"I don't want to marry you, I want to pursue someone else"

[thatscuteright]

*Disclaimer, this is not my situation, I just had to add that before the sweet ladies start to send me words of encouragement and offer couseling sessions

But if a women heard these words from a man that she was considering marriage to, what would be a suitable reaction?

The man makes the above statement, and then gives the reasons he doesn't find her fit for marriage, but still wants to be friends.
This is after a week of spending "lovey dovey" time together.
What do you think is a suitable reaction on her behalf?

ETA: It was " I do not think we should speak anymore and I want to pursue someone else"

 

[MizzBrown]

I'm just gonna be gay...this is freakin' ridiculous....

 

[MzLady78]

 

[dlewis]

I would guess any reaction would be good. Wheather it be killing him, just cutting him up, saying ok, or just walking away.

 

[JFemme]

Say? Say, whats there to say beyond deuces, godspeed...erplexed

I'd be so angry I could not speak, nothing intelligible, or ladylike anyhow..

 

[Ramya]

After a week? No biggy. But I would be interested in the reasons why for general purposes. Probably wouldn't be friends with him though. I'd just say "OK, next..." It's not like we were married and he said that

Sounds like your friend was considering marriage but he wasn't that in to her.

 

[thatscuteright]

After a week? No biggy. But I would be interested in the reasons why for general purposes. Probably wouldn't be friends with him though. I'd just say "OK, next..." It's not like we were married and he said that

I should have specified, they have been together for 3-4 years.
They had a "lovey dovey" week after he insisted that she visit him.

 

[sprungonhairboards]

*Disclaimer, this is not my situation, I just had to add that before the sweet ladies start to send me words of encouragement and offer couseling sessions

But if a women heard these words from a man that she was considering marriage to, what would be a suitable reaction?

The man makes the above statement, and then gives the reasons he doesn't find her fit for marriage, but still wants to be friends.
This is after a week of spending "lovey dovey" time together.
What do you think is a suitable reaction on her behalf?

ETA: It was " I do not think we should speak anymore and I want to pursue someone else"

I'd thank him for not wasting any more of my time. I don't want nobody who don't want me. That's pretty straightforward and honest and I appreciate that. Sounds like something I'd say.

The after a week of 'lovey dovey' time I assume means sex? See that would piss me off. But in the end it's still MY bad for giving it up to somebody with no commitment to me.

eta. Ok I just went back and read that they were together 3 or 4 years. The same thing applies, although tire slashing and/or window breakage may/might/probably would occur. Maybe even a small fire at his place of residence.

 

[MizzBrown]

I should have specified, they have been together for 3-4 years.
They had a "lovey dovey" week after he insisted that she visit him.

Nooooo! And he's still alive?

 

[poookie]

I should have specified, they have been together for 3-4 years.
They had a "lovey dovey" week after he insisted that she visit him.

WOW... honestly, i'd be mad as all get-out. i'd probably cause him some form of bodily harm, and bust up his car like jasmine sullivan.

3 - 4 years? and an entire WEEK of lovey dovey bliss? and THEN you want to tell me you want to see someone else?????????????????????

oh hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyul naw.

 

[Ramya]

I should have specified, they have been together for 3-4 years.
They had a "lovey dovey" week after he insisted that she visit him.

what? Yeah I would have went off. Bust up all his stuff. That's terrible

 

[Pat Mahurr]

Wow. She's probably kicking herself right now for waiting around for him for 3-4 years. I'm sorry that happened to her, but she's lucky she doesn't have any "mementos" from the relationship (kids, jointly owned house, forfeited career, etc...)

 

[crlsweetie912]

Dang, he got his rocks off for a week and THEN dumped her?
That's cold.
He's probably saw some new booty and then after the newness comes back he will try to get back with girl number 1
That's a bunch of BULL!

 

[Aveena]

Just because someone is not into me doesn't mean that they have free reign to drag me into their confusion (in the event he was undecided before the 'week of love') or LIE to me and play with my emotions.

In this case, I would have nothing to stay... as a matter of fact I wouldn't even stick around for him to finish his sentence... how humiliating!

The best revenge is living well.... so I would put THAT (lying deceit and or confusion) all on him brush it off and keep it moving.

 

[itismehmmkay]

I should have specified, they have been together for 3-4 years.
They had a "lovey dovey" week after he insisted that she visit him.

Damn


My response would've been to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible
Fast enough before I started trying to second guess it
Fast enough before he tried to talk me into how good being friends would be
Fast enough before I'd stab his

 

[kandake]

I would have been upset but extremely grateful for his honesty and my ability to move on with life and find someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with me. No need to continue wasting my time. Thats what men usually do.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Some would say this was reason enough to set him on fire. What a louse.
No need to add his lame *** to the friendship list.

I'd be hurt, but in the end I'd be thanking my sweet Lord I didn't get married to this cold calculating son of a gun...who'd probably dump me AND our kids for some new booty years down the road.

Men can suck so bad sometimes...

 

[Divine_Order]

Dude is cold-blooded! So basically that "lovey dovey" week to her was "good-bye nookie" to him.

Well, tell your friend to cry...cry...and cry some more, pack up any thing that he may have left over at her place (keep all gifts he gave her that are worth value though) and return them. Change her number...get a new hair style, pick up a new hobby....then MOVE ON!!!

 

[LivingDoll]

I wouldn't let him see me sweat. I would say thanks because I had someone I wanted to get to know better as well. Good riddance.

He'll be back....they all come back and get the door slammed in their faces.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Dude is cold-blooded! So basically that "lovey dovey" week to her was "good-bye nookie" to him.

Well, tell your friend to cry...cry...and cry some more, pack up any thing that he may have left over at her place (keep all gifts he gave her that are worth value though) and return them. Change her number...get a new hair style, pick up a new hobby....then MOVE ON!!!

Just throw them away!
And tell her it's gonna be hard, but she doesn't need to know that dude anymore


ETA:
I'm not really getting a "he was being honest" vibe. I'm getting a "he stringed her along and now he's tired" vibe. And if she's not careful and tries to hang around, no telling what this dude may try to do. It's definitely a cut your losses type thing.

 

[jaiku]

I would be pissed. But thank God she dodged that bullet. I'd rather know now than 10 years and two kids from now.

 

[tiara76]

appreciate the honesty....If its been a few years, I'm sure I would be hurt and have some feeling that isn't great, but knowing me I would know the type of relationship we had and what level it was on and what to and not to expect from the other person.........

especially since I've been that person who has dated a person a few years knowing full well it wasn't going n e further...but I loved the person, liked having him around, had fun with him, he even had a key to my place for awhile.....still did my thing and when I met my ex, it was wrap central for him who was number 1 at the time and a few others.....I wasn't mean about it, I was honest and he knew what the deal was (he kept living his life too)....now it would have been different if I knew that getting married was his priority or he was so in love that he would rather take treatment he didnt deserve rather than act like he saw what was really goin on....( I know men like that and for their own good I leave them alone, even though they think Im "mean"...but in the end we have cool relationships)

Were still cool to this day

people are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime....people do like and love other people they don't necessarily want to spend their lives with....people grow apart, people try to make things work, people may even want things to work but know in their hearts that it won't.....

If he spent a whole lovey dovey week with her maybe he was trying to make sure that he wasn't making a mistake and see if doing something extra would make his feelings change....because Im sure at that point he had already met the other person who had him in the position to want to move on....now he could of told her this before they spent the week...don't know what the 3-4 years were like if only this one lovey dovey week is whats being emphasized......

 

[lexi08]

What he did was cold. I would just leave without saying a word and no I could not be friends with him. I would not give the the satisfaction of seeing me hurt. It seems he stringed her along got tired of her and found someone new. He then decided he would have a little fun with her and then dump her. He knew what he was doing, he knew he was going to dump her before she visited

 

[Connie]

I'm wondering if and why one week was so much more lovey-dovey than the entire 3-4 years?

If this went down at his place, I would leave, because if I didn't one of us would end up bleeding and it wouldn't be me. If it was at my place, I would hold the door open and tell him to get to stepping. I wouldn't argue. I'd cry once the door is shut behind him. His phone number would be deleted from my phonelist, nor would his calls ever be answered. Any emails or texts would be deleted. If he stopped by, I wouldn't be home (even if I was). I wouldn't acknowledge him if I saw him on the street and I wouldn't ask about him if I ran into one of his acquaintances.

 

[aribell]

If he spent a whole lovey dovey week with her maybe he was trying to make sure that he wasn't making a mistake and see if doing something extra would make his feelings change....because Im sure at that point he had already met the other person who had him in the position to want to move on....now he could of told her this before they spent the week...don't know what the 3-4 years were like if only this one lovey dovey week is whats being emphasized......

I think this scenario is just as possible as the ones painting him as simply playing her. People stay in relationships for all sorts of reasons they shouldn't, and for too long. The truth has gotta come out some kinda way at some point.

After 3 years? IDK, I'd prob. start asking where this is going after 1, and definitely after 2.

 

[tiara76]

I think this scenario is just as possible as the ones painting him as simply playing her. People stay in relationships for all sorts of reasons they shouldn't, and for too long. The truth has gotta come out some kinda way at some point.

After 3 years? IDK, I'd prob. start asking where this is going after 1, and definitely after 2.

I agree....its easy to tell what type of relationship one really has imo opinion if you are aware of whats goin on...and they may have gotten along great in the beginning...may have faltered along the way but were "comfortable" with each other.....but after a couple of years I think one should know where its goin and just how deep the bond really is......even if we know its not that deep and not going n e where and try to make excuses about it or hide from the truth.....we still know it....

but there isn't much to this scenario to really make a clear assessment about it except this last week was lovey dovey and he told her he was moving on..... so for those who feel all dudes aint about nothing they make it into one thing....for those who feel all dudes aren't the same, feelings are complicated, things happen in life, to just **** on a woman is not his sole purpose in life and he can truly care and love a woman and still not be in love with her and sometimes people have to start living to please themselves than to be obligated to another out of trying not to hurt them..... then maybe it could be something else

but in the end....its up to an individual to be aware of and know what type of relationship they are in....life is about living and learning and growing from experiences, especially relationships.....

 

[nychaelasymone]

I hate to admit this but I had something similar happen to me...we weren't engaged but seriously dating........one day he just up and said he didn't want me anymore and wanted to date someone else.......

so I was human for a second, feelings were hurt, but then I thought about it and gave him the finger and moved on. Life is too short for this foolishness, thank you for not wasting my time!

 

[Highly Favored8]

people are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime....people do like and love other people they don't necessarily want to spend their lives with....people grow apart, people try to make things work, people may even want things to work but know in their hearts that it won't( I agree with this tiria76)

This is words of wisdom.

Now this guy is a total Douche Bag. It is these types of men who see your friend doing so much better with him that when he does see her again he WILL want her back. Too bad so sad not going to happen! Tell her to make her life better when she takes care of herself. God has some one much better in store for her!

 

[Country gal]

I am going to need details. What was the purpose of the lovey dovey week? What were the signs?

 

[Crackers Phinn]

ETA: It was " I do not think we should speak anymore and I want to pursue someone else"

I should have specified, they have been together for 3-4 years.
They had a "lovey dovey" week after he insisted that she visit him.

He was wrong as hell for ending it this way, but I could charge that to the game.

This situation is exactly why I don't like the concept of being someone's girlfriend for year(S). Dude knew he was holding out for something better from jump.