I tried to help a natural

[mj11051]

at work yesterday, because she was thinking of relaxing. So I made her a curly pudding with shea butter, ic gel and a little olive oil. I told her about using acv, moisturizing and sealing. She said she'd try it but that was too many steps She has 4b hair and a dandruff filled scalp, I mean you can literally see the dandruff on her scalp. Why go natrual and not take care of your hair? She told me her hair would never look like mine and I said I don't expect it too... but it can look very nice. (I wanted to say it can look better than a rabbit's butt ). Am I wasting time and product on her? I also told her to try conditioner washing with some Aussie moist.

 

[Ronnieaj]

You're a good coworker to try and help. I say do what you feel comfortable doing, and no more. And if she clearly feels or acts uncomfortable or dismissive of your advice, stop. If she's not going to take care of her hair, she likely won't take care of it relaxed either, and her problems will continue. You can't help people like that, but kudos for trying.

 

[Pandora1975]

I'm guessing its the dandruff that bothers her the most. It was for me. Once I stopped relaxing and using grease on my scalp, things got 100% better. I think I was allergic to something in relaxers and grease just added to the problem. Now I use castor oil with peppermint to ensure the problem doesn't return. Maybe try giving her one last bit of advice. The thing is that if she isn't ready to put the effort in, you can talk until you run out of words and nothing will change.

 

[BlondeByDesire]

All you can do is try.

 

[anon123]

Ask her if she had dandruff when she was relaxed.

 

[mj11051]

I'm guessing its the dandruff that bothers her the most. It was for me. Once I stopped relaxing and using grease on my scalp, things got 100% better. I think I was allergic to something in relaxers and grease just added to the problem. Now I use castor oil with peppermint to ensure the problem doesn't return. Maybe try giving her one last bit of advice. The thing is that if she isn't ready to put the effort in, you can talk until you run out of words and nothing will change.

Yes she said that the dandruff really bother her. I told to use an acv rinse and to use olive oil on her scalp. Monday I'm gonna give her some JBCO to see if it helps her scalp. I really try to help folks relaxed or natural.

 

[mj11051]

Ask her if she had dandruff when she was relaxed.

I'll do that on Monday and let you know.Hi Missy

 

[CleverGypsy]

wow you made her hair products and everything? she's lucky she knows you. I think it's great you're helping her out. I remember believing so many negative things about my hair before LHCF. Is she internet saavy? Maybe she could join the site. Once she sees all the healthy growing hair here- she'll be a believer in no time!

 

[mj11051]

I told her about this board, but she hasn't joined.

 

[~Hair~Fetish~]

My sister had damaged relaxed hair and decided to BC a while back and go natural. She had maybe a 2 inch fro after cutting it. I tried to offer advice and even told her about LHCF several times but I don't think she ever visited the site. She ended up relaxing again after being natural for only a few weeks.

Moral of the story.... You can lead a horse to water, but you can't drown it!

*This same sister laughed out loud when I told her I was attempting a 6 month relaxer stretch. "That bad hair you got? Ain't no way you will be able to go that long without a perm!"

 

[~Hair~Fetish~]

Now a friend of mine who I had not seen in a while, was thinking of going natural and hasn't had a relaxer since around the first of May. When I was talking to her, she was saying that she was getting frustrated with all the NG and was thinking of just relaxing it. I talked her out of it and told her to try some S-curl to soften it and to get a moisturizer that didn't contain mineral oil. (previously she was only putting oil on the NG trying to tame it). The same day that I told her this, she went to the BSS to get the products. She called me a few hours later RAVING about how her hair was laying down and behaving.

Moral of the story.... You can lead a horse to water, and sometimes you CAN drown it!

*She has decided to continue transitioning.

ETA: I told her about the forum as well, but she said she's too lazy to be doing "research" and that she'll just take whatever advice I give her and that I could be her e-hairdresser!

 

[Tene]

It's great that you're trying to help her. But if she ain't listening I wouldn't waste my time.

 

[mj11051]

You are so right, but I wanted to help and give her something to help. But believe me, when i get back to work on Monday and she hasn't nothing to her hair, I'm done.

 

[mj11051]

It's great that you're trying to help her. But if she ain't listening I wouldn't waste my time.

She listened and wrote all the info I gave her, but she complained about how many steps she had to do.

 

[Tene]

She listened and wrote all the info I gave her, but she complained about how many steps she had to do.

Oh ok well that's awful lol. I don't understand people these days. They won't healthy hair or long hair but don't wanna do what it takes to get it.

 

[wheezy807]

I understand wanting to help a person all to well. I remember when i begin my healthy hair journey i wanted EVERYBODY to join, too. But THEY have to want it and THEY have to do what it takes to get it (like someone stated). I hope she listens to you. If she does, find out how often she is shampooing her hair. I can tell you 9 out of 10 times, dandruff problems are from inconsistent shampooing. I had it, i know.

 

[mj11051]

Oh ok well that's awful lol. I don't understand people these days. They won't healthy hair or long hair but don't wanna do what it takes to get it.

No truer words spoken. There another co worker asking me a lot of questions about how to care for her hair, however I offer to pay the fee for this site and she said"thanks okay" I don't feel like reading all that stuff.But her sides are thin as hell and the back of it is breaking off. I stop trying they laugh at me for using herbs in my hair but my ahir looks healthy and is growing.

 

[mj11051]

I understand wanting to help a person all to well. I remember when i begin my healthy hair journey i wanted EVERYBODY to join, too. But THEY have to want it and THEY have to do what it takes to get it (like someone stated). I hope she listens to you. If she does, find out how often she is shampooing her hair. I can tell you 9 out of 10 times, dandruff problems are from inconsistent shampooing. I had it, i know.

She already told me she shampoos 4 times per week.

 

[wheezy807]

She already told me she shampoos 4 times per week.

REALLY????? That's shocking. Maybe she's over doing it, causing the scalp to be dry. Wow!

 

[wheezy807]

No truer words spoken. There another co worker asking me a lot of questions about how to care for her hair, however I offer to pay the fee for this site and she said"thanks okay" I don't feel like reading all that stuff.But her sides are thin as hell and the back of it is breaking off. I stop trying they laugh at me for using herbs in my hair but my ahir looks healthy and is growing.

I told a friend and she said $6.50 was too much, she's broke.I knew then to leave well enough alone.

 

[mj11051]

Exactly, so I told her if you need to wash your hair that often conditioner washing would be better, because you won't be using the sulfates so much because those are drying to the scalp.

 

[Cassandra1975]

Oh ok well that's awful lol. I don't understand people these days. They won't healthy hair or long hair but don't wanna do what it takes to get it.

That's why I stopped trying to help. Whether your hair is natural or relaxed you will actually have to DO something to take care of it. ANything worth having is something you will have to work for, be it hair or other things in life, like weight loss, etc. I don't go out of my way to help someone unless they are really putting for the effort and their ACTIONS show that they want to do something about their situation...because talk is just talk.

 

[blackbarbie]

Girl I did the same thing for a co-worker - to no avail.

She was natural and just wore her hair in 2 french braids all the time. It was alwasy very dry looking and it didn't look as if she detangled it or anything; just caught the hair up and started braiding. When I first started wearing my hair out, she started to ask me different things about what I used. When I told her I used conditioner to wash it, she almost passed out. I made her a leave in concoction and went and even went and bought her a little thing of coconut oil. I offered to do a braidout for her so she could see that she had other options, but she passed. She kept saying she wanted a texturizer b/c she no longer wanted to use chemicals in her hair.

After explaining to her that a texturizer is still putting chemicals in her hair and even driving her down to my brother's shop so he could explain the process of texturizing to her (he told her he could do her natural hair whenever she wanted a straight style and it would look as good as a relaxed.....don't know why she doubted him b/c he does another co-worker's hair who is natural), since she couldn't get an appointment right then and there, she made one for the next week. The next week came, she missed the appt. b/c she said she spent the money. She came to work the next week and said she let someone put a texturizer in it.

She said her main reason for getting a texturizer was because she just didn't have time to deal with her AND her 3 year old daughter's hair and the texturizer would still make it easier to maintain. Fast forward to today - her hair looks no darn different than before.

A spin on what air Fetish says "You can lead the horse to water, but you can't even make him take a sip!"

 

[Babygurl]

The one thing I have always learned is that although we are enthusiastic about hair care, that doesnt always spread to those around us. Ive made the mistake many times of offering advice that was not taken well. So I learned quickly to give it and leave it open-ended, if they follow your advice good, if not, thats ok too. I always let ppl know that can come to me for hair advice but I wont bother them about it.

 

[Mitey Cyrus]

If she didn't ask for your help, back off. Nothing more obnoxious than someone thinking that they know what's best for you, even if they do. When she's ready, she'll ask.

 

[~Hair~Fetish~]

My friend is so excited. She just sent me a text asking "What else do I need to do/buy for my hair? You think I need one of those steamer things like you have?"

I think I've created a monster!

 

[yahswill76]

Well,

That's no excuse. I have a one year old and although I'm still dealing with what I'm going to do with it, I haven't relaxed it. Luckily my job allows those of color to express ourselves and we can wear a fro, cornrows, braids, curly fros or whatever. We are not pressured to feel we have to straighten it for a corporate look. My last relaxer was November 07'. I think I need help. I'm new to joining and evertime I straighten my hair which has been four times since my last relaxer the beautician trims my ends. How often should I trim my ends so that so much hair does not have to be cut off. My hair has been growing but I keep going back to the big chop stage b/c of them having to cut so much off. Help someone b/c I've just started my research and I'm sure I will find great info on this site. Is cowashing the same as conditioner washing? I'm trying to learn all the abbreviations.

 

[wheezy807]

My friend is so excited. She just sent me a text asking "What else do I need to do/buy for my hair? You think I need one of those steamer things like you have?"

I think I've created a monster!

She should join us.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

So often the problem is .."That's too much work/costs too much." I give the advice when asked, seldom followed.

 

[blackbarbie]

You're right; most often they want the end result but don't want to put in the effort. When I was first telling the co-worker I was going to mix together a leave-in for her, the stupid thing that came out of her mouth was "our hair is different; you got that good hair". Short of telling her how silly she sounded, I told her the things I put in the leave in would define her curls no matter what texture she was.

When I took it to her, I actually saw her put some on a little section of hair that she pulled out of the braid. She was pleasantly surprised when it curled up. So she knows it will work but she just want it to magically happen without having to "do" it.

BB