i have a question...

[AngelicRose07]

can someone please tell me where int he bible it says not to co-habitate? i know we shouldnt for obvious reasons (sex) but i want to kno wwhat the bible says of it... but i dont know where to look. thank you

 

[Shimmie]

can someone please tell me where int he bible it says not to co-habitate? i know we shouldnt for obvious reasons (sex) but i want to kno wwhat the bible says of it... but i dont know where to look. thank you

First, I personnally apologize for this word that I used in a post for I have used it incorrectly. I should have used the word 'cohabit' instead. I confused the word cohabitant (noun) by making it into a verb cohabitate which does not exist. I will be more careful.

Neither of these words are found in the Bible (unless it is in a translation that I've yet to read). However, the definition for the word 'Cohabit' means to live together as though married. This we know is not God's will.

Even for those who choose to leave God's will out of the factor, there are still consequences to consider. Look at this article.

http://www.family.org/cforum/fosi/marriage/cohabitation/a0025220.cfm

How Healthy are Cohabiting Relationships?
March 20, 2003

by Glenn T. Stanton

Do cohabiting relationships provide the same benefits as marriage? Research indicates there are some important and substantial differences you should know about.

There is a convincing body of research indicating cohabiting relationships are far less healthy than marital relationships in some very important measures. Researchers Michael Newcomb and P.M. Bentler report:

Cohabiters experienced significantly more difficulty in their marriages with adultery, alcohol, drugs, and independence than couples who had not cohabited. Apparently this makes marriage preceded by cohabitation more prone to problems often associated with other deviant lifestyles – for example, use of drugs and alcohol, more permissive sexual relationships, and an abhorrence of dependence – than marriages not preceded by cohabitation.1​

Jan Stets, one of the world’s foremost scholars on the nature of cohabiting relationships, indicates “cohabiting couples, compared to married couples have less healthy relationships. They have lower relationship quality, lower stability and a higher level of disagreements.”2 Let us look at the some of the specific ways cohabiting relationships prove unhealthy for those who choose to live together outside the protective harbor of marriage.

Domestic Violence

The Family Violence Research Program at the University of New Hampshire, the nation’s leading institution studying domestic violence, finds that, “cohabiters are much more violent than marrieds.” Specifically, the overall rate of violence for cohabiting couples is twice as high as for married couples and the overall rate for “severe” violence is nearly five times as high.3

Given the findings of the scientific literature, sociologists conclude, “It is difficult to argue that cohabiters resemble married people.”
The Journal of Family Violence explains the following regarding the most common relationship between batterer and victim: “The most frequently cited relationship was cohabitation with close to one half (48 percent) of the couples living together.” The lowest rate was found among married couples (19 percent). The divorced and separated held the middle ranking (27.3 percent).4

Jan Stets, in her research into cohabitation and violence, found that “aggression is at least twice as common among cohabitors as it is among married partners.” Nearly 14 percent of cohabitors admit to hitting, shoving or throwing things at their partner in the past year, compared to only 5 percent of married people. This held true, even when controlling for factors as education, age, occupation and income.5

Some falsely contend that research shows higher rates of domestic violence in cohabiting relationships because women in married relationships are less likely to report violent acts committed against them. First, these studies control for such factors and still show significantly higher levels of violence among cohabitors. Second, Canadian and U.S. studies both found that women in cohabiting relationships are about nine times more likely to be killed by their live in partner than are women who are married to their partners.6 You can’t hide a homicide.

As one scholar concludes, “regardless of methodology…cohabitors engage in more violence than spouses.”7

Contentment and Depression

Jan Stets found that “cohabitors are also more likely to exhibit depression and drunkenness than married couples.”8 One of the most respected studies in the field of psychiatry, conducted by the National Institutes of Mental Health, found that women in cohabiting relationships had rates of depression nearly 5 times higher than married women, second only to women who were twice divorced.9 Additionally, cohabiting individuals were more than twice as likely to suffer from any mental illness than married people.10

Much of this depression could be linked to greater feelings of insecurity in cohabiting relationships. Research shows that “compared withh married respondents and adjusted for duration and age differences, cohabitors are almost twice as likely to report that they have thought their relationship was in trouble in the past year…and in three of every four cohabiting relationships, at least one partner reports having thought the relationship was in trouble.”11 Women are most likely to have such feelings.

Infidelity

Numerous studies have consistently shown that cohabitors have much higher levels of infidelity than married couples.12 Specifically, research done at the University of California – Irvine indicates “the odds of a recent infidelity were more than twice as high for cohabitors than for married persons.” This held true even when researchers controlled for issues such as permissive values about extramarital sexuality.13 They conclude that the commitment of the marital relationship served as a protection against infidelity.

The National Sex Survey reports that cohabiting men are nearly four times more likely than husbands to cheat on their partner in the past year and while women are generally more faithful than men, cohabiting women are eight times more likely than wives to cheat.14 A study published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family looking at the sexual faithfulness of cohabitors finds “that cohabiting women are more similar to dating women than they are to married women” and “cohabitation before marriage is still associated with reduced sexual exclusivity after marriage.”15

Financial

Research strongly and consistently indicates that marriage is a wealth building institution. Married people typically earn and save more than their unmarried counterparts.16 And it is not just the joining of resources and energies that creates this financial benefit, but the permanence of marriage itself. Research conducted at Purdue University finds that wealth accumulation in cohabiting situations is far below what it typically is in marriage, with cohabitors more closely resembling the earnings and savings of singles.17 The National Marriage Project reports that while the poverty rate for children living in married households is about 6 percent, it is 31 percent for children in cohabiting homes, much close to the 45 percent for children living in single parent families.18

Misc.

Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher report, “during their twenties, young men and women who lived together showed very high and increasing rates of health-destroying and dangerous behaviors.”19 These include heavy smoking, drinking, carousing and illegal drug use.

Given the findings of the scientific literature, sociologists conclude, “It is difficult to argue that cohabiters resemble married people.”20

It is interesting that the very thing that couples believe could help strengthen their relationship is the thing that could serve to undermine the health of the relationship and their own well being. The commitment of marriage and the clarity and strength it brings to a relationship makes a significant difference in the lives of people.

From Shimmie's Heart:

In Jesus name, no one is under condemnation or scrutiny. As women, we fall in love and our desire is towards the men we fall in love with. But God has a better way than what we've chosen. He has given us the beautiful gift which says, '...and your desire shall be unto your husband." (Genesis 3) and "I am my Beloved's and my Beloved is mine." (Song of Solomon).

We all know fornication is wrong, yet our hearts are lead by the flesh and the deceptions of having love in our lives at any cost...even the price of our souls which Jesus paid so dear a price for.

This is not a judgment upon anyone...but an invitation to have better. An invitation to know what God has in store for you. Don't settle for less. Accept God's best, instead. Afterall, you're long overdue, don't you think?

For those married, who before cohabitated, I plead the Blood of Jesus over your marriage which will not be subjected to failure, but alive in God. In Jesus' name, Amen and Amen.

 

[ritzbitz78]

1 Thessalonians 5:22 says: Abstain from all appearance of evil.

You may be cohabitating for "good" reasons, like to save money, but to the world around us, who is looking on, they are going to assume "evil" is going on. And we are supposed to be a light to the world (Matthew 5:14). We as Christians shed light on the Truth of God for the dark world to see.

So cohabitating sends the wrong message, though that wasn't your intention. And we need to strive to follow God as closely as possible, not walk the fence on gray areas in issues of life.

Lets err on the side of seeming too "prudish" to the world than to be "down" with the world, and lose out in following God.

 

[gloomgeisha]

Interestingly enough the Bible has very little to say on the topic of "cohabitation", this is mainly due to social and cultural themes of the time. 2000 years ago, women lived with their parents until they were married, moving from their father to their husband with no time for self discovery or governance in between.

God does have a purpose for us, and does not want us participating in extra-marital activities, which is where the problem with cohabitation lies, because it leads to sex without marriage.

BUT I will say this, from what I've read so far of the Bible and many apologetics, the motions that cohabitating couples go through actually fits into the 2000 year old mindset that we are being told to live by. Presenting the "husband" to the family, attending celebration before the family, vowing faithfulness before God and family. It wasn't until the Catholic church began turning religion into a business that the NEED for appearing before a priest was necessary.

With that said, I'll say this, the DH and I were happy cohabitating and we reaped much abundance, we were blessed with understanding for each other beyond all recognition. But we also decided that going to the Justice of the Peace would finalize our devotion. If we could LIVE together as husband and wife than we could BE husband and wife; even without the Victorian excesses of an expensive dress and flowers.

I know I rambled, but I hope I have you a couple of perspectives. Keep your mind and heart open, God will speak to you if you let him.


I

 

[fivefoursweetie]

I do not know of a scripture that specifically speaks to this matter, however, I would implore you to ask yourself some questions that may lead you to the answer of what God would want you to do. Sometimes we have to look at God's caharacter to understand and infer what God would want us to do:
1. What is your reason for living with your significant other?
Is this reason rooted in lack of trust in God to keep His promise to you?
God wants us to trust Him with ALL our heart, and not lean to our own
understanding
2. Would your living situation be glorifying God?
The Bible instructs us to do ALL things to the glory of God.
3. Would you be giving the Devil room to have His way?
The Devil is roaming seeing who he can seek and devour and could use
this as a way to pull you further from your relationship with God.
4. Have you asked God what he would want you to do?
We can try to legalize anything that the Bible may not specifically touch
on, however, the Holy Spirit was sent to help guide us.
Have you checked with God to see what he would want you to do?
Only you know the answers to these questions. Whatever your decision, just remember that God is the one that you have to be accountable to for the choice you make. If you seek him, he will answer.
Be blessed.

 

[AngelicRose07]

thank you ladies SO much for your words they have helped me a bit. if anyone else has something to add, id really appreciate it

 

[firecracker]

I do not know of a scripture that specifically speaks to this matter, however, I would implore you to ask yourself some questions that may lead you to the answer of what God would want you to do. Sometimes we have to look at God's caharacter to understand and infer what God would want us to do:
1. What is your reason for living with your significant other?
Is this reason rooted in lack of trust in God to keep His promise to you?
God wants us to trust Him with ALL our heart, and not lean to our own
understanding
2. Would your living situation be glorifying God?
The Bible instructs us to do ALL things to the glory of God.
3. Would you be giving the Devil room to have His way?
The Devil is roaming seeing who he can seek and devour and could use
this as a way to pull you further from your relationship with God.
4. Have you asked God what he would want you to do?
We can try to legalize anything that the Bible may not specifically touch
on, however, the Holy Spirit was sent to help guide us.
Have you checked with God to see what he would want you to do?
Only you know the answers to these questions. Whatever your decision, just remember that God is the one that you have to be accountable to for the choice you make. If you seek him, he will answer.
Be blessed.

Wonderful and thought provoking post. You ladies are awesome. God bless you all.

 

[BlkManWithSomeSense]

Incredible. It was pure joy to read this thread.