I am so mad at my sister....

[Geminigirl]

Her hair looks a HAM. Because she is 15 I decided when I moved close I would help her with her hair because it's gotta be hard being in highschool walking around with a little thin damaged ponytail. Well he hair is extemly damaged. She has some relaxed and natural hair. in the back she has extreme breakage with about a inch on natural hair all in the back. I begged her to cut of the damaged ends because it was murdering her hair but she doesn't wanna look like a boy. If I could afford to go to the salon I would BC'd now but also my hair is nowhere near as damged as her. she's putting it in a ponytail right now. Her hair is SUPER thick and def in the 4 catagory possible a 4b but really really thick. wanna help her with her hair but she doesn't seem to care. I think she feels like she can't have nice hair. Her and my mom just don't take care of their hair and to me it's embarassing. What can I do to help her? I just wanna help her. I was teased so bad growing up and I know she gets teased to. It's just frustrates me she's so lazy and looking for change in hair prioducts instead of adopting a new reggie. What can I do for her she is killing me with that mess atop her head...end rant.

 

[wheezy807]

You help her by leaving her alone and respecting her wishes! When she sees for herself your hair get healthier and retaining length she will come around. You just set the example and she will follow soon. Definitely she HAS to want it, for sure.

 

[SmartyPants]

Her hair looks a HAM. Because she is 15 I decided when I moved close I would help her with her hair because it's gotta be hard being in highschool walking around with a little thin damaged ponytail. Well he hair is extemly damaged. She has some relaxed and natural hair. in the back she has extreme breakage with about a inch on natural hair all in the back. I begged her to cut of the damaged ends because it was murdering her hair but she doesn't wanna look like a boy. If I could afford to go to the salon I would BD now but also my hair is nowhere near as damged as her. she's putting it in a ponytail right now. Her hair is SUPER thick and def in the 4 catagory possible a 4b but really really thick. wanna help her with her hair but she doesn't seem to care. I think she feels like she can't have nice hair. Her and my mom just don't take care of their hair and to me it's embarassing. What can I do to help her? I just wanna help her. I was teased so bad growing up and I know she gets teased to. It's just frustrates me she's so lazy and looking for change in hair prioducts instead of adopting a new reggie. What can I do for her she is killing me with that mess atop her head...end rant.

You can't help someone who doesn't want help. All you are doing is aggravating yourself... life is too short!

 

[Geminigirl]

My hair has changed and gotten longer but she doesn't seem to care. She's depressed and hates her hair but she won't fix it. She thinks her hair doesn't grow andd that's irritating. I just went in the bathroom and she was combing her hair dry and i could hear her ends screaming as they snapped off. tsk tsk. She says she's not ready but I don't think she will ever be ready. And for the record her ends are fried dried and laid to the side and they ain't coming back to life. They have got to go. I just feel bad for her and I want to help her. But I just started with her hair care yesterday. She ain't never going to see progress because of the murder she does to her hair so that's prolly why she doesn't care.

 

[Leesh]

A good idea would be to kinda convince her to cut it and then maybe, keeping braids in it till it grows where she feels more comfortable!

 

[Patricia]

Don't even sweat it. When she ready she will let you know!

 

[wheezy807]

Don't even sweat it. When she ready she will let you know!

Unfortunate but it's the truth. We have all (mostly) been there.

Geminigirl doesn't she know how far your hair has come along? So i really don't get it, sounds like something deeper than haircare. Being 15 maybe there some self esteem issues, too.

 

[growth2come]

She is a non believer....you have 3 options:

1.Grow luscious locks (and watch how she flips wanting to know your secret potion!)
2. Give her a session on the forums and trail through your collection of fav fotkis(again watch her little eye roll with WOW!!!)
3. Leave her alone....and go back to (1)

With the above I have converted my older sister and young sis....I have one more sister to work on as she is also ruining her daugther/my niece's hair....so go about your biz, she will come around.

 

[Geminigirl]

She is also overweight and she acts like it doesn't affect her but it does.


I told her to cut it and go with braids but my mom can't afford that right now. She says my mom won't take her to get a permit so she can't work now but can't wait to turn 16 so she can work.

We are getting ready to go to Dallas and she is upset about her hair because she can't do anything with it. I tried a braid out on her hair but she didn't like it plus you could spot the damaged and broken off spots bad. She is in the bathroom blow drying her hair dry as we speak. She loaded it up with Olive oil lotion and went to town with the heat. When I saw her pull out the blowdryer I asked if she wanted help but she declined.

I know she wants better but like another poster said her self esteem is low for various reasons.

 

[Geminigirl]

I have decided to leave her alone but I feel bad. I tried but I am not gonna beat myself up over it. I just feel bad.

Also I must say her and my mom's hair feels like the Sahara desert. i mean REALLY dry. They don't wash often and don't moisturze everyday.

She did used to go on BHM but stopped for some reason. I was going to let her come lurk on my account to see if she likes it her. And I want to show her some fotki's of natural hair because she wants to be natural. But I don't know where to look for them being that i don't really go on fotki but I will see what I can find.

 

[wheezy807]

She is also overweight and she acts like it doesn't affect her but it does.


I told her to cut it and go with braids but my mom can't afford that right now. She says my mom won't take her to get a permit so she can't work now but can't wait to turn 16 so she can work.

We are getting ready to go to Dallas and she is upset about her hair because she can't do anything with it. I tried a braid out on her hair but she didn't like it plus you could spot the damaged and broken off spots bad. She is in the bathroom blow drying her hair dry as we speak. She loaded it up with Olive oil lotion and went to town with the heat. When I saw her pull out the blowdryer I asked if she wanted help but she declined.

I know she wants better but like another poster said her self esteem is low for various reasons.

You're a wonderful sister regardless...

 

[Casarela]

If I was you I would take little steps into trying to help her.

My sister was skeptic that her damaged permed hair would grow. I explained her the growth vs retaining growth.

Also, I would search for fotkis of ladies that turned their hair around completely by using an effective regimen and techniques. Show them to your sister. IMHO , I dont think its a great Idea to convince someone who doesnt care about their hair to bc , because the bc is very emotional, You should help her by suggesting other alternatives that are less hardcore such as transitionning or stretching with weave , braids, twists whatever she would feel comfortable with.

GENERATION Y always needs proof, something tangible, something they can see to believe.

HTH,

 

[Geminigirl]

If I was you I would take little steps into trying to help her.

My sister was skeptic that her damaged permed hair would grow. I explained her the growth vs retaining growth.

Also, I would search for fotkis of ladies that turned their hair around completely by using an effective regimen and techniques. Show them to your sister. IMHO , I dont think its a great Idea to convince someone who doesnt care about their hair to bc , because the bc is very emotional, You should help her by suggesting other alternatives that are less hardcore such as transitionning or stretching with weave , braids, twists whatever she would feel comfortable with.

GENERATION Y always needs proof, something tangible, something they can see to believe.

HTH,

It's like she cares but she doesn't care enough. Great new though she has decided to BC and she wants me to do it with her. First I need to get the money and then I will. I think We should BC this summer or something. That will be fun.

 

[gissellr78]

She is also overweight and she acts like it doesn't affect her but it does.


I told her to cut it and go with braids but my mom can't afford that right now. She says my mom won't take her to get a permit so she can't work now but can't wait to turn 16 so she can work.

We are getting ready to go to Dallas and she is upset about her hair because she can't do anything with it. I tried a braid out on her hair but she didn't like it plus you could spot the damaged and broken off spots bad. She is in the bathroom blow drying her hair dry as we speak. She loaded it up with Olive oil lotion and went to town with the heat. When I saw her pull out the blowdryer I asked if she wanted help but she declined.

I know she wants better but like another poster said her self esteem is low for various reasons.

Damn that sucks...Yes am sure her self esteem doesnt let her think clear....you should wait until she is in a better mood...happy go lucky and show her pics of girls with cute cuts on here and maybe take her to a bss and shop for accesories...she might get all into it..


please keep us posted! if not at least show her what she can do and let her be

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

So she is at least ready to cut off all the damage but not without U and since U aren't quite ready to BC then she has to wait. That's what it sounds like to me, BC are free so why do ya'll need money?, maybe your not ready for the BC yet? have you discussed that with her?
I would definately give her a shampoo clarify first followed by a moisturizing shampoo, then DC with something that offers protein and moisture, flat iron, and then tell her she needs a trim but cut off as much as I can with her losing a lot of length. Or she could get updo's rodsets are great for camofloging damaging and eliminating heat.

 

[Lexib]

So she is at least ready to cut off all the damage but not without U and since U aren't quite ready to BC then she has to wait. That's what it sounds like to me, BC are free so why do ya'll need money?, maybe your not ready for the BC yet? have you discussed that with her?
I would definately give her a shampoo clarify first followed by a moisturizing shampoo, then DC with something that offers protein and moisture, flat iron, and then tell her she needs a trim but cut off as much as I can with her losing a lot of length. Or she could get updo's rodsets are great for camofloging damaging and eliminating heat.

I was wondering about the bolded myself. Why do yoo think u need to go to the salon before or after ur bc?

Anyway, I'm sure your lil sis will come around and actually start taking better care of her hair. If her hair is as bad as you describe it, she probably doesn't think her hair will ever be significiantly better, in which case, just showing her picture after picture of women on this site with gorgeous hair won't be much help. Instead try to search out the members who made transitions from damaged/broken hair to healthy strands. Doesnt have to be the longest hair, just healthy/full looking (maybe start a thread just for that?) Pics like that are bound to make her a believer!

Good luck!

 

[Reinventing21]

Maybe you could stay away from the hair theme & just listen to her for awhile --no advice, just an ear. Maybe, she will begin to reveal more about why she's depressed, how she is feeling that is the root of her problem. Maybe, after she begins to release or resolve some of those problems, she will feel comfortable asking you for help with her hair. Fifteen is hard & can be a supersensitive age. Good luck. It sounds like you care a lot about her. She's lucky to have you.

 

[Muse]

Maybe you could stay away from the hair theme & just listen to her for awhile --no advice, just an ear. Maybe, she will begin to reveal more about why she's depressed, how she is feeling that is the root of her problem. Maybe, after she begins to release or resolve some of those problems, she will feel comfortable asking you for help with her hair. Fifteen is hard & can be a supersensitive age. Good luck. It sounds like you care a lot about her. She's lucky to have you.

I agree. If she is depressed showing her all the Fotkis in the world won't turn her habits around because healthy hair practices may be the furthest thing on her mind right now. Once she resolves some other issues then perhaps she will come around. Sounds like there are other things in her life that need more attention than her hair.

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

Awe, you're such a sweet big sister! Lucky her, I hope she realizes how lucky she is. Good luck to you both when you do BC!

 

[*Muffin*]

Believe me, I went through the same thing with my mother. My hair is a combination between her and my father's hair--my father has thicker hair, denser hair and she has softer, finer hair and she insists on relaxing it; frequently and for a long time. Her hair is beyond damaged because of it. In the beginning of my hair journey she kind of just laughed at me and said "You do you" but I could tell she thought what I was doing was ridiculous. But now that a bit over a year has passed she can really tell the difference and is begging me to tell her what to do with her hair. She even gave me money to go out and purchase all the things she needs for her hair, and I did (but she still has no idea what to do with them} It's even making improvement and all the places where you could see through to her scalp are filling in. Long story short: Give it some time and lead your sister by example instead of telling her. Most people, especially teenage girls, rebel against what people tell them to do. But believe me as time goes on and your hair keeps getting healthier and healthier looking and longer you won't even need initiate anything. She'll be running to you for tips and advice .

 

[Junebug D]

Sounds like my sister, except mine is older. That's part of the reason why I came back to LHCF after all these years: to grow mine down my back and hopefully let certain people see that it can be done. I sent her to Sylver2's Fotki and she still had "But she..." "But she..."s coming out of the ying-yang. But she knows I'm not mixed and we both have the same parents and my hair was always tougher to deal with as a child. So once I do it, hopefully she will see that it's possible.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

bwahahaha, you have to teach ppl in little doses. Seriously. All you can do is be a shining example of what good hair care looks like. And I know this may not be true, but tell her that you are from the same family and that she can have your hair too if she takes a stab at good hair care.

I know being from the same family doesn't nec. mean you have the same exact hair but.. she don't need to know that

 

[blazingthru]

You help her by leaving her alone and respecting her wishes! When she sees for herself your hair get healthier and retaining length she will come around. You just set the example and she will follow soon. Definitely she HAS to want it, for sure.

This is so true, Just keep taking care of your hair. It took 3 years for my daughter to finally BC, I been asking her to take better care of her hair but she refused, my hair is getting longer and longer and her hair stays the same length she finally BC and asked me to create a regiment for her. My daugther is very pretty and can really rock a twa but refuses to she still wears the wigs but whatever atleast she is starting to take better care of her hair. thats all I can hope for.

 

[RavenMaven]

I'm in high school, and trust me... in today's day, she will get EVEN MORE made fun of if she cuts off her hair. People will call her a dike (I'm not trying to be rude at all, just giving you a perspective from a high school student) or a man, and she will get teased plenty. Since she doesn't want much help, all you can do is make suggestions to her, and maybe show her pictures of some cute styles she could have if she gave in to cutting her hair, or show her some pics of braid styles.

 

[Spelmanite'12]

I honestly don't think that you should just grow your hair and wait for her to see. Because there's a big possibility that this could make her feel even worse about herself. She may be jealous of you for having long hair and she may just say to herself that your hair just grows faster and not believe that it's because of your good regimen. So, I think that you should do what someone earlier said wash, dc, flat iron and trim. Or wash dc trim and put some braids in, but not bc because she may get teased more. After you do that then help her with a regimen. Dont give up, because she will thank u later!

 

[MarieB]

Cosigning with Spelmanite! I think that setting an example is great, but actually getting her involved (make it a treat, like special time for the two of you, and it will be) with say a DC and rollerset. Maybe a trim here and there, which you might be able to do yourself, would be alright as opposed to a BC (that is traumatic; I just did it, and necessary or not, I still miss the length). and feel free to show her my pics...so far I have a before BC and a post-BC, and I will be posting progress pics monthly. To me it was worth the chop, but I am way past high school, and don't have to deal with all that drama. and I also agree that you should listen to her as much as you can; sometimes that's the best thing you can do for someone. It's terrific that you care enough about your little sister to want to help, and who knows, maybe your mother will want to join in, too!

 

[coconow2007]

Your pics in ur siggy look good and seems like u r making great progress in achieving a healthy head of hair. I think when ur lil sis is continually faced with ur progress she will want to be like her big sis. It may not be tommorrow but in the near future I think she will come around...

 

[Ladyhenri]

I kinda think you are going about this all wrong.

You say ur sis is overweight and lacks self confidence and you want her to cut her hair?
I think you should concern yourself more with making her feel beautiful, more confident and loved.
When the above are sorted, she will want to take better care of herself and her hair.


ETA: You probably mean well but reminding her about her negative points constantly is certainly doing her no good. She can probably see her negative points clearly. Why not tell her of her positives for a change?


PPS: Girl, don't dare give up on her. She is your sister. You just need to change your help tactics.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

Maybe she really doesn't care. Or maybe she senses your "I am embarrassed" attitude. Why would you be embarrassed at how your family treats their hair? That's so superficial.

 

[Geminigirl]

I kinda think you are going about this all wrong.

You say ur sis is overweight and lacks self confidence and you want her to cut her hair?
I think you should concern yourself more with making her feel beautiful, more confident and loved.
When the above are sorted, she will want to take better care of herself and her hair.


ETA: You probably mean well but reminding her about her negative points constantly is certainly doing her no good. She can probably see her negative points clearly. Why not tell her of her positives for a change?


PPS: Girl, don't dare give up on her. She is your sister. You just need to change your help tactics.

Ok well first of all I don't TELL my sister she is overweight EVER. I told you guys that. but it's obvious. My mom throws it in her face all the time cause my mom has to buy her clothes. My sis went from a closet full of clothes to a couple pair of jeans and shirts and her school unifrom. It's obvious. I don't ever "remind" her of her negative. I tell my sister her body is banging and I love her height(she's short) and I love her thick hair. i was just venting to you all so maybe it came off that way to you two.(you and the person below you) My sis is 5'2 and she weighs 177lbs. I am telling you what i see. she is ver dark skinned and you know how that goes at school. It happened to me and it's happening to her. I don't want her to sport a TWA I just want her to chop off the damaged ends and maybe get some braids which is what i want to do.

I told you she lacks self confidence because I was her. Getting teased everyday at school and home. She doesn't get teased that much at home but she does get called lazy which she kinda is. She comes home from school and goes straight to sleep. She eats junk for food and doesn't DO anything. I don't say anything to her about this but i do think it.I told you she lacks self confidence for the simple fact she does. she kinda admitted it to me the other day when she said she wants to lose weight this summer because when me and her go out I get all the attention. She says I am really pretty and that makes her feel ugly. Also the girls at her school have the tiny waists and they get alot of attention but she gets none. Simple as that.

Maybe she really doesn't care. Or maybe she senses your "I am embarrassed" attitude. Why would you be embarrassed at how your family treats their hair? That's so superficial.

well that's you opinion. I am embarassed because it gets on my nerves. I try to help them yet they don't listen. Would you walk around with someone with a jacked up head that hasnt been washed in months? She DOES care and that's where your wrong. But she doesn't see the light is all. I guess if you wanna start calling names but whatever.