I hate listening to people who don't know what they are talking about

[MsLizziA]

So im in the bathroom doing my hair right. My ears happenin to fall on the conversation that is taking hand in my living room. I hear my little 14 year old sister saying how she is going to wash her hair today and get a relaxer tomorrow erplexed. My older sister is telling her that is not a good idea because she is going to burn :burning: because her pores are open but she insist that her pores will close over night or as she said "or whatever they do".

They think i have an obsession with hair so whenever i do try to help out, my 16 n 14 year old sisters give me this look. Now i am not 1 , any more any way, to give advice about what to do and what not to do with your hair especially if your a relaxed head because just learning to take care of my own natural hair has taught me that i didn't know anything at all. I may not know everything, but im not on this board all day and haven't learned anything about hair at all .


What that being say , whats your take on this relaxed heads?

She has been wearing braids for 2 months now and i know in here, that's child's play as far as stretching is concerned with you ladies.

I wanted to tell her soak your hair in oil before you detangle it and shampoo.
I wanted to say deep condition your hair before you get a relaxer.
I wanted to say wait a couple of days before you get it because your hair hasn't been prepared for it.

BUT like i said, they think i am when i try to help out. Is anything this i suggested not basic procedure before you guys relax your hair?

 

[MarieB]

Well...I can't answer all of your questions, but, based on my own experience(and I was relaxed for more than 20 yrs, transitioning w/BKT now) , I would definitely say DC and protein after taking the braids out. Then give it at least a couple of days before the relaxer and add a protein step during the rinse/neutralizing part of the relaxer....search for Sistaslick's relaxer tips (sorry, but I haven't done it in a while, but I know she has a couple of on-point articles re:relaxer prep and beyond.). HTH.

 

[Chaosbutterfly]

Well...I can't answer all of your questions, but, based on my own experience(and I was relaxed for more than 20 yrs, transitioning w/BKT now) , I would definitely say DC and protein after taking the braids out. Then give it at least a couple of days before the relaxer and add a protein step during the rinse/neutralizing part of the relaxer....search for Sistaslick's relaxer tips (sorry, but I haven't done it in a while, but I know she has a couple of on-point articles re:relaxer prep and beyond.). HTH.

All of that.
The takedown of braids can be stressful to the hair and scalp, so a good protein treatment, DC, and at least a week of rest is exactly what it needs.
For the week leading up to, she shouldn't scratch her scalp, and should be gentle with her hair.
At relaxer time, she just needs to base well (not with Listerine ), be careful with processing, and do the protein step before neutralizing. When she neutralizes, she should let the shampoo sit for a minimum of three minutes before rinsing, and continue doing that until the bubbles run 100% white. A final cold rinse or the use of a Porosity Control type product is also a good idea, because relaxing leaves cuticles open, which can result in dryness. I agree with looking up Sistaslick's articles too...they're really helpful.

And even if she gives you side-eye, make sure you clearly and emphatically tell her what she should do.
Best case scenario, she listens and her relaxer comes out so well that she jumps on the LHCF bandwagon.
Worst case, she ignores you and something horrible happens to her hair or scalp. But at least you can give her that kanye shrug with a completely clear conscience, because it's not like you didn't warn her.

 

[a_shoe_6307]

All of what she is saying is a big . I am texlaxed again (and have been before) and I NEVER relax right after braids. I wait at least a month and DC and do protien and baby my hair before I put chemicals on my hair. The hair is very fragile after being in braids for so long and 2 weeks is the min. I think for putting on a relaxer after braids. As well, the advice you have mentioned should be the least she should want to do to ensure that all her hair doesn't fall out and to cut down on breakage. On the other hand, people will do what they want. I've learned to keep my two cents to myself now.

 

[MsLizziA]

All of that.
The takedown of braids can be stressful to the hair and scalp, so a good protein treatment, DC, and at least a week of rest is exactly what it needs.
For the week leading up to, she shouldn't scratch her scalp, and should be gentle with her hair.
At relaxer time, she just needs to base well (not with Listerine ), be careful with processing, and do the protein step before neutralizing. When she neutralizes, she should let the shampoo sit for a minimum of three minutes before rinsing, and continue doing that until the bubbles run 100% white. A final cold rinse or the use of a Porosity Control type product is also a good idea, because relaxing leaves cuticles open, which can result in dryness. I agree with looking up Sistaslick's articles too...they're really helpful.

And even if she gives you side-eye, make sure you clearly and emphatically tell her what she should do.
Best case scenario, she listens and her relaxer comes out so well that she jumps on the LHCF bandwagon.
Worst case, she ignores you and something horrible happens to her hair or scalp. But at least you can give her that kanye shrug with a completely clear conscience, because it's not like you didn't warn her.

I have tried before, something as simple as telling her DC once a week and i even explained why, she won't listen because she is very hard headed and stubborn so i just smh when i was hearing her talk about relaxing it after it had not been cared for at all.

 

[MsLizziA]

AAAHHHH!!! Im about to lose my mind! I know that her hair is not my hair but damnit! She is blow drying your hair right NOW and when i gave her the heat protectant, and i was nice about it, she looked at it, and put it back down and kept blow drying her hair!!

DAMNIT! Why won't she listen to me! She his gonna be bald headed!

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I think you should tell her those things then use fotki's to back up what you're saying because they can't really see the fruits on your labor hairwise yet so they're sassin you. No one talks back to me when I give hair tips and I know its because they can see results right in front of their eyes.

People need advice and then evidence of results when it comes to hair.

 

[MsLizziA]

I think you should tell her those things then use fotki's to back up what you're saying because they can't really see the fruits on your labor hairwise yet so they're sassin you. No one talks back to me when I give hair tips and I know its because they can see results right in front of their eyes.

People need advice and then evidence of results when it comes to hair.

But she DOES see the results. She can look at my hair and see it. Even though im not relaxed, she stood right there and WATCHED me straighten my hair. She sees i know what im talkn about, i have shown her the fotkis, and all the above. She is just so hard headed and you know teenagers think the know EVERYTHING. She is killing her hair and its killing me to watch her do it..

 

[Vashti]

You know MsLizziA I was like her when I was young. Hard headed. Stubborn folks have to learn at the School of Hard Knocks. Takes a while for The Light to penetrate the skull (Lol!) It may be hard to stand by and watch her destroy her hair but that's what you'll have to do until she wises up and decides to ask you for advice. That might take years. Meanwhile just leave her to her own devices and take good care of your own hair and she will eventually take notice. Especially if it is really long.

My mom had to stand by and watch me destroy my hair for years when I became old enough to do my own hair so she probably knows how you feel right now. The worst of it was when she had to watch me put a relaxer on top of a perm. Two weeks later when I was busy crying in the bathroom as all of my hair fell out in the sink and people at church started looking at me sideways wondering where all of my hair went, that was my first step towards wising up about haircare. It was a long road from then to now and i had to re-learn things by myself. My mom quietly stood by and let me make these mistakes because that was the only way I was going to learn. When sis gets tired of her hair looking broke down and wants your help you can bet she ain't gonna be looking at you crazy no mo!

 

[MsLizziA]

Im sorry for the rant yall but it really hurts me to see this because i know how her hair used to look when it was natural compared to now. It was so pretty and she is killing it. Im not saying that she should go natural but if she is gonna be a relaxed head, she could take better care of it..

 

[likewtr4chklit]

OP you already know you are right in telling her to wait to relax. There is nothing more you can do. Some of us have to learn the hard way, and sometimes the hard way is scalp burns, hair loss, excessive damage.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

But she DOES see the results. She can look at my hair and see it. Even though im not relaxed, she stood right there and WATCHED me straighten my hair. She sees i know what im talkn about, i have shown her the fotkis, and all the above. She is just so hard headed and you know teenagers think the know EVERYTHING. She is killing her hair and its killing me to watch her do it..

It looks like you can show her better then you can tell her then. There are some folks that are just that way....

 

[mariofmagdal]

Well, let her be, my mom used to say, bought sense is the best sense. She will learn, it just may be too late. You tried.

 

[julzinha]

My older sister is the same way! I tell her that a relaxer is permanent. And just because you haven't relaxed your hair in 5 months doesn't mean that you should relax your entire head because you still have relaxer ends. And the worse part about it is when I say it she says I don't know what I'm talking about, then when her hair stylist says it is true. I told her about deep conditioning and she called me crazy, but when her stylist said it she believes it.

 

[MsLizziA]

My older sister is the same way! I tell her that a relaxer is permanent. And just because you haven't relaxed your hair in 5 months doesn't mean that you should relax your entire head because you still have relaxer ends. And the worse part about it is when I say it she says I don't know what I'm talking about, then when her hair stylist says it is true. I told her about deep conditioning and she called me crazy, but when her stylist said it she believes it.

Yep. hard headed