I don't feel like myself when I wear weave. Am I alone?

PersuasiveBeauty

PersuasiveBeauty

New Member
Before, when I didn't know what I was capable of growing my own hair past apl, I was so dependent on weave, and I would feel incomplete without it. Though everyone told me my hair was "long" I still didn't feel apl was long enough and I always felt the need to add weave. I would have low self esteem in between installs, and I wouldn't dare to leave the house. Thanks to you lovely ladies, I have learned to care for my real hair, and I proudly wear it out and about. Although I am proud to wear my real hair now, I still protective style with weaves, and plan to do so until I reach my goal length. My only problem now is the fact that I just don't feel like myself when I have my weave in. I feel very fake and artificial. And dare I say, it is beginning to take a toll on my self-esteem. I feel so much more beautiful when I am wearing my real hair. I mean, nobody can tell me ANYTHING. I can walk out of the house in over sized sweat pants and flip flops, but if it is all my real hair I am working with, I just KNOW I look good.

My question to you all is: What can I do to help push me through this frustrating time? I do want to keep wearing weaves because I have hand in hair syndrome. So if I was to do a protective style such as bunning, I would be taking it down every 20 minutes just to check my length. Yes. I have issues.

Any advice or suggestions ladies? Thanks in advance.
 
i don't feel like myself either. i haven't had a weave install since 2001. i do wear a wig sometimes. i will throw one on, if i am being lazy or run out of time to do my hair. i really like short wigs. long, full wigs make me look like Lil Kim.

try a braided bun, or a cute updo that you wouldn't want to disturb. i wear my hair down at least once a week to be able to see and play with my hair. for the rest of the week i wear a bun. you should be able to enjoy your hair and not feel like you have to hide it from yourself in order for it to grow.

weaves and wigs shouldn't be used as a crutch. they are accessories and should be treated as such, unless you have some type of medical condition.

just keep your hair goal in mind. this is more of a mind of matter type of thing. constantly length checking is like watching paint dry. just enjoy your hair!

oh and when i am at home, i am in a bun and a scarf. i have this thing of HIH too, but i am always checking and pulling out shed hairs. it is more like a nervous type/calming thing for me. it's either that or pulling the skin off of my lips, or rocking back and forth. ok i know i sound really crazy right now! :lol: maybe i am? :lol:
 
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I can relate a little, but you're putting undue pressure on yourself. To me its like I have discovered my hair is a superhero now that I know how to grow it and I do feel fake with added hair. Try to focus on the fact that you have your skills now and you are using techniques that facilitate more growth for you when you have your weave in. Good luck.
 
I've only worn weaves a couple of times in my life. My husband hates fake hair so I try to keep that in mind. My hair was still relaxed when I had my weave and I wore it because I wasn't happy with the way I looked. I loved the way I looked with a weave and I felt more confident. I didn't feel like myself in a good way. Now I'm natural and I love my hair everyday because it's all me. I agree with what someone else said about doing a braided bun that you won't want to mess up. I have HIH too and I length check every half hour. So try a bun and think about putting down the weave if you feel it takes you away from your authentic self.
 
I have only had a weave one time in my life and I was quite insecure about it.

That was ten years ago. I felt like people would call me out. It was long too because frankly I feel if you are going to wear weave go long. I was SL and I got it BSL.

I wore it in a bun at the neck the whole time

I took it out after two weeks. My mentor at the time called me into her office and said it looked ridic and took away my beauty and I think that is because I lost my confidence. If I was in line I'd be worried about what the person behind me saw or be quite in meetings so people wouldn't look at me.
 
I don't feel like myself when I wear weaves either. The fake extra hair on my hair is annoying. I feel like I'm wearing a disguise. The last time I wore fake hair was when I was when I wore a wig at my sister's wedding. Now that I'm natural I feel no need to weave up my hair. I have two packs of remy hair in my truck that I was going to use for my sisters wedding that will probably never be used. I have no desire to get the hair installed on my head. I don't think your feelings are going to change. It sounds like your perception of hair is changing. You know that you can grow your own hair, and that weaves are unnecessary. Some people wear weaves for a style change, but it doesn't sound like you wear them for that purpose. I would ditch the weaves and wear your real hair.
 
I feel the same way about wigs. I just like wearing my own hair. Some people can rock wigs and weave with confidence but I'm not one of em. My boyfriend also loathes wigs and weaves.

I will ocasionally wear clips in extensions though. You get the benefits of the weave without the permanance of having it installed. You can clip those bad boys in, then take em off at the end of the day.

However, now my hair is just as long as my extensions, so I haven't found myself wanting to wear those as much either, though I do love the fullness they add.

I feel like the past four years or so were all about super long Beyonce-Kim Kardashianesque weaves and extensions but now it seems like more natural looking hair is back in thank goodness. I see more people rocking shorter styles and their own hair which is nice.
 
I"m very insecure in weaves and wigs. When I first went natural I wore wigs and felt like everyone was looking at my hairline. I can do braids but not weaves and wigs. I feel funny.
 
For whatever reason my hair can't take weaves...but I loved wearing them! Wigs, not so much. I always felt like they were gonna fall or blow off, and leave me lookn crazy. I like My hair best.
 
I think if its that deep and emotional for you, you should stop wearing ASAP and if u have one now, you should take it out ASAP. Weaves are suppose to be a fun , protective style for us. When they have such a deep toll on your entire being its a serious issue and it shouldn't be.

So what if you like to put your hands in your hair sometime!! It ain't worth getting something the you are so against .

If you are trying to do protective style look at other options.
 
I have a love hate relationship with wigs I really dont like wearing them but they help me retain my growth so I loooove them for that;)
 
PersuasiveBeauty said:
Before, when I didn't know what I was capable of growing my own hair past apl, I was so dependent on weave, and I would feel incomplete without it. Though everyone told me my hair was "long" I still didn't feel apl was long enough and I always felt the need to add weave. I would have low self esteem in between installs, and I wouldn't dare to leave the house. Thanks to you lovely ladies, I have learned to care for my real hair, and I proudly wear it out and about. Although I am proud to wear my real hair now, I still protective style with weaves, and plan to do so until I reach my goal length. My only problem now is the fact that I just don't feel like myself when I have my weave in. I feel very fake and artificial. And dare I say, it is beginning to take a toll on my self-esteem. I feel so much more beautiful when I am wearing my real hair. I mean, nobody can tell me ANYTHING. I can walk out of the house in over sized sweat pants and flip flops, but if it is all my real hair I am working with, I just KNOW I look good.

My question to you all is: What can I do to help push me through this frustrating time? I do want to keep wearing weaves because I have hand in hair syndrome. So if I was to do a protective style such as bunning, I would be taking it down every 20 minutes just to check my length. Yes. I have issues.

Any advice or suggestions ladies? Thanks in advance.
Click to expand...

PersuasiveBeauty Hi,

Try wearing your hair in a loose french braid. You can direct it down your back, or over the shoulder, or wind the tail into a bun. It might give you the ability to just look at your length while protecting your hair at the same time. :yep:
 
I hate weaves. Alway makes me feel like I have an alien or small animal on my head.

Eta: iTA with the post below :-)
 
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PersuasiveBeauty said:
Before, when I didn't know what I was capable of growing my own hair past apl, I was so dependent on weave, and I would feel incomplete without it. Though everyone told me my hair was "long" I still didn't feel apl was long enough and I always felt the need to add weave. I would have low self esteem in between installs, and I wouldn't dare to leave the house. Thanks to you lovely ladies, I have learned to care for my real hair, and I proudly wear it out and about. Although I am proud to wear my real hair now, I still protective style with weaves, and plan to do so until I reach my goal length. My only problem now is the fact that I just don't feel like myself when I have my weave in. I feel very fake and artificial. And dare I say, it is beginning to take a toll on my self-esteem. I feel so much more beautiful when I am wearing my real hair. I mean, nobody can tell me ANYTHING. I can walk out of the house in over sized sweat pants and flip flops, but if it is all my real hair I am working with, I just KNOW I look good.

My question to you all is: What can I do to help push me through this frustrating time? I do want to keep wearing weaves because I have hand in hair syndrome. So if I was to do a protective style such as bunning, I would be taking it down every 20 minutes just to check my length. Yes. I have issues.

Any advice or suggestions ladies? Thanks in advance.
Click to expand...
Good for you for discovering the beauty of your own hair! That's a wonderful thing. Consider abandoning weaves and wigs altogether. I have never believed that robbing the scalp of fresh air by covering it with weaves and wigs could possibly be good for our scalps or hair in the long run. Now that your hair is healthy, HIH Syndrome won't bother it. Throw it in a ponytail, bun or braid and length check all you want. Just keep those ends moisturized and oiled. The closer you get to your goal, the less obsessive you'll be about checking length. Good luck!
 
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i have never had this problem. but i started wearing weaves to protective style and grow out damage. i always got believable weaves. now i wear weaves that are shorter than my own hair. which is a TRIP to me because i never even thought that was possible. when my hair was neck length, 10 inch hair seemed long!

keep this in mind, you are always beautiful, amazing, courageous, fabulous YOU, no matter what is on your head!

hold your head up and be the wonderful person you are.

please always know that the truth is that you are STUNNING and MAJESTIC in a weave, wig or in your homegrown hair. :)
 
God_Favor said:
I think if its that deep and emotional for you, you should stop wearing ASAP and if u have one now, you should take it out ASAP. Weaves are suppose to be a fun , protective style for us. When they have such a deep toll on your entire being its a serious issue and it shouldn't be.

So what if you like to put your hands in your hair sometime!! It ain't worth getting something the you are so against .

If you are trying to do protective style look at other options.
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Well Said.

I don't care what I have on, a hat, wig, weave, or scarf, I feel like myself :)
:-)
 
Do you thing you will feel that you have weave in braids, I know its the same bit it may help mentally.


Mini braids with your own hair is also a beautiful option!!! I just found this out from one of our poster that has the best summer style ever!!
 
I feel like myself in wigs,wash'ngo's , shrunken fro's, twists and braidouts:grin:

I love to switch it up, currently I'm wearing wigs since I tend to get bored and do crazy things like... bleaching my hair within a inch :ohwell:of it's life.

It's better to change colors and textures with my wigs then my own hair.
 
I don't knock them, but I've never worn weaves or wigs because I love the feeling of my husband's hands in my hair. I am like the OP in that I woudn't feel right about wearing weaves or wigs. I never get bored with my own hair. I have worked too hard to get it healthy and long. It's been a fulfilling hair journey for me. I am grateful--and now I just want to take care of my own hair and enjoy it. When I want a change I do a braid out, ponytail or updo. I color my hair dark brown/black with Bigen to cover grays. No bleaching, streaks, or highlights. When men (or women) tell me that they love my hair, they know that it's the real deal. After working so hard for four years having others acknowledge my efforts always makes me smile.
 
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I feel similar to you too. When I wear weaves I feel like i'm not being true to myself, that everyone is judging me for having fake hair, and basically not pretty at all. I decided to change and try twists and I made the right decision for me. Even though I am still using fake hair, I feel that twists represent who I truly am better than weaves :)
 
I've never worn a weave. I just got a new half wig and I hope I don't feel like this. I got a texture that's close to my own so I wouldn't feel too "fake" about it.

But I still think I partially understand what you're going through. When I straighten my hair, I don't feel part of the "natural" movement anymore. It's weird. Like I feel like the old me, not the new me. :drunk:
 
No, you are not alone. I've been wearing box braids for approximately 2 years and 8 months and have not worn it out not once in public. I don't feel like it's mine so I don't flaunt it. Now if I'm rocking my own hair then it's another story.
 
I used to feel the same way until i found wigs that were right for me which are mostly curly natural looking SL wigs, i normally tend to stay away from straight wigs as those are the ones i feel look fake and unnatural looking on me/people.
 
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I can't do wigs, but I like weaves. I havent worn a weave in a long time bc I feel like the braid pulls my hair out and my hair slips out if braids so quickly no matter how secure the braid is.
 
I'm the same way. Crazy thing is I can rock a satin cap or rollers or scarf to the store (yep I said it) and feel fine but weave? Nope. And I refuse to put a wig on my head I can't do it.
 
I Love weaves!

I feel no different no matter how I wear my hair. I have worn weaves and wigs for a very long time and don't plan to stop any time soon. The only time I really felt self conscious was when I had a bad or cheap weave. Which is not often...

I used to feel funny about wearing wigs, but I got over that quickly once I started wearing lace wigs.

IMO, if it looks good you should always feel confident. Everyone wears weaves. All races, so no one really has any business looking at anyones hair line without looking at their own first. And it shouldn't matter anyway!

And also for me, my hair is already long so its not like I wear weave because I have jacked up hair like those who know nothing about proper hair care. I also wear them when I want to wear a short style and obviously do not want to cut my hair to do it. Same for color.

People shouldn't put such a negative stigma on these things. Its normal and not really that serious. As some of the other posters have stated, weaves/wigs should be for fun!
 
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