I Have To Tell This- Why Men Get So In They Feelings When You Have Standards

kblc06

kblc06

Well-Known Member
Backstory: So, I'm a pretty big proponent of online dating and have been on and off since my early 20s. As many of my e-sisters know, I've had some major life changes (death of my mother, moving, switching careers, etc) and quite frankly, a relationship hasn't been a super high priority. Now that I'm feeling more settled in my transition (or at least currently), I've jumped back on the bandwagon. So a seemingly decent guy messages me, but he has kids (which is a huge strike for me and he wasn't cute enough for me to want to flex if I'm honest :look:). Since he messaged me respectfully and I was feeling nice that day, I replied :

  • Thank you for your interest, but I'm not really into men with kids, sorry :-\
He then replies:
  • No problem. Well that contradicted what you wrote on your profile then. As long as it is, you've mentioned you're not judgemental, look in a mirror again. Oh yeah, ask yourself how long have you been on this dating site, going 7 years now or more, maybe you might have to reevaluate your condition a bit. Something is clearly wrong

Now normally I would've stopped here, but I was feeling froggy and do the most. I could tell he wanted a reaction but I'm like really? I'm trying to actually reply to you instead of ignoring your first message like I normally would :censored:. Like....how am I judging you. Your profile even states you want MORE. I'm not sure if I want ANY- I'm doing you a favor bruh. So I reply:

  • I guess this is what I get for trying to be polite and actually replying for once :lol:. I've been on here off and on for about 5 years, but please make no mistake, I'm not in any rush for a relationship unless I deem it worth my time. I have standards and criteria that I refuse to buckle on. And where does my profile say that lol? I do NOT have kids. I said I "might" want them eventually...or never. Kids are a big ****ing deal, I ain't judging..do you bruh! As of now, they're not on my priority list at all. You want more, hence the lack of compatibility. I'm traveling, making a mark in my career with 6 figures to boot, and going to grad school- I ain't got time for that lmao. Best of luck to you tho bro
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This is like the 5th or 6th similar response I've gotten when I stated I don't date men (insert blank here). I'm never rude about it. All but one of them were black, and I told him I wasn't interested not because of ethnicity but religion :look:. He was irate. Kids and religion are pretty big freaking deals! If I'm single at 50, I may alter my opinion. But the bigger question is, why aren't you looking for women with children! I am entitled to my opinions and desires. I don't think it's too much to ask that a man be single with no kids, with a career or business that they're engaged in! I don't get in my feelings when I'm not someone's type- there's a lid for every pot. Men are soooo :censored: fragile!
 
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But here's what gets my panties in a wad.... men can have a list 2,000 qualifiers for you to even message them, but let you have 3, and all hell breaks loose. On the one hand men say, women should date smarter especially when a man has more than one baby mama, but when we do, we get told we're stuck up :rofl:

UniquelyDivine said:
I've gotten butt hurt responses too from men telling me that I'm stuck up based on the criteria I wrote on my profile & they really hated that I put the 50 words or more setting on my messsge filter :laugh:

Men are the biggest crybabies when women don't lower themselves & demand more.
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kblc06 said:
But here's what gets my panties in a wad.... men can have a list 2,000 qualifiers for you to even message them, but let you have 3, and all hell breaks loose. On the one hand men say, women should date smarter especially when a man has more than one baby mama, but when we do, we get told we're stuck up :rofl:
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Basically! Can't wear weave or a lot of makeup, gotta work out, gotta have your own money, no kids, gotta have long hair, gotta have relaxed hair, gotta be 36,24,36 or whatever the centaur booty measurements are these days.

But I ask you not to send me a message just saying "Hi" or "Hello" and it's a problem, they're nuts and I'll continue to be "stuck up", it weeds out the weak minded dudes.
 
Yet, they have no issues running around the internet offering criticism of women, bw in particular, about having children. The older I get the more I realize that men love to dish it out but sho' cain't take it being dished back.

I wonder why men think they are such a hot commodity? No matter how raggedy, busted, dusty , worthless they are they are quick to come at a women with the trope that she's alone or lonely if she don't settle for their crap.
 
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UniquelyDivine said:
I've gotten butt hurt responses too from men telling me that I'm stuck up based on the criteria I wrote on my profile & they really hated that I put the 50 words or more setting on my messsge filter :laugh:

Men are the biggest crybabies when women don't lower themselves & demand more.
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Yep, I blame their fragile egos.


When I first started online dating I too tried to be polite and respond to messages especially if their approach was decent. But I quickly learned I was better off just ignoring messages if I knew I wasn't interested. It made the whole experience way easier. Never heard anything back from the ignored guys.
 
GeorginaSparks said:
Girl i had a guy ask what was wrong with me that i didnt have kids. I was 24 then i think. :rolleyes: I blocked him because he didn't deserve a response.
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Girl I'm 28 and i looked at like I'm Medusa when i state I don't have them and not sure if I want them :nono:. I even had one boogawolf trying to chat me up in the grocery store say, "maybe I can change your mind *stares lecherously*". Wtf is wrong with people :rofl:?!
 
I hate when they don't disclose children on their profile. I was chatting with one for a week or so before he told me he had twin boys. Toddlers. I'm not really trying to be an instant mom. I will make an exception for an awesome man with one child, but two young ones is a lot to take on if things were to progress. I stopped talking to him.
 
I have had guys send another message when I didn't reply to the first. "Well, that's rude. I can't get a hello?"
Heck no, you can't.

Sometimes I'll purposefully look at their profile and still not respond. Once I let a guy know I didn't think we were a match amd he kept asking me why. I was amused and bored so I entetained him *shrugs* . I just kept saying based on your pictures, I just KNOW we aren't a match.

Usually I don't specify why I am not interested because they may change up their profile and omit things. I just let them know "Based on [your profile/your pics/our conversation] I am certain we aren't a match"
 
sgold04 said:
I hate when they don't disclose children on their profile. I was chatting with one for a week or so before he told me he had twin boys. Toddlers. I'm not really trying to be an instant mom. I will make an exception for an awesome man with one child, but two young ones is a lot to take on if things were to progress. I stopped talking to him.
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If the key points on a profile have "Prefer Not To Say", I won't repond unless I'm bored. If I do respond, I ask those questions in the first message (kids, intent, etc). If they go against what I want and what is clearly stated in my profile, I say "We clearly aren't looking for the same things, but good luck in your search"
 
TwoSnapsUp said:
I have had guys send another message when I didn't reply to the first. "Well, that's rude. I can't get a hello?"
Heck no, you can't.

Sometimes I'll purposefully look at their profile and still not respond. Once I let a guy know I didn't think we were a match amd he kept asking me why. I was amused and bored so I entetained him *shrugs* . I just kept saying based on your pictures, I just KNOW we aren't a match.

Usually I don't specify why I am not interested because they may change up their profile and omit things. I just let them know "Based on [your profile/your pics/our conversation] I am certain we aren't a match"
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Yes. Either that or they send the same message again a few days later. Dude I saw it the first time. Not interested. If I get more than one message after I don't respond the first time I immediately block them. I don't want you clogging my inbox when I'm clearly not into you. I'm tryin to spare feelings here.
 
Daernyris said:
Yet, they have no issues running around the internet offering criticism of women, bw in particular, about having children. The older I get the more I realize that men love to dish it out but sho' cain't take it being dished back.

I wonder why men think they are such a hot commodity? No matter how raggedy, busted, dusty , worthless they are they are quick to come at a women with the trope that she's alone or lonely if she don't settle for their crap.
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This is truth.... But they think they are hot doo doo because the collective we have allowed it. I sprinkly my opinion on this matter all over these boards so I not gonna be repetative ...but I wish I could live to see the turn around...if ever.
 
I would have told him that it is simply a difference in values and not any judgement cast upon him. He values having kids and you do not value it the same way. Nothing wrong with that. His lack of maturity to realize that is the bigger indicator as to a lack of compatibility.
 
Holla said:
I would have told him that it is simply a difference in values and not any judgement cast upon him. He values having kids and you do not value it the same way. Nothing wrong with that. His lack of maturity to realize that is the bigger indicator as to a lack of compatibility.
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I sometimes feel like the thoughtful responses are lost on people like this. All they see is another argument to tear down to help massage their broken egos and insecurities. But also ignoring them makes them feel like they are right and I don't like that either.
 
KammyGirl said:
I sometimes feel like the thoughtful responses are lost on people like this. All they see is another argument to tear down to help massage their broken egos and insecurities. But also ignoring them makes them feel like they are right and I don't like that either.
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You are probably right. I would send that one response and nothing further. It is not our job to educate the masses as to their stupidity. If a man wants to continue to believe that a woman is judging him for having kids, despite comments to the contrary, then that is on him. Let him go forth in ignorance.
 
Yeah, that's the quickest way to have a complete stranger throw a tantrum - tell him you don't date men with kids. :lol: The fact that they get upset about it baffles me too. Nowadays I just tell them straight out that I'm not willing to compromise my schedule or meet their kids so if they're looking for some kind of bonus mom, I'm not the one.
 
chocolat79 said:
I just ignore the ones I KNOW I'm not interested in. I don't even care about their response because the majority of the time their argument is not going to sway me and it's generally going to be negative.
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Yup I block immediately, but sometimes I'm like the OP and I'll troll them for a laugh and to show my friends the screenshots.
 
I feel ya. I've been online dating as well. I'm in my 30's and don't have any kids. I still prefer not to date men with kids. It's a turn off to me. I'm not sure if I even want any. Maybe one if I meet "the one." I've lowered my standard to date a man with no more than 1 child. I find that black men seem to think their poo doesn't stink and they can just present themselves to you with all types of baggage cause black women have these fools thinking the are black Kangs. SMH ***.
 
IslandMummy said:
Because they don't meet your standards and you have the wherewithal not to fall all over yourself at the first whiff of manliness.

Men think they should have access to all women at all times regardless of what they have or don't have going for them
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THIS.

Men are entitled AF and it definitely shows itself in spades in online dating.

Then if you look at their profile and don't say something, you're gonna get an "you can at least say hi" message. Ninja, clearly I saw something that made me decide you weren't for me, TF I need to say hi for?
 
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