I have insecurities?

BeautifulNameX

BeautifulNameX

Active Member
Ugh, I hate that word. I just want to be normal. . Happy. . .and feel good.

Not trying to make excuses but trying to get to the root ov the problem to see where the insecurities came from because its really starting to effect my life in a negative way. Hopefully someone can lead me to the direction for help.

My husband is a joker, and the jokes about other females butts like sexual stuff and the stuff he tells make me feel ish less. The last incident is what made me realize that I need some help. He had said something I got offend and said take me home and then he like came home and was mad like you cant take my jokes you know I just be playing. They just dont come off as what you would tell your wife to me. . (maybe I was too sheltered) I told him how I feel and he gets mad like I have to beee soo serious around you and I cant be myself and open up. . I have to be another person. And I dont want him to feel like that. . . IDK. . .. .. its like a lose lose situation. I love him the d word is not an option. But I dont want to turn in to a crazy person facebook stalking and keylogging. but his jokes make me think like . . .I wonder what hes doing (he works outta town).

I dont want to think those things I addressed the whole problem with him. . . But IDK. . . . where to move from now. Im content with my looks. I get compliments (have to look nice on daily basis for work. . ) Idk. . .IRDK
 
I'm sorry, but I don't think it's you that has the problem. It's your hubby. He's being rude by commenting on other women when he knows what he's saying makes you uncomfortable. You just need to tell him how his comments make you feel and that you appreciate it if he didn't around you. It's one thing to joke about something, but another thing to talk sexual about it. I know I would feel insecure if my SO always commented on other women's anatomy, especially if I was lacking in that area.
 
Hey babe, I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel..sometimes men can be insensitive and they dont understand why things offend us. I am going through some relationship issues as well lol...so I def feel wjere you are coming from.
 
Yes, he has the problem. The first year of my marriage, my husband made one comment about a young woman on the tv, something I thought was inappropriate. I said right then that I would not have a husband that did that and that it was disrespectful. He never said anything like that again in my presence. That was more than 20 years ago. Nip that crap in the bud and make him own that mess. He knows he's wrong and just wants to do what he wants to do.
 
What is he saying? Is he joking about sexual things he would do to them? Or is he making fun of women? I'm just trying to understand OP.
 
hopeful said:
Yes, he has the problem. Nip that crap in the bud and make him own that mess. He knows he's wrong and just wants to do what he wants to do.
Click to expand...

^^^Yes to this!

He's wrong, he knows it, he has you where he wants...believing his baloney so he can continue to be rude and inappropriate. Let him know his actions are not acceptable nor will they be tolerated.
 
I talk to him and he says all thats stuff about he has to be serious around me . . . he cant joke . . and stuff.

When we were courting we had a similar discussion he used to always talk about my associates (friends frm back in HS we only talk on FB) I told him don't be playing like that because people are scandalous and that stuff happens in real life, and that was it. Hes like ok I got chu and never made comments like that until like a month and a halk after we tied the knot. But I'd just be silent like o ok.

But the most recent thing we were driving. We were talking about what to do I said lets go to this local club he was like
"yea ima go to the dance flow and go hammer. . I dont even get tworked . . Well I havent since we been dating. . Well that one time I called u frm the bar (st patties day)"
ME": we were married
HIM: No we werent (he said some othere stuff)
ME: Oh so we can club now? thats where we are
Him: He prolly said some stuff before this but all I remember is him saying and I was fellin on her butt (he said the a word)
I punched him right after that. He said dang you aint give me a chance to say I was just playing. Then he got on the topic of him at strip clubs and a different story came out from what he told me the times he went. I got salty and said take me home. and at home he said I had an attitude for no reason over a joke. Im like look at what you joke about How do you expect me to feel. and he was mad and stuff which made me feel bad so I did the worst thing because I aint want to think about it I was like #FML and down his whole LOKO in like the minutes not takin time to breath (I dont even drink for real at all I did on the honeymoon and I take sips of his stuff. ) #neveragain though

But thats how I figure theres a problem and I want to nip it in the bud now. (the insecurity) Drinking I learned my lesson the hard way (I guess I blacked out he said I was doing and saying stuff I dont remember doing, unless he was lying about it to make me feel wrong) IDK.
 
NaturalRed said:
I'm sorry, but I don't think it's you that has the problem. It's your hubby. He's being rude by commenting on other women when he knows what he's saying makes you uncomfortable. You just need to tell him how his comments make you feel and that you appreciate it if he didn't around you. It's one thing to joke about something, but another thing to talk sexual about it. I know I would feel insecure if my SO always commented on other women's anatomy, especially if I was lacking in that area.
Click to expand...

I agree 100%. :yep:

I'm sorry OP, but you need to call your hubby out, and don't let him go the "but I was just joking" and "you never let me be myself" :blah: :blah: routes. :naughty: His comments sound disrespectful and rude, not to mention...INSENSITIVE to your feelings. I don't care if he's a man, most men kind of know what to say and what NOT to say to a woman in order to impress her, make her feel good, and keep on her good side. I'm sure when you two first started dating he was probably the perfect gentleman right? So, that's basically PROOF that he KNOWS how to act!

Let him know that just because you two are married, doesn't mean he can slack off in the "manners" department. :nono2:

Idk OP, I just get a bad feeling about this.... :nono:
 
So he is joking about basically cheating on you? Yeah, I would have a serious non jokey convo with him. Comedians usually joke from real experiences. Its hard to really say OP without knowing your dh, but I would simply tell him he can joke all he wants, but don't joke to me about messing with another woman. He needs to save those jokes for his boys.
 
Well I'll be the outsider here and say that I don't see where the problem is. You said he's a joker and I would imagine that you had to have known that from the jump. Most folks I've come across who crack jokes (myself included) do so all the time. What it really sounds like to me is that you two have different ideas of whats funny and whats not. Nothing wrong with that. You told him before what you had a problem with and he stopped it for a while, but then it came back again later. That happens when you're trying to change any sort of habit that you've been used to. Especially if its something that you've been doing all your life. That becomes ingrained in you. Its like telling someone who is always sarcastic that they can't do that anymore. You'd have to change your entire way of speaking.

And honestly, I can understand his issue with feeling like he has to basically be something that he's not (serious all the time) when he's with his wife. I guess I always thought you should be able to be 100% yourself with the person you're spending your life with. Not tiptoeing around things and changing your personality traits to keep them from being angry. That's crap you do in BF/GF land.

If it bothers you that much, tell him again not to joke about messing/flirting with women to you. Obviously he managed to stop himself once. He could try to do it again for a bit. Don't be silent about your problem. People only do to you what you allow them to. And they only make you feel what you allow yourself to feel. Now I'm not saying that he wasn't insensitive to your feelings on the matter. Obviously he was. But it seems like a bit of a jump to go from rude jokes to the d word (even though its not an option) and thinking he might be messing around. I would think that there had to be something else involved to even consider that your hubby was off creeping. Jokes are just that. Jokes.

But I dunno. That's just me and my mind functions different than most.
 
A married man joking about messing around and/or flirting with other women around his wife is so disrespectful, insensitive and inconsiderate not only to her, but I feel it somehow makes a mockery of their union:perplexed.

I wonder how many times she has to tell him his "jokes" bother her before he stops? If I say it once..that's more than enough. She should not have to keep repeating herself for him to understand that this is a serious issue for her:nono:.

Talk it out with him OP, lay it out in succinct terms and ask him to put himself in your shoes...if you made these types of "jokes" in his presence regarding other men, how would he feel?

Your husband is not stupid, i truly believe he is playing on your insecurities and making you feel as though you're in the wrong.....you're absolutely NOT in the wrong.
 
DTWgrl said:
I talk to him and he says all thats stuff about he has to be serious around me . . . he cant joke . . and stuff.

When we were courting we had a similar discussion he used to always talk about my associates (friends frm back in HS we only talk on FB) I told him don't be playing like that because people are scandalous and that stuff happens in real life, and that was it. Hes like ok I got chu and never made comments like that until like a month and a halk after we tied the knot. But I'd just be silent like o ok.

But the most recent thing we were driving. We were talking about what to do I said lets go to this local club he was like
"yea ima go to the dance flow and go hammer. . I dont even get tworked . . Well I havent since we been dating. . Well that one time I called u frm the bar (st patties day)"
ME": we were married
HIM: No we werent (he said some othere stuff)
ME: Oh so we can club now? thats where we are
Him: He prolly said some stuff before this but all I remember is him saying and I was fellin on her butt (he said the a word)
I punched him right after that. He said dang you aint give me a chance to say I was just playing. Then he got on the topic of him at strip clubs and a different story came out from what he told me the times he went. I got salty and said take me home. and at home he said I had an attitude for no reason over a joke. Im like look at what you joke about How do you expect me to feel. and he was mad and stuff which made me feel bad so I did the worst thing because I aint want to think about it I was like #FML and down his whole LOKO in like the minutes not takin time to breath (I dont even drink for real at all I did on the honeymoon and I take sips of his stuff. ) #neveragain though

But thats how I figure theres a problem and I want to nip it in the bud now. (the insecurity) Drinking I learned my lesson the hard way (I guess I blacked out he said I was doing and saying stuff I dont remember doing, unless he was lying about it to make me feel wrong) IDK.
Click to expand...

Looking at the bolded, it seems like you're aware of him being deceptive in certain ways and that's why the jokes bother you.
 
I really don't know. . . I talked to him I get no where. I wish there was away that I can like sike myself out from hearing his comments because they get me thinking ish like is it really a joke he is very honest about what he dose and stuff too like yesterday he told me that the waitress at waffle house was smoking with him in hs hotel room with him and his roomate :/ He probally was telling me to keep it real and honest like thats all it was just cool people. But at the same time im thinking why?? How did the waitress get to your room last time I check waffle house dosnt deliver or have room service :/ I just dont get it thats shady to me. . See I be overreacting (maybe im not) but I really dont know what to do so say. Yester day he made a FB status saying

"cast a dark shadow upon me rject me for what i am goin to do u shall disregard me for ever but to protect ur tru"angle" im am willing to lash out now i have held it in for to long. She shall live stress free."


What??? Im thinking stuff inside of my head because he my husband he outta town I wanna go visit him in Alabama (im on spring break) He giving me every excuse not to go. (I have my own money) He saying I cant drive down there because its ten hours and ill be by myself. (valid point I guess??) I cant catch Greyhound (not safe) I caught one before alone as a teen. . Cant fly too pricey (I'm paying for it)

Im thinking why??? you finding every excuse not to let me go down there and in back of my mind im thinking r you hiding a secret life of something. . . I used to trust him but now its like im thinking all these thoughts like omg is this normal. . .or am I looking in too deep.

Like I said talking gets me no where?? I really dont know what to do? This is my marriage. I know it seems like I have trust issues but theres red flags popping up that wernt there before the ring. My friend said im overthinking everything because we colored now (he was my first lost it day b4 marriage) I just really dont know what to think. or do.
 
Just want to give you a (((hug))).
Quit worrying about him so much. Seek out marital counseling with or without him. Do you have children with him? If not, keep it that way until you figure this out. I will tell you that I don't personally know any man who does this. Your dh sounds very immature and disrespectful. Focus on the kind of marriage you want and deserve and refuse to settle. You can't control him but you can control yourself and your decisions. Maybe divorce is not an option for you, but he doesn't have to know that. Men need to understand there are always dealbreakers.
 
DarkVictory said:
Looking at the bolded, it seems like you're aware of him being deceptive in certain ways and that's why the jokes bother you.
Click to expand...

And in addition to jokes being gateways to the truth; she's already mentioned that it bothers her, and yet he continues with no disregard to her feelings like if there's nothing wrong. If he's joking about it, then he's thinking about it and if he's already acting on it, he's on a slippery slope and only time will tell.
 
No offense OP but how old is this man??? I'm only twenty one and he sounds rather childish to me. I understand he is a joker but of all the things in the world to joke about this shouldn't be it. I know I definitely wouldn't tolerate this as his wife.
 
DTWgrl said:
I punched him right after that. He said dang you aint give me a chance to say I was just playing. Then he got on the topic of him at strip clubs and a different story came out from what he told me the times he went. I got salty and said take me home. and at home he said I had an attitude for no reason over a joke. Im like look at what you joke about How do you expect me to feel. and he was mad and stuff which made me feel bad so I did the worst thing because I aint want to think about it I was like #FML and down his whole LOKO in like the minutes not takin time to breath (I dont even drink for real at all I did on the honeymoon and I take sips of his stuff. ) #neveragain though

But thats how I figure theres a problem and I want to nip it in the bud now. (the insecurity) Drinking I learned my lesson the hard way (I guess I blacked out he said I was doing and saying stuff I dont remember doing , unless he was lying about it to make me feel wrong) IDK.
Click to expand...

OP please be careful. He does sound shady, and you dont want alcohol to cloud your judgment.

Take Care.
 
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