I think this guy is trying to test me.

[ThickHair]

I went out with this guy on Saturday, we had an early dinner.

Anyhoo he was filling me in about his past relationships and I was listening very closely. It seems like he didn't make any strong ties. He basically said that he usually heard from women when they wanted money. He said that he had no problems giving the $$, but he was basically allowed to run free and do as he pleased. I ask did they all go for this and he said they ok with it and he never hid anything; but it was really unfulfilling. He said that he was really amazed, he stated that his parents were really not happy.

Now he didn't tell me straight out where he worked, but he did tell me what he did and while it is a labor job, it is a 6 figure job, no doubt and not barely a 6 figure job, but a strong 6 figure job.

I told him straight out that that was something that I was not interested in. He said none of them protested. I was floored. Now this is all from his POV, but he was so casual in telling me this.

He states he wants to get to know me, but I am like ehhh, I am not sure. I do know that I would not go for the okey doke.

I just wanted to field this for some opinions and if you have ever know this type of situation. I will be honest, I have heard about it, but never knew it from a man's POV. I usually hear it from the women's POV and it was the "A man is better than no man" theory which I do not subscribe to at all.

**1/31/13 Another UPDATE on Page 2

 

[JFemme]

Seems he's making his behavior about the women he choses to deal with...

Choose better, Mr Unfulfilled...

 

[ThickHair]

Seems he's making his behavior about the women he choses to deal with...

Choose better, Mr Unfulfilled...

Exactly what I thought and he wouldn't have to do much to make them happy. No gonna happen here.

 

[Zaynab]

He sounds emotionally unavailable. He just runs through women and doesn't commit. He probably hides behind some woman that hurt him 50-11 years ago and that's his excuse. These men are easy to get sucked into and can break your heart. I'd KIM.

 

[MizAvalon]

He sounds emotionally unavailable. He just runs through women and doesn't commit. He probably hides behind some woman that hurt him 50-11 years ago and that's his excuse. These men are easy to get sucked into and can break your heart. I'd KIM.

Totally agree.

 

[JewelleNY]

Sounds like he is trying to let you know who he is early on so that two years down the line when you find out about all of his philandering, he can say that he told you who he was in the beginning.

 

[Keen]

IMO, he attracted that type of women because that's the type of women he wanted. It's not hard to find women who would let a man do whatever he wants as long as he is giving her what she wants, in that case, money.

I can understand your reluctance. If that's what he is used to and he has been doing it for a long time, it may be hard to change.

 

[ProtectiveStyling]

He just sounds like a sugardaddy to me. Tell him to join seekingarrangemnt or sugardaddyforme.

 

[**SaSSy**]

Men like him are damage and go through women like toilet paper. I would run like my life depended upon it. Emotionally unavailable men are the worst to get involved with because they prey upon women who want to try and fix them and get hurt in the process.

Sent from my lavish iPhone

 

[ThickHair]

He sounds emotionally unavailable. He just runs through women and doesn't commit. He probably hides behind some woman that hurt him 50-11 years ago and that's his excuse. These men are easy to get sucked into and can break your heart. I'd KIM.

I was listening, because I knew there had to be one in the past.

Sounds like he is trying to let you know who he is early on so that two years down the line when you find out about all of his philandering, he can say that he told you who he was in the beginning.

Oh there won't be a two years down the line.

IMO, he attracted that type of women because that's the type of women he wanted. It's not hard to find women who would let a man do whatever he wants as long as he is giving her what she wants, in that case, money.

I can understand your reluctance. If that's what he is used to and he has been doing it for a long time, it may be hard to change.

ITA, that is why I was like "Huh, What. Where do they do that?"

He just sounds like a sugardaddy to me. Tell him to join seekingarrangemnt or sugardaddyforme.

LOL

Men like him are damage and go through women like toilet paper. I would run like my life depended upon it. Emotionally unavailable men are the worst to get involved with because they prey upon women who want to try and fix them and get hurt in the process.

Sent from my lavish iPhone

Yes, I read Baggage Reclaim. LOL

Seriously ladies, I couldn't believe he was telling me all of this. Men usually like to keep this on the low. I just sat there and smiled and he was overflowing.

 

[MzLady78]

I was listening, because I knew there had to be one in the past.
Oh there won't be a two years down the line.

ITA, that is why I was like "Huh, What. Where do they do that?"
LOL
Yes, I read Baggage Reclaim. LOL

Seriously ladies, I couldn't believe he was telling me all of this. Men usually like to keep this on the low. I just sat there and smiled and he was overflowing.

I've been living on this site the last few weeks.

But yeah, you already know. Dude has issues.

 

[VelvetRain]

I went out with this guy on Saturday, we had an early dinner.

Anyhoo he was filling me in about his past relationships and I was listening very closely. It seems like he didn't make any strong ties. He basically said that he usually heard from women when they wanted money. He said that he had no problems giving the $$, but he was basically allowed to run free and do as he pleased. I ask did they all go for this and he said they ok with it and he never hid anything; but it was really unfulfilling. He said that he was really amazed, he stated that his parents were really not happy.

Now he didn't tell me straight out where he worked, but he did tell me what he did and while it is a labor job, it is a 6 figure job, no doubt and not barely a 6 figure job, but a strong 6 figure job.

I told him straight out that that was something that I was not interested in. He said none of them protested. I was floored. Now this is all from his POV, but he was so casual in telling me this.

He states he wants to get to know me, but I am like ehhh, I am not sure. I do know that I would not go for the okey doke.

I just wanted to field this for some opinions and if you have ever know this type of situation. I will be honest, I have heard about it, but never knew it from a man's POV. I usually hear it from the women's POV and it was the "A man is better than no man" theory which I do not subscribe to at all.

Girlie. I am surprised you have to question this one. You normally are good at recognizing BS and Game from the start! Hell no you don't need to entertain this fool.

Just curious but did you two talk on the phone in depth prior to going out? What made you go out with him in the first place?

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

he neva made strong ties, cuz once they (the women) found out what he was about, they dropped him.

he fulla shyt and I smellit all da way ova hea chile... who sits at a table and tells a woman he barely knows dat he makes 6 figas. a "strong" 6 figas. dis bama hea on some ole otha type mess...chile puleez.

see, tell u dat he doesn't have a problem givin a woman money, then tell u how much he makes, and dat women let him do what he wanna do is bate and don't go fallin in da trap.

he tryna make himself seem like he all dat and got everything unda control. dis bama hea....plus his game is weak.

ur da prize, not him and dats how he makin it sound, like he's da prize.

drop him. he's a waste of ur time. time of ur life dat you'll neva get back.

 

[ThickHair]

Girlie. I am surprised you have to question this one. You normally are good at recognizing BS and Game from the start! Hell no you don't need to entertain this fool.

Just curious but did you two talk on the phone in depth prior to going out? What made you go out with him in the first place?

I don't have questions about him. I can see him for what he is. I guess it is like a zoo for the lack of better words. I know that giraffe's exist but I have never seen one in living color because I live in SW PA. Giraffe's are not native to my area, so I go to the zoo and was in awe. KWIM. That is the best way I can describe it. Like I mentioned in the post, I have spoken to women who have been beneficaries of someone like him. I have never spoken with a sponsor that I was aware of.

No we did not talk indept on the phone. We had a few decent conversations but I guess this is something he wanted to tell me face to face. Heck if I know. I don't go on a date expecting to find my husband that very day, I saw it as a date, pure and simple. He ask to take me to dinner and I figured why not. Nice guy, just not for me. I am sure he has many beneficaries at his beck and call, I just can't be one.

 

[ThickHair]

he neva made strong ties, cuz once they (the women) found out what he was about, they dropped him.

he fulla shyt and I smellit all da way ova hea chile... who sits at a table and tells a woman he barely knows dat he makes 6 figas. a "strong" 6 figas. dis bama hea on some ole otha type mess...chile puleez.

see, tell u dat he doesn't have a problem givin a woman money, then tell u how much he makes, and dat women let him do what he wanna do is bate and don't go fallin in da trap.

he tryna make himself seem like he all dat and got everything unda control. dis bama hea....plus his game is weak.

ur da prize, not him and dats how he makin it sound, like he's da prize.

drop him. he's a waste of ur time. time of ur life dat you'll neva get back.

ThatJerseyGirl Girl you never fail me. Oh ladies, I am not entertaining his BS. This was just another one of my dating experiences that I wanted to share. It never ends.

As you can see, there was not a question in my original post about me entertainin him, I just wanted to hear comments and find out if you ladies have ever heard it from the man's POV. LOL We always hear the woman's POV.

 

[VelvetRain]

No I hear ya girl. Believe some other women is entertaining this foolishness. Be glad it's not you.

 

[intellectualuva]

He sounds emotionally unavailable. He just runs through women and doesn't commit. He probably hides behind some woman that hurt him 50-11 years ago and that's his excuse. These men are easy to get sucked into and can break your heart. I'd KIM.

Last guy I loved...just like this.

*in my Dave Chappelle voice* RUN FO YOUR LIFE!!!

 

[FrazzledFraggle]

One thing I know for sure is that men usually tell you who they are in the first few meetings. If you ignore these little revelations despite your own internal warning system, you are doing yourself a disservice. He's told you he's not up for a serious commitment. If a serious commitment is your goal, then look elsewhere and don't give him a second thought...

 

[PeaceFlow]

Sounds like he is trying to let you know who he is early on so that two years down the line when you find out about all of his philandering, he can say that he told you who he was in the beginning.

This is why I have no problem with men like this. As long as a man doesn't lie to me, I hold no grudges if that's how he prefers his love life to be. Not my scene, at all.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Yes, OP he is trying to test you. Dude is tryna gauge your mindset and wants to see if you'll fall for it. He's a loser, move on.

 

[Evolving78]

I went out with this guy on Saturday, we had an early dinner.

Anyhoo he was filling me in about his past relationships and I was listening very closely. It seems like he didn't make any strong ties. He basically said that he usually heard from women when they wanted money. He said that he had no problems giving the $$, but he was basically allowed to run free and do as he pleased. I ask did they all go for this and he said they ok with it and he never hid anything; but it was really unfulfilling. He said that he was really amazed, he stated that his parents were really not happy.

Now he didn't tell me straight out where he worked, but he did tell me what he did and while it is a labor job, it is a 6 figure job, no doubt and not barely a 6 figure job, but a strong 6 figure job.

I told him straight out that that was something that I was not interested in. He said none of them protested. I was floored. Now this is all from his POV, but he was so casual in telling me this.

He states he wants to get to know me, but I am like ehhh, I am not sure. I do know that I would not go for the okey doke.

I just wanted to field this for some opinions and if you have ever know this type of situation. I will be honest, I have heard about it, but never knew it from a man's POV. I usually hear it from the women's POV and it was the "A man is better than no man" theory which I do not subscribe to at all.

i dealt with someone like this. same story. i was the first person that wasn't in his face with my hand out. see he was a guy that wanted to be in control and he paid the cost to be the boss. but i come from a different breed and i can't be bought.

our first date, he gave me $300 to cover the cost of my hair. ( i got my hair braided that day) at first i thought that was nice. but the next day or so, i was at the mall with my cousin. he questioned if i purchased anything and how much did it cost. i told him i just bought some shower gel (with my own money) he felt like i gave me some money to help me out and i was at the mall tricking it off. that's when i knew what time it was. i told him i didn't need his charity and he can have his money back. after that, other dates we went on, i would find money in my purse, pocket, glove compartment, etc.... he knew i wouldn't take it from him. when he learned that i wasn't impressed with his money, he tried to control me in other ways. that didn't work either.
he said i was so feisty and he never dealt with someone like me. he said he loved and hated that about me. he said he wasn't used to a woman like me, so he had to do whatever to keep me under his thumb. i said a lot of women would allow him to come and go as he pleased. he would pay their rent, so they would give him keys, he would pay their car notes, so he felt he could keep tabs, have access to their cars, etc....

not too long ago, i talked to him and he told me again how sorry his was about the way he treated me. he told me he will always love me and that i was special.

my reason for sharing this story is to let you know that he is testing you, or doing what has worked for him in the past to get away with a lot. he is going to see you as a challenge. maybe in a good way or a bad way. but the fact that he as expressed to you that it is getting tiresome, is interesting. believe what he is tell you. if you want more than your rent paid, shoes, purses, etc... then go for it. but he will think he owns you. he isn't up for a real commitment.

 

[ThickHair]

my reason for sharing this story is to let you know that he is testing you, or doing what has worked for him in the past to get away with a lot. he is going to see you as a challenge. maybe in a good way or a bad way. but the fact that he as expressed to you that it is getting tiresome, is interesting. believe what he is tell you. if you want more than your rent paid, shoes, purses, etc... then go for it. but he will think he owns you. he isn't up for a real commitment.

Interesting, I don't need him to take care of anything for me. I don't understand why it is so hard for a man to be normal or semi normal. SMH

From what he has told me, I don't believe he knows how to operate any other way.

My GF called me last night to ask me how it went and I told her the story and she was aware of his background, but figured he would be a nice guy to go on dates with. I was like why didn't you tell me, she wanted me to form my own opinion, which I can apppreciate. She is still standing behind that beneath what he has presented to me he is genuinely a good guy. I said "whatever". Money is nice, but it does not impress me, especially when one tries hard. I guess since I have my own it isn't a big issue.

 

[Kurlee]

ewww! next!

 

[ThickHair]

****UPDATE****

Oh ladies, I guess he is trying to pull out all stops. I received an email from him about 20 minutes ago stating that he is serious about getting to know me and he knows that his past would, in his words, "Cause you to pause".

Good Morning xx,
I hope all is well with you this morning. I know that my past may cause you to pause when thinking of me and my immature ways, but I know that you deserve better. I wanted to come clean with you. I will do any and everything to convince you that I am no longer that man. I don’t want you to ever wonder what I may be doing or who I am with so I am enclosing the factory schedule for the rest of the year. I work in 28 day cycles that will repeat for the rest of the year. My shifts are C. If you have any question let me know. Take care and I will call you this evening when I get off. I know, I know, don’t I dare call after 9p.

xx

 

[**SaSSy**]

****UPDATE****

Oh ladies, I guess he is trying to pull out all stops. I received an email from him about 20 minutes ago stating that he is serious about getting to know me and he knows that his past would, in his words, "Cause you to pause".

Good Morning xx,
I hope all is well with you this morning. I know that my past may cause you to pause when thinking of me and my immature ways, but I know that you deserve better. I wanted to come clean with you. I will do any and everything to convince you that I am no longer that man. I don’t want you to ever wonder what I may be doing or who I am with so I am enclosing the factory schedule for the rest of the year. I work in 28 day cycles that will repeat for the rest of the year. My shifts are C. If you have any question let me know. Take care and I will call you this evening when I get off. I know, I know, don’t I dare call after 9p.

xx

ThickHair I don't understand what other advice you need? Are you wanting someone to tell you in this thread something you want to hear like you should give his guy a chance? He's "trying" to becomes a man who wants something exclusively with you?

Thanks for the update, but if it was me, I wouldn't answer any of his emails/calls especially if you told him you are looking for a serious relationship/exclusivity and he told you he's never been a serious relationship and insinuate he doesn't want a serious relationship.

 

[LivingInPeace]

****UPDATE****

Oh ladies, I guess he is trying to pull out all stops. I received an email from him about 20 minutes ago stating that he is serious about getting to know me and he knows that his past would, in his words, "Cause you to pause".

Good Morning xx,
I hope all is well with you this morning. I know that my past may cause you to pause when thinking of me and my immature ways, but I know that you deserve better. I wanted to come clean with you. I will do any and everything to convince you that I am no longer that man. I don’t want you to ever wonder what I may be doing or who I am with so I am enclosing the factory schedule for the rest of the year. I work in 28 day cycles that will repeat for the rest of the year. My shifts are C. If you have any question let me know. Take care and I will call you this evening when I get off. I know, I know, don’t I dare call after 9p.

xx[/QUOTE

This is a pimp move

 

[ThickHair]

ThickHair I don't understand what other advice you need? Are you wanting someone to tell you in this thread something you want to hear like you should give his guy a chance? He's "trying" to becomes a man who wants something exclusively with you?

Thanks for the update, but if it was me, I wouldn't answer any of his emails/calls especially if you told him you are looking for a serious relationship/exclusivity and he told you he's never been a serious relationship and insinuate he doesn't want a serious relationship.

[This is a pimp move

**SaSSy** The point of my post was never for advice, please reread my original post and my response to VelvetRain on page 1. It was to just put it out there to see if anyone has ran into this. In my OP I stated that I always heard this type of deal from a woman's point of view, never the man. Pure entertainment I tell ya.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I don't think the OP wanted advice, she just wanted to share. Besides, this does make for an interesting story, lol.

Giving you his schedule is extra . It makes me trust him less. He's the kind of guy that will give "chase" because he's got a few sumthins/someone else's one the side.

I'd be tempted to string him along

 

[ThickHair]

I don't think the OP wanted advice, she just wanted to share. Besides, this does make for an interesting story, lol.

Thanks keyawarren that was my reason for posting in the first place. Hearing things is one thing, but to actually experience it, is funny.

 

[Carrie A]

Interesting, I don't need him to take care of anything for me. I don't understand why it is so hard for a man to be normal or semi normal. SMH

From what he has told me, I don't believe he knows how to operate any other way.

My GF called me last night to ask me how it went and I told her the story and she was aware of his background, but figured he would be a nice guy to go on dates with. I was like why didn't you tell me, she wanted me to form my own opinion, which I can appreciate. She is still standing behind that beneath what he has presented to me he is genuinely a good guy. I said "whatever". Money is nice, but it does not impress me, especially when one tries hard. I guess since I have my own it isn't a big issue.

OT I know but I have to raise an eyebrow at a friend who would set you up with a dude with this background.......

I'm not sure what you mean by his point of view. Are you referring to the specific example of a man justifying a sugar daddy pattern- why he chooses money as a tool of control? I haven't heard this particular "confession" but loose lips sink ships, and first date loose lips reveal the real deal.