I'm ashamed to tell him..

M

*~Mocha~*

Well-Known Member
I'm seeing someone right now and everything is going great. He's the most genuine and respectful man I've ever been with. However, I'm scared and ashamed to tell him what I do for a living. He is an established man with a great career. Me on the other hand, not so much. We spoke about where we went to school and the degrees we have. I have a bachelors in business/finance, graduated about 5 years ago and I'm not in my field. He assumed I work within the field but I do not. I work in the Customer service dept for financial company. I'm not sure if I should allow him to continue assuming or come clean. I'm thinking if things get serious he'll eventually have to know because I don't like lying.

Should I tell him or just let it go?

I'm thinking of starting an MBA program but with my luck in employment I'll just get further into debt and still be underemployed. Anyway, what would you do?
 
men don't care what you do for a living. let it go. unless you lied to him. then you have an issue.
 
You do what you do. If you are ashamed of it, your insecurity will shine through. I think it would not matter to most guys if he really likes you. If he does care about your job, you don't need to be with him anyway.

I guest my point is, you are the one who need to come to term and accept yourself. Once you do, it doesn't matter what other people think.
 
Tell him and get it over with. Nothing shameful about working in customer service, nothing at all. If he's as great as you think he is and if he really likes you I don't think he will care. He may try to encourage you to seek better employment, pursue your MBA though, etc. I know I personally hate when a person intentionally withholds important information. It makes me not trust them.

ETA: You really need to come to terms with your situation. The way you talked about your situation I though oh my goodness what does she do? I thought it was something really embarrassing lol. Lots of people end up in customer service. Times are tough. Plenty people are underemployed or worse unemployed. Hold your head up and focus on what you have done right, be grateful for the good things that have gone right, and have a little faith.
 
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Girl, it's a job! Be happy you have one and tell the man! :lol:

No, but seriously, hopeful is right, times are hard and he should understand that. I've been unemployed for almost a year and half and have gotten to the point where I really am going to have to consider jobs that I'm probably way over-qualified for.
 
You should definitely tell him but, not in a I have something to tell you kind of way. Let him know that you are thinking about pursuing your MBA because you aren't where you want to be in your career.

If he's the type that will judge you based on your career, is that the type of person that you want to be with?

Also, allow your job situation to motivate you. If you don't like what you are doing or where you are in your life, do something about it. If that means going back for your MBA, then do that. OP, you still have the opportunity to make some changes so that you are happy with your career...
 
I understand how you feel. But from what I see many men don't care. Once you're college educated and ambitious you're most of the times good . Don't over think it. Tell him the truth in conversation and make no apologies for who you are and what u hv accomplished thus far.
 
swirl said:
men don't care what you do for a living. let it go. unless you lied to him. then you have an issue.
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Exactly lol!!!!! :lachen: Men do not care what women do for a living! You think they care when they're having an affair with their nanny or house maid???? :lol: Come on now.... :rolleyes:

As long as you're not a stripper or a prostitute (although dinner men might not mind that either :look:) I think you'll be JUST fine lol. :yep:

Only women care what men do for a living lol. :lol:
 
And please do not put him on a pedestal because of what he does. He's got a good job, great, good for him, but that does not make him the prize.
 
Please tell him soon and stop torturing yourself.If he is decent and is serious about you then he shouldn't care. A good man will encourage you in your aspirations.Besides,
your career path story isn't finished yet. You don't know what amazing opportunity might come your way in a few months/years time.
Hold your head up, you have nothing to be ashamed of.It's a job.
 
I thought you were doing something illegal ...you are WORKING it may not be what you want right now but you ARE gainfully employed.

if what you do matters to him, then its good to know this now cause he is not the ONE.
 
I don't think he'll care, but I'm just ashamed overall. Only a few close friends know what I do. I know it sounds horrible but in just not happy. With him, he jus likes a woman who is ambitious, motivated and not complacent. It's hard to be motivated and ambitious when I feel stuck. Salary wise, I'm ok because I make more than an entry level position in my field would, and I'm grateful for being employed by an employer who pays well, but the title bugs the heck out of me.
 
Not sure what your beliefs are with respect to relationships/marriage but if I were you, I would not be as bothered. If a man is looking to my career and earning potential to support him, then we'd have a problem. He should be content to know that you are well educated with employment OPTIONS should you wish to pursue them in the future.

I have a friend who graduated from law school, was not working in her field, and was making at most about $40,000 at one point. She married a guy in finance, he makes very good money and she is now a SAHM. He likes the fact that she has a legal background, is very smart, and has options should she want to pursue them one day. He is not relying on it.
 
*~Mocha~* said:
I don't think he'll care, but I'm just ashamed overall. Only a few close friends know what I do. I know it sounds horrible but in just not happy. With him, he jus likes a woman who is ambitious, motivated and not complacent. It's hard to be motivated and ambitious when I feel stuck. Salary wise, I'm ok because I make more than an entry level position in my field would, and I'm grateful for being employed by an employer who pays well, but the title bugs the heck out of me.
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So Mocha this is an internal issue with you. You are not happy and you are ashamed. Your biggest issue IMO is that you feel stuck. Figure out how to unstick yourself or at least do something that loosens the stuckness. You figured out how to graduate from college with a degree in business and finance. You figured out how to get a well-paying customer service job. Now get positive, put on your thinking cap, get yourself some type of plan and start moving forward. You can do all that while still dating and being beautiful and a catch. We are all constantly evolving and unsticking ourselves. You can do it! Most of all you must do whatever you need to do to stop feeling ashamed. You are a college graduate with a nice paying job. Perhaps you are ashamed because you are not making the changes you need to make. Why allow yourself to continue in this situation
and feeling ashamed of yourself? This makes me sad.
 
And going back for your MBA and going into debt is not the only option either. Open up your possibilities.
 
OP, you are employed. You are earning an honest living. You are not robbing people, banks, or doing drive by shootings. This is honorable! I am working in a job at the moment making less than I have earned in thirty years. I took a job as a home health aide to take care of my sick mother whom I just entered into a hospice program. My last RN contract paid 37.00 an hour without benefits. When I took the first HHA job it paid 9.00 an hour. This was a big drop. Like 40,000 a year. I needed to see about my mother and father. Mind you, I was financially and I guess emotionally drugged. But the family outcomes were excellent. My parents sacrificed a lot to help me and my son not to mention my brother and sister as well. Hold your head up. Everyday. Pursue the excellence that you desire. If a man only cares for you because of what you do, he cannot be an appropriate lifetime partner. Be blessed!:yep:
 
*~Mocha~* said:
I don't think he'll care, but I'm just ashamed overall. Only a few close friends know what I do. I know it sounds horrible but in just not happy. With him, he jus likes a woman who is ambitious, motivated and not complacent. It's hard to be motivated and ambitious when I feel stuck. Salary wise, I'm ok because I make more than an entry level position in my field would, and I'm grateful for being employed by an employer who pays well, but the title bugs the heck out of me.
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Your job title does not define you! I have the "title" but, I still have felt the same stuck feeling that you described. It's about walking in your purpose and doing what you are supposed to be doing. It doesn't sound like your current job is it! Time to start making some moves...
 
Iwanthealthyhair67 said:
I thought you were doing something illegal ...you are WORKING it may not be what you want right now but you ARE gainfully employed.

if what you do matters to him, then its good to know this now cause he is not the ONE.
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:lachen:I know right?? I thought she was doing something like prostitution or selling illegal drugs on the side LOL!!! :lol:
 
Guys are not job snobs like women, trust me. If he's really into you, it doesn't matter if you're a waitress at Applebees, or a heart surgeon... he's going all-in regardless :yep:
 
This job is a means to an end. You will be doing something better in the future so I don't understand what the big deal is. Your job does not define you.


I knew a MIT graduate who had to sell shoes after she graduated before she was able to find the right job. Sometime we have to do what we have to do to be responsible adults. If your man cannot understand that then it's his loss.

However, you need to know your own worth though. Know that you are worthy, even if you never had a degree and even though you are not currently in your ideal job.
 
:lachen: Chile please! I thought you were going to say prostitute. Men don't think like that. They stay marrying secretaries, sales clerks, strippers, fitness instructors,etc....
 
If you feel stuck, then another general degree will not catapult you into a career you love. There are tons of MBAs looking for work right now but they have more debt because of the degree. There are also plenty of people with just a BA who are moving up in the business world and doing quite well. One guy I went to school with is leading some international department of JP Morgan and he graduated with an engineering degree! He joined out of college and kept rising with on the job training bc I don't believe he has a graduate degree.

Keep applying for jobs where you will get some experience doing what you love. If it's your current job, apply for promotions or for other positions within the company.

Find other ways to excel too! Work with a nonprofit and take on a leadership role. When I used to volunteer with the Urban League, I worked on inviting speakers to meetings and I used the position there to reach out to very high profiled people. That will boost your confidence and build your resume/network. You can always do a "Leadership" training. Most big cities/counties offer some type of Leadership development program like these:

http://leadershiparlington.org/programs
http://www.leadershipmontgomerymd.org/

The problem is your confidence and ability to find value in what you do as compared to him. Don't put him on a pedastal.
 
Lol I agree with others on here.

Job grade and even above average intelligence aren't as high up on the priority list for most men as they are with women.:look: I doubt he will give a hot damn.

The fact that he hasn't even asked you says a lot :lol:
 
OMG I thought you were a prostitute :lol:

When you present the situation to him please don't present it like that, you make it sound so bad, nothing shameful about an honest living.

I would tell him, share your aspirations as well. Honestly I can't imagine why a guy would judge you for something like that.
 
If your title makes you feel some kinda of way, then don't tell him the title. You could just say that you work for a financial company and help oversee accounts (which you do...customer service accounts) if its really that serious. Technically, you will still be correct.
 
I understand OPster. I felt the same way. Because for me, HIS (the guy) title was important to me. Plus I don't ever want to be introduced as the secretary girlfriend to his (insert big title here) in front of his peers. It's embarrassing to me, even though I have two degrees in my field. It's a blow to my ego, even though I know a lot of men really don't caree about the job title.

But I say tell him.....when the convo comes up. I wouldn't volunteer information.
 
Renewed1 said:
I understand OPster. I felt the same way. Because for me, HIS (the guy) title was important to me. Plus I don't ever want to be introduced as the secretary girlfriend to his (insert big title here) in front of his peers. It's embarrassing to me, even though I have two degrees in my field. It's a blow to my ego, even though I know a lot of men really don't caree about the job title.

But I say tell him.....when the convo comes up. I wouldn't volunteer information.
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I agree. I understand how you feel OP. I made sure and went graduate school because of the type of man I like date. I love to learn of course but I didn't want to feel "a type of way".

But it's inevitable that he will introduce you to his friends and they will ask you what you do. That is why you need to tell the truth and be proud of yourself. You can always spin your answer into "I work at xyz company and I'm currently in customer care but I am eager to break into Finance as it is my field of study/major." If he's in a great position, it is very possible that his friends will be too and it could turn into a great networking opportunity.
 
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