I tried to help a natural

[msa]

She listened and wrote all the info I gave her, but she complained about how many steps she had to do.

Actually, I think you may have given her too much to do. I'm hair obsessed and I still don't like to do a lot to my hair. For someone who's new to haircare it may have been really overwhelming.

You mentioned her dandruff and that seems like the most important issue. She's obviously upset about it since she washes 4 times a week to try to get rid of it. For some people, dandruff is an issue that can't be resolved without a trip to the dermatologist so I suggest you tell her to do that.

In the meantime, washing a few times a week is probably only making the problem worse. And washing every once in a while would probably do the same thing. I actually don't think she should try a bunch of different things because it could just aggravate her scalp more.

I would suggest that she buy either selsun blue, nizoral, or the neutrogena dandruff shampoo (t-gel I think it's called). Even head and shoulders would be a good idea. I know the selsun and nizoral are expensive but they have the highest amount of dandruff meds she can get without a prescription. She should rinse her hair really well with water first, and then apply the shampoo to her scalp only. And let it SIT for awhile, at least 15 mins.

After that if she wants to condition/moisturize her hair tell her to make sure she doesn't get it on her scalp, and the same with anything else she uses. But she really should go into the dermatologist. Until she fixes the dandruff issue, she's probably not going to care about the rest of her hair.

 

[Solitude]

Oh ok well that's awful lol. I don't understand people these days. They won't healthy hair or long hair but don't wanna do what it takes to get it.

I don't get it, either. I'm so sick of seeing people with jacked up hair, weaves, and wigs. I've told 3 or 4 people IRL about LHCF and not a single one has joined. I don't think they even visited the site.

 

[~Hair~Fetish~]

She should join us.

Girl... she wants ME to do all the work (research) and just TELL her what to do. I told her that I'm gonna start charging her a consulting fee!

Actually, I think you may have given her too much to do. I'm hair obsessed and I still don't like to do a lot to my hair. For someone who's new to haircare it may have been really overwhelming.

MSA makes a good point here. I think when giving advice to folks IRL, we have to be careful not to sum EVERYTHING we know in one convo. Telling them to stay away from sulfate based shampoos, stay away from mineral oil, stay away from cones, take supplements, scalp massaging, co-washing, DCing on the regular, porosity control, clarifying, heat-protecting, moisture-protein balance, protective styling, relaxer stretching, growth aids, ayurveda, pre-pooing, moisturizing-sealing, etc. CAN scare them away. Give them a little bit, and once they see "hey, she was right about that... it works!"... they will more than likely (like my friend I mentioned) come back to you requesting more advice. .... Then BAM!... before they know it, they're inducted into the hair cult! Or... they could continue on like my sister with chewed up hair.

 

[Taina]

I would love to have a co-worker like you, but i don't even work xD
Anyway, i don't think that a relaxer will be a solution for her, is not easier to take care of a relaxer hair as people think. An with all the dandruff it will be itchy as hell. Is good that you care about her hair, but honey, if she doesn't want to take care of her OWN hair, i think you are wasting your time and products as well

 

[mj11051]

Here's what i told her to do.

1. Use an acv rinse
2. Co- wash Aussie Moist
3 Deep condition w/ Aussie 3 minute miracle
4 Use the Aussie as a leave in
5 Moisturize with the product I made.
6 seal with EVOO
7. Twist.

Is that too much?

 

[anon123]

Here's what i told her to do.

1. Use an acv rinse
2. Co- wash Aussie Moist
3 Deep condition w/ Aussie 3 minute miracle
4 Use the Aussie as a leave in
5 Moisturize with the product I made.
6 seal with EVOO
7. Twist.

Is that too much?

This is a bit much. Where is the detangling step? How long is her hair? And what type? Do you know what particular problems she's having? If it's long and very kinky I'd tell her to:

1. Cowash hair in 6 big braids
2. After getting out the shower, detangle each braid
3. Apply leave in to that section
4. Twist that section into however many twists.

She can leave those twists in for up to a week, maybe 2 depending on her hair. Then the following week she can just cowash in those same twists.

If it's short and/or a looser texture, I'd tell her to:

1. thoroughly wet hair in shower and coat in conditioner
2. use a wide-tooth comb to gently detangle in shower
3. pat dry with towel and apply leave-in (or just leave some of the conditioner in)

 

[mj11051]

Yes i did tell her to detangle and her hair is short. Thanks Mwedzi

 

[anon123]

No problem, I just remembered her dandruff problem. If hers is really bad, I'm not sure. I had mild cases that were helped with a regular dandruff shampoo, Herbal Essences. For a less drying alternative, she can try Trader Joe's Tea Tree Tingle shampoo.

 

[growth2come]

That is nice of you...cause if a lot more people were like that I think there would be less people with dodgy hair problems...nice of you to spend the time giving advice as well as making the hair concoctions for her. Hopefully she works at the dandruff problem instead of perming which might not solve her problems.

 

[tocktick]

Well, it's nice that you've tried to help. However, if she doesn't take your advice/use your product, don't give her any more help (unless she seriously asks) and try not to be frustrated with what she's doing to her hair. I believe if she cannot at least try to manage her hair as a natural due to laziness, her hair is unlikely to flourish once relaxed. Many people switch to one "side" thinking that it will be easier meanwhile they are not even really taking care of their hair in it's current state. If you can't even do the basics, problems will arise when you go natural or relax due to sheer laziness (or ignorance).

 

[mj11051]

I think it's laziness and I tried, however if she doesn't try I'm done.


Mwedzi her dandruff is so bad you can see it on scalp it's white. I think it's from just being dry as heck.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

i think she would be better off if you referred her to NP and to this forum, so she can see that you're not an exception.​

 

[Precious_P]

It's funny how people will ask for advice but then they don't even attempt to follow it and give excuses. I have had family and friends ask me for advice. The only on that actually follows it is my mother. I have also been told that I have "good hair" so certain things will work for my hair. Ha!! I have 4a/4b hair that is fragile and needs constant care. One of my friends just told me she was just too lazy when I suggested that she moisturize her dry hair everyday instead of once a week. Year after year they have asked me for advice and year after year they don't follow it but always come to me talking about how their hair is so damaged/dry/breaking/won't grow!! My sister in-law would always debate me on haircare techniques and vowed that getting a relaxer every 4 weeks was necessary. I watched as her hair slowly thinned out and broke off. Now she wears nothing but weaves and says that she like them because they make her feel glamorous. Go figure!

Someone stated before that people want the end product without the work and they wanted it yesterday.

 

[msa]

I think it's laziness and I tried, however if she doesn't try I'm done.


Mwedzi her dandruff is so bad you can see it on scalp it's white. I think it's from just being dry as heck.

We can be so judgmental now that we're "enlightened".

Try to see it from her point of view or remember when you were new to the whole haircare thing. What you gave her is a lot, I wouldn't even do it. I don't think it's laziness. I'm sure she's probably tried lots of things and they haven't worked so she's looking at you like, why should I do all this?

Like I said before, if her dandruff is that bad it may be due to dryness but she won't know until she goes in to the dermatologist so please encourage her to do that. Otherwise, just give her the link to lhcf, naturally curly, maybe a blog like black girl long hair, or even healthy textures. And then keep it moving.

But next time, if you don't want to spend the time to help don't. It's worse for you to complain about it afterward.

 

[mj11051]

We can be so judgmental now that we're "enlightened".

Try to see it from her point of view or remember when you were new to the whole haircare thing. What you gave her is a lot, I wouldn't even do it. I don't think it's laziness. I'm sure she's probably tried lots of things and they haven't worked so she's looking at you like, why should I do all this?

Like I said before, if her dandruff is that bad it may be due to dryness but she won't know until she goes in to the dermatologist so please encourage her to do that. Otherwise, just give her the link to lhcf, naturally curly, maybe a blog like black girl long hair, or even healthy textures. And then keep it moving.

But next time, if you don't want to spend the time to help don't. It's worse for you to complain about it afterward.

She's been natural for 4 yrs. I'm not being judgmental. I gave all those links and it's obvious she hasn't used them.

 

[msa]

She's been natural for 4 yrs. I'm not being judgmental. I gave all those links and it's obvious she hasn't used them.

I consider calling someone lazy pretty judgmental but ok.

Either way, maybe she did use them and she's taking her time to research and learn. And what if she came to lhcf and see's you talking badly about her?

Anyway, if you're going to help someone don't come back and talk about how it was a waste of time. That's rude, IMO.

 

[Junebug D]

I agree with msa. If someone is new to haircare, you can't just give them a 10-step regimen to follow and then call them lazy when they look at you sideways.

Baby steps is all some people can take. I would've just told her to stop using shampoo that often, for starters. And that she should deep condition after shampooing.

 

[mj11051]

I consider calling someone lazy pretty judgmental but ok.

Either way, maybe she did use them and she's taking her time to research and learn. And what if she came to lhcf and see's you talking badly about her?

Anyway, if you're going to help someone don't come back and talk about how it was a waste of time. That's rude, IMO.

That's your opinion and if she did come here oh well. I didn't say any of these things to her. I was truly trying to help her. It's rude if I say those things to her face not talking about it here. That's my opinion. And believe she has not used any of the links I gave her because she told me that.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

I agree with msa. If someone is new to haircare, you can't just give them a 10-step regimen to follow and then call them lazy when they look at you sideways.

Baby steps is all some people can take. I would've just told her to stop using shampoo that often, for starters. And that she should deep condition after shampooing.

i agree. i have been here for a little while and i still get overwhelmed by all of the tips. it can be a lot to take in.​

 

[TCatt86]

You can send it to me!! I will definitely use it. Seems she has given up, suggest that she gets twists or braids or maybe a wig and give her hair a rest for a little bit.

 

[TCatt86]

Actually, I think you may have given her too much to do. I'm hair obsessed and I still don't like to do a lot to my hair. For someone who's new to haircare it may have been really overwhelming.

You mentioned her dandruff and that seems like the most important issue. She's obviously upset about it since she washes 4 times a week to try to get rid of it. For some people, dandruff is an issue that can't be resolved without a trip to the dermatologist so I suggest you tell her to do that.

In the meantime, washing a few times a week is probably only making the problem worse. And washing every once in a while would probably do the same thing. I actually don't think she should try a bunch of different things because it could just aggravate her scalp more.

I would suggest that she buy either selsun blue, nizoral, or the neutrogena dandruff shampoo (t-gel I think it's called). Even head and shoulders would be a good idea. I know the selsun and nizoral are expensive but they have the highest amount of dandruff meds she can get without a prescription. She should rinse her hair really well with water first, and then apply the shampoo to her scalp only. And let it SIT for awhile, at least 15 mins.

After that if she wants to condition/moisturize her hair tell her to make sure she doesn't get it on her scalp, and the same with anything else she uses. But she really should go into the dermatologist. Until she fixes the dandruff issue, she's probably not going to care about the rest of her hair.

I have dandruff issues as well and everything you suggest is great!!! I initially had to use prescription shampoo but now Nizoral or T-Gel works fine for me. When my dandruff I have to wash twice a week. Tell your coworker to use either one of those shampoos and let the shampoo sit for a few minutes, maybe 10 minutes, follow up with a deep conditioner and then a good leave in like Cantu Shea butter, then coconut or olive oil. Teach her about making a puff with a stocking cap, she can do this for a while. I'm low maintenance with my hair, if it's takes too long or requires too many steps I'm not doing it, which is why I hardly twist my hair or straighten it.

 

[Avyn]

(I wanted to say it can look better than a rabbit's butt ).

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

I agree with msa. If someone is new to haircare, you can't just give them a 10-step regimen to follow and then call them lazy when they look at you sideways.

Baby steps is all some people can take. I would've just told her to stop using shampoo that often, for starters. And that she should deep condition after shampooing.

....but she didn't just give her a 10-step regimen to follow. I agree that the regimen wasn't a simple one, but it wasn't hard either. And then, OP took out time, made the coworker some things to use, gave her some product recommendations, supplied her with links, and gave her advice.
That's a bunch of things more than what others on LHCF started with, and it's way more than I would have done.

I understand that when someone is new to haircare, it can be scary and overwhelming. But OP's co-worker was blessed to have her.
At least she didn't have to go to Sally's/the BSS, wander up and down the aisles, be terrified by all the labels and bottles, comb the internet/haircare forums until she discovered the information herself, and struggle to figure out how to implement it. She was given a jumpstart that many people don't get, due to OP's kindness. All that is left for the co-worker is just to do it.

That said, I don't think that the co-worker is lazy...maybe she's just scared. A previous poster mentioned that she was probably given faulty advice by lots of people in the past, so maybe she just thinks that there's no hope for her. So she's too scared to try.
And if that's the case, then nothing the OP does (short of dragging her to LHCF and showing her the amazing transformations here) will change that.

Anyway, I don't think it's fair to call the OP rude...she didn't do anything wrong, IMO.

 

[~Hair~Fetish~]

....but she didn't just give her a 10-step regimen to follow. I agree that the regimen wasn't a simple one, but it wasn't hard either. And then, OP took out time, made the coworker some things to use, gave her some product recommendations, supplied her with links, and gave her advice.
That's a bunch of things more than what others on LHCF started with, and it's way more than I would have done.

Anyway, I don't think it's fair to call the OP rude...she didn't do anything wrong, IMO.

I have to agree with Chaos... it seems that you guys are being a little hard on the OP. To me it didn't come off like she was being rude or talking badly about the co-worker. It seems like she was more so "venting" about how someone approached her for help, but doesn't want to do what it takes to turn her hair around. IMO, it would have been rude if OP was going around the office and telling other co-workers what happened, but she didn't (I'm assuming). Isn't that what we're here for... to give each other advice, tell our personal stories, and vent when we have to? I mean... we are semi-anonymous here, so what's the big deal?

 

[mj11051]

I have to agree with Chaos... it seems that you guys are being a little hard on the OP. To me it didn't come off like she was being rude or talking badly about the co-worker. It seems like she was more so "venting" about how someone approached her for help, but doesn't want to do what it takes to turn her hair around. IMO, it would have been rude if OP was going around the office and telling other co-workers what happened, but she didn't (I'm assuming). Isn't that what we're here for... to give each other advice, tell our personal stories, and vent when we have to? I mean... we are semi-anonymous here, so what's the big deal?

Thank You and no I don't talk about her to anyone, I just tried to be helpful. I really hope she tries the things I told her and I'll help her more.

 

[Tene]

I agree I don't think the OP was rude at all for being frustrated. I would be frustrated and venting to if someone asked me for help but don't wanna listen. If she didn't wanna listen or take her advice why open up her mouth to ask for it. She probably thought the OP was gonna have some type of miracle potion for her hair. When she seen how much it takes to get healthy hair she didn't wanna be bothered.

 

[song_of_serenity]

It's been almost a month. Has your coworker done any of your tips?? Any results?

 

[mj11051]

She told me it was too much work and she didn't get the results she wanted. She said the stuff I made was nice, but I think she's gonna to relax her hair anyway.

 

[~Hair~Fetish~]

...weird... I was wondering what happened as well

 

[mj11051]

Once she told me it was to much work I backed off. It still looks a hot mess and I'm waiting to see if she relaxes.