I hate my hair! Giving up?

[AngelForLove]

I am so upset about my hair right now. Everytime I look in the mirror I want to cry. While nothing overly dramatic has happened to my hair, my hair has never been in a worse state than it is right now. It looks horrible and the ends are terrible. I wanted to show my hairdresser and my family back home that my hair would flourish under my care, instead I am just proving that when I talked about airdrying and conditioner washes I was speaking nonsense. I just can't believe I tried this hard and my hair is worse than when I was getting it washed only every two weeks and my hairdresser used a blowdryer and another heat element to straighten my hair. I am going to make some changes and if my hair doesn't show signs of improvement by the end of December I am going back to my leave-my-hair-in-the-hands-of-the-hairdresser regimen.

1) Washing: Like I said before, I used to have my hair washed once every two weeks by the hairdresser. Between visits I would grease my scalp or put pink lotion on my hair. That was it. Since August I have started washing my hair once a week with a shampoo and doing a conditioner wash every other day (I stopped greasing my scalp also.). Since I started my hair has been less dry and my scalp less itchy, but what is the point of moisturized hair if you experience even more breakage and split ends? I think this might be the biggest problem. I gave up heat for the most part and my hair takes a couple of days to airdry in a bun (which is the method I tried to do most often to protect my ends). As a result, my hair was almost never fully dry. Since hair is at its weakest when it is wet I think this is how my hair got very damaged. Even though I tried to protect my ends by wearing a bun I think I made it worse because I think the scrunchy's (one of the safe ones) contact with the wet hair caused friction and breakage. I am going to start shampooing once a week and do conditioner washes only once a week.

2) Drying: I will stick to no-heat but I will definitely stop relying on the bun (I didn't really like the way it looked on me anyway). I lost so much hair

not only from washing, but trying to manipulate my hair while wet even though I only used my fingers and sometimes a wide toothed comb. I will let my hair air-dry out, in a twist-out, in a ponytail or ponytail rollerset, and maybe occasionally in a bun.

3) Protein: At first I was using Motions CPR every week and continued this as I saw my hair breaking off more and more. Although I never thought it was really affecting my hair too much (my hair didn't get hard or anything) maybe it wasn't as beneficial as I thought. I've already stopped using protein for the last two weeks. I am going to do an ApHogee protein treatment before and after my relaxer... Maybe that is too much. Should I just choose one or the other and if so which would be better, before or after?

4) Relaxer: I have been at school and the hairdresser I go to while I am here does not do my hair as well as the hairdresser I have back home. Maybe it is because she uses a different relaxer. Last year when I went to her my hair was more dry and never looked as good as when my hairdresser back home does it. That was the main reason I decided to do my own hair. If it is the relaxer though there is only so much I can do. My next relaxer will be from my hairdresser back home so that gives me six to eight weeks to get my regimen in order and compare results. I don't think the relaxer is too much to blame though because my ends were splitting really badly before my relaxer.

5) Trim: One of the reasons why I think my ends got as bad as they did was because my trim was very overdue (11 weeks). This is a very isolated incident though and will never happen again. Besides, if my hair was in the condition it is supposed to be in my ends wouldn't have split that badly in the first place.

Please help. I need any advice you can give because I am really fed up and I am so close to just leaving hair up to the hairdressers. It frustrates me so much that I worked so hard to keep my hair healthy and it is the most damaged than it has ever been. It is also frustrating because I feel like my hair is the main obstacle keeping me from actuating my beauty. Please respond because this subject is really depressing me

 

[LadyLolita]

I understand where you are coming from, I am in a growing out phase with my hair and I feel like just chopping it off because I can't seem to do anything with it but protective styles, but I know in the long run, I will achieve the results I desire.

I am maintaining my hair on my own at home, but I am going to my stylist for trims and touch-ups and deep conditioning every three weeks to maintain my hair. I notice that my hair is in a better state than just upkeeping it at home.

Maybe you could go to your stylist for maintenance every month or few weeks and maintain your hair at home.

Just a suggestion.

 

[katie]

Maybe you are not using the right products.After I discovered hair boards,I was still getting lots of breakage no matter what good practices I adopted.Then I switched shampoos (from IC Moisturizing shampoo with Aloe to CON)and that did the trick for me breakage-wise.I also discovered Profectiv Breakfree and bought a shower comb(helped with wet combouts) and that also helped tons.Maybe it is the products that you are using that is still causing the breakage.

 

[DatJerseyDyme]

PLEASE don't give up! I'm sure everyone wants to at some point! I KNOW I DID! You just have to decided which products and methods are right for YOU!

 

[bimbabe]

Could you call up your old stylist see what she does/what relaxer she uses and then shop around for a new one?

Don't give up...it will pay off. It is really a learning process.

 

[hotshot]

dont give up-
moisture is the key! use less protein if you notice breakage. is there a different protective style that will dry your hair faster?

 

[Crysdon]

No you're not giving up...we won't let you.

Right now you are finding out things that are good and bad for your hair. During this time, you are suffering a setback. We all have setbacks, but we learn from those mistakes. Your hair will get better, just have a little more patience.



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I am going to start shampooing once a week and do conditioner washes only once a week.

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This is a good idea. I was going to suggest it, then I read this sentence and said to myself "she figured it out."


[ QUOTE ]
I will stick to no-heat but I will definitely stop relying on the bun (I didn't really like the way it looked on me anyway). I lost so much hair not only from washing, but trying to manipulate my hair while wet

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Wet hair is very fragile. The more you maniuplate it while it's wet, the more you lose. You can try drying under a bonnet, under the cool setting for about 30 minutes to speed the drying time.


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At first I was using Motions CPR every week and continued this as I saw my hair breaking off more and more.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think Motions CPR is too strong to use every week. You probably didn't notice the brittleness because your hair was constantly wet. Do the Aphogee treatment after your relaxer. The reason I choose after is because I use Motions and the directions says to apply the protein conditioner immediately after rinsing the relaxer thououghly from your hair, and before neutralizing. I also think doing a strong protein treatment before and after will make the hair too brittle. A light protein treatment isn't so bad with this method.


Cheer up! One day you'll look back at this thread and thank God for how far you've come.

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

I think that limiting washes, conditioner or otherwise, to only once a week is beneficial for some people. I found that if I washed once a week I would lose a certain amount of hair from handling or whatever but when I washed everyday I would lose that same amount EVERYDAY! So I began washing once a week and throwing my hair in a bun that I don't take down, don't touch all throughout the week. Because I'm not washing my hair often and therefore don't see it often, it is less of a stress and I've seen considerable growth. Oh yeah and I don't use protein treatments at all unless I'm getting a chemical treatment. They've never given me any extra benefit and if your hair is breaking and the protein isnt helping then the problem may be the moisture.


My biggest advice is to get a really simple regimen. One that is easy to stick to and simple enough that you wouldnt even want to go to the hairdresser because its so easy.

 

[inthepink]

I hope your new method starts giving you better results!

 

[soulchild]

First of all make sure that you are using a gentle shampoo. I agree that you may still need to find the correct products and determine how much protein vs. moisturizing treatments your hair really needs.

One thing that may or may not help is a shower filter. I figured that since your hair became dryer and everything since you started washing your hair at home, you may have slightly hard water. You should look into it.

Hope this helps, and good luck.

 

[Foxycus02]

STAY AWAY FROM APHOGEE PLEASE, to me it just made my hair brittle and hard and did nothing at all for the breakage. My hair had to recover to the severe dryness it gave it, uugghh it smelled awful too. I suggest you use EMERGENCY, results will be seen on first use. Wont make your hair, hard or brittle, your hair will be soft when rinsed, smells great. CAUTION- to be followed by a deep moisturizing conditioner

 

[CORBINS]

Do whatever is best for your hair. Everyone's hair is different, certain products work, some don't. What is your hair type?

 

[Spicee1t]

[ QUOTE ]
bimbabe said:
Could you call up your old stylist see what she does/what relaxer she uses and then shop around for a new one?

[/ QUOTE ]

This is a very good idea.

 

[cutebajangirl]

I think that the methods we use are great for the health of our hair but to our eyes since we are used to seeing sleeek hair when we go to hairdressers, it looks like our hair is becoming unhealthy. I experienced this during the summer when I was doing daily conditioner washes. Only to one day go to the salon and my hair came out a million times better than it had ever come out before. So please stick it out and play with products to find out what will work for you. Also switch hairdressers, someone in your area has to use the relaxer that your home hairdresser uses.HTH

 

[elaine]

My hair was going through that state when I was using certain products. I now use Keracare, Affirm, ORS, and Giovanni. Have you been using essential oils like Coconut oil, olive, castor, jojoba. Your hair may be starving for these oils

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

I will have to agree with Crysdon about the CPR. That is a pretty strong protein to be using once a week. Remember too much protein also makes the hair brittle. That could me the main culprit!

On the encouraging side, Please Don't Speak Defeat over your hair. I know that sometimes we all have setbacks and we have to find ways to conquer our hair obstacles but I don't think the situation is as bad as you think.

Also what works for everyone else won't necessarily work for you. You may need to limit your washings. It would also help to let the hair airdry a little before you put it in a bun.

Just listen to your hair and give it the TLC it needs and it will start responding.

 

[skegeesmb]

I think what you're explaining AngelForLove is what most of us go through when we really start to take care of our hair on our own. When I first started doing my hair when I was younger, my hair looked a hot mess for a good year.

I had to learn how to take care of my hair in the best way possible, unfortunately for me, I had no idea what I was doing. But I am so glad that I learned how to do my hair, because if I didn't I would probably be dependant on hairdressers right now. It feels really good to go to a hairdresser because you want to, and not because if you don't your hair is going to be crying.

Don't give up. It really takes time to learn what works for your hair and what doesn't. Maybe airdrying and doing wet buns don't work for you. Maybe you need to blowdry, but use a hair oil before you dry your hair, and immediately after you dry your hair (wild growth hair oil is good for this).

Also do you have a larged tooth comb? My mother always had one and used it on my hair. It makes a difference when dealing with wet hair. Also you might have to cut off the split ends if it is really bothering you.

As for the protein treatment, are you following up with a deep conditioner right after? I recently did a protein treatment and my hair was very hard. Instead of trying to comb through it, I washed it out, and immediately followed up with my most moisturizing deep conditioner I had, sat under the dryer, and then washed it out. My hair was soft.

But like I said, doing your own hair is trial and error. It does take some time, and you might lose a bit of length in the meantime, but once you catch on and you get the hang of taking care of your hair, believe me it will pay off in the end. Please just give yourself more time.

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

Well said Skeg!

 

[Vitality]

PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP!!! You have to find out which products and hair care techniques works best for you.

I never thought that my hair could grow and look healthy without using a hairdresser, but I was WRONG...so I know you can do it!!! Be PATIENT, DON'T GIVE UP!!!!

 

[AngelForLove]

Thank you all so much for your support! It really means a lot to me. I am glad there are people who understand what I am experiencing.

My hair type is 4A, I believe. My regimen is very limited by my situation right now (I am a college student with no money). Because of this I had decided to start out trying the more inexpensive products (Pantene, Motions, Suave) and work my way up depending on the condition of my hair. I have not used any oils like coconut or jojoba oil yet because I wanted to find my shampoo and conditioner first. I don't know if I could afford something like Nexxus or jojoba oil on a regular basis, but if my hair does not respond to the other suggestions I will definitely have to make a change.

I am searching for a new hairdresser. It is difficult because I don't know much about the hairdressers in the area (St. Petersburg, FL) and I am terribly frightened of going to someone new and having the destroy my hair in some kind of accident. I ask other students and the only other two recommendations I got was Walmart and a chain salon in the mall (I forget the name at the moment). Also, most of the hairdressers in the area are a great deal more expensive than the one I go to back home. I know my hairdresser back home uses Eluscence but she said they probably didn't have it up here.

I have not tried any other protective styles. The bun was the only one I knew I could do... Part of me wants to throw protective styles out the window though. I never ever wore a protective style before I started caring for my hair (or used a wide toothed comb for that matter. I used a medium toothed comb and a brush); I only wore it out or in a ponytail. I am starting to question why I gave that up when my ends weren't that bad as a consequence.

With the protein treatment I did always make certain that I followed with a moisturizing conditioner. I never thought about the fact that I wouldn't be able to tell how it was affecting my hair because it was always wet. Good point. I thought it (Motions CPR) was okay to use that often because I read on another board that it was a light protein treatment. Otherwise I would not have used it every week!

I agree that the water here is probably dry but I don't know how much I can do about it since I am living in a dorm. I don't have a bonnet dryer here at school but I do have a hairdryer. I am mostly depending on it for when winter comes. I don't like the way my hair comes out with the blowdryer. I like the way it came out airdrying but it takes so long to dry. If my ends weren't in such bad condition my hair would look really nice airdried. I will let my hair dry more fully before I mess with it from now on.

I have trimmed my ends. I trimmed them three times in the last two weeks. I know that sounds extreme but my ends were really bad. After cutting it the first time my ends still looked bad and I felt I hadn't cut enough and the splits would travel farther so I trimmed a little more. My ends still looked ragged but I didn't want to cut so much of it off myself. I feared that if I had to trim to the point where the ends no longer looked ragged it would no longer be a trim; it would be a chop! Then the other day I was looking at my ragged ends in distress and I saw some horrible split ends. They were so horrible! I was so worried that there were more that I just couldn't see so I whipped out the shears a third time. This process was the catalyst for my disappointment. It made me realize how bad my hair has gotten since I started taking care of it.

I definitely agree that more washing equals more hairloss. ReaLuvs, I noticed the same thing which is why I want to limit my hair washing. The more times I washed I lost that many times more hair!

I do feel better, although not quite as optimistic as when I first began. Now I realize though that I am not going to just fall into the perfect regime. Everyone else also went through a period where they had to figure out what was best for their hair so I am not alone (although I wish I hadn't damaged my hair so much in the process!). Thank you all so much for your encouragement!

 

[A_Christian]

I have heard good and bad reviews of aphogee. I bought some a few months ago but never used it, I just wanted to have a really strong protein treatment on hand in case breakage would pop up for some reason. Anyways, I have read things about the smell on these boards for a while, but thought it couldn't possibly be as bad as people were making it out to be. I have been toying with the idea of throwing it away for a while because of complaints that it can dry hair out to the point of breakage instead of the intended point of using it to stop breakage. Anyways, I finally opened it up a few minutes ago to see if the smell is really as bad as people say it is in order to help me make the decision of whether to throw it away or not. All I can say is hot darn *trying not to swear*

If that is not one of the baddest smells,

Not only am I afraid to try it because of it being a little too strong, but the smell was so potent It's almost like I still have the sensation of smelling it right around my nose. For anyone who uses it, what do you use to cover up the scent ? I already threw it away but feel like maybe I didn't give it a fair chance.

 

[akua]

Hang in there angel. I know since I've been reading the board and trying out some of the suggestions, my hair has really took a turn for the better! I also don't like the Aphogee, leaves my hair too hard and I really didn't see any great results from it either. So don't give up.

 

[Mitre]

Maybe you should braid your hair. That way you would avoid going to the hairdresser, could keep it moisturized, forget about it while you attend to your studies. If you do a search on <font color="red"> </font> braid regime it will help you alot.

 

[skegeesmb]

[ QUOTE ]
A_Christian said:
I have heard good and bad reviews of aphogee. I bought some a few months ago but never used it, I just wanted to have a really strong protein treatment on hand in case breakage would pop up for some reason. Anyways, I have read things about the smell on these boards for a while, but thought it couldn't possibly be as bad as people were making it out to be. I have been toying with the idea of throwing it away for a while because of complaints that it can dry hair out to the point of breakage instead of the intended point of using it to stop breakage. Anyways, I finally opened it up a few minutes ago to see if the smell is really as bad as people say it is in order to help me make the decision of whether to throw it away or not. All I can say is hot darn *trying not to swear*

If that is not one of the baddest smells,

Not only am I afraid to try it because of it being a little too strong, but the smell was so potent It's almost like I still have the sensation of smelling it right around my nose. For anyone who uses it, what do you use to cover up the scent ? I already threw it away but feel like maybe I didn't give it a fair chance.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well when I used it, I used Motions Oil Moisturizer Plus deep conditioner right after I washed that stinky stuff out. After I washed out the deep conditioner my hair smelled a lot better. I put that stuff in it's own bag and threw it out. I didn't want it stinking up the bathroom, and I let some air get into the bathroom too. Other than that, I don't think stink stuff can be calmed down.

 

[Karonica]

[ QUOTE ]
I put that stuff in it's own bag and threw it out.

[/ QUOTE ]

It's that bad?

*note to self, do not buy Aphoghee anything*

 

[AngelForLove]

Thanks for the suggestion Tamika, but I don't think I really want braids right now. Before I relaxed I wore braids but now I just want to be able to work with my hair the way it is. If I was in braids again I know I would be envious of other people with relaxed hair because I would want to play with my hair too!

 

[AngelForLove]

Re: ApHogee

I only used ApHogee once but I don't remember the smell being that bad. I didn't like or dislike it. In any event I didn't smell it after I followed with a moisturizing conditioner.

 

[A_Christian]

Re: ApHogee

Thanks for the suggestion Skeegesmb. Your hair will be better in no time Angel, once you find a regimen that works best for you and taking the great advice you've been given here.

 

[Stylepink]

Re: ApHogee

I felt the same way. But i was determined to stick with this for a year. Also, sometimes we can get overwhelmed by all of the product reccomendations we see on this board, and we want to try everyhting, but remember just to try a few products at a time. Hang in there!

 

[soulchild]

Re: ApHogee

Angel, I agree with everyone. Don't give up, we're here if you need any advice.

About the water situation, since you are living in the dorm it wouldn't make sense to buy a shower filter. Instead, I would use distilled water. Before you shampoo, pour some over your hair. Then, also use some for that final rinse. It should help.