I'm afraid that I have turned into the "bitter black woman"

[CurlsOnFire23]

I don't know you but I can tell you that what you're feeling is normal. Don't allow your emotions to change who you are as a person. You'll end up alienating yourself, which in turn, will make you angrier..bitter. Take time to be angry, sad, and upset over your breakup..that's healthy..what's unhealthy is harping on it for too long. I promise you..you'll get over this and move on. There's a reason why you two broke up and as cliche as this is about to sound "everything happens for a reason". Use this time to grow..take your time finding a new mate.

 

[ArrrBeee]

Breakups suck, no doubt about it. Take time to heal and don't self medicate. You need to get through this with a clear head. Allow yourself to feel all of the emotions. If you don't journal, start. You will be amazed to see how much progress you have made.

I have had several car accidents. I didn't stop driving, but I was nervous after each one. Gradually that feeling goes away and you get your confidence back. It's the same with relationships. Don't stop dating, do it for fun and not to find the one and just enjoy life.

 

[firecracker]

You are just going through a cycle of mourning. Its kinda normal for a breakup and death. I don't think you will allow the ghost of the past to take residence for too long because you are aware of what is going on. The first step is owning the hurt and pain. You will come out ok in due time. Some of us need time alone and some need distractions. Whatever works for you do it!


Go to Paris solo. You will have a grand time. I know I did!

 

[kweenameena]

I just wanted to come in and say that I'm going through the exact same thing. Thanks for starting this thread because it just stopped me from texting him.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I have been where you are, I don't think you are a "Bitter Black Woman." You are hurt, angry, disappointed and frustrated. Those are natural feelings when you suffer a painful breakup. It's also natural to strike out but you have to control that because you are letting your misery hurt other people. They don't deserve that. Try to do the opposite of what you are feeling. Think before you snap on someone, don't let negativity win. I think you need some time heal.

I say go on that trip to Paris, you never know who you will meet and to see and be at a beautiful place is healing.

Big hugs.

 

[okange76]

I'm teetering on the edge just about to cross over. What do these species want from us? I absolutely hate dating. The emotional rollercoaster of emotions that follow after a breakup are too much for me. One thing that puzzles me is the feelings of guilt yet they are the ones who lied and cheated. My choices in wolves in sheep's clothing have made me question my sanity several times. I fall for undercover liars every single time. What ticks me off the most is that they always come crawling back. Why? You didn't respect or value me the first time. Ugh!!!!

 

[ElegantPearl17]

PREACH!!!!!!!! okange76

I'm teetering on the edge just about to cross over. What do these species want from us? I absolutely hate dating. The emotional rollercoaster of emotions that follow after a breakup are too much for me. One thing that puzzles me is the feelings of guilt yet they are the ones who lied and cheated. My choices in wolves in sheep's clothing have made me question my sanity several times. I fall for undercover liars every single time. What ticks me off the most is that they always come crawling back. Why? You didn't respect or value me the first time. Ugh!!!!

 

[MD_Lady]

You're not a bitter black woman, FemmeFatale; you're a human being with feelings and those feelings have been hurt. We've all been there and I hope you feel better soon.

 

[loolalooh]

..................................

 

[Maracujá]

I know what you mean and it didn't dawn on me until I read 'Black woman redefined' by Sophia Nelson, that book had me in tears a couple of times. I just completely numbed myself out over something that took place SIX years ago and shunned all men. Each time I tried to get myself together and date again, something went wrong because I wasn't doing the inner work. I'm building a relationship with the Lord and trying to forgive not just those who have harmed me, but also forgive myself for the role I played in it. Like others have said: go on that trip to Paris, get to know you. Something Heather Lindsey said on FB really put things in perspective for me: your DH may divorce you, your SO may break up with you, your friends&family may desert you, your children may cut up all ties with you, all you have is YOU so you might aswell get to know yourself. I've planned solo trips to France, Italy and Portugal beginning in september 2012, I'm going!

 

[onyxdreams]

I know what you mean and it didn't dawn on me until I read 'Black woman redefined' by Sophia Nelson, that book had me in tears a couple of times. I just completely numbed myself out over something that took place SIX years ago and shunned all men. Each time I tried to get myself together and date again, something went wrong because I wasn't doing the inner work. I'm building a relationship with the Lord and trying to forgive not just those who have harmed me, but also forgive myself for the role I played in it. Like others have said: go on that trip to Paris, get to know you. Something Heather Lindsey said on FB really put things in perspective for me: your DH may divorce you, your SO may break up with you, your friends&family may desert you, your children may cut up all ties with you, all you have is YOU so you might aswell get to know yourself. I've planned solo trips to France, Italy and Portugal beginning in september 2012, I'm going!

Your post is exactly what I have been trying to aspire to, realizing that I am enough for me. I'm married with two grown children. The issue of becoming an " angry Black woman" for the most part isn't secluded to single women or black women. The fact of the matter is we need to realize how to be happy with ourselves. Things change children leave and life moves on what or how do I move on and live this one life I was given.