Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
I'm sure some of you know what I've been going through with my father (who happens to be the pastor of the church I attend). I am getting fed up and turned off. This morning, I told him I did not want to go to church anymore. Yesterday, he had a testimony period during service and he was disappointed that I did not give a testimony. He said that Satan was keeping me in my seat for not giving God glory. I give God glory all the time! Not just at church. And I also feel like you don't always have to voice your testimony. You can give a testimony through your actions. I have given a testimony before, just not yesterday. I'm also someone that is humble and I do not like to boast or brag about stuff, but at the same time, I still praise God for what He has done in my life.
And he has a problem that I do not give money when everyone else does. See, I count money and I sometimes put my money in when I'm in the room where we count money. And I have given money during offering period. And I also tithe once a month. He has a problem with that.
He's also had a problem with me reading my Bible during church. He said I should be paying attention to service. I do! And he always tries to use the Bible against me when all I'm doing is helping out the church with my heart and it's putting a damper on my spirit. On Sunday mornings, I don't even feel like I'm there to worship God. I'm just there going through a 2 hour program that my dad sets up. I teach the youth, I handle the finances for the church, I run the projector for the power point slides during service, and help out in certain ministries when I can, but it's not enough for my dad. I'm accused of not loving God enough and I'm sick of it!
My dad feels like I'm the evil one and I just hate him. I don't hate him. I love him and I'm sure he loves me, but he is too controlling and like a dictator at that church. I feel like the church is a cult. I feel like it's all about him when it comes to that church. He asked me what was wrong and I told him. I try not to complain but if you ask what's wrong, I'm going to tell you. And if you don't like it or agree, then I have nothing else to say. That's why I just told him I don't want to go to the church anymore.
I don't feel like it's a church of God. I feel like it's my dad's church. I know he's the pastor and overseer of the church, but he is not God or the Head of the church. Jesus Christ is the Head of the church. And the comments he makes sometimes makes it seem like he thinks he's God. He said that people are being disobedient to God if they do not do everything that he (my dad) tells them to do. For example, he said for everyone in the church to give over and beyond 10% of their gross income, and if they didn't do that, that means they are being disobedient to God. Last time I check, the Bible says to give from your heart freely whether it's more or less than 10% of your income without being force or pressured or grudgingly.
But maybe I'm wrong. I just don't know anymore. I try my best to live for God and show that I love God and believe in His Son Jesus. It makes me feel like I want to just stay in a room somewhere like a nun and just read the bible and pray all day since everything I do is against the Word. I just don't get it.
And I'm sure some of you know what I was going through last year when I felt like a borderline Atheist. I feel like I've gotten back to a good point now in my life and I do not want to go back feeling like an Atheist. And my dad was part of the reason why I had Atheist-like feelings. Please pray for me as I continue to pray for myself. I know the prayers from some of you ladies here at LHCF helped me in the past. My spirit really feels troubled right now.
And if anyone can give me any advice or suggestions about what to do in this situation, please feel free to give it. I know some of you have even mentioned that I should leave and find a new church home regardless of the fact that he is my father and that my mother and siblings go to that church too. My dad thinks I'm the only one that has a problem but my mother and siblings do too, they're just not as open about it to him.
Well I could go on about this... I'm done venting. God bless you all.
And he has a problem that I do not give money when everyone else does. See, I count money and I sometimes put my money in when I'm in the room where we count money. And I have given money during offering period. And I also tithe once a month. He has a problem with that.
He's also had a problem with me reading my Bible during church. He said I should be paying attention to service. I do! And he always tries to use the Bible against me when all I'm doing is helping out the church with my heart and it's putting a damper on my spirit. On Sunday mornings, I don't even feel like I'm there to worship God. I'm just there going through a 2 hour program that my dad sets up. I teach the youth, I handle the finances for the church, I run the projector for the power point slides during service, and help out in certain ministries when I can, but it's not enough for my dad. I'm accused of not loving God enough and I'm sick of it!
My dad feels like I'm the evil one and I just hate him. I don't hate him. I love him and I'm sure he loves me, but he is too controlling and like a dictator at that church. I feel like the church is a cult. I feel like it's all about him when it comes to that church. He asked me what was wrong and I told him. I try not to complain but if you ask what's wrong, I'm going to tell you. And if you don't like it or agree, then I have nothing else to say. That's why I just told him I don't want to go to the church anymore.
I don't feel like it's a church of God. I feel like it's my dad's church. I know he's the pastor and overseer of the church, but he is not God or the Head of the church. Jesus Christ is the Head of the church. And the comments he makes sometimes makes it seem like he thinks he's God. He said that people are being disobedient to God if they do not do everything that he (my dad) tells them to do. For example, he said for everyone in the church to give over and beyond 10% of their gross income, and if they didn't do that, that means they are being disobedient to God. Last time I check, the Bible says to give from your heart freely whether it's more or less than 10% of your income without being force or pressured or grudgingly.
But maybe I'm wrong. I just don't know anymore. I try my best to live for God and show that I love God and believe in His Son Jesus. It makes me feel like I want to just stay in a room somewhere like a nun and just read the bible and pray all day since everything I do is against the Word. I just don't get it.
And I'm sure some of you know what I was going through last year when I felt like a borderline Atheist. I feel like I've gotten back to a good point now in my life and I do not want to go back feeling like an Atheist. And my dad was part of the reason why I had Atheist-like feelings. Please pray for me as I continue to pray for myself. I know the prayers from some of you ladies here at LHCF helped me in the past. My spirit really feels troubled right now.
And if anyone can give me any advice or suggestions about what to do in this situation, please feel free to give it. I know some of you have even mentioned that I should leave and find a new church home regardless of the fact that he is my father and that my mother and siblings go to that church too. My dad thinks I'm the only one that has a problem but my mother and siblings do too, they're just not as open about it to him.
Well I could go on about this... I'm done venting. God bless you all.