I don't care 'bout them other girls...

[texasqt]

Just be good to me!
Ok you all know how the song goes. I'm wondering how many of us roll with this as in "see no evil, hear no evil". The reason being is because we had a baby shower for all of our expecting co-workers and one of the parents-to-be who is male was also being celebrated. He's wife came to join in the festivities. This same guy is the one who is the "office flirt" and I don't mean confusing his kindness either. I mean totally inappropriate behavior with the females here - lewd comments, sexual advances, etc. I didn't even know the dude was married because he doesn't wear a ring and this is not their first child. And to make matters worse, the chicks who tend to accept his advances were in there congratulating wifey. I'm SOOOO CONFUSED! I wonder does she knows her man is a HUGE flirt and she doesn't care? By the way he acts, he doesn't seem to be putting on a front. It seems like he does this all the time. He's this way with everybody and he loves to call the women "baby" (if you don't stop him that is). He didn't do any of this in front of her and he gave her his undivided attention. Even rubbed her shoulders, got all cuddly, and held her hand a couple of times.

I don't know. I guess I'm bothered because a few months ago he was flirting with me and I had to get evil with him but now I want to curse his a** out on her behalf. I guess if she doesn't know about it then she's not harmed erplexed

So my question is - does it matter what SO does at work or anywhere else as long as he is treating you right? I mean you really have no way of knowing unless he slips up. If you know that your man can be a flirt, are you ok with it because he takes care of you and yours?
I just can't stand a flirtatious married man!

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

Hell yea!! It matters. No one wants to live a lie, you should respect our relationship whether you're in my presence or not...and they ALWAYS slip up...I can't live like that...

BTW...that type of flirting tends to lead to phone numbers being exchanged...then texting...then being "friends"...then boning...which can cause HELLA drama...pregnancies, STD's...anything....No thank you...Ignorance is not bliss.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

PREACH!

It matters and I WILL have people looking out for me. No wife should be in isolation. But there's a pretty good chance she knows and ignores it. I do not believe in that I was so surprised by this or that he did. It doesnt take people long to show you who they are. Majority of the time, he choose to ignore it. And if she is financially dependent on him and insecure, she wont say anything and she wont leave until she's fed up. That can takes months, years, ????

 

[luvn_life]

All I can say is WooooooW!!! That's why I don't have time for no slick talking negro... Heck yeah he is totally disrespectful. She probably has noticed things that she didn't like before. He may have acted good at the shower, but I'm pretty sure he has slipped up and been inappropriate. He's just a selfish jerk. And she is probably the little wifey who sits at home and knows that he is a selfish jerk...

 

[JustKiya]

Here I go, being different again

I'm a huge flirt. Huge. So is my husband. Huge. With that said, however, we have defined what our boundaries are in our relationship, and with the knowledge that we are both flirts - flirting with other people is perfectly okay for us - but we also know the difference between flirting and cheating. I knew he was a flirt before we got married. I truly didn't expect the ring to magically change that aspect of him. I also knew he was trustworthy before we got married - I didn't expect the ring to magically add that to his personality.

So, no, it doesn't matter to me what flirting he does when I'm not around - he knows what our boundaries are, and he's trustworthy enough to maintain them - and to tell me about the tacky ho's that try to violate them.
And yes, it's deeply amusing going with him to places that he's flirted with women before, and watching their 'walking on eggshells' reaction because they think the 'ignorant little wifey' is going to flip out, as well as the looks of puzzlement when he continues to flirt - right in front of me. *gasp* My husband notices other women!

 

[metro_qt]

Here I go, being different again

I'm a huge flirt. Huge. So is my husband. Huge. With that said, however, we have defined what our boundaries are in our relationship, and with the knowledge that we are both flirts - flirting with other people is perfectly okay for us - but we also know the difference between flirting and cheating. I knew he was a flirt before we got married. I truly didn't expect the ring to magically change that aspect of him. I also knew he was trustworthy before we got married - I didn't expect the ring to magically add that to his personality.

So, no, it doesn't matter to me what flirting he does when I'm not around - he knows what our boundaries are, and he's trustworthy enough to maintain them - and to tell me about the tacky ho's that try to violate them.
And yes, it's deeply amusing going with him to places that he's flirted with women before, and watching their 'walking on eggshells' reaction because they think the 'ignorant little wifey' is going to flip out, as well as the looks of puzzlement when he continues to flirt - right in front of me. *gasp* My husband notices other women!

Not to pry,
but to me? you're one of the lucky ones.

How is it you're able to delineate what's flirting and what's "going too far" in your relationship?

Many men just use the excuse of being super flirty to be able to have other relationships with women right under a main woman's nose.

 

[mrsjohnson75]

It matters to me.

 

[JustKiya]

Not to pry,
but to me? you're one of the lucky ones.

How is it you're able to delineate what's flirting and what's "going too far" in your relationship?

Many men just use the excuse of being super flirty to be able to have other relationships with women right under a main woman's nose.

Handholding goes too far. Kisses goes too far. Getting numbers goes too far. Asking/suggesting that they meet later, goes too far. There's a huge range of things between a flirtsome conversation and a relationship that is too far.

Carrying on a conversation, even a flirty one, face to face, is not too far - unless it's something like explicit "I wanna take you in the back room and bang your brains out" talk - and ew. DH doesn't roll like that. And that ain't flirting, either.

 

[kandake]

JK, can you explain what you mean by "tacky ho"

I guess I don't understand why you would condemn the female in this situation. I mean yes, you and your husband know the boundaries but the other woman doesn't. She may take his flirting seriously. Does that make her tacky? IDK, I'm assuming there's more to the situation(s) that I don't know about.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I've never been a fan of flirting because I think it can send mixed-signals to the one receiving the flirt; unless you really know the person you're flirting with and both of you know where to draw the line.

I don't flirt and my DH don't flirt, but I know many people that do it and have no problem doing it.

But you might run across someone who is taking the flirting too far, and to them it seems like something more.

 

[JustKiya]

JK, can you explain what you mean by "tacky ho"

I guess I don't understand why you would condemn the female in this situation. I mean yes, you and your husband know the boundaries but the other woman doesn't. She may take his flirting seriously. Does that make her tacky? IDK, I'm assuming there's more to the situation(s) that I don't know about.

Oh, girl, no, I'm not blaming an innocent woman who just took his flirting seriously - you are totally correct, there. She would just be confused.

By tacky ho's, I mean the women who have been told to back off, have been explained that while he flirts, he's not trying to come over later for a nightcap, and still attempt to push things beyond his stated boundaries. I'm talking women who even though he's never even touched them, attempt to kiss him. I'm talking ladies who, really, most likely should have been accused of harrassment. Ick. I consider that to be tacky and disrespectful, because I think that you should respect someones stated boundaries.
Interestingly enough, they all tend to be older women, too. :scratchch: As in, older than him........... hrm.

 

[kandake]

Oh, girl, no, I'm not blaming an innocent woman who just took his flirting seriously - you are totally correct, there. She would just be confused.

By tacky ho's, I mean the women who have been told to back off, have been explained that while he flirts, he's not trying to come over later for a nightcap, and still attempt to push things beyond his stated boundaries. I'm talking women who even though he's never even touched them, attempt to kiss him. I'm talking ladies who, really, most likely should have been accused of harrassment. Ick. I consider that to be tacky and disrespectful, because I think that you should respect someones stated boundaries.
Interestingly enough, they all tend to be older women, too. :scratchch: As in, older than him........... hrm.

Ah, I see. I was like man JK, maybe the chick was confused.

I think the tacky ho issue is why I wouldn't be comfortable being with a man who flirts or even one who's overly friendly. You give someone an inch and they take a mile and end up totally disrespecting you and your marriage. I just can't deal with the drama.

 

[luvn_life]

Innocent flirting is one thing... But, lewd comments and sexual advances are another thing. And the fact that he is acting totally different when his wife is around shows that he knows what he is doing is out of line. But, even innocent flirting can lead its way to be a whole issue.

 

[JustKiya]

Ah, I see. I was like man JK, maybe the chick was confused.

I think the tacky ho issue is why I wouldn't be comfortable being with a man who flirts or even one who's overly friendly. You give someone an inch and they take a mile and end up totally disrespecting you and your marriage. I just can't deal with the drama.

It definitely doesn't work for everyone, no doubt. It works for us for a couple of reasons, and one of the main ones is that we are quick to drop people like a hot potato. Quick. While our natural personality is friendly and flirtsome, we can both be very, very, very cold to people who have caused or are attempting to cause drama.
And, honestly, I'm kinda glad that it works for us, because otherwise I would have to stifle part of my natural personality - and that would suck. Hah! I just realized, this is why I can't stand jealous men. I would trigger all sorts of freakouts.

And yes - the acting differently when his wife is around is a bigger red flag - for me - than the flirting is.

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[texasqt]

The guy I wrote about was caught making out with another co-worker Thursday. I think I wrote my original post Wednesday

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

^^ That's the ish I'm talking about...his poor wife.

 

[brownbeauty196]

It matters to me. I see it as setting up the groundwork for something to happen. "I don't care 'bout them other girls in terms of what they are willing to accept", but as for me what I don't know can hurt me. Trust, integrity and respect means everything to me in my relationships.

it does set up the groundwork for something to happen. the flirty behavior often leads to other things...and then lines start being crossed. and what if your dh is flirting and the other person really thinks hes interested?too much bs!

 

[kandake]

The guy I wrote about was caught making out with another co-worker Thursday. I think I wrote my original post Wednesday

WTF...

I wonder if the wife really has NO clue. I mean is it really possible for him to hide this from her.

This is a sad state of affairs. And the woman who participated in the adulterous act should be ashamed, to put it mildly. The wife was just a the job celebrating...

IDK

 

[JustKiya]

The guy I wrote about was caught making out with another co-worker Thursday. I think I wrote my original post Wednesday

Wow. Wow. Wow. That's sad. I hope they have an open relationship.