I'm embarrassed to get a weave.

[gone_fishing]

I have never worn a weave/ponytail/etc.

This is an old picture as my son is almost 5 now but my hair was a bit longer than this before I went through my divorce (pulled a Bernie from Waiting to Exhale) and chopped off all of my hair.

Now, my hair is the length you see in my avatar. I cut it just below my chin after my divorce a couple of years ago.

I would love to give my hair a break by wearing a weave but I feel SOOOOO weird about it. erplexed

I feel like I'd be phoney. Now, please don't think I'm insulting any of you because there have been SO many times when I've seen a girl and realized she was wearing a weave and I immediately thought, hmmm...wonder where I could get that one from.

Also, my fiance is not feeling the fake hair thing. He is very pro-natural when it comes to weaves, make-up, etc. He doesn't particularly even like nail polish so I generally just get a french manicure (no fake tips).

Also, my job...I work in a law office with predominantly white folks and I know I'd get some weird stares if my hair just suddenly grew 6 inches overnight or I showed up with this ponty tail that is obviously more voluminous than my natural tresses.

I don't think it ever occurs to anyone that people may wear a weave to give their natural hair a break. Some assume we are just trying to be something we are not. For instance, Beyonce used to get a lot of flack for her weaves when people saw her "real" hair but my goodness...if she styled her hair hard core everytime she had an event she'd have no hair. Same with Whitney Houston...I heard for a long long time, we never even saw her real hair.

Anyone else feel like this?

No offense to anyone that has one so please don't be mad.

 

[mrsjohnson75]

I feel the same way you do, just funny about it. All of my friends and my mom wear weaves and they are so cute and I can't tell the difference between the real and fake hair sometimes. So no you are not alone.

 

[***Toy-Pisces***]

I wear weaves. I love not having to worry about the daily abuse. At this point in my hair journey it is in my best interest to wear a weave until my hair is a little longer. I don't care what other people think as long as I'm happy!However, I wouldn't put a weave in that comes to my butt.


If you don't feel comfortable then don't wear one.Maybe you should get a weave that looks natural and doesn't look obviously fake. If you want to give your hair a break then get a weave that is closer to your hair texture and length. That way it won't be too obvious. If you feel like you are being phoney then don't wear one.


Whatever you choose, I wish you the best and hope that it turns out nice.

 

[caribeandiva]

i don't wear weaves either because they make me feel uncomfortable. i prefer wearing my own hair. when i wanna give my hair a break i deep condition it.

 

[QueenT]

Your hair is beautiful. Just find some protective styles that make you happy and let your hair grow.

Judging from your avatar, by this time next year your hair will be down your back.

I have nothing against weave. In fact, if I needed a weave, I'd get one in a second and not worry about what anyone said.

I understand your concern, having had long hair in the past you already know everyone you know and people you don't know are going to inspect your head.

A few days ago I waved my hair with an electric wave iron and took my daughter to Wendy's. The manager came to my table 3 times to ask me if I needed anything. I know she was inspecting my head for tracks.

I must admit that I was self consious. Not because she was trying to see if my hair was weave, but because I have a couple of bald spots --thanks to my former beautican. I wondered if the bald spots were showing.


If you think you would be self concious, don't get the weave.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I've just gotten back into wearing weaves and I get nervous sometimes. I've learned to not let it bother me because right now it is the best option to give my hair a rest while I am still transitioning. As long as a weave looks good, there is rarely any issue, but when the weave looks BUSTEDerplexed...

But weaves are not the only option. There are protective styles you can wear that will give your hair a break if you don't think you'll feel comfortable with weaves.

I try not to let other people get to me. My friends might ask, "are you wearing a weave?" and I answer "yes, I am giving my hair a break." My boyfriend doesn't care, as long as it looks nice.

In highschool there was this girl who always wore extension braids. When she took them out and wore her own hair, it was gorgeous thick brastrap length. No one could say anything then...

 

[Jaegermany]

Girl, just do it!

Its a different style and the truth is you HAVE hair you just want something different. I go from 0-6 inches in a day and WISH someone would comment!

Beyonce does it but so does Brittney Spears. Men wear toupe's (sp) come on dont let anyone make you feel uncomfortable about your styling choices.
Its all in fun.

Be embarrassed if you have a weave and your claiming its your hair while the track is in plain view!

Im sure your fiance will get over his feeling when he see's how cute it looks on you. Change is good he will have fun with it too. My S/O was the same way then after I got one day he was cool!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

First of all, you and your hair are beautiful regardless of how you decide to wear it. Now, that being said I don't see anything wrong with a weave. I mean, you wear braids too right? I would hope that you would feel comfortable to wear a weave if that is what YOU like.

 

[gone_fishing]

Thanks for the responses guys. I'm going to think on this long and hard. I say this like I'm making a decision to have a baby or buy a new home.

If I do decide to get a weave, I'm going to make sure I get a quality one. When I went to see a movie recently with Summer_Rain we saw this girl that looked like her weave was made out of Barbie Hair. It was awful once you got close up.

But, I think I may do it and just let my Fiance tease me for awhile. You're right..it's not like I'm bald or anything and I'd like to try something new. Thanks for your respones and I'm glad I'm not hte only one that felt like this.

 

[gone_fishing]

First of all, you and your hair are beautiful regardless of how you decide to wear it. Now, that being said I don't see anything wrong with a weave. I mean, you wear braids too right? I would hope that you would feel comfortable to wear a weave if that is what YOU like.

Thank you!

Nope, I've never had my hair braided. I'm scared I'm too tender-headed for that.

 

[kandegirl]

I say go for it. I wear them all the time. Sure some people may say something but do those people really matter. I just say invest in some quality hair and a good stylist. As long as it looks natural, then your good to go. Just be sure to take care of your hair underneath and you'll be fine.

I had a friend go through this when I suggested she wear weaves to give her hair a rest. She went as far as to buy the hair and come to my house to get it done, then she got scared. I reassured her she would look great and she went for it. You couldn't tell her a thing after it was all done. And now she wants another one!

 

[cmw45]

I was too...but then I discovered Reniece and I will be getting one as soon as she can fit me in. My hair is super curly and while a lot of if clumps to create bigger curls, a lot of it loops, forms knots that then have to be cut off. Because it's too short for buns or things of that nature I have decided to get a weave to protect it.

My suggestion to you (and advice that I will be following myself) is to get a weave that looks exactly like my own hair. Everyone who hears this idea is like, "well then what's the point of getting a weave if you're not making your hair longer?" To give it a rest. Besides, with a weave that is the exact same length as your hair, the white folks at your firm won't be able to tell the difference...as for the fiance...it's your hair

 

[Amber_moon]

If its making you THAT anxious.... then you probably shouldn't get one.

Don't buy something that your going to HATE wearing.

And as for the finance thing... My husband will swear up and down that he HATES weaves and he doesn't like make up.... but when I wear it he cant keep his tongue in his mouth, and he doesn't think twice about noticing the beauty of another woman who has it on either.

I think the problem men (especially black men) have with weave and makeup and nail polish is that their mothers (old school mommas you know what I mean) have taught them that women who wear these things are fake and slutty, and without realizing that this isn't true they just spout off the same stuff.

Just dont take him with you when you go and pick it out.... and don't let him see you put it on either. LOL

As for your job, I think if your hair looks neat, and clean they would have NO problem with it. Usually (in my experience) white people LOVE it when you change up your hair often. They will faun over it and try and touch it, and ask you how you did it.... They love it.

But bottom line is its YOUR head. Do what YOU want to do with it.

 

[Iansan]

If you get a weave just be careful with it. Experimenting with weave is what first led me to this site.

 

[aloof one]

I completely understand what you mean, I have never, but I think Im gonna need one for when I go back to school this fall. I have to wear a uniform and keep my hair in a bun or french braided (my hair looks a HAM braided that way) so I was considering getting a phony pony or something to take the stress off my hair.

But I have no idea where to go to get something that is going to look like my hair and not obvious. I would be so afraid that one day someone would see that thing hiding in my cabinet and be like what the ***??

 

[gone_fishing]

If you get a weave just be careful with it. Experimenting with weave is what first led me to this site.

What happened?

 

[glamazon386]

Do what you feel you need to do for you. You can't live your life thinking about what everybody else thinks about what you're doing with your hair. And white people wear weaves too. It's really not that big of a deal. Go to somebody based on a reccomendation. Make sure you talk to them first and tell them what you want.

As long as you get something that looks natural and looks good, you'll be fine. Maybe you can experiment with a half wig/fall if you don't want to go all the way with a weave. You can buy one for about 19.99 and test it out for a day or two on the weekend. If you don't like it, you will have only lost the $20.

 

[eyunka]

Maybe you can experiment with a half wig/fall if you don't want to go all the way with a weave. You can buy one for about 19.99 and test it out for a day or two on the weekend. If you don't like it, you will have only lost the $20.

I was going to suggest this as well...I love them

3/4 wig

w/o the wig

This is to just give you an idea that you can find one close to your hair...my husband didn't know the difference until i told him and he does not like weave either...at least he didn't until now

 

[kimistry]

Do what you feel you need to do for you. You can't live your life thinking about what everybody else thinks about what you're doing with your hair. And white people wear weaves too. It's really not that big of a deal. Go to somebody based on a reccomendation. Make sure you talk to them first and tell them what you want.

As long as you get something that looks natural and looks good, you'll be fine. Maybe you can experiment with a half wig/fall if you don't want to go all the way with a weave. You can buy one for about 19.99 and test it out for a day or two on the weekend. If you don't like it, you will have only lost the $20.

ITA...especially the bold. I tried sew-ins earlier this year for two months. It was difficult for me to attend to my own hair underneath. My hair grew, but would soon break off due to dryness. Since reading this board, I learned about falls and decided to go to a BSS to check them out. The consultant there was extremely helpful and taught me how to affix the fall and remove it everyday.

I have fallen in love with them! I now have 5 falls total (including a twistout one...luv it!) which allows me to switch up every week. I get them to match my hair color. All of them have been too long (I don't want to grow 6" overnight unless it's my own hair ) so I just cut them closer to my length, maybe an inch longer. Even my mom and my SO both think that it's all my hair. Falls give me versatility, I can experiment with different styles w/o stressing my own hair. I keep most of my hair cornrowed or flat-twisted underneath and moisturize/seal/baggy everynight. I moisturize the hair that's left out also. All this for 19.99 (or less if you negotiate a discount like me ).

All in all, you have to do what YOU are comfortable with. After all, you are the only one around your hair 24/7.

 

[Soliel185]

I tried it once. I was scared b/c I felt the same way you do. I could only do it for about a month though - I had a partial w three tracks braided it. Looking back I would not do it again. I'd rather wear my own hair braided to give it a rest. I feel like on one level weaves just reinforce the stereotype that black women can't grow long hair - they have to buy it. If your hair is long they assume it's fake and you're bald underneath anyway so why give them the ammo? JIMO - no offense to anyone that wears them.

 

[gone_fishing]

I tried it once. I was scared b/c I felt the same way you do. I could only do it for about a month though - I had a partial w three tracks braided it. Looking back I would not do it again. I'd rather wear my own hair braided to give it a rest. I feel like on one level weaves just reinforce the stereotype that black women can't grow long hair - they have to buy it. If your hair is long they assume it's fake and you're bald underneath anyway so why give them the ammo? JIMO - no offense to anyone that wears them.

Yeah, this sums up on some levels how I feel. I know I shouldn't care what others think but it's my ego I guess. erplexed

 

[***Toy-Pisces***]

I've just gotten back into wearing weaves and I get nervous sometimes. I've learned to not let it bother me because right now it is the best option to give my hair a rest while I am still transitioning. As long as a weave looks good, there is rarely any issue, but when the weave looks BUSTEDerplexed...

But weaves are not the only option. There are protective styles you can wear that will give your hair a break if you don't think you'll feel comfortable with weaves.

I try not to let other people get to me. My friends might ask, "are you wearing a weave?" and I answer "yes, I am giving my hair a break." My boyfriend doesn't care, as long as it looks nice.

In highschool there was this girl who always wore extension braids. When she took them out and wore her own hair, it was gorgeous thick brastrap length. No one could say anything then...

I agree. These days people accuse one of wearing a weave, even if it is thier real hair. erplexed

 

[NuMe2004]

It's funny you bring this up, because I was just talking about this issue with a friend the other day.

She got a quick weave and said she felt like she was wearing a helmet! She was very self conscious and took it out quickly. I told her she was probably just paranoid and wasn't used to the weight of the hair.

I feel the same way you do because I was thinking about getting pieces sewn in for color, but don't want it to look phony. I purposely opt for phony ponies when I want a new look or give my hair a break, because I know they look fake and people therefore should know I'm just doing it for fun.

I don't think you should worry about your coworkers at all. My white peers thought my phony ponies were real. When I stopped wearing them, they just thought I had cut my hair. Plus, a lot of the white women at my job wore fake pieces too, which seems to be a growing trend in the white community.

 

[Iansan]

What happened?

I got four tracks sewn in, I made the mistake of trying to wash them myself and my hair and the weave hair tangled up into a big ball. Detangling was a nightmare! When it came time to take the tracks out my armpit length hair was a raggedy neck length that needed to be cut to chin length. I would suggest getting a full weave not just a few tracks sewn in. I really didn't like having weave though. I would get compliments that I feel I didn't deserve and then people would blatantly ask me if I was wearing a weave in public.

 

[gone_fishing]

I got four tracks sewn in, I made the mistake of trying to wash them myself and my hair and the weave hair tangled up into a big ball. Detangling was a nightmare! When it came time to take the tracks out my armpit length hair was a raggedy neck length that needed to be cut to chin length. I would suggest getting a full weave not just a few tracks sewn in. I really didn't like having weave though. I would get compliments that I feel I didn't deserve and then people would blatantly ask me if I was wearing a weave in public.

Oh that must have been very disappointing. See...when my hair was longer people used to ask me if I had a weave all the time. That was annoying. I could always so no though and that made me "feel" good.

I don't think I want anyone asking me if I am wearing a weave. I think I'd be embarrassed. I shouldn't be but I guess I have a mental block about that stuff. Same reason I never got fake nails.

If I do it, I probably won't go with tracks. I think I'd rather do a 3/4 wig if anything. Thank you for the advice. I'll keep it in mind.

I think now I'm also developing a fear that the weave might harm my hair in some way. I wish I could put my hair in a protective invisible bubble.

 

[Spidergul]

Don't feel bad, I feel the same way. I have seen some really nice weaves, but when I think about getting one-the thought quickly turn ugly. I always picture all the bad weaves I've seen and I figure that is how mine would look not to mention how paranoid I would feel.:crazy:

 

[glamazon386]

Oh that must have been very disappointing. See...when my hair was longer people used to ask me if I had a weave all the time. That was annoying. I could always so no though and that made me "feel" good.

I don't think I want anyone asking me if I am wearing a weave. I think I'd be embarrassed. I shouldn't be but I guess I have a mental block about that stuff. Same reason I never got fake nails.

If I do it, I probably won't go with tracks. I think I'd rather do a 3/4 wig if anything. Thank you for the advice. I'll keep it in mind.

I think now I'm also developing a fear that the weave might harm my hair in some way. I wish I could put my hair in a protective invisible bubble.

Do people really ask y'all that? I've never had anybody blatantly ask me is my hair weave. I've noticed people staring like they were trying to figure it out but that's it. I guess they just assume either way.

 

[Spidergul]

Do people really ask y'all that? I've never had anybody blatantly ask me is my hair weave. I've noticed people staring like they were trying to figure it out but that's it. I guess they just assume either way.

I've been asked that in the past as well. I've never worn a weave either?

 

[gone_fishing]

Do people really ask y'all that? I've never had anybody blatantly ask me is my hair weave. I've noticed people staring like they were trying to figure it out but that's it. I guess they just assume either way.

Yes they did! and they lean in real close and inspect too...AND sometimes they want to touch it...in those instances, they won't say "is it fake" they try to guess by the "feel".

It's like a fat women who you can't tell if she's pregnant or she's just fat. They stare at you like that.

 

[audacity.]

If its making you THAT anxious.... then you probably shouldn't get one.

Don't buy something that your going to HATE wearing.

And as for the finance thing... My husband will swear up and down that he HATES weaves and he doesn't like make up.... but when I wear it he cant keep his tongue in his mouth, and he doesn't think twice about noticing the beauty of another woman who has it on either.

I think the problem men (especially black men) have with weave and makeup and nail polish is that their mothers (old school mommas you know what I mean) have taught them that women who wear these things are fake and slutty, and without realizing that this isn't true they just spout off the same stuff.

Just dont take him with you when you go and pick it out.... and don't let him see you put it on either. LOL

As for your job, I think if your hair looks neat, and clean they would have NO problem with it. Usually (in my experience) white people LOVE it when you change up your hair often. They will faun over it and try and touch it, and ask you how you did it.... They love it.

But bottom line is its YOUR head. Do what YOU want to do with it.

Amber just spoke the T-R-U-T-H!!!

I would also like to add, though, that white women wear fake hair, too! It's not just a Black thang...

And TRUST, your fiance would love for you to have switched it up

Keep 'im on his toes

But if your are ultimately going to be uncomfortable then I just echo what most of the ladies already said.