I feel like a doormat

Z

ZapMami

Well-Known Member
Hope this doesn't DP but

I found out that my best friend that who just happens to be a guy did some really foul stuff.

He was holding this stuff for me-clothing I sell on ebay- because I didn't have the money to put it in storage at the time...and he insisted that I leave it at his place until I did. When I went to pick up the stuff a few weeks ago...I though the stuff felt kinda light...and I asked him where the rest was...and he said that he gave me everything I left there. I took his word for it.

This week he asked me to fix his laptop and in the process of deleting some infected files....I went to recylce bin to make sure all traces were gone. And I see these videos that he had deleted that were taken with the cam on his laptop. Right away, I notice that one of the girls-who is very pretty- is modeling an expensive jacket that I had new with the tags still hanging off of it. It's like a black boyfriend jacket with metal stud details all over-a really distinct jacket. So I click on the rest of the vids and she is modeling alot of my clothes for him. All of the items she had on were not in the bags that he returned to me.


I told a family member about it and she says that I shouldn't end a friend ship over some clothes and that it's my fault cause I should not have left it there...friend or not. I somewhat agree. But my feelings are so hurt.

I don't even have it in me to confront him on this....I just left him a message that said Hey when you come an get your laptop...don't call me anymore after that.

Am I wrong for wanting to cut him off? Seriously he was my only friend left.
 
You shouldn't end a friendship over some clothes? Uh, ok, well whatever, but you SHOULD end a friendship over that friend STEALING FROM YOU and then LYING ABOUT IT.
 
Your family member sounds like the doormat. I would drop him like a bad habit--trifling criminal. How could you remain friends with him?
 
Drop him...obviously him stealing your stuff to give to someone else is enough reason to know that he doesn't consider you to be a friend.
 
Well I feel like a doormat because I guess I let people think that it's okay to treat me like this. In the 13 years I've known him,he has done little stuff here and there like borrow money and never pay it back and I let it slide...and many other little things that I'm not going to mention cause you guys will probably question my sanity. When it comes down to it, we have a good time together and are almost like brother and sister...but that is not enough for me. I want a friend that I know has my best interest at heart...and with this last display-he showed me that he really doesn't care about me. And he's so f'n stupid that he gave me his laptop without deleting his vids all the way. I forwarded the videos to my email.....I wonder if it is enough for me to press charges. The more I think about it the angrier I get.

This hurts so bad because I had to cut my female bestfriend a few years back....I really feel like I have no one now. I don't really have much family either.
 
yep, he was just using you. you need to calculate the total of everything and he needs to pay you or give you back the clothes. and never talk to him again.
 
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Remember, you teach people how to treat you. Friend, boyfriend, husband don't matter. You've established a pattern with him of letting him use and abuse your friend privileges.

And the fact that he's ok with it and still calls you friend should be cause of questioning his integrity.
 
OP PLEASE dont let this slide. I used to dislike confrontation too but over the years I got over and now making confrontations is nothing.

You can do it!!! You can do it!! You can do it!!!

Dont just let him off the hook like that.
 
OP, although it is a different process, it is possible to make new friends as an adult in life. Sometimes having some alone time (period between letting go of old and embracing the new) allows you to reflect on important things like what is good for you, who you are, who you are becoming. Even though it may be uncomfortable initially (almost any change is) , we grow during periods of introspection. He is not/ was not your friend. A real friend would not have done that. Real friends show true love.:rosebud:
 
Maybe you have been a doormat in the past but now you are ready to stand up for yourself. And yes you can do it! You must. I would be afraid to continue a relationship with him--no telling what he'd do next time. At minimum drop him and KIM. At maximum press charges. It's your choice. Do what feels right to you. And don't worry, you will make new, nicer, respectful friends--have faith.
 
You should keep his laptop.:look:

At least say that and make him believe it till he gets pissed off, then say now you know how i felt when i found out you stole my clothes. then give the laptop to his mom to give back to him and cut him off.

be a friend to yourself first, then be friends with other people.
 
Times2Times3 said:
You should keep his laptop.:look:

At least say that and make him believe it till he gets pissed off, then say now you know how i felt when i found out you stole my clothes. then give the laptop to his mom to give back to him and cut him off.

be a friend to yourself first, then be friends with other people.
Click to expand...

good idea. what type of laptop is it? if he wants it back, he needs to pay you the value of the items or give you back the items in their ORIGINAL condition.
 
So I guess you were fixing that laptop for free? Don't be a doormat anymore..stop TODAY! He needs to hand you some cash if he wants that laptop back.

He is no friend. He's a user.
 
I have to agree with everyone else OP. Hes a thief and a liar. Keep the laptop until he pays up. The nerve of him allowing some other person to MODEL UR clothes and I assume he just GAVE them to her too??!! Girl Boo!!! Cut him off and let him know exactly why ur doing it. Like someone else said.. U will feel sooo much better in the end. THAT kind of friend u DONT need OR want in ur life.

Let YESTERDAY be ur last day of being ANYONES doormat.
 
Save the videos and take him to court. Don't play. Bump him. Find a new friend. I've met some really good folks in my adult years so don't feel like you can't find other friends.

I'd feel hurt and betrayed to if I were you. That's not a friend... he's a kang...lol

Dump him, find a new friend, sue him, get your money back.
 
ZapMami said:
Hope this doesn't DP but

I found out that my best friend that who just happens to be a guy did some really foul stuff.

He was holding this stuff for me-clothing I sell on ebay- because I didn't have the money to put it in storage at the time...and he insisted that I leave it at his place until I did. When I went to pick up the stuff a few weeks ago...I though the stuff felt kinda light...and I asked him where the rest was...and he said that he gave me everything I left there. I took his word for it.

This week he asked me to fix his laptop and in the process of deleting some infected files....I went to recylce bin to make sure all traces were gone. And I see these videos that he had deleted that were taken with the cam on his laptop. Right away, I notice that one of the girls-who is very pretty- is modeling an expensive jacket that I had new with the tags still hanging off of it. It's like a black boyfriend jacket with metal stud details all over-a really distinct jacket. So I click on the rest of the vids and she is modeling alot of my clothes for him. All of the items she had on were not in the bags that he returned to me.


I told a family member about it and she says that I shouldn't end a friend ship over some clothes and that it's my fault cause I should not have left it there...friend or not. I somewhat agree. But my feelings are so hurt.

I don't even have it in me to confront him on this....I just left him a message that said Hey when you come an get your laptop...don't call me anymore after that.

Am I wrong for wanting to cut him off? Seriously he was my only friend left.
Click to expand...

How is that your fault? That was supposed to be your friend. I know that is your family member but I hate it when people say stuff like that.

I do think you should tell him that you know what he did and see if he offers an apology. If he does not, then I think you should end your friendship (no trust). If you end it then you made out pretty good if all you lost were a few items of clothes and not even more years of distrust. He stole your items.
 
He's used to you allowing him to treat you bad. Only you can change that. He lied to you, stole from you and discounted your feelings. Why do you want to be with someone who treats you like that?
 
You can not keep his laptop and hold it for ransom. Watch a little bit of Judge Judy. I do think you should keep if for a bit after you tell him what you know, then take it to his mother's and be done with him. I wouldn't even worry about court, it may be more of a hassle, but end your "friendship" with this fellow. He is very toxic. I am sure he told those ladies that he "purchased" those clothes just for them.

Also, please keep your own item, don't let anyone hold anything in the future.
 
Man, God is amazing! What are the odds that you would've found out the truth otherwise??!

But yeah people will use you if they think they can get away with it. Find people who won't do that to you.
 
Girl, that was so trifling of him. I would be beyond hurt. You should confront him ASAP and demand your money back. If he would have the audacity to steal some clothing, no telling what else he would steal. You could wake up one morning and something of even more value could be gone, such as your car. I wouldn't trust him at all. What type of friend would do something like this??
 
perfect28 said:
i would accidentally spill water on his laptop...and KIM
Click to expand...
Then she would have to replace his laptop. She needs to rise above childish antics. If she does that then she is just a childish as he is. Sometimes impulsive revenge isn't the best thing.
 
He's not your friend, why are you trying to be one to him?

Are you done fixing the laptop? If no, just stop. Give it back still broken and let him figure it out. But if you 'had' to download that video to an external HD...you should. just in case. Did you have pics of the stuff he stole or receipts?
 
I really don't like this story. If he wants to get his girl expensive clothes, then BUY it. If he can't afford it then don't steal it from your good friend. It makes me wonder if he had the motive from the time that he insisted that you leave it at his house.

I would talk to him, tell him I saw the videos and know what went down. If he at least gave back the money or got the items back, I wouldn't completely cut him off. but I wouldn't trust him the same. It would be a downgrade to acquaintance.

You were right with what you did by not just taking this.
 
Take him to court and/or keep his laptop (at least until court proceedings end). He is a terrible person for doing that. I cannot even steal $1 from a stranger - much less a friend.

As a business owner, it is important for you to learn how to take inventory of your items. You don't need a big POS or ERP System. Simply create a list of all your items, including quantity, original cost, name brand, intended sale price. That way there is never a guessing game as to what you have and what you may have lost.
 
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