I need some thoughts on this situation...

B

bluediamond0829

Well-Known Member
Okay so its this dude ive been dealing with for like over 3 years or so. When we are getting along everything is fine. But then its times like this and its always funny that before I can get pisted and mad at him he gets pisted at me over something to me thats very stupid and just really immature.

Like for example here is the most recent incident. Sunday I woke up with a crazy headache and just feeling really ill. So I take some aleve and went back to sleep and didn't wake back up until after 12. By then he sent me the usual text of:

Him: Good Morning with a smiley kiss face.
Me: Hi good afternoon.
Him: Wow...well hi to u too
Me: Sorry Im not feeling too well...woke up feeling sick and then went back to sleep. I just woke up.
Him: No problem. I hope u feel better.
Me: Yep

So by the response I got from him of him just saying i hope u feel better. I was a little put off and was like WOW because the Sunday before when he wasn't feeling great and in a funk I drove all the way to his house which took about 45 minutes just to see how he was doing, watched football with him and stayed there until about 4 or 5ish. The least I was expecting was him to ask me if i needed anything or act like he cared more then just saying I hope u feel better and thats it.

Then today when I'm texting him to say Good Morning(even though I'm still sick and having to go out in the wet weather to work) and then when i didnt get a response or here from him i texted him again and even called him to see if he had went down to see his mother(and just was thinking the reception was bad in the area) NOPE he's pisted at me because he says i was so dry with him on my responses. I was like dude I was sick are you serious. Then he's like im coming at him sideways. I told him he is reading into things that are not there..

This isnt the only time that something along these lines has happened and its always my fault or him expecting me to apologize. I just refuse to apologize...I'm also just like wow this is the day before XMAS and this is what you are doing to me coming to me with such pettyness.

Am I looking at this wrong?

I'm really just trying to go about my business and leave him alone because he has so many issues with family and i think there are times that he takes out his issues on me on simple things like what took place the other day.
 
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Ok... 3 years dealing or dating? Because response will be different depending on the status of the relationship.
 
bluediamond0829 said:
@Je_Ne_Sais_Quoi he is 35.

i would say more dealing and some dating....
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I thought you would say much younger for some reason. You mentioned he is going through some issues with his family? Really bad/stressful stuff??

Either way there is no excuse. I'm very surprised that he didn't at minimum offer to drive over and check on you. He sounds like he is holding a grudge against you for something. He is acting like a big *** baby.

Sent from the corner pay phone
 
Yes but these issues have been continuous throughout the time of us knowing each other i would say out of the 3 years probably out of the last 2 years.

And this isn't the only time he has reacted this way over exchanges of text messages...thats why i told him that i think he reads too much into text messages that we exchange. We talk on the phone too but also exchange text too.
 
Is most of your talking done via text?

How often do you all see each other in person/go out on dates?

How often do you speak over the phone?

Sorry so nosey. I'm just trying to get a better understanding.

Sent from the corner pay phone
 
No problem. I don't mind I just need to get a handle on this and either just walk away from him. I know in my heart i know what its telling me to do but sometimes i just need and want to hear the answer from someone else and know that im not being unreasonable about this and looking at it wrong.

Is most of your talking done via text? Yes especially during the week because of our work and our schedules.

How often do you all see each other in person/go out on dates? we usually see each other once or twice a week usually on the weekends.

How often do you speak over the phone? We usually speak on the weekends over the phone or sometimes in the evenings if we can.
 
This is why texting sucks. It can give the wrong impression & cause people to jump to conclusions. A simple text of "yep" can be read as hostile or cold when it really wasn't.
 
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Well, i would never ever EVER tell anyone to "dump him" or the like. Unless obviously there were domestic violence, etc involved. In your case I would honestly have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him how you feel. There is no harm in this. Just lay it all out on the table. Then make your decision based on how you feel things move forward after that point. Maybe he just needs a reality check.
 
Thank you i totally understand...to be honest i have tried to do that on the last time he did the same thing. I've tried to have heart to heart convos with him and its never about how i feel its more about how he is feeling....

Even when we spoke this time about the above situation he wouldn't even allow me to speak but wanted me to hear how he felt.

ITA texting is crazy way to communicate and its taken in the wrong directions...

I think I just am seeking closure and really tired of the up and down with him every couple of months. I don't feel like the so called relationship is going anywhere and I feel I'm wasting time on someone that is getting all pissy over a dang text message that wasn't read right...
 
bluediamond0829 said:
Thank you i totally understand...to be honest i have tried to do that on the last time he did the same thing. I've tried to have heart to heart convos with him and its never about how i feel its more about how he is feeling....

Even when we spoke this time about the above situation he wouldn't even allow me to speak but wanted me to hear how he felt.

ITA texting is crazy way to communicate and its taken in the wrong directions...

I think I just am seeking closure and really tired of the up and down with him every couple of months. I don't feel like the so called relationship is going anywhere and I feel I'm wasting time on someone that is getting all pissy over a dang text message that wasn't read right...
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It sounds like you already know what your spirit is calling for :yep: I'm sorry that this situation didn't work out for you. I will tell you though that with so and i there would always be "something" every few months. Just ask hopeful, she knows :look: :lol: However we have moved past that point and have grown together over the last six months to a year. We still have "issues" that get me all fiesty :look: but we move past them. I thought that relationships should be all sunshine and peaches and cream and was pissed that it wasn't happening for me. I have since learned that this isn't the case but how you deal with the situation to get back on track is for me the true test of a relationship. I have learned a lot in 2012 and i'm grateful for the chance to do so.
 
He sounds like a bother. Idk but he doesn't sound too stable to me, more emotional than I care for men to be. After three years, I'd think you'd be more sure about him. And all that texting would get on my nerves, I couldn't do it.
 
Is it so hard to talk to the male species? Why don't you talk to him and put everything on the table. of course don't be mean but just let him know whats up. I'm guessing ya'll have a few things to talk about that you haven't really discussed.

air stuff out and move on from there.
 
It sounds like you are wasting your time and there isn't even a clearly defined relationship.
 
If you guys were in a relationship I'd say tell him how you want to be treated and supported when you're not feeling well. Since you're not I'd say find someone who'd come drive to see you when you're sick, boo!
 
i'm going to give a different opinion. your dry responses let him know that you didn't want to be bothered with him. so he hasn't bothered you. now you are tripping because you are not getting the attention that you gave him. you can't have it both ways. and did you once say or ask if he could come and take care of you, or spend some time with you by your side?

he sounds like someone who is very sensitive. you have to choose how you speak to him carefully. you should talk to him about that and tell him that you are not his enemy. you are his friend and have his back. whatever he has going on in his life, shouldn't reflect how he treats you and your relationship.

nobody likes to walk on eggshells.
 
You sound cold in your messages, although I'm not sure you were meaning to be. I wouldn't have offered to look after you either lol. Sounds like you didn't want to be bothered by anyone.
 
Southernbella. you know what I ask myself that everytime things like this happen between him and I and other times also.

I just think that for 2013 I'm going to go ahead and put this thing to bed. I've been dating and meeting other men and its not that the thought of because I have him around ruins those relationships and me getting to know the other men.
 
ITA with the above poster asking what do you want from this relationship AND I also think you may have been a little cold (which means nothing really) Being cold is not a bad thing in it of itself, we all have good and bad days.

Here's the difference to me, TRUST. Trust that you are communicating your true feelings to him and trust that the receiver even cares, hears you. For me, those relationships robbed me and perhaps him from being honest about our emotions and preventing trust from blossoming.

If you're bothered or annoyed by his communication skills (and it takes two or more to work on that) then address that. But what is the incentive to work on it or modify the behavior? If you don't really know what you are, he sure doesn't either! Have you two talked about it? Maybe you should start there.
 
hopeful said:
He sounds like a bother. Idk but he doesn't sound too stable to me, more emotional than I care for men to be. After three years, I'd think you'd be more sure about him. And all that texting would get on my nerves, I couldn't do it.
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Agreed. OP most importantly, what do you want? Doesn't sound like it's him so if that's the case it really is just a matter of when not whether.
 
Thank you Ladies for your advice and suggestions!! It has been so helpful in making my mind up about this situation. And I have made up my mind to move on. I truly don't believe its the way I answered him thru a text message its truly him and his issues---issues that I don't need to take on and bring into my life.

I'm really looking to starting out and concentrating on new relationships for 2013!! :)
 
^^^Glad you've found clarity. It doesn't seem like this has a lot to do with this text exchange, though, which could be read any number of ways on both of your parts. I thought you might have been reading into his texts just as much as you thought he was reading into yours. Which is pretty much a question of whether you all really believe the other has your best interest at heart. Doesn't sound like that belief is particularly strong between you two.

You have every right to move on, but just recognizing that the dynamic is off and that you all might not be well suited for one another is probably better than just blaming him for having issues.
 
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