (which she keeps using to cite as evidence that my hair is in bad condition). The braids came to the middle of my neck, not even shoulder length. You can check my fotki to see where my hair falls when it is straightened.

According to them, my hair is "dry", even though my hair is soft, supple, and moisturized. I need to get a cut, even though I don't have any split ends. My hair is broken off, even though my hair has always been uneven ,since I started this journey, and the parts that were shorter cannot magically become the same length with the parts that are longer. Through some round of questioning, eventually my sister said that nappy hair looks dirty.

My mom is going to keep trying to push me to straight my hair or go to a salon and I don't want to do either because 1.) I know I'm not going to be able to keep my hair straight over the summer so I'm not bout to do that for no reason and 2.) I'm stretching until August and I know every single thing I have done for my hair going to a salon would erase all that. To think I have over two more months of this junk, it's going to be a long summer...

The bolded makes me sad. Adults help to shape a child's view, and at three years old your niece already associates natural hair with something negative:nono:. Like has been said many times on this board, thank God for the ladies of LHCF. Keep doing you, mami, and know that we got your back:sneakyhug:
 
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Well, I have the same problem... the only difference is that my mum and sister are not vocal about it at all.
Silence and certain looks speak volumes though!
I know what I'm doing and why so i don't watch that :rolleyes:.
 
I know that what they are saying is hurtful but always consider the source. Your Mom maybe saying it because she is speaking from what she knows based off of her experience and is genuinely trying to help you. From what you said earlier there is a jealously issue with your sisters and when that is the case anytime there is an opening or what they think is an opening they are going to march in.

You might want to speak to your Mom and let her know that what they are saying is hurting your feelings. Remind her that you are only home for a few months and that you don't want to spend the time being made to feel bad or defending your hair. Time is too short to waste it on something like that. After that let it go and ignore any other comments.

One of my sisters with her blonde, dry, breaking, ear length hair tried to tell me what to do with my apl hair. My response everytime she give her opinion...."Hummmmmmmmm, I will take everything under advisement and make a decision based on my findings". After hearing that all the time she stop trying to tell me what to do. You can use that, in order for this to work you have to let them talk, and wait until they are done before you say it. Later on when they ask you say "Thanks for your advice but...I think I am going to continue doing this and should I not get the results that I am looking for in the next 2 years, then I will reconsider the information that you gave me. Thanks for your help".
 
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Braid it up, keep it hidden, don't discuss your hair plans..ignore or say "Thank you", no need to defend your own body....keep it moving.
 
I agree. It's just beat at this point to braid it or something so you can survive the next three months without exploding. That would relieve some tension.
 
Braid it up, keep it hidden, don't discuss your hair plans..ignore or say "Thank you", no need to defend your own body....keep it moving.

Yep....Your progress is going to say way more than you ever could talking about it. My family thought this board was silly and a waste of time. Now my sisters are always calling me asking for questions and everyone has noticed how different my hair is.

When your hair is creeping down your back, watch how quickly people finally shut up.
 
ive heard it. . . I joke it off, or ignore them. . . i attempt to reject all urges to "get ignorant" and "put them in their place". .. but mannnnnnnnnn a couple of times I want to be like, if your stylist REALLY knew what she was doin, and your hair was REALLY healthy, would she have to cut it all the goddamn time. people that DIDN'T go/have stylists have the longest hair, what makes your hair any different that u NEED to go every week? and i think i am transitioning, so it is EVIDENT that my hair has grown, and i look at them like your hair was that SAME length when I started my transition/stretch. i just have to explain to them that if EVERY stylist was working MIRACLES on every head they did (and u know MOST black women don't do their hair on their own that 2 weeks in between) why the hell is the stylist/salon still in business?? wouldn't everyone have amazing hair? :lachen:and then salons are BUSINESSES. . . do u REALLY want the best for your customer or do u want them to come back to u can make the rest on your chair? but when all else fails, I just say, "i don't take hair advice from people with damaged hair just like you shouldn't take exercise advice from my fat ass"
 
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