It's 4:00am and I cannot sleep because I am wondering what is going on in my life, I have a two year old whose father left me to move out of state, doesnt even care to call, no christmas gifts or birthday gifts --nothing. I have this extreme guilt that is festering inside of me because children deserve both parents, my son has no father to look up to. It kills me and is eating me alive, to add insult to injury, I am still trying to find my purpose in life, I suffer from extremly low self esteem, I feel like things will be better if I wear certain clothes or if i look a certain way or if my hair was longer, etc. I making all the wrong choices (sex)with men who I know dont give a damn about let alone my child. I constantly worry about what others think about me seeking everyones approval, I am so depressed, I sit home all day long ignoring my son who needs me because I am lost dreaming about this so called life that I will have when I get myself "together". I have tried praying maybe not hard enough, I know I want to submit myself to the Lord but I dont know where to begin, I just want to be strong and happy and a good mother and everything else that God intended for me to be. I feel like I hit rock bottom, as I type this I am looking at my son sleeping, there is got to be a way out, I cant be like this forever God has to come save me, my son needs me to be both parents, to be happy and active, strong and there for him. Im soory this is so long.
i feel like im lost
- Thread starter JereK
- Start date
matuncks
Active Member
I am sorry you are going through this. I know exactly how you feel...I'm up too, can't sleep because the evil forces are playing tricks on my mind and telling me everything I am doing is doomed to fail. My life is not where I want it to be either. I used to dream alot, now I'm afraid to because for fear of disappointment. But I can't give up, and neither should you. When I feel like this, I go to joelosteen.com and watch one of his sermons. This is exactly what I am going to do right now and invite you to do the same. Trust me, it helps to have this inspiration readily available. Then I am going to pray, teach myself to dream and hope again, and then go soundly to sleep.
Tomorrow will be a much better day than today.
Tomorrow will be a much better day than today.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
So sorry to hear your feeling down and lost. You will be in my prayers. Please stop sitting in the house. You have to stay busy and proactive to get from under this cloud. You child and you deserve happiness weather or not he has a father in home. Do you have a church home? Fellowship really helps when your outta sorts. Try reading a few books by Juanita Bynum also.
JereK,
I read your post, and I immediately thought of the woman at the well. I am not sure if you know the story, so I'll tell it to you. (It is found in John 4). There was this Samaritan woman who had gone to a well to draw. When she arrived, Jesus asked if she would get some water for him too. She was like "Samaritans don't deal with Jewish people and you know that." Jesus responded telling her that if she knew who he was then she would have asked him for living water. The story goes on and Jesus asks her to bring her husband to the well. She tells him that she doesn't have a husband. Guess what? Jesus tells her (w/o any prompting on her part) that she has had five husbands and the man she is currently living was not her husband. The story ends when the woman goes back to the Samaritans and tells them to "Come and see a man" who could tell her everything that she ever did. Her testimony, the lady with five divorces who was most likely "shacking up," led to the salvation of many people who did not know Christ.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=50&chapter=4&version=31&context=chapter
What was the point of that and what does it have to do with you. Christ already knows your desires, wants, and wishes. He knows your successes and failures. More importantly, he does not just know your life story, but He has compassion-actually more than anyone else you will ever know. Hebrews 4:15 tells us that "we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet he was without sin." I do not know about you, but that is such a relief to me that Christ has been tempted in EVERY way so he knows what we feel.
God both knows and love you as is, but I encourage you to ask Jesus for the living water that he said would satisfy the void that you are feeling. (This is in John 4 too). No man (almost perfect or low life scum) can feel the void in your life except Jesus, and it is God who has put that desire in your life to want something more for yourself and your child. I just wanted you to know that God can turn your mistakes into a testimony that is powerful beyond measure just as he did for the Samaritan woman and so many others.
In the mean time, I'll pray for you b/c I can witness from first-hand experience that God specializes in things that seem hopeless and impossible.
ETA: The most important part that I forgot in my original post is that CHRIST used the woman, and He can use you to accomplish His purpose. The point is that Christ is not like man who will only accept you based on your appearance, background, etc. Know that you will NEVER be able to make yourself complete on your own, BUT GOD, who started a good work will complete it. I know this because God inspired Paul to write it in Philippians 1:6. Additionally, I have seen God working in my own life to make me complete in a way that I could never do on my own.
I read your post, and I immediately thought of the woman at the well. I am not sure if you know the story, so I'll tell it to you. (It is found in John 4). There was this Samaritan woman who had gone to a well to draw. When she arrived, Jesus asked if she would get some water for him too. She was like "Samaritans don't deal with Jewish people and you know that." Jesus responded telling her that if she knew who he was then she would have asked him for living water. The story goes on and Jesus asks her to bring her husband to the well. She tells him that she doesn't have a husband. Guess what? Jesus tells her (w/o any prompting on her part) that she has had five husbands and the man she is currently living was not her husband. The story ends when the woman goes back to the Samaritans and tells them to "Come and see a man" who could tell her everything that she ever did. Her testimony, the lady with five divorces who was most likely "shacking up," led to the salvation of many people who did not know Christ.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=50&chapter=4&version=31&context=chapter
What was the point of that and what does it have to do with you. Christ already knows your desires, wants, and wishes. He knows your successes and failures. More importantly, he does not just know your life story, but He has compassion-actually more than anyone else you will ever know. Hebrews 4:15 tells us that "we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet he was without sin." I do not know about you, but that is such a relief to me that Christ has been tempted in EVERY way so he knows what we feel.
God both knows and love you as is, but I encourage you to ask Jesus for the living water that he said would satisfy the void that you are feeling. (This is in John 4 too). No man (almost perfect or low life scum) can feel the void in your life except Jesus, and it is God who has put that desire in your life to want something more for yourself and your child. I just wanted you to know that God can turn your mistakes into a testimony that is powerful beyond measure just as he did for the Samaritan woman and so many others.
In the mean time, I'll pray for you b/c I can witness from first-hand experience that God specializes in things that seem hopeless and impossible.
ETA: The most important part that I forgot in my original post is that CHRIST used the woman, and He can use you to accomplish His purpose. The point is that Christ is not like man who will only accept you based on your appearance, background, etc. Know that you will NEVER be able to make yourself complete on your own, BUT GOD, who started a good work will complete it. I know this because God inspired Paul to write it in Philippians 1:6. Additionally, I have seen God working in my own life to make me complete in a way that I could never do on my own.
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As Firecracker said, I think it's imperative that you find a good church home. It'll make a huge difference in your life. In the meantime, seek God. He will meet you right where you are. Don't let past behavior impede your future. We have all fallen short of God's glory. He loves you and He wants you to turn to Him for your every need. No man can give you what God can. Cry out to Him. He's waiting on you. 
Thank you ladies for the encouragement, I needed it, I just really have to focus of me and my son. I have to build myself up again. Iam going to start small, reading my bible daily and saying verses with my son. More posotive thinking, listening to uplifting music, etc...Focusing on my blessings.
*Michelle*
Well-Known Member
Mocha5 said:As Firecracker said, I think it's imperative that you find a good church home. It'll make a huge difference in your life. In the meantime, seek God. He will meet you right where you are. Don't let past behavior impede your future. We have all fallen short of God's glory. He loves you and He wants you to turn to Him for your every need. No man can give you what God can. Cry out to Him. He's waiting on you.
I agree!
Good to hear you are already feeling a little better...that is a start (((HUGS))) and prayers for you and your little blessing!
soonergirl
Well-Known Member
Jerek, hold on sweetheart help is on the way. He hears your prayers and the prayers of me and the other ladies for you on this forum. "Be still and know that I am god" God bless you, know that god has plans for you, plans to prosper you, god wants happiness for you, he wants you to be fulfilled. Keep calling on him and he will answer you....Stay strong!
Monilove122
New Member
joyous said:
ITA: I too am a single mother now and although I've never had a problem with self esteem I did have a hard time coping with his Dad and I not being together anymore and how much it would affect my son to not be able to see his Dad every morning. His father is still somewhat active in his life but not as much as he should be so I prayed about how I felt and God told me that I should stop thinking I have to be his mother and father. Frankly because I can't be! The only thing I can do is be the best mother I can be and pray for God to fill any voids he feels from not having his father in his life consistently.
Don't try to put more on yourself than you can carry especially when those things are impossible. If nothing else, look at your son and commit to taking baby steps and when you pray ask God to take the rest. Once you start to do that you will see how much things will change. And I also agree that you need to find a good church home. Not one that is judgemental, domineering, or overly righteous but one filled with love and acceptance.
I will be praying for you. Be blessed my sista!!!
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