I think I love my best friend...

[AlliCat]

SHORT VERSION: Is it wise to have a hook up and/or relationship with your best friend? why or why not

LONG VERSION: My best friend right now is a guy. We've known each other for 7 years and we know almost everything about each other. For a couple years we stopped talking due to distance but recently we started talking again. Our convos are great and we can stay on the phone for hours (and I am NOT a phone person lol)

The other night he took me to a basketball game. He was a total gentleman and always has been....fast forward to the end of the night...we kissed and sparks flew . SOOO i need some advice...things are perfect right now. We kissed and there's sexual tension now but nothing is official. We could go back to normal but I really like him, more than ever. We exchanged I love you's as best friends. and he's made it crystal clear he wants to be with me in the future especially since his family likes me.

Then yesterday we went a little further physically...we ended up making out in his car and our hands traveled. (dont worry ladies I kept him in line). It was really spontaneous but since he's my best friend i feel like I could tell him anything so I told him i felt like we moved a bit too fast and he agreed. I really like that we are on the same page

So if the opportunity arises, should we start a relationship? My heart is telling me HECK YES but my mind isn't sure...I don't want to mess up a good thing!! He told me that if a relationship doesn't work out between us we would be best friends still no matter what...but I dunno...

Also, another question....we have amazingggg chemistry and I'd eventually wanna hook up with him so should I wait until we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend before we go past kissing? or is it okay for us to mess around while being best friends?

 

[*KP*]

I say go for it

A lot of great relationships start from great friendships!

 

[*KP*]

Also, another question....we have amazingggg chemistry and I'd eventually wanna hook up with him so should I wait until we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend before we go past kissing? or is it okay for us to mess around while being best friends?

You should wait until you're officially boyfriend/girlfriend. You don't want to slip and fall into the friend with benefits zone!

 

[Much2much41]

Best friends make the best husbands, IMO. Don't give him none, though

 

[ambergirl]

Girl you are living my fantasy! I always wanted to have a deep friendship that turned into an off the chain chemistry love thang!

Agree with the other ladies though...no sex until it's official that you all are going to give this a go as boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

[MsLizziA]

Best friends make the best husbands, IMO. Don't give him none, though

lol fa real , no cookie cuttin but i do i say go for the relationship!

He knows you and you know him. If yall are best friends then he should know your personality inside and out and if that's the case, the he knows you flaws and all and vice versa.

Best of luck to you and yes the best relationships come from friendships

 

[BGT]

Girl, get that man

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

Go for it, life is too short to miss the chance of true love, I missed out on a good friend that showed he wanted to be more then friends with me, and now it's too late.

 

[EccentricRed]

Relationships are great when you can be "friends." I wouldn't give him any! See what develops!

 

[Kurlee]

girl take your time, but i say get that man. Just make sure you take it slow.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I am now engaged to my bestfriend.

If he is a wonderful guy i every way...meaning you know how some guys make good friends but bad boyfriends? Assess the way he's treated others before you decide, or else you may ruin the friendship. BUT if he knows how to treat a woman like gold, and you love him, and he's your bestfriend you really have nothing to lose imo.

 

[Mai Tai]

You never know how things will turn out until you try. I say you go for it, but wait until you all are in an OFFICIAL relationship before having sex.

 

[TayMac]

Go for it! Let the "hook up" wait until the relationship starts.

 

[AlliCat]

Okay I think I will just let things go with the flow And not do anything sexual until we are official. Now that I think of it, hooking up would hinder the chance of us getting into a relationship ("why buy the cow if you could have the milk for free"). I definitely DO NOT want to be a friend with benefits

And I was not even thinking of sex until marriage of course By hooking up I meant stuff besides sex (sorry for not being specific!)

Thank you everyone for your responses!! Still wanna hear other opinions

 

[MissJ]

Don't mess around until he has asked you to be his girlfriend and you two are in a bona fide relationship.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

SHORT VERSION:

Also, another question....we have amazingggg chemistry and I'd eventually wanna hook up with him so should I wait until we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend before we go past kissing? or is it okay for us to mess around while being best friends?

Relationship....YES. Sex....NO.

Just because you guys are best friends and have known each other for soooo long doesn't mean that he should have complete access to you like that so soon. Make him work for it girl! Let him court you, woo you, impress you as a BOYfriend before messing around. Men don't tend to respect what comes TOO easily to them. So, I would definitely wait until you two are boy friend and girlfriend in a COMMITTED relationship before giving anything up physically. But that's just me.

I think as long as you realize that your relationship with him has indeed CHANGED dynamics, I think you will be fine. "Friends" don't kiss each other...so you two are definitely more than "just friends" right now. If he expresses a desire to get to know you or date you on a "more than friends" level, make sure to treat him like you would ANY guy you were getting to know, because honestly.....you've known him as the "friend"/"buddy"....and not as a boyfriend yet. So, don't let the fact that you've known him for years as a friend cloud your judgement. Assess him for who he truly is and whether or not he is "BOY-friend" material.

Girl you are living my fantasy! I always wanted to have a deep friendship that turned into an off the chain chemistry love thang!

Agree with the other ladies though...no sex until it's official that you all are going to give this a go as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Same here!!! This is my DREAM!!! :eyebrows2

Now, if only I could find a guy friend that I'm attracted to. Usually, if a guy is my "friend" it means he's in the "friend zone" and I don't even view him like that. There have only been maybe 2 guy friends in my life that I've actually been attracted to enough to want to date unfortunately.

Hmm....maybe I need to get some new guy friends.

 

[Xerxes]

Hmm, this sounds great and all, but why did it take you 7 years before you decided to become more than friends?

What's the downside to this dude? Think about all of the reasons it took 7 years to get this far in order to decide if he's really worth being with.

I can't imagine rushing a relationship just to lose your best friend and lover.

 

[natural2008]

Go for it girl. My good friend married her best friend this year and they have know each other for about 15 years.

 

[NaturalPath]

GO for it because I am in a relationship with my best friend from highschool and we decided to take a chance in college and I would not have it any other way.

I strongly believe that all relationships should begin by first being friends because how can you truly know someone by jumping into a relationship and then within a year your engaged?

ETA: well I messed around with my best friend prior to getting into a relationship but it didnt exceed touching. I knew that he was the right one for me because in your same situation we spontaneously kissed and I felt sparkles which was weird because I thought that was just fictional fantasy.

we also agreed that in the end if it didnt work out that we would continue to be best friends.

 

[aribell]

I'm kinda excited for you. Sounds like there's potential for something good.

 

[weaveologist]

From experience I say, bestfriends make GREAT mates, but please wait until your relationship is OFFICIAL. Do not mess up the friendship with a messy fuc*ship.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

I married my best friend. It took us YEARS of dancing around each other, but it worked out in the end.

I agree with the other ladies, just take it slow and good luck!

 

[-PYT]

Hmm, this sounds great and all, but why did it take you 7 years before you decided to become more than friends?

What's the downside to this dude? Think about all of the reasons it took 7 years to get this far in order to decide if he's really worth being with.

I can't imagine rushing a relationship just to lose your best friend and lover.

The OPs exact situation (save for the making out hehe) just happened to me recently after having my BFF for 8 years! I NEVER looked at him in that way until after not seeing him for TWO years I realized that he has really matured from the knucklehead I once knew and it clicked finally. He has wanted me from jump, but never tried ANYTHING--which makes it all the more special. I love this man!

Allicat, take your time, talk things through since you guys have that best friend relationship that will surely allow you to get everything out on the table. Best of luck!

 

[glamazon386]

I've been there before. And it didn't turn out so great. I wish we would have never went there. I not only lost my boo but lost my friend too. We didn't speak for a long time because we were both hurt behind the whole situation. We're cordial now but it will never be the same. That's not to say it won't work out for other people. I'm just gonna say PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

ETA: Besides him being removed from my life did make way for another friend though. He turned out to be the love of my life. Everything happens for a reason.

 

[Godyssey]

If you truely are best friends then he knows all about you - good and bad. And vice versa. If you still love eachother then the two of you should give it a try. I don't believe that there is a better way to fall in love with someone, than falling in love with your best friend.

 

[ConsiderCamille]

You're very lucky, I believe you need a strong friendship before a great relationship can occur so I say take things slow and go for it! Good luck!

 

[cheetarah1980]

Be sure of what he wants from you before taking things any further. I was recently burned very badly when a good friendship with a guy turned into something more. I had been crushing on him for a while so when we kissed I thought it meant he felt the same way that I did. Unfortunately it did not, and we no longer speak. Hooking up is not the way to cement the relationship. I'd back off of all kissing, touching, messing around etc. until he states and shows his intentions.

 

[AlliCat]

Hmm, this sounds great and all, but why did it take you 7 years before you decided to become more than friends?

What's the downside to this dude? Think about all of the reasons it took 7 years to get this far in order to decide if he's really worth being with.

I can't imagine rushing a relationship just to lose your best friend and lover.

I was dating someone for 4 of those years. and then he was dating a few people for the other 3 years. I don't want to rush anything at all, this thread is just based on *if* we decide to have a relationship.

 

[AlliCat]

The OPs exact situation (save for the making out hehe) just happened to me recently after having my BFF for 8 years! I NEVER looked at him in that way until after not seeing him for TWO years I realized that he has really matured from the knucklehead I once knew and it clicked finally. He has wanted me from jump, but never tried ANYTHING--which makes it all the more special. I love this man!

Thank you!!
the bolded is EXACTLY how I feel! and it explains why it took 7 years to get him out of the "friend zone". In my original post I also mentioned we stopped talking for about 2 years too!

 

[AlliCat]

I've been there before. And it didn't turn out so great. I wish we would have never went there. I not only lost my boo but lost my friend too. We didn't speak for a long time because we were both hurt behind the whole situation. We're cordial now but it will never be the same. That's not to say it won't work out for other people. I'm just gonna say PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

ETA: Besides him being removed from my life did make way for another friend though. He turned out to be the love of my life. Everything happens for a reason.

If you don't mind sharing, why didn't it work out between you two? anyway it was for the best anyway so congrats =)