I am so mad at my sister....

[Geminigirl]

Also I am ready to BC i want to go to a salon cause I don't know how to cut hair and I am not letting my mom or sister touch it. I just moved to a new area so I don't know anyone else to do it but a salon. I want to BC and get braids (which is what I want my sister to do). I am soooo ready believe that. I'm not telling her to rock a TWA but if she did her hair isnt that short. It's almost 6 inches prolly. BC isn't free for me because I don't just want to BC my hair is short and I want to get braids and grown it out a lil. If my hair was her length fine but my natural hair is shorter.

My sis does want to BC now. The stylist she went to said she didn't want to cut all her hair off at once *roll eyes* so she trimmed and then put a weave in with tracks. I found alot of natural haircare salons in our area and am looking forward to vistitng them soon so i can recommend one to my mom or sister. When my sis went for her appt the lady tried to relax her hair. I told my sis not to go back but my mom doesn't listen. I am happy my sis is ready to take the plunge and i am looking forward to taking it with her. Hopefully this summer we can both BC.

 

[santia]

Have you both thought about braids? That was my option when I bc'd. Sorry if this idea was though of and vetoed

 

[lina]

Yes, this sounds like more of a self esteem issue. Continue to help her build higher self esteem. She will then want to take better care of her outside b/c she will want it to match the inside. Since she does nothing when she gets home from school, try to encourage her to exercise,read a book,or do some homework, this will help with her self esteem issue also.

As far as "attention", sometimes it is better not to get all of the attention........

 

[lilsparkle825]

Also I am ready to BC i want to go to a salon cause I don't know how to cut hair and I am not letting my mom or sister touch it. I just moved to a new area so I don't know anyone else to do it but a salon. I want to BC and get braids (which is what I want my sister to do). I am soooo ready believe that. I'm not telling her to rock a TWA but if she did her hair isnt that short. It's almost 6 inches prolly. BC isn't free for me because I don't just want to BC my hair is short and I want to get braids and grown it out a lil. If my hair was her length fine but my natural hair is shorter.

My sis does want to BC now. The stylist she went to said she didn't want to cut all her hair off at once *roll eyes* so she trimmed and then put a weave in with tracks. I found alot of natural haircare salons in our area and am looking forward to vistitng them soon so i can recommend one to my mom or sister. When my sis went for her appt the lady tried to relax her hair. I told my sis not to go back but my mom doesn't listen. I am happy my sis is ready to take the plunge and i am looking forward to taking it with her. Hopefully this summer we can both BC.

i don't know how to cut hair either but a BC is so simple anyone can do it. cowash, leave the conditioner in, and cut off the straight parts. and since you are trying to go into braids right after, you don't have to worry about it being "uneven", although it more than likely won't be anyway (this is assuming you don't wanna cut it yourself cause you are afraid of it being uneven). That will give you time to save up some money to go to the salon and get it trimmed the way you want it AFTER the braids come out. by the way, this is coming from personal experience.

And learn to braid yourself -- this is coming from the most style challenged person on the earth. I mean i can't even cornrow. all you have to know how to do is plait; and there are sooo many tutorials on youtube. i learned to do kinky twists from practicing on my sister (it literally took about 5 braids before i got the hang of it), and from there i picked up box braids. cut your cost from $200 a head to about $5 since all you are paying for is the hair. yeah its more time consuming than the shop since it's just you and all, but you can use that time to talk to her about the stuff that is REALLY bothering her. boom, problem solved. cut that dependency on salons and you guys will be fine. i wish you the best with you and your sister's hair!

 

[yellow08]

You help her by leaving her alone and respecting her wishes! When she sees for herself your hair get healthier and retaining length she will come around. You just set the example and she will follow soon. Definitely she HAS to want it, for sure.

Well said!!!!!!!
I'll like to add, we all had to learn how to take care of our hair, and the truth is, it's takes hardwork and dedication to figure out what works best for you (and it can be costly)
At 15, I wasn't concerned about my hair either, there were no LHCF/BHM...I just wore my ponytail and kept it moving. I was more concerned about my friends, running track and school!!!

 

[missnurselady]

I think this is a great idea. I learned how to do my own kinky twist by watching video on youtube as well. Maybe thats something you and her can do together. Both of you could benefit by learning how to braid, plus she can earn a little money on the side till she is old enough to get a job! You are a great big sister! My older sister hipped me to this site, I will admit I was a non believer, but once I saw her BSL hair I was all in! Give her time, let her look on the site, learn somethings, she will come around when she is ready.

i don't know how to cut hair either but a BC is so simple anyone can do it. cowash, leave the conditioner in, and cut off the straight parts. and since you are trying to go into braids right after, you don't have to worry about it being "uneven", although it more than likely won't be anyway (this is assuming you don't wanna cut it yourself cause you are afraid of it being uneven). That will give you time to save up some money to go to the salon and get it trimmed the way you want it AFTER the braids come out. by the way, this is coming from personal experience.

And learn to braid yourself -- this is coming from the most style challenged person on the earth. I mean i can't even cornrow. all you have to know how to do is plait; and there are sooo many tutorials on youtube. i learned to do kinky twists from practicing on my sister (it literally took about 5 braids before i got the hang of it), and from there i picked up box braids. cut your cost from $200 a head to about $5 since all you are paying for is the hair. yeah its more time consuming than the shop since it's just you and all, but you can use that time to talk to her about the stuff that is REALLY bothering her. boom, problem solved. cut that dependency on salons and you guys will be fine. i wish you the best with you and your sister's hair!

 

[Amelia456]

I have the same problem with my 14 yr old niece. Everytime I see her hair i want to cry. Her mother permed and put her hair in so many tight and stressful hairstyles that her hairline is almost nonexistent on one side. She wears her hair in lonely-tails because it's really short. However, when I offered advice, she said that she did not want it.

 

[Digital Tempest]

My grandmother is the same way, but she used to have very good hair practices, so I'm surprised she's gotten to this age and has now decided to just abuse her hair. I've tried to talk to her, too. She's still relaxed, so when I give her even the most basic of advice (that naturals and relaxed heads can work with), she starts with the: "But your natural. It's different for you." So, I've stopped preaching, and I just continue to take care of my hair and hope that she just starts to think that maybe she should give it a try.

 

[Morenita]

I didn't read past the first page (I'm impatient!) but as soon as somebody gave the advice to take her to people's fotkis, this thread popped into my head: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=102697

Some of the ladies pics don't come up anymore, but there are a lot of pics still there to view. I hope it helps. Otherwise, co-signing with the notion that you can't do anything until she comes around. Just continue to do you and maybe that will influence her in the long run.

 

[Geminigirl]

Have you both thought about braids? That was my option when I bc'd. Sorry if this idea was though of and vetoed

yes I have thought about braids and that's exactly what I want to do.

Yes, this sounds like more of a self esteem issue. Continue to help her build higher self esteem. She will then want to take better care of her outside b/c she will want it to match the inside. Since she does nothing when she gets home from school, try to encourage her to exercise,read a book,or do some homework, this will help with her self esteem issue also.

As far as "attention", sometimes it is better not to get all of the attention........

girl you ain't never lied. Most of the attention I get is so UNWANTED. I don't want no man checking my body out all up and down licking his lips like I'm interested cause i'm not. Shoot betta recognize a real lady!

i don't know how to cut hair either but a BC is so simple anyone can do it. cowash, leave the conditioner in, and cut off the straight parts. and since you are trying to go into braids right after, you don't have to worry about it being "uneven", although it more than likely won't be anyway (this is assuming you don't wanna cut it yourself cause you are afraid of it being uneven). That will give you time to save up some money to go to the salon and get it trimmed the way you want it AFTER the braids come out. by the way, this is coming from personal experience.

And learn to braid yourself -- this is coming from the most style challenged person on the earth. I mean i can't even cornrow. all you have to know how to do is plait; and there are sooo many tutorials on youtube. i learned to do kinky twists from practicing on my sister (it literally took about 5 braids before i got the hang of it), and from there i picked up box braids. cut your cost from $200 a head to about $5 since all you are paying for is the hair. yeah its more time consuming than the shop since it's just you and all, but you can use that time to talk to her about the stuff that is REALLY bothering her. boom, problem solved. cut that dependency on salons and you guys will be fine. i wish you the best with you and your sister's hair!

i know how to braid and cornrow real hair just not extensions. I just did my moms hair in cornrowed extensions and they are ok but I still need practice. I'm sure she wouldn't mind me using her as a dummy.

Well said!!!!!!!
I'll like to add, we all had to learn how to take care of our hair, and the truth is, it's takes hardwork and dedication to figure out what works best for you (and it can be costly)
At 15, I wasn't concerned about my hair either, there were no LHCF/BHM...I just wore my ponytail and kept it moving. I was more concerned about my friends, running track and school!!!

see the thing is she does care about her hair. All her friends have long hair nice or not and that effects her a little bit. I am going to help her and maybe me and her can start preacticing on each other. Great ideas thanks!

 

[skatergurljubulee]

I know with me when I was depressed (if she's depressed), someone telling me that I had problem areas very rarely made me want to get better. I have/had blood sugar issues (diabetes). When I was depressed, I KNEW that I was killing myself with lack of care for what went in and out of my body. The more I was reminded that I wasn't taking care of myself, the more I stopped caring b/c I wasn't listening to what the people were saying, just HOW they said it.
What finally knocked me out of all of that was deciding that I didn't want to be depressed anymore, that I wanted to take care of myself. That i wanted to be HAPPY. No one else could make the decision for me.
I guess what I'm getting at is... she's gotta want to do it. If you force her, it won't necessarily be good in the long run. She's got to BELIEVE that she can grow long hair and maintain it. Otherwise it'll just be you putting your hopes and deams for her hair on her. And as wonderful and caring, and loving and awesome that she has someone in her life that loves her (and her hair lol) so much, it still has to be her.
I hope I didn't come across angry or anything (preachy either0, just trying to share through personal experience.

 

[skatergurljubulee]

I kinda think you are going about this all wrong.

You say ur sis is overweight and lacks self confidence and you want her to cut her hair?
I think you should concern yourself more with making her feel beautiful, more confident and loved.
When the above are sorted, she will want to take better care of herself and her hair.


ETA: You probably mean well but reminding her about her negative points constantly is certainly doing her no good. She can probably see her negative points clearly. Why not tell her of her positives for a change?


PPS: Girl, don't dare give up on her. She is your sister. You just need to change your help tactics.

I cosign to this. I know when I was in serious thought about "jumping ship" from this life, I REALLY replayed all the fat and ugly comments I received. I knew better than anyone else what my faults were. Thankfully I was reminded of all the good qualities I had. That's what made me turn around (The Big Guy Upstairs had to remind me, and I agreed with him! lol).

I know you're doing it out of love, please don't think otherwise. I just can't stress enough about how someone would say to me, " You'd look great if you lost a couple pounds." and I'd ignore the compliment and it would sound like"God, you're fat! How can you let yourself go like that? Aren't you ashamed?" i can laugh now, but that used to send me into a tailspin of overeating and very,very,very dark places.
Just keep on reminding her that you love her (and it's very clear that you do) and you just want to enhance the beauty she's already got. She'll come around quicker.