I would never have relaxed if...

[RainbowCurls]

Transitioners and naturals who have relaxed in the past; do you ever think if you had known certain things you would have never relaxed? I do.

I would have never relaxed if:

- I or my mum had known how you deal with curly hair: that you don't comb it or you lose the curl definition and are just left with a ball of frizz!
- I had known about flat irons and mastered the art of flat ironing. (I have now and my hair looks straighter than when it was relaxed when I do it.)
- I had known that relaxing wouldn't get my hair 'properly' straight.
- I had known it would be the reason I couldn't retain any length.

 

[beyondcute]

~ If I knew the history behind it
~ If Id known how unique my hair was
~ If Id known Dominicans could give me the straight look in 1 hour and only cost me $20
~ If Id known how much money I would have saved by not relaxing my hair
~ If Id known how harsh the chemicals were or that there are no long term studies proving the safeness of these chemicals being applied sop closely to my brain......
~ If Id known my hair was good enough already and that it didnt need to be 'fixed'.... it wasnt ever broken.

 

[Cinnabuns]

~If I knew what damage it would do to my hair.

 

[Nightingale]

If I knew that what others thought didn't matter.

 

[Cheleigh]

*If I'd even considered any option other than a relaxer or a press at the ripe old age of twelve. Between getting pressed (which I hated with a passion) and getting a relaxer, the relaxer seemed like the better deal (and more adult to boot). It never occurred to me that I didn't have to do either.

*If my family had known the proper way to care for tightly curled/highly textured long hair.

*If anyone in my immediate family (women) had been natural at that time.

EDT for grammar.

 

[SilkyandSmooth]

Transitioners and naturals who have relaxed in the past; do you ever think if you had known certain things you would have never relaxed? I do.

No. Relaxing served its purpose. I had been natural up until age 18 and was ready for something different. I loved my relaxed hair up until 3 years ago. That's when I got tired of the bone straight hair. If I had to do it all over again, I would not have touched-up as often as I did (every 6 weeks). I knew nothing about stretching prior to discovering LHCF. Also, I will not rule out texturizing/texlaxing in the future for two reasons. One, I get tired of my hair pretty quickly and two, I didn't mind the transitioning process one bit. I kinda enjoyed it.

 

[RainbowCurls]

No. Relaxing served its purpose. I had been natural up until age 18 and was ready for something different. I loved my relaxed hair up until 3 years ago. That's when I got tired of the bone straight hair. If I had to do it all over again, I would not have touched-up as often as I did (every 6 weeks). I knew nothing about stretching prior to discovering LHCF. Also, I will not rule out texturizing/texlaxing in the future for two reasons. One, I get tired of my hair pretty quickly and two, I didn't mind the transitioning process one bit. I kinda enjoyed it.

That's good that you chose it because you wanted something different. A lot of us were probably quite young (I think I was 12) and influenced by people who tell you straight hair is 'better'. I think as you didn't relax until you were 18 you were able to make a more informed descision.

 

[Poohbear]

I would never had relaxed...

if my mom had never bought relaxers for my hair when I was younger...

if I had the knowledge about relaxers that I do now before the first time my mom relaxed my hair...

if this relaxing routine wasn't embedded in my head that this is what black women were suppose to do with their hair.

 

[KiSseS03]

I would never had relaxed...

if my mom had never bought relaxers for my hair when I was younger...

if I had the knowledge about relaxers that I do now before the first time my mom relaxed my hair...

if this relaxing routine wasn't embedded in my head that this is what black women were suppose to do with their hair.

Co-sign! My mom relaxed my hair when I was about 4 or 5, so until I was 16 I just thought it was something I was supposed to do.

I also never would have relaxed if:

-I knew about the history of relaxing

-I knew that my natural hair actually is manageable and has lots of styling options

 

[Cichelle]

If I understood what it was exactly that I was using on my head and how it could damage my hair.

If someone had just told me not to comb my hair except when wet, drenched with conditioner...and to throw my brushes away.

If someone had explained that getting relaxers was causing my hair to stay the same length for years.

 

[caligirl]

If I had met my friend with waist-length kinky hair whose routine is so simple. She wets her hair when she feels like it, uses regular conditioner as a leave in and finger combs her hair.

 

[hopeful]

If just one time when I was little, after my mom had washed my natural hair, she had put my face in her hands and said that I was beautiful just the way I was, expressed that my hair was beautiful with all it's kinks and coils and did not need to be fixed/pressed/straightened. If I could have spent at least a day or two, now and then, with my hair free and wild. If I'd had just one family member who was natural and loved it. If it had not been engrained in me from the beginning that pretty = no naps. If I had known how much it would stunt my growth, for my hair and my mind. I mean, to be a grown woman with children and a college degree and not know how to handle your own natural hair...it's actually embarrassing...being deprived of the lessons, the joy, the knowledge of my own God-given hair.

 

[caligirl]

If just one time when I was little, after my mom had washed my natural hair, she had put my face in her hands and said that I was beautiful just the way I was, expressed that my hair was beautiful with all it's kinks and coils and did not need to be fixed/pressed/straightened. If I could have spent at least a day or two, now and then, with my hair free and wild. If I'd had just one family member who was natural and loved it. If it had not been engrained in me from the beginning that pretty = no naps. If I had known how much it would stunt my growth, for my hair and my mind. I mean, to be a grown woman with children and a college degree and not know how to handle your own natural hair...it's actually embarrassing...being deprived of the lessons, the joy, the knowledge of my own God-given hair.

That was beautiful.

 

[hopeful]

That was beautiful.

Thanks caligirl.

 

[BamaBelle]

Well y'all... I'll just tell y'all the truth: I don't know if there is any one thing that would have prohibited the relaxing of my hair (my aunt relaxed my hair when I was 11... without asking my Mom... ) But, this question did make me go into my 3 year old daughter's room, make her stop coloring, put her face in my hands and tell her, "You, Jillian, are the most beautiful you God ever made! Your hair is beautiful and special because God made you that way..." Of course, I started crying when she told me that she wanted to look just like me when she grows up... She already does. Therefore, I have no choice but to love my space and skin... WE HAVE NO CHOICE BECAUSE GIRLS THE PLANET OVER ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, ANYONE, TO VALIDATE THEIR BEAUTY AND SELF-WORTH. Maybe, just maybe, they don't have a family member to do it... And we know the media, music, pop-culture isn't doing it... IT'S OUR CHARGE.

 

[so1913]

I think I needed to relax to appreciate my hair as much as I do now in its natural state.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

If I'd known how to style my hair

 

[Poohbear]

Therefore, I have no choice but to love my space and skin... WE HAVE NO CHOICE BECAUSE GIRLS THE PLANET OVER ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, ANYONE, TO VALIDATE THEIR BEAUTY AND SELF-WORTH. Maybe, just maybe, they don't have a family member to do it... And we know the media, music, pop-culture isn't doing it... IT'S OUR CHARGE.

THIS IS SO TRUE!!! I wish every parent would realize this!

 

[OneInAMillion]

~ If I knew the history behind it
~ If Id known how unique my hair was
~ If Id known Dominicans could give me the straight look in 1 hour and only cost me $20
~ If Id known how much money I would have saved by not relaxing my hair
~ If Id known how harsh the chemicals were or that there are no long term studies proving the safeness of these chemicals being applied sop closely to my brain......
~ If Id known my hair was good enough already and that it didnt need to be 'fixed'.... it wasnt ever broken.

I'm relaxed, but my sentiments are the same as yours beyondcute. I got to college and relaxed to be like all the other black girls and go to the dominican salon, w/o knowing that I could try a Dominican salon w/o a relaxer. Basically, I just wish I had LHCF then. Right now, I'm just trying to get up the courage to transition erplexed

 

[OneInAMillion]

Well y'all... I'll just tell y'all the truth: I don't know if there is any one thing that would have prohibited the relaxing of my hair (my aunt relaxed my hair when I was 11... without asking my Mom... ) But, this question did make me go into my 3 year old daughter's room, make her stop coloring, put her face in my hands and tell her, "You, Jillian, are the most beautiful you God ever made! Your hair is beautiful and special because God made you that way..." Of course, I started crying when she told me that she wanted to look just like me when she grows up... She already does. Therefore, I have no choice but to love my space and skin... WE HAVE NO CHOICE BECAUSE GIRLS THE PLANET OVER ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, ANYONE, TO VALIDATE THEIR BEAUTY AND SELF-WORTH. Maybe, just maybe, they don't have a family member to do it... And we know the media, music, pop-culture isn't doing it... IT'S OUR CHARGE.

That was beautiful. You're right, validation and self-worth are critical here, and black women may need to take the lead, like many do here , loving each other and embracing our versatility.

 

[Chromia]

I would never had relaxed...

if my mom had never bought relaxers for my hair when I was younger...

if I had the knowledge about relaxers that I do now before the first time my mom relaxed my hair...

if this relaxing routine wasn't embedded in my head that this is what black women were suppose to do with their hair.

I can relate to that. I was 11 or 12 when I got my first relaxer. Before that I always had my hair pressed. It was embedded in me that my hair was something that had to be straightened, so why not get a relaxer instead of dealing with a hot comb. I grew up thinking that my natural hair wasn't acceptable or presentable, especially when other kids would make fun of me when my hair wasn't hot combed straight enough. Or when family members expressed disapproval of my hair. I think that my mom & grandmother just didn't know what else to do with my hair, or they didn't realize that there were other options besides straightening.

I'm glad that I'm seeing more women with natural hair in so many different styles. As far as friends, family, and co-workers I'm not seeing it, except for my mom and 1 co-worker. Since I don't see natural hair in person that often, I like the media images - I've been seeing a lot of commercials with black women who have natural hair. I used to think that I would always relax, but I've started thinking about transitioning. Who knows if or when I'll do it, though.

 

[caligirl]

I can relate to that. I was 11 or 12 when I got my first relaxer. Before that I always had my hair pressed. It was embedded in me that my hair was something that had to be straightened, so why not get a relaxer instead of dealing with a hot comb. I grew up thinking that my natural hair wasn't acceptable or presentable, especially when other kids would make fun of me when my hair wasn't hot combed straight enough. Or when family members expressed disapproval of my hair. I think that my mom & grandmother just didn't know what else to do with my hair, or they didn't realize that there were other options besides straightening.

I think we black women have post-traumatic stress syndrome from this hair thing.

 

[hopeful]

I think we black women have post-traumatic stress syndrome from this hair thing.

I agree. For many of us it really is that serious.

 

[Chromia]

I think we black women have post-traumatic stress syndrome from this hair thing.

Definitely. More black parents need to do what BamaBelle & hopeful mentioned - more black girls need to hear that their natural hair is beautiful, because they do not know that it is beautiful.

 

[Shawnee66]

I would have never relaxed if...

My sister didn't come home with a relaxer and showed us how it made her hair swing.

 

[ajargon02]

I would have never relaxed if:

I knew a WHOLE BUNCH of my hair would fall out,and it would take forever to get it back to the health that it had at one time

 

[Faith]

YEP...I would never had relaxed if I had just thought it through and realized to get through my craving for straight hair I could go to the salon and get a blowdry and flatiron...hence the reason I'm going natural again. I have found products which are making even my natural hair soft. Didn't that that would ever happen.

I also wouldn't have relaxed if I had known that the reason my hair grew so thick and long without any trouble was because it was NATURAL NOT because my hair grows without any trouble

I would never have relaxed if my mom had been just a little bit supportive of my natural hair. It may not be "good" by dangit...it's long and it's healthy and it's on my head. That is "good". It's sad that as I'm about to transition again I have to tell her basically to lay off and let me be...sigh. She has no problem with natural hair so long as it's pressed or flatironed...sigh. Leaving it natural to hair represents immaturity...I guess in GHana only children keep it natural and once you're old enough you press or relax it. I guess I'll have to bring her into the 21st century

 

[Miss*Tress]

...I had known how to style my natural hair.

 

[Daughter]

... if I realised that natural hair is truly beautiful - including my own

... that it was MY hair and it didn't HAVE to get relaxed

... if I knew about the real risks associated with putting sodium hydroxide/calcium hydroxide on my scalp

 

[bettytoo]

i would never relaxer my hair.if i truly love myself .And not had hated being black.Thank god good people came in to my life And taught me self love.And that black people were the first people on earth.And their's nothing to be a shame of.One love