I Got What I Asked For and NEVER went back! Opinions Needed...

[star78]

Hey Ladies. I have been bothered by something that may sound a bit "off." Here it is... I went to a Dominican salon early this year after looking at various salons and their reviews online. I found the owner and the stylist there to be very nice. The stylist who did my hair made sure I was comfortable and gave me tips on what I should do at home without pushing products on me. The "homemade" conditioner she used left my hair feeling soft and she would show me how much hair was in the comb which was little to none. She was the first and only beautician ever to tell me that I shouldn't get a relaxer. She said that whenever I go to a salon whether hers or somewhere else, just have them gently blow out the roots only. The owner suggested that I get what I now think (didn't understand her at the time) are henna treatments to strengthen my hair. They both told me that with consistent care, they would help me get my hair "back in shape."

So what was the problem? During a visit there, I asked for my ends to be trimmed. She said "OK, I'm going to take off very little" and she did just that. I know that some would be fine with that but the problem is that even though my already thin hair would be soft when leaving, it was left looking limp and thinner when taking my wrap down. I ended up going to another salon and when I told this particular stylist to "please just trim a little off the ends" she told me in a nice but assertive way, "No girl, you need more than just a little trimmed off. You have ends that have split up to the shaft and even though you have length, your hair is not going to grow healthy the way you want it to until you cut off this damaged hair and start from there."

Well, I took her advice and let her cut it. It looked healthier and fuller than it did in a long time. That was the day that began my HHJ. My hair is still thin but with all of the TLC I've been giving it, it does look better. So my question is, was I wrong not to go back to the original Dominican salon when I am the one who told the stylist to just trim a little off and she essentially did what I asked her to do? Am I wrong for feeling that she should have known and/or expressed to me that I need to take more hair off? Perhaps she didn't want to scare me away by encouraging me to cut my hair or perhaps she thought I just needed the trim and was going to grow it out some other way without having to initially cut it?

Ironically, the stylist who cut my hair had no problem relaxing my edges along my hairline when I asked her to do that. My hair line was terribly thinning with bald spots so I know I should have never had her do that. The only reason we didn't do a relaxer for the whole head is bc I was having tracks installed for the first time. That Dominican stylist that I initially went to would have totally talked me out of relaxing my edges.

 

[choctaw]

There are two people living under your hair ... be careful ...

 

[Evolving78]

very confusing.... either you need to have better communication and trust your stylist opinion, or you need to be satisfied with having someone do what you want them to do. i am looking at this from being in the beauty industry.

i had a client like that. she told me how she wanted me to do my job and had the nerve to complain when she didn't get the results she was looking for. i didn't feel like arguing and convincing that woman what was best for her skin. she was a know it all.

 

[Evolving78]

choctaw
that link you posted it tainted! it contains malware.

There are two people living under your hair ... be careful ...

 

[choctaw]

choctaw
that link you posted it tainted! it contains malware.

There are two people living under your hair ... be careful ...

shortdub78

thanks! I will delete ...

 

[TokyoReina]

I like a stylist that will tell me their opinion but leave the decision up to me. It sounds like the Dominican stylist did fine. You asked for a little, she cut a little. She may have felt you didn't need a lot cut off or maybe she isn't scissor happy. Plus she didn't push products, gave you suggestions, encouraged you to go natural...she sounds nice. Your second stylist relaxed edges unnecessarily even though you asked for it. She sounds scissor happy to me, not focused on hair health. The cut may have done you some good, but I think she just wanted to cut.

Go to who you like though.

 

[Ronnieaj]

I think it depends on your expectations. If I want my splits trimmed, and I know I have more than a little, I'll bluntly tell the stylist to trim what's necessary to get rid of the majority of the splits. In the past that's been 2-3 inches, and I'm okay with it so long as my hair is healthy and splits pretty much gone. However, if I say "trim just a little," I don't expect 2-3 inches to be lopped off my hair. If you wanted the first woman to trim enough to get rid of the thinness, then you need to make that clear.

I used to also work in the beauty industry. I had a client come in and say they wanted a foundation that blended well into her skin and didn't look noticeable, blah blah blah. But insisted on using a pink based foundation, which did the exact opposite. I didn't make nearly enough money to spend my day arguing with her . The client's always right ...

 

[candy626]

So my question is, was I wrong not to go back to the original Dominican salon when I am the one who told the stylist to just trim a little off and she essentially did what I asked her to do?

Different stylists are going to have different opinions of your hair. I no longer go to stylist but in the past I visited stylists who suggested trims and others who suggested cuts (3-6 inches). Some stylist are scissor happy and want to give you thick, even hair rather then help you grow your hair long. You need to use your own judgement when making decisions about cutting your hair.

Ironically, the stylist who cut my hair had no problem relaxing my edges along my hairline when I asked her to do that. My hair line was terribly thinning with bald spots so I know I should have never had her do that.

My suggestion is if you want to grow your hair long, learn to diagnose the needs of your hair without the help of a stylist. From your post, it sounds like you've had a couple of mishaps with stylists or with general mismanagement of your hair. I'm not sure what your goal is, but if long, healthy hair is it, you may want to reevaluate what you've been doing. Try to diagnose why you had splits half way up your shaft and why your hairline is thinning with bald spots. Once you get to the root of setbacks, I think you will get further along in your HHJ.

 

[star78]

very confusing.... either you need to have better communication and trust your stylist opinion, or you need to be satisfied with having someone do what you want them to do. i am looking at this from being in the beauty industry.

i had a client like that. she told me how she wanted me to do my job and had the nerve to complain when she didn't get the results she was looking for. i didn't feel like arguing and convincing that woman what was best for her skin. she was a know it all.

In the past, I've been the "passive" one who just sits there and let the stylist do her thing. I would get those blowouts where I can feel the dryer literally burning my scalp and wouldn't say anything. I would get relaxers that burned and left scabs and didn't say much. I certainly am not the "know it all" type but understand what you're saying.

In the end, I guess I wasn't fully satisfied with either of them. I've been looking for a"Reniece" type of stylist who just "gets it" when it comes to healthy hair care and I have yet to find one. Perhaps I didn't give the Dominican lady a real chance. I just didn't like the "thin/limp" look but I had her wrap it so shouldn't have expected much with the condition of my hair.

 

[Supergirl]

Star78,

You are the one that gets to decide on who will and won't do your hair. There are different kinds of stylists out there.

A) There are those that will respect your wishes, because you are a paying customer, even if they have different opinions and philosophies about what might be better for your hair.

B) There are those that will listen to you, and then advise you otherwise and try to sway you in a different direction than what you're thinking.

C) There are those that will completely disrespect your wishes and preferences and do what they want to do, sometimes because they are spiteful, sometimes because they feel like they have the training and you don't, and sometimes because they don't know what the h*ll they're doing.

A or B is the type I'd want doing my hair, and I don't think it would be proper for me to be upset at A for doing what I asked him/her to do.

 

[NappyNelle]

I agree with all previous posters, and I would go back to Stylist A. When you share our hair goals, she seems the most adept to get you there.

 

[star78]

My suggestion is if you want to grow your hair long, learn to diagnose the needs of your hair without the help of a stylist. From your post, it sounds like you've had a couple of mishaps with stylists or with general mismanagement of your hair. I'm not sure what your goal is, but if long, healthy hair is it, you may want to reevaluate what you've been doing. Try to diagnose why you had splits half way up your shaft and why your hairline is thinning with bald spots. Once you get to the root of setbacks, I think you will get further along in your HHJ.

Thanks. After cutting it in July, I started reading this board more and taking care of my own hair. I totally neglected my hair in late 2007 when I got sick and didn't take care of it at all. Scarfs on hairline 24/7, poor diet, relaxers that burned like hell when I needed to get my hair done for a special occasion, matted hair under scarf for weeks at a time (pretty disgusting), etc.. It was terrible. I was going through a rough time (health wise) and simply stopped caring enough to take care of it.

I'm so glad that I got back to taking care of me and that I found people like you all who motivate, inspire, and encourage me everyday to achieve my hair goals. Sometimes, with three young children, I just want to go to the salon, relax, and have that one person who can help me maintain and/or enhance any progress I make on my own without hurting my progress.

 

[star78]

Star78,

You are the one that gets to decide on who will and won't do your hair. There are different kinds of stylists out there.

A) There are those that will respect your wishes, because you are a paying customer, even if they have different opinions and philosophies about what might be better for your hair.

B) There are those that will listen to you, and then advise you otherwise and try to sway you in a different direction than what you're thinking.

C) There are those that will completely disrespect your wishes and preferences and do what they want to do, sometimes because they are spiteful, sometimes because they feel like they have the training and you don't, and sometimes because they don't know what the h*ll they're doing.

A or B is the type I'd want doing my hair, and I don't think it would be proper for me to be upset at A for doing what I asked him/her to do.

Agreed. That is why I posted on here for feedback. I've been really leaning towards going back to her on those days when I don't feel like doing it and maybe just going to the other lady when I need a trim. The one who cut it actually suggested that I take biotin daily, get my thyroid tested, and try nioxin shampoo and conditioner. So, I felt like she was into the whole healthy hair care thing as well but there were a few things in my experience there that were bothersome.

 

[beana]

I have clients who are VERY adamant about what they want, they insist that I use their products, trim a smidgen despite having lots of damaged on their ends, and some even request services that are extremely damaging/unhealthy (i do not perform them). I take my work very seriously and want all my clients to look beautiful when I'm done. If my client's product/styling preferences are standing in the way, I will politely suggest that we try something different, but I am always open to try their methods along the way.

You really have to find the right stylist for you. IMO, the dominican stylist is the better of the two, but she may not communicate enough for you. I ask my clients to "Tell me what you're thinking?" and "What do you think about this?" all the time. Stylists should discuss the pros/cons of any service, trim, etc with you beforehand and make sure you feel comfortable with it before moving forward.

 

[Britt]

In the past, I've been the "passive" one who just sits there and let the stylist do her thing. I would get those blowouts where I can feel the dryer literally burning my scalp and wouldn't say anything. I would get relaxers that burned and left scabs and didn't say much. I certainly am not the "know it all" type but understand what you're saying.

In the end, I guess I wasn't fully satisfied with either of them. I've been looking for a"Reniece" type of stylist who just "gets it" when it comes to healthy hair care and I have yet to find one. Perhaps I didn't give the Dominican lady a real chance. I just didn't like the "thin/limp" look but I had her wrap it so shouldn't have expected much with the condition of my hair.

star78, me too! I realize that I will likely have to pay more $ for this. I usually go to the Dominican salons for everything. I'm looking for someone new to give me touch ups. I want more personalized treatment from someone who really knows hair. I want to get in that person's chair and they just have it all under control. I want someone that examines the overall health of my hair before they just dive in. The person that was recommended to me is all the way in Harlem, I'm thinking of traveling to her just for touch ups. I want to try her out for my next touch up which is due in 3 wks. For rinses and occassional rollersets i'll prob continue with the Dominicans.

 

[tiffers]

You got what you asked for. erplexed

If you wanted stylist A to trim more, you should have asked for it. I'm sure she would have been more than happy to oblige. I'm not understanding why you don't wanna go back when this woman obviously values you as a customer and is everything that any of us would love to have in a stylist. With as many "OMG, my stylist shaved off all my hair and now have a buzzcut! I'm devastated!" threads, this one just seems like you're nitpicking. TALK to stylist A, tell her exactly what you want and you'll get it.

If you go back to stylist B, I don't wanna see any future threads about your hair falling out, her cutting too much of your hair off, or how your scalp has puss-filled boils and scabs because she relaxed your hair when she shouldn't have.

 

[ms.blue]

Honestly, stylist A sounds really good. She offered suggestions and listen to you but you were unsatified even though she listened to you. As for the product, tell stylist A, that you felt the conditioner was too heavy for your fine trands and I believe she will offer a different conditioner.

 

[star78]

You got what you asked for. erplexed

If you wanted stylist A to trim more, you should have asked for it. I'm sure she would have been more than happy to oblige. I'm not understanding why you don't wanna go back when this woman obviously values you as a customer and is everything that any of us would love to have in a stylist. With as many "OMG, my stylist shaved off all my hair and now have a buzzcut! I'm devastated!" threads, this one just seems like you're nitpicking. TALK to stylist A, tell her exactly what you want and you'll get it.

If you go back to stylist B, I don't wanna see any future threads about your hair falling out, her cutting too much of your hair off, or how your scalp has puss-filled boils and scabs because she relaxed your hair when she shouldn't have.

Tiffers, thx for the reply. if I go back to stylist B it will be for a dusting/trim only which is what she gave me last month when I went to her specifically for that. She understands that I don't want a relaxer (hair is too thin for one) that I don't want a weave (which is what the majority of her clients go to her for) and that I DO want to grow healthy hair. I did ask her if she thought I should relax my edges since I was getting tracks for the first time and her reply was "we can do that."

She's recommended some good things like the biotin, nioxin, and curls for volume instead of wrapping but I think my problem with her aside from her agreeing to relax my edges which I have myself to blame is that most of what I have learned on this board... using JBCO on my edges, henna treatments, co-washing, etc are all dismissed by her. I've tried these things and I DO see progress but her responses have been "castor oil, ewww that's too heavy for your hair" or "why henna... that's not natural" or "you shouldn't be using any product on your hair." I mean, if someone feels their regimen is working, why give them an "eww, eww, eww" reaction. I could understand if I felt whatever I was doing wasn't working at all and asked for her advice. Her main thing is weaves so I guess on my last visit, I left feeling as though that is the way she really wants me to go.

 

[StarScream35]

I like the Dominican stylist because she gave you the choice. I cannot stand a stylist who will take that freedom from me the way the second stylist did. She MADE you get that extra trim and bet you really wasn't happy deep down were you? Lets say what the second stylist said was true about your ends, I'm thinking the Dominican stylist was trying to help you salvage what you had and wanted to get you some lenghth which in my mind, there is no doubt her formula would have worked. I made the switch from Black salons to Dominican salons last year because of this crap. The constant you need ya ends trimmed and the no room to wiggle. I mean really..........you trying to make me feel guilty and copping an attitude with me for not trimming my ends when I just had them trimmed 2 months ago!!! No thankyou!

 

[star78]

N/m. I'm still embarrassed when looking at those pics that I let my hair get to that point.

 

[candy626]

Thanks. After cutting it in July, I started reading this board more and taking care of my own hair. I totally neglected my hair in late 2007 when I got sick and didn't take care of it at all. Scarfs on hairline 24/7, poor diet, relaxers that burned like hell when I needed to get my hair done for a special occasion, matted hair under scarf for weeks at a time (pretty disgusting), etc.. It was terrible. I was going through a rough time (health wise) and simply stopped caring enough to take care of it.

I'm so glad that I got back to taking care of me and that I found people like you all who motivate, inspire, and encourage me everyday to achieve my hair goals. Sometimes, with three young children, I just want to go to the salon, relax, and have that one person who can help me maintain and/or enhance any progress I make on my own without hurting my progress.

I'm sorry to hear of your health issues and it's always nice to have somebody else take care of your hair for you. The problem is finding a stylist that cares, listens, and knows what they are doing.
However from your post it sounds like the first stylist you visited cares about the health of your hair since she advised you to avoid relaxing and not get a full blown blowout. I would stick with her. A stylist that listens is better then one that is pushy.

 

[star78]

Well, I ended up going back to the Dominican salon and that had to be the worse salon experience ever. That visit totally broke my motivation (for a sec) with regard to my hhj. The assistant who I took a real liking to wasn't there but the owner told me she would do my hair. She is the one who gave me a wash n set last time I was there so I figured I would be OK. I recall during my last visit when she combed through my hair before rinsing out the DC, she said "see mommy, no hair in the comb. Now you see how good this conditioner is that we use."

Well, I went there for a simple wash, dc, and wrap as I had done in the past. I showed her pics of my hair when it was cut in July all the way up to how it looked in Nov when I got a trim. I was telling her how I've been taking care of my own hair. Her reply was "wow, your hair grows fast." All went well until she went to wash out the deep conditioner. She started literally "tugging" the comb through my hair. It was tangled and after I literally heard my hair being pulled out, I told her that I usually use a detangler and my fingers to detangle my hair. Her response was "mommy, a lot of your hair is coming out. Do you usually see this much come out?" Noooooo, I don't.

She took a glob of the hair she "combed" out and threw it in the garbage. There was still a bunch left in the comb and on the floor. My hair looked so choppy, broken off, and limp. I was so mad at myself for not walking out. I don't understand how someone who is supposedly into "healthy hair care" and whose sign reads "specializes in ethnic hair" , could do this. It was a total 360 degree turn from my last visit to her.

I ended up going back to the lady who originally cut my hair and I'm so glad I did. She doesn't visit the forums anymore but she is familiar with them. We talked about henna, about transitioning, using little to no heat, which products to use, etc. I guess I should have taken the time to get to know her more during my prior visits. She told that the majority of her original clients were either natural or transitioning and how she helped them grow their hair. She said when she came to NYC (from ATL) and was putting out ads for natural hair care and such, most were more interested in just getting a weave.

Anyway, to make a long story even longer, lol... she ended up cutting off about 3 inches of the growth I obtained. We talked about the big chop but she said based on my needs, we could trim the rest of the relaxed ends off over time. Speaking of that, for the first time after going to that Dominican salon, I noticed two different textures. At first, I thought the very thin, see-through ends were strictly due to the breakage I suffered at the salon but as I later suspected, my stylist showed me my growth/natural hair and the parts that are obviously still processed or my line of demarcation as she called it.

I hate that I'm basically starting all over and that one day ruined 6 months of progress but I'm going to stay motivated and move forward.

 

[diadall]

Do you think the breakage was from.the two textures?

I hate to hear hair breaking as it is being combed.

 

[star78]

Do you think the breakage was from.the two textures?

I hate to hear hair breaking as it is being combed.

No, I don't so. Before going to the D salon, I washed my hair two weeks prior to that visit and had no problems. I've been taking care of my hair since July without any issues. Today, I had my hair washed and no problem with tangling. I don't know what kind of DC she used or if that played any part but she combed my hair from the roots straight through to the ends without pause. She ripped through the tangles with no hesitation. I don't know what I was thinking to sit there and let it happen.

 

[diadall]

So it was her lack of regard.

I had a similar thing happen in June. Every time I think of going back I think of that.

 

[star78]

So it was her lack of regard.

I had a similar thing happen in June. Every time I think of going back I think of that.

Exactly Diadall. I was talking about my hair progress and she just didn't seem interested. I started wondering if she did it on purpose but that wouldn't make any sense. Oh well, I won't be going back there in the future.

 

[Supergirl]

So sorry Star,

I know how you feel. I had to trim 4 inches once all because of a stylist rough combing my wet hair. It only took her a few minutes to do ALL that damage to my hair.

 

[star78]

So sorry Star,

I know how you feel. I had to trim 4 inches once all because of a stylist rough combing my wet hair. It only took her a few minutes to do ALL that damage to my hair.

Yes Supergirl! A few minutes pretty much wiped out 6 months of progress. I'm still not completely over it. I was so motivated and confident that I could achieve my hair goals and now I'm feeling a bit discouraged and questioning whether my hair will ever get to where I want it to be. I'm going to have to stick to a good regimen, take a patience pill, and stop dwelling on this negative experience.