I will not loose??? Have we lost our self-worth?

[aja1121]

I was listening to the radio the other day and male dj's were trying to figure out why so many women have a hard time of letting go of a man who constantly dogs them out. These men just couldn't understand.

The most common responses were:

1) We didn't wanna loose to the other woman
2) Too comfortable with him, didn't wanna start over
3) He looks too good to let someone else have him

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There were some sensible callers, but the majority of them sounded like this and these were GROWN WOMEN.

Aside from what you think of these responses, why do you think most of us have a hard time letting go?

 

[cocoberry10]

I was listening to the radio the other day and male dj's were trying to figure out why so many women have a hard time of letting go of a man who constantly dogs them out. These men just couldn't understand.

The most common responses were:

1) We didn't wanna loose to the other woman
2) Too comfortable with him, didn't wanna start over
3) He looks too good to let someone else have him

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There were some sensible callers, but the majority of them sounded like this and these were GROWN WOMEN.

Aside from what you think of these responses, why do you think most of us have a hard time letting go?

These would definitely be the main ones. I just think letting go of relationships will always be harder for women, b/c we become more emotionally attached to men.

 

[audacious1]

4) Thinking, hoping, believing the man will change

5) Some women really believe that true love will conquer all?

Thanks for this thread Aja. It got me thanking!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

These would definitely be the main ones. I just think letting go of relationships will always be harder for women, b/c we become more emotionally attached to men.

I agree.

Also couple in the fact that women are usually in general more catty and competitive than men, and so even if one woman can't have the guy, some women HATE to see ANOTHER woman with their guy that dogs them.
Call it jealousy, or just plain cattiness I guses.

I've felt that way before (I'll be honest), but I'm trying to work on that, and just let GO... because I've learned the hard way that it's better to keep your dignity and self-worth than to go chase after a man who doesn't really give you the true respect you need/desire. Let some other girl deal with him.

 

[dlewis]

I agree with all the comments. Alot of women have been taught that having a piece of man is better than having no man at all. In know one family that teaches their girls this. I know other familes that even though they don't say it they still teach it by the example they set.

Your question is have we lost our self worth? My question is have we ever had it? It seems that recently (last 30 years) women have just begun to realize their value my not accepting this bad treatment.

I know some women believe in "waiting it out" that all men are whores. Just give him some time he eventually be a good man. One of my family members told me when I married that it was ok for men to have other women. Her husband had been unfaithful for 45 years. Now he's faithful but he can't get it up. Sorry, I don't want nobody's left overs.

 

[caribeandiva]

We get attached and made him someone he wasn't. For example, hanging on to him hoping he'll propose when he's repeatedly told you he's not the marrying type.

 

[Aveena]

Some sell themselves short... true
but I don't think it's a cut and dry issue because others walk around like their ish don't stink and drop kick everybody to the curb.

I think it's healthy to know your faults/shortcomings and calibrate that into your tolerance level in others.

eta:

Some things are obvious offenses.. ei cheating verbal and physical abuse but anything else is probably grey area.

 

[simplertimes]

Aside from what you think of these responses, why do you think most of us have a hard time letting go?

I think the main reason women WON'T let go of a horrible man is because they see everyone else's "man problems" and think that the familiar is better than the unknown. (ex."all men cheat" but at least my guy pays the bills ) But #1 is definitely lonliness.........

 

[aja1121]

Your welcomed, Audacious1!!!

 

[aja1121]

Your question is have we lost our self worth? My question is have we ever had it? It seems that recently (last 30 years) women have just begun to realize their value my not accepting this bad treatment.

So true!!!!

 

[Farida]

It seems to be a very female problem.

We fall in love and our sense goes out the window.

Many women suffer from esteem issues, whether physical, mental or emotional and that's why they hang around.

I think it helps to keep a "logic diary" and try to see where your emotions are taking over good old sense.

 

[locabouthair]

i think one reason may be because the sex is good. im not speaking from experience but i do think sometimes that's one factor as to why women are attached.

 

[winterinatl]

I was listening to the radio the other day and male dj's were trying to figure out why so many women have a hard time of letting go of a man who constantly dogs them out. These men just couldn't understand.

The most common responses were:

1) We didn't wanna loose to the other woman
2) Too comfortable with him, didn't wanna start over
3) He looks too good to let someone else have him

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There were some sensible callers, but the majority of them sounded like this and these were GROWN WOMEN.

Aside from what you think of these responses, why do you think most of us have a hard time letting go?

I think it's all in our insecurities. When I left my ex, I closed my eyes and held my breath and just did it, like taking nasty medicine. When I start to feel sad over it, I try to analyze just what it is that is making me feel so distressed. During the first couple of months, it was number 2.

After a while though, it was number 1. And I had to ask myself why? After some self reflection, it wasn't anything about him going to someone else. Good riddance.

It was about me feeling insulted that he was doing better by her than me.What was wrong with me, then? Why not me? ...but then I kept it real with myself.

I know that man really well, and he IS NOT doing better by her. Him going to the next victim is no reason to feel low in esteem.

I think a lot of ladies skip this part of thinking and just say "I don't want him with another lady". There is more to it than that. I think.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I think it's all in our insecurities. When I left my ex, I closed my eyes and held my breath and just did it, like taking nasty medicine. When I start to feel sad over it, I try to analyze just what it is that is making me feel so distressed. During the first couple of months, it was number 2.

After a while though, it was number 1. And I had to ask myself why? After some self reflection, it wasn't anything about him going to someone else. Good riddance.

It was about me feeling insulted that he was doing better by her than me.What was wrong with me, then? Why not me? ...but then I kept it real with myself.

I know that man really well, and he IS NOT doing better by her. Him going to the next victim is no reason to feel low in esteem.

I think a lot of ladies skip this part of thinking and just say "I don't want him with another lady". There is more to it than that. I think.

So true! I think there are deeper reasons also. I have to look deeper within myself to find out why I feel so insulted also that the guy I liked a lot has moved on. I think it may be due to insecurities we as women feel, and when the man moves on to another woman, we feel insulted because we think that there is something wrong with US. When in reality, it's nothing about us, it's about THE MAN. But as women, if we already subconsciously feel inferior or insecure about something, then when a guy doesn't do right by us, or leaves us, or dogs us, we will then be insulted if he finds someone else, or we may choose to remain in a bad situation simply because "well...at least I have a man".

 

[Mik]

This thread is so on time for me. I am trying so hard to let go of a toxic liar and cheat.

I think the main reason that a woman will stay is because a lot of us are driven by emotion and we let that rule over our common sense. You start to think that you are the exception, and if you can just wait it out, he'll change JUST for you. I know a woman who has been married 8 years, yet she has not lived 1 full year with her husband because he cheats on her religiously every few months, she leaves, and then she goes back, kids and all.

While i've had my stumbles in the self-worth department, I refuse to let THAT become my life. I am worth so much more, we all are.

 

[janiebaby]

So true! I think there are deeper reasons also. I have to look deeper within myself to find out why I feel so insulted also that the guy I liked a lot has moved on. I think it may be due to insecurities we as women feel, and when the man moves on to another woman, we feel insulted because we think that there is something wrong with US. When in reality, it's nothing about us, it's about THE MAN. But as women, if we already subconsciously feel inferior or insecure about something, then when a guy doesn't do right by us, or leaves us, or dogs us, we will then be insulted if he finds someone else, or we may choose to remain in a bad situation simply because "well...at least I have a man".

I totally agree with this whole post...

 

[Ms_Delikate]

I agree with all the comments. Alot of women have been taught that having a piece of man is better than having no man at all. In know one family that teaches their girls this. I know other familes that even though they don't say it they still teach it by the example they set.

Your question is have we lost our self worth? My question is have we ever had it? It seems that recently (last 30 years) women have just begun to realize their value my not accepting this bad treatment.

I know some women believe in "waiting it out" that all men are whores. Just give him some time he eventually be a good man. One of my family members told me when I married that it was ok for men to have other women. Her husband had been unfaithful for 45 years. Now he's faithful but he can't get it up. Sorry, I don't want nobody's left overs.

Wowww....just wowww!

 

[Ms_Delikate]

I think sometimes a man's mind game is sooo tight...that he has you thinking you are the crazy one for calling him out...LOL. Then you begin to question your logic and judgement etc. etc. Thats why like the other poster said, keeping a logic diary may be a good idea.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Fear of admitting relationship failure,starting over-the dating process, the building of trust, exposing ones inner self to a man.....again.