I broke up with him

growbaby

growbaby

Well-Known Member
I Did it. I ended a 2 year relationship today and I feel like s***. I need advice ladies, I love him and I know he loves me. His problem is he always gets into inappropriate convos with other girls that lead to pictures being sent and talk of meeting up which never happens. To me, that's still cheating, n it hurts so bad bc I love him. This is not the first time this has happened, he tells me he has a problem & when he gets idle time he messes up n looks for attention. We go back to school for good in 3 weeks and i told him he had 3 weeks to prove to me its worth it to try n work through this. This is the last thing he sent me:

"I will pray Patricia. I know I will not be able to fix my problem alone. I know god has a plan for me and u. He put u in my life for a reason u are everything I ever needed in a female. My issue is that idle time causes me to do dumb s*** and ive been much more busy lately so I thought it was getting better but after really thinking about it. Gettin better isn't gon a fix anything. I need to fully get RID of it. U know I love u so much and I always have ur back and there for u. I hate that little part about me so much but it's hard to shake but if I want it to work with u I will need to shake it. I need u in my life. Ur too much of a significant part of me. But if I can't get my own s*** right I don't wanna put u through this pain. U don't need this. Ur a great Gf/person and it kills me more because I know ur all about me and I f*** it up. I apologize for all of this. And I will be workin every day for these 3 weeks to snap out of it. U deserve nothing but the best. Ur a queen. Beautiful on the inside and outside. I will understand ur decision and respect it. I will be workin on myself on this end. I love u"

I want it to work, I just dunno what to do. Help?
 
I've been in this situation exactly and it eventually lead to him cheating on me. To this day the guy still seeks the attention of women when bored and he's married now. It's a matter of insecurity and unless he decides to fix that he will never stop.
 
(((HUGS))) I am sorry to hear about your break-up but this I truly do have experience with. If he really and truly wants to do better he will do it for himself, not just to keep you in his life.

I think you two need a little break so he can get some perspective on what is triggering this behavior and seek professional help on working through it. It is clear he can't do it by himself. Support him as best you can through this rough patch but don't take his problems on as your own. He has a long road of recovery ahead of him and you need to allow him to do this on his own. Take this time to work on you, this type of behavior takes a toll on your mind, body, and soul and if and when you decide on whether or not you will be a couple again you have to make sure this is right for you.

Stay strong and we will be praying for you.
 
growbaby said:
I Did it. I ended a 2 year relationship today and I feel like s***. I need advice ladies, I love him and I know he loves me. His problem is he always gets into inappropriate convos with other girls that lead to pictures being sent and talk of meeting up which never happens. To me, that's still cheating, n it hurts so bad bc I love him. This is not the first time this has happened, he tells me he has a problem & when he gets idle time he messes up n looks for attention. We go back to school for good in 3 weeks and i told him he had 3 weeks to prove to me its worth it to try n work through this. This is the last thing he sent me:

"I will pray Patricia. I know I will not be able to fix my problem alone. I know god has a plan for me and u. He put u in my life for a reason u are everything I ever needed in a female. My issue is that idle time causes me to do dumb s*** and ive been much more busy lately so I thought it was getting better but after really thinking about it. Gettin better isn't gon a fix anything. I need to fully get RID of it. U know I love u so much and I always have ur back and there for u. I hate that little part about me so much but it's hard to shake but if I want it to work with u I will need to shake it. I need u in my life. Ur too much of a significant part of me. But if I can't get my own s*** right I don't wanna put u through this pain. U don't need this. Ur a great Gf/person and it kills me more because I know ur all about me and I f*** it up. I apologize for all of this. And I will be workin every day for these 3 weeks to snap out of it. U deserve nothing but the best. Ur a queen. Beautiful on the inside and outside. I will understand ur decision and respect it. I will be workin on myself on this end. I love u"

I want it to work, I just dunno what to do. Help?
Click to expand...

When people tell you the truth about themselves, believe them.

I have never had a conversation or sent pictures to somebody who I know didn't them. Trust and believe, he's the one probably initiating things and if you did a poll of the girls he's getting attention from, they were lead to believe he's a single man. I don't believe in the "give me x time" either. You've been with him 2 years and he's still doing this, what's 3 weeks going to really change? Plus he said he only has the problem when he has idle time yet he's been busy and it still happened? :nono:

If you really love him and want to be with him, then give him a chance. I just don't think people change for other people and he's already been warned and still didn't change.
 
I'm sorry you are hurting. But seriously? I would write him off. Let him deal with his "problem" alone. Seriously. You should have zero tolerance and that means ZERO.

Sorry :(
 
Ohhhh I think u did the right thing. But don't get blinded by him saying I still love u etc etc. He also said he can't stop with his issue and from the looks of it he is not trying to stop. if he truly cared enough to stop then he would. Period point blank.
 
::sigh:: thanx ladies I knew it had to be done. It's just hard. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
 
I went thru something similar too as far as my ex wanting attention from females online. He would just send out flirty tweets that were not appropriate when in a relationship. I think he was so used to this image online when he was actually single... that he continued it once we got together. I had to call him out on that and pretty mucch threaten him that I dont play those kinda games if u want to be serious with me. And he cut that nonsense out real fast and I didnt hear a peep after that. If u told him that u don't like it..and he knows its wrong...and still won't change...then cut the chord with that one
 
He has a real problem that requires the expertise of a professional in order to get to the root, identify triggers, coping strategies, etc..... If he could change himself permanently he would have done it by now. Staying busy will help but the problem is still lying there in the background waiting for him. Staying busy isn't the answer for insecurity,self esteem, abandonment, self/relationship sabotage, trust issues etc....I'm not saying he has all of these issues. But he could have them all, none or a combination thereof. It takes someone who has been professionally trained to identify & treat psychological problems. He seems like a nice guy. I truly hope he gets professional help so he can move forward in his personal life instead of the cycle of hurting and being hurt that he's in right now.
 
..... I just recently cut some "dead weight" loose myself. My reasons for holding on where purely physical and (a hope) that things would change. It didnt'.

I "EMBRACED THE FACT" THAT I COULDN'T HOLD ON TO THAT AND MOVE FORWARD. In my heart I'd like a mutually beneficla and "productive" reationship where we're focoused on each other,with him I'd never have that, though I was free to seek...... I ended it ubruptly, and that appears to be that. I felt bad for a minute, then put on the big girl pants and K.I.M.


I wanted to "clear my books" before moving forward on my journey. This was a New Years resolution, much delayed LOL.

(Nevermind the realationship that you want to "work out") Never make someone a priority in your life when YOU ARE AN OPTION IN THEIRS!
 
hmmmmm....attention-phobe...at least he is aware of his issue..and gla dyou mad eit very clear that you wil lnot tolerate this behavior!!

no real advice..but whats his sign? that could reveal some depth about his overall perosnality
 
You did the right thing. Love yourself more. You do not need this type of man in your life, he will just keep hurting you over and over again. Like the above poster said, he needs therapy--keeping really busy does not solve the root problem. And that's up to him to seek therapy. I say get out while you can. I doubt he will do the work that's really needed to resolve this issue because most men prefer avoidance versus admitting to having a serious problem and committing to the doing the hard work to resolving it. Whatever happens though remember this has nothing to do with you, this is about a problem he has within himself. I am really sorry you are going through this, I know it's really hard.
 
OP...I know you are hurting right now and that's ok. You will get stronger and realize that you made the right choice. He has to want to change and regardless of how good of a woman you are, you cannot fix a problem that you did NOT create.

Pamper yourself, start working out (if you don't already) and do not, by any means, wait around for this man to get better or become faithful.
 
Im sorry to hear of your break up. (HUGS) I was in this same situation with my ex, and it was so hard to let him go. He was very friendly with other girls and even his exes and they would send him pictures, etc and he swore nothing happened after that. But I knew that he had issues with being in a monogamous relationship. For the longest time I thought I did something wrong and I was to blame, but I know that he had issues I couldnt resolve. Hes a good person and we still love each other and are friends. Even now I see the pattern he takes with his "gfs" which leads me to believe he is a cheater. It was hard to let go, but I had to let him go and know I deserved more out of the relationship. Healing will take time but I think you did the right thing.
 
Focus on your schoolwork dear. You may love him but after a while of him being out of sight and cutting contact it will all go away.
It always gets better.
 
He said it himself "You deserve better" and you do.
Breaking up with him isn't a condemnation of him. He may be an amazing man in other areas but he has a flaw you can't and shouldn't have to deal with so don't. Do what's best for you .
 
perfect28 said:
hmmmmm....attention-phobe...at least he is aware of his issue..and gla dyou mad eit very clear that you wil lnot tolerate this behavior!!

no real advice..but whats his sign? that could reveal some depth about his overall perosnality
Click to expand...

He's a Virgo.
 
I have a family member with those qualities. He even had a dating profile online that said he was single despite his long term girlfriend. They eventually got married and he cheated.

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Maya Angelou
 
I am sorry you are in pain. Hopefully the guy will get to the root of his problem and make a change for his own sake.
 
I won't lie it is going to hurt for a minute or two, but it is better to hurt now than for years and year to come being hurt by him for what you know he at this point will not change.

You deserve better you deserve MORE!
 
I was reading through Faith in the Valley and came across this passage. I thought about you.
 

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Murjani said:
I was reading through Faith in the Valley and came across this passage. I thought about you.
Click to expand...

Oh that was so nice! Is that a devotional book? Can I have a lank it looks good.
 
ElizaBlue said:
Water will always find its level...

There is so much better for you out there.
Click to expand...

What does this mean? I think I know but want to make sure. Does it relate to your match?
 
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