I Don't Know What I Want: Relaxed or Natrual

[Plenty]

Please help me compile a list of things that one would have to consider when choosing to go natual or stay relaxed.

State whether you are relaxed or natural, then list the pros and cons. The pros and cons can be as litte as zero or as many as twenty, and they can be anything that you want.

I think this would be extreamly helpful. I am having the worst time desideing.


Relaxed

Pro:
Easy to manage
For the love of wetsets

Cons
I kinda think that white people have forced me to assimilate to their culture
I hate depending on a stylist
This girl at my old job has long hair, but it's all thinned out and ugly...

I'll come back and add more later. I just need to get started so I can make a decision and gain direction.
Thanks!

 

[Miss*Tress]

Cons of relaxing
- The chemicals really aren't safe - they're (extra) mild depilatories.
- Can't walk in the rain for worry about frizz and crap like that.
- Weakens the hair.
- The expense of going to the salon and/or special treatments to restore strength and moisture that have been stripped from the hair.

ETA: I'm relaxed but only because I didn't know how to style my natural hair.

 

[natstar]

Natural

Pros:
Less money spent on hair care overall(for me at least)
Thicker & stonger hair (also just speaking in my situation)

Cons:
Takes longer to show length (if it hasn't been stretched or pressed)
Sometimes I just want straight, flowy hair w/out the risk of heat damage (even w/a heat protectant the risk remains).
Sometimes I just want to wash, flatiron and go and with my hair there is a lot more involved. -Damn, now u got me thinkin erplexed

Natstar

 

[so1913]

Natural, as you know...

Pros:

Natural hair IS easy to manage, once you learn how to work with it. A misconception is that it isn't, but that's because many of us have little experience handling natural hair.

Stronger- Natural hair is more resilient than chemically treated hair

Save Money and time- No more hours at the salon for touch ups, worrying about that "in between stage" and saving money.

No burns, less breakage- Of course natural hair can be damaged, if you don't care for it properly as with processed hair, BUT, that's easy to do learn. One or a couple of bad relaxer applications can set you back, and that is a chance everytime you go for a retouch.

You stand out- It's a nice feeling to know that you "stand out" a bit with your hair

I CAN stand the rain- No more running from bad weather to avoid "messing up the do"

Wash & Go's - You can wet your hair as often as you want and keep going. The ultimate moisturizer is water, and natural hair loves it!

Cons:
The difficulties some have accepting their natural hair, transitioning their thought process, the "learning" and transitional stage can be difficult for some, but I just look that as just another "challenge" in life. If you overcome it, it gives you one more thing to be so proud with yourself about.

If you do want straight hair, it does take more effort.

Relaxed hair

Pros:
If you want to wear your straight ALL the time, then relaxed hair will do this for you.

Cons:
Too many to list for me, lol. Some are simply the opposite of a few of the Pro's listed above.

"going natural" is both a physical AND mental transition. It's simply about accepting your hair "as is", and being HAPPY with it. You cannot transition one without the other, which is why so many people give up, or change their minds mid transition. Once you transition your mind, the rest is a piece of cake! All those bumps and hurdles that you encounter in your transition (which you will because this is something so new to you) are just that, and you will find your way through. You'll be able to approach like by saying "Ok, this is my obstacle, how do I get over it" you figure it out and keep moving, rather than quesition "is this the right thing?" or saying "Maybe I shouldn't do this", "natural hair isn't for me" (the most IRONIC thought on earth, lol!), "this is too difficult". Transitioning the mind is the ONLY way to a successful transition to being natural, quiting won't be an option.

Take your time, the great thing about hair is that it GROWS! Whatever you decide, you can always make the other decision later on down the road. I personally LOVE being natural. I know I talk and complain about my frustration with certain parts of my natural hair, but don't we all? LOL, overall, I couldn't be happier with my decision. And to see so many beautiful natural heads and the drastically different textures of our hair, I mean it's such a beautiful thing to me. I can't do the same things I used to be able to do styling wise as when I was relaxed, but heck, it was a job trying to make my hair do things it was born to do, lol.

However, only your personal pro's and con's should influence your decision. You may make the wrong choice making a decision based on other peoples "lists" and make a decision you are truly not happy with. Listen to your heart...it will tell you what it wants.

 

[Plenty]

However, only your personal pro's and con's should influence your decision. You may make the wrong choice making a decision based on other peoples "lists" and make a decision you are truly not happy with. Listen to your heart...it will tell you what it wants.

I don't agree with this. It is not like I can come up with all the pros and cons for natural hair becuse I never had it. I want to know what to consider. I wouldn't know what to consider until I experminted and went natural. So these list are in fact extreamly helpful.

Sometimes I just want to wash, flatiron and go and with my hair there is a lot more involved. -Damn, now u got me thinkin

Thats the whole point. I want to really think about this before I go forth.

Thanks for the help so far.

 

[LovelyZ]

Plenty, it is really good that you are taking the time to think all of this through. I think one of the reasons people to do not succeed in their transition is because they did not really plan for it. So my point for you to consider prior to going natural is your style options. I know some of it will be trial and error, but have a plan for what you are going to do with your hair while you're transitioning and after you are completely natural. This is one of those situations where proper planning will help set you up for success.


BTW, I am relaxed and afraid to go natural because I am not mentally ready to accept the 4b hair at my hairline

 

[so1913]

I don't agree with this. It is not like I can come up with all the pros and cons for natural hair becuse I never had it. I want to know what to consider. I wouldn't know what to consider until I experminted and went natural. So these list are in fact extreamly helpful.

Oh, I understand this, it's to get an "idea" my point was in the end, you have to base it on YOUR own list. Many of our pro's and con's are different from each other, which is why we all wear our hair different ways. You'll only TRULY know what your "pro's and con's" are until you experience them for yourself. You know how you feel about your relaxed hair...that should be the main influence whether you should attempt to be go natural

If 10 people here say something is a "pro" but after hearing all that, in the back of you head you are thinking "I don't think I'm ready for this...but 10 people here said this is why I should" than that's not a productive decision. See what I'm saying? I don't know....again, just my OPINIONS, lol.

 

[natstar]

Plenty- I wanted edit to add that for my situation-there are some times where I just don't want to be bothered at all (sheer laziness I think) and I want to wash and wear my hair straight. But I say there is a lot more involved, because in my situation, I don't like to just wash and go. I loose a lot of moisture no matter what. I wash & braid (which takes on avg a couple hrs) and go. The braids/twists last me for a week, depending on the style, so in the week I just get up and go. It saves me time during the week. Honestly I sometimes just get that mentality "the grass is greener" which is not always the case. But, for the most part I absolutely believe going natural was the best thing for me and my hair. Sometimes it just takes patience (for growing and learning a new way of how to care for ur hair) and a change in mindset. -Cosigning on so1913's post.

 

[caligirl]

Warning for potential transitioners: don't be fooled. Not all natural hair is wash and wear. Even an afro needs to be picked out and shaped properly. You may be very disappointed if you are expecting soft waves and curls to grow out of your head. I know I am and I may go head and texturize because my hair is a JOB.

 

[Miss*Tress]

OT: Natstar, is that you in your avatar?

 

[so1913]

Warning for potential transitioners: don't be fooled. Not all natural hair is wash and wear. Even an afro needs to be picked out and shaped properly. You may be very disappointed if you are expecting soft waves and curls to grow out of your head. I know I am and I may go head and texturize because my hair is a JOB.

See, and that's where I think the key is learning working WITH your hair and not against it. My twin sister has what people would probably consider 4b hair...no she can't wear it the same way I do, and she doesn't try to, lol. She found products that help her pick and shape her fro, if that's how she decides to wear it that day. She doesn't wash/wet her hair as much as I do because my routine would be more work for her to follow on her own hair. But she's happy with it because she's learning how to handle it where it isn't a "job". It's a JOB for me to wear twist and twist out styles the same way she does because my hair doesn't hold like hers does. Those are styles I LOVE and that can last for a long time that I can't benefit from like she can because I have a different hair texture. My wash n' wears don't last more than a day (to my liking at least), so it's a daily thing, where my sister can go a week without touching her hair...I guess you can say that's a JOB for me. But I love my hair and all of the quirks (and it has some quirks, lol) so that makes the job just part of my lifes daily routine, no biggy. Because I love my natural hair, whatever I need to do to deal with it is "ok" with me.

That's when it comes down to simply accepting your hair as it is, or not accepting it....then moving on.

 

[BK Bombshell]

Hi,

My hair is natural 4a or 4b, I'm not sure.

Pros:

Versatility - being able to go from flatiron straight, to wavy, to my afropuffs when I feel like it

Not spending 2 hours waiting in the salon after you made an appointment for a touch up and, to add insult to injury, having to pay $$$ for the "privilege"

Not being at the mercy of stylists who couldn't care less about the health my hair


Cons:

Sometimes it takes longer to style. My hair sometimes takes 2 hours to twist


I loooove the texture of my hair, but I know not everyone feels the same about their hair as I do; to each his own. I guess it depends on what's most important to you. I'm sure the wonderful ladies at LHCF will support whatever decision you make. Good luck!

 

[Plenty]

I got it! I am going to go natural and keep it braided. I style the braids like I did when I had micros!

And when I want to go some were special, I will get a press and curl.

Thanks for the so1913. I like the idea of "standing out," low maintance, not depending on stylist, and when my hair hair is too difficult and time-consuming to style... I will keep them in individual braids! I will redo this every 2 months or so. I am so excited! I finally have a plane!

You ladies really helped me to deside!

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

I'm relaxed and find it's just what I want at this time. I like the rollerset look or the sleek pony tail. It less time consuming and fits right into my schedule.
When I was natural was when I had to worry about the rain jacking my hair up, lol. I don't hate my natural hair but would find myself flat ironing more if I was natural so to me I wouldn't even be able to enjoy the natural styles that are out there. If and when I decide to wear more natural looking styles, I definately won't have a problem BCing, skip the transition, I would want my natural hair/styles A.S.A.P. But at this time in my life I prefer other hairstyles so this is why I relax. i do agree w/s01913 on the point about our own pro's and con's making the decision for us. Because so many pple make decisions on others opinions and only end up back where they started , but I guess that's the beauty about hair it continues to grow and we do as we please w/it.

 

[Cichelle]

For me, there are only cons to relaxed hair. I can't think of anything beneficial or any reason I would go back to relaxing my hair. BUT, I have no desire to wear my hair straight or to alter the texture in any way. The best thing about my natural hair is that it is healthy, strong and growing faster than it did when it was relaxed. I don't have to use chemicals/get touch ups/worry about hair loss and burns. Don't have to worry about the weather. I guess if I ever decide I want to wear my hair straight, I will just blow it dry. But over all, I'm very happy with my natural hair.

 

[natstar]

OT: Natstar, is that you in your avatar?

Nope- not moi. I just thought the pic was gorgeous.

 

[Miss*Tress]

I agree it's a beautiful picture.

 

[TrustMeLove]

I got it! I am going to go natural and keep it braided. I style the braids like I did when I had micros!

And when I want to go some were special, I will get a press and curl.

Thanks for the so1913. I like the idea of "standing out," low maintance, not depending on stylist, and when my hair hair is too difficult and time-consuming to style... I will keep them in individual braids! I will redo this every 2 months or so. I am so excited! I finally have a plane!

You ladies really helped me to deside!

I really would like you to re-evaluate this statement.


This is for everyone. I once felt the same as the bolded above too.

The questions that pop into my mind upon reading this are:

Oh natural hair isn't appropriate for special engagements?
Or does straight hair make you feel special, and therefore is needed to go to special places?
Is natural hair like a ponytail ok for every day events, but when you are going out to a ball you have to step up your game and get your hair (done) DID?

I did a serious B.C, when I first went natural. TWA Status. During my TWA state I still have to go to some pretty high class affairs. I refuse to wear a wig or jump to get some braids. I look absolutely beautiful and amazing with my nappy hair. People even had the nerve to ask me, "Oh what are you going to do with your hair?" Excuse me! We went to the event and who still looked on point by the end of the night while their press sweated out or their relaxer went limp. Not saying this is everyones case (cause most of my homegirls have straight hair and they always look on point), but please don't try to tell me my nappy hair isn't appropriate for the event.

Natural hair is good for everyday events and special events. (i.e. if you have to go to the govenors ball or your school prom)

Straight hair isn't any better,because on both sides of the fence if your hair isn't done right you can look a mess. Natural or Straight.

The above questions are something to really ponder, upon your journey to Natural. It may seem small but it's all in the mind.

 

[TrustMeLove]

RELAXER

Pros:

Styling Options:

With my relaxer I had so many quick styling options. Seriously. My hair was thin as can be, but it was growing. My edges were thinned out. But I could do a mean clip in weave. Throw in a fake pony tail and curl it all up, put some tracks in the back and be TUFF.

Cons:

THIN HAIR
BREAKAGE (Even with following LHCF)
NERVOUSNESS BEFORE TOUCH UPS (overlapping)
BAD HAIR DAYS (I had to add weave and whipp it up to look good, otherwise I would look busted)
INBETWEEN STAGE (When you need a relaxer)
SALON VISITS (cost too much $100 every visit)

I could go on, but I won't.


NATURAL

Cons:

TAKES TIME TO DO YOUR OWN STYLES.

-Like 2-3 hours for some. But thats the same amount of time I would have spent up in the shop having someone relax my hair. So it kind of balances out. Also I am sure for some with lots of hair, its the same amount of time doing your own roller set. So maybe this isn't really a con cause you have to do it on both sides of the fence.

Pros.

THE BEST THING IVE EVER DONE FOR MY HAIR IN MY LIFE.
-I really tear up when I think about how happy and how confident I am with my natural hair. It's such a beautiful thing. All my friends can see it and they comment on it too. They like wow TrustMeLove you have really found yourself.

WASH AND GO.

I am like 4a hair, maybe some 4B. I wash and go all the time. I do not pick out anything. nada. You don't have too. You don't have to pick out a fro. I just wash it in the shower and like pat it down while applying some other products. Like oil or shea butter.

I AM ALWAYS READY FOR ANY EVENT.

-My wash and go is just on point. I never have to do anything etc special if I don't want too. I mean I get dress, put on my make up, and I make sure my accessories are on point and I am ready to go.

-I can do twist if I want to and they last a while. But, I like my nappy hair soo much I take them out no later than 5 days.

Umm yea thats all thats on my mind right now.

 

[Country gal]

s01913 had some good points.

Natural hair is just more than a hair style. It is a mental process that goes with being natural. I had to learn to re train my mind to become natural. During my transition, I still had a relaxed mind. Once I let go and embrace my natural beauty, the rewards started coming in.


I consider myself to be a Natural hair model. SO I wear it with style and grace. I think my hair loves the simplicity of being natural. I would spend so much time flat ironing my hair. Now I just shake the twists or wear a wash & go. I chime in later for more feedback. I got to wash out this conditioner.

Post script

Plenty, you may decide to never press your hair. Pressing is not always a good option for naturals. I thought I would press for special events but I don't. I may flat iron my hair with the maxiglide.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

And when I want to go some were special, I will get a press and curl.

it's this statement that leads me to believe you will probably be better off continuing with perms.

BTW - once you go natural, 'safe' low heat press and curls are more poofy and don't last as long as with relaxed hair. Also, a hard high heat press could burn your hair straight so that it doesn't revert after you put water on it.

 

[Aubergold]

I have like 7-9 inches of natural hair:

PROS:
-no more chemical slowly seeping into my brain (dramatic i know, lol)
-knowing I am not conforming to anyone's standard of beauty but my own (not that everyone who is relaxed is)
-my hair looks cool and different
-one lady told me I look regal with my afro puff (not that relaxed hair cant look regal, lol)
-today it rained and I was CHILLIN

CONS:
-my hair (4b, some 4a on top) seems to suck up sny type of moisture like a vacuum
-takes longer to dry
-not everyone is gonna find u beautiful so u have to define beauty for yourself
-hard to show length
-initially I was SO upset cause i didn't have curler hair (I don't know what I was thinkin cause both my parents are Ghanaian, lol) but I got over it

 

[Plenty]

I really would like you to re-evaluate this statement.


This is for everyone. I once felt the same as the bolded above too.

The questions that pop into my mind upon reading this are:

Oh natural hair isn't appropriate for special engagements?
Or does straight hair make you feel special, and therefore is needed to go to special places?
Is natural hair like a ponytail ok for every day events, but when you are going out to a ball you have to step up your game and get your hair (done) DID?

I did a serious B.C, when I first went natural. TWA Status. During my TWA state I still have to go to some pretty high class affairs. I refuse to wear a wig or jump to get some braids. I look absolutely beautiful and amazing with my nappy hair. People even had the nerve to ask me, "Oh what are you going to do with your hair?" Excuse me! We went to the event and who still looked on point by the end of the night while their press sweated out or their relaxer went limp. Not saying this is everyones case (cause most of my homegirls have straight hair and they always look on point), but please don't try to tell me my nappy hair isn't appropriate for the event.

Natural hair is good for everyday events and special events. (i.e. if you have to go to the govenors ball or your school prom)

Straight hair isn't any better,because on both sides of the fence if your hair isn't done right you can look a mess. Natural or Straight.

The above questions are something to really ponder, upon your journey to Natural. It may seem small but it's all in the mind.

True. I guess my thinking is off b/c of mon. I had 2 years worth of BEAUTIFUL natual hair. I realaxed all due to the dirty looks I kept getting at my job and my mother telling me that I need to to look professional as if I didn't with natural hair.
I will think about this a little more...

 

[trinidarkie1]

Hello Ladies,
I can understand the confusion that the thread author is concerned about.
I'm at 11 weeks post relaxer and I have been considering some of everything like
- braiding in cornrows
- bantu knots each week
- what products to use that will keep my hair strong and growing.
- relaxing and weaving (Since I HATE how my hair looks without extension since it's short)

I would love to go natural again, but I think it'll take me a couple years to achieve the look that I want and I dont know if I have the patience.
Each day is a struggle for me to look like sense.
I can put my hair in a ponytail, but with like 2 inches left, and thin looking.
I grew up wiht thick, full, naturally black hair and because of neglect and trying to keep up with my friends, who of course had different types of hair, I got screwed.

I dont really have the pros and cons together.
I dont know if I am going to relax today, or next month. Growing out is such a struggle, daily!

the thing is, my new growth is coming out more 4a than b, it's nice and soft, and really healthy looking, but more in the middle than in the front back and sides.
Do I want to continue growing out and see how my hair is gonna look? I dunno.

To reiterate someone's advice; it's such a personal choice, that regardless of the pros and cons of other people's experiences, it's definitely up to you and the hair that you've got.

For now, I satisfy my craving for relaxed looking hair by wearing an instant weave. And until I can afford to go the hair store 2x a month, then I think I'll have to do something that I can do for myself at home. Be it, co washes, growing out etc, or relaxing at home, wearing a wig etc.

 

[caltron]

it's this statement that leads me to believe you will probably be better off continuing with perms.

BTW - once you go natural, 'safe' low heat press and curls are more poofy and don't last as long as with relaxed hair. Also, a hard high heat press could burn your hair straight so that it doesn't revert after you put water on it.

So true. I used to get a hard press on the regular. Whenever it would get to about 8 inches long, I would have to get it cut from all the damage.

 

[SilkyandSmooth]

I'm natural.

Natural Pros
-You're not putting chemicals in your hair on a regular basis.
-Hair is easier to style after washing. All I do is wash and air dry. No sitting under the dryer for 45 minutes to an hour, blow drying or flat ironing.

Cons
-Day to day styling is more difficult, IMO. My natural hair LOVES water and obviously I can't wet my hair every morning when it's like 30 degrees outside.
-Straightening the hair (and keeping it straight) on occasion is a task.

Relaxed
Pros
-Day to day styling was easier for me. All I had to do was comb my hair and throw a little oil on it. It took five minutes or less to do my hair in the mornings.

Cons
-Chemicals, chemicals, chemicals. I didn't experience a lot of breakage or thinning edges when I was relaxed, but when I think back to all the chemicals I put in my hair over the years, I get sick. Before I found LHCF, I used to relax my hair every 6 weeks religiously. Yikes!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

For me I was always struggling between the choice of natural/ relaxing. What actually helped me to remain a natural is the last time I had my hair relaxed. My hair was limp, and badly damaged from the relaxer being left on my hair too long. I missed my naturally curly hair. This time it took me longer to style my relaxed hair than my natural hair. I used to be able to wash n go my merry way. It's all a mindset. When you're ready to be natural, you'll know it.

 

[so1913]

I really would like you to re-evaluate this statement.


This is for everyone. I once felt the same as the bolded above too.

The questions that pop into my mind upon reading this are:

Oh natural hair isn't appropriate for special engagements?
Or does straight hair make you feel special, and therefore is needed to go to special places?
Is natural hair like a ponytail ok for every day events, but when you are going out to a ball you have to step up your game and get your hair (done) DID?

I did a serious B.C, when I first went natural. TWA Status. During my TWA state I still have to go to some pretty high class affairs. I refuse to wear a wig or jump to get some braids. I look absolutely beautiful and amazing with my nappy hair. People even had the nerve to ask me, "Oh what are you going to do with your hair?" Excuse me! We went to the event and who still looked on point by the end of the night while their press sweated out or their relaxer went limp. Not saying this is everyones case (cause most of my homegirls have straight hair and they always look on point), but please don't try to tell me my nappy hair isn't appropriate for the event.

Natural hair is good for everyday events and special events. (i.e. if you have to go to the govenors ball or your school prom)

Straight hair isn't any better,because on both sides of the fence if your hair isn't done right you can look a mess. Natural or Straight.

The above questions are something to really ponder, upon your journey to Natural. It may seem small but it's all in the mind.

I agree. When I was in a wedding back in May the big question everyone had was "What are you going to do with your hair???" I mean, I got asked 50 million times to the point I eventually snapped at someone, lol. I almost felt pressure to get it straightened, because the way people approached me with the question the first thing that would follow was "Are you going to straighten it?" but when I went to my stylist (who was relaxed) she said something that made eased mind. She said "we aren't going to straighten it, that's not you" and she went ahead and did a twist set. I got sooooo many compliments that day. I no longer have that question as to whether or not I have to straighten my hair for special occasions. I know I don't and can still have it styled to look great

This is not to say that if you choose to wear a straight style on occassion, you aren't ready to wear your hair naturally. I will still press/straighten my hair on occassion, it is a styling option(when I find the patience, lol...it's be about 1 year!) BUT, there is a difference between feeling like you NEED or HAVE to straighten it in order to have what in your mind is an "acceptable" style.

 

[caligirl]

My wash and go is just on point. I never have to do anything etc special if I don't want too. I mean I get dress, put on my make up, and I make sure my accessories are on point and I am ready to go.

I'm sure this would be fine for short hair (like TWA) but for longer hair (like past shoulder length) just patting down after washing with out taking time to section hair and coming it out will result in matting and maybe even locks.

 

[TrustMeLove]

I'm sure this would be fine for short hair (like TWA) but for longer hair (like past shoulder length) just patting down after washing with out taking time to section hair and coming it out will result in matting and maybe even locks.

Wow. Locs. Well I detangle in the shower. Even with my TWA. Cause my hair can get tangled and start to clump. If I go 3 days with detangling it feels like I am rimping through my hair when I finally get around to do it. I use my fingers to detangle.

I plan to detangle in the shower even when my hair gets longer. So its semi wash and go with a detangle.

Hoepfully naturals with long hair can do this as well, cause I don't want to have to do more than this when my hair gets longer. lol