I am not nto him......

[Ayesha81]

Just venting.....

I feel a kinda way for not likeing a guy who is so into me. This guy breaks his neck for me but I just dont like him. We go out but its mainly out of boredom on my part. He is secure he is in the Navy and looking to get a position in the White House. I do not like him I am not attracted to him physically or emotionally. I just see him as a best friend type. He blames this all on the fact that has not dated in 7 years cause he is ambitious and was focused on school and career. I do not want to cut him off cause he is good to me I want to be friends with him but he keeps thinking I will change my mind and want more.

 

[Lucie]

Let him go then. He will always want more while you want less.

 

[Son26]

I would distance myself.....was with a guy before I wasn't attracted to at all....waste of time. I thought we could be friends too but that didn't work out (he kept pushing for more).

 

[Bublin]

Pah... Do you connect as good friends? If yes, keep him as a good friend, don't lead him on, enjoy his company.....you never know

 

[Qualitee]

Let him know and let him go. I'm sure you wouldn't want to waste your time in someone who isn't into you.

 

[FelaShrine]

This happens way too often with me.

I left them go after the holidays

 

[ThickHair]

Let him go so he can find a wonderful woman who is in to him. You are just blocking your wonderful man from stepping to you.

 

[barbiesocialite]

keep him around.

don't burn bridges or write checks your arse can't cash.

Like all adults, he is responsible for his own choices. You actions say you are unavailable. Yes he's still hanging around. Nobody is holding a gun to his head, his choice. Nothing wrong with you enjoying someone that wants to enjoy your complany. No need to lie or lead him on. If you tell him you arent interested like that or not ready for a relationship, then the ball is in his court. his choice whether to stay or go.

I don't believe in the karma foolishness. esp since it allegedly goes both ways which would mean someone deserved to have the things happen to them that happen. People determine their own fate and control more than they think. which applies to both you and him.

people have said it a thousand times over about male relatives, friends and even their DH. When men decide to marry, they just pick one they kept around. Give yourself those same options. If not, you'll likely regret it. Always date in multiples unless you are engaged or at the very least ring shopping. Watch your sexual interaction as well.

 

[FelaShrine]

Watch your sexual interaction as well.

Wanna go in depth?

 

[barbiesocialite]

Wanna go in depth?

don't **** him.

 

[Ayesha81]

Girl you are right on point.

He knows I do not like him like that I have told him a million times he's the one hoping my mind will change he does all the calling and texting for us to go out not me so he knows whats up. To me we make really good friends thats it.

keep him around.

don't burn bridges or write checks your arse can't cash.

Like all adults, he is responsible for his own choices. You actions say you are unavailable. Yes he's still hanging around. Nobody is holding a gun to his head, his choice. Nothing wrong with you enjoying someone that wants to enjoy your complany. No need to lie or lead him on. If you tell him you arent interested like that or not ready for a relationship, then the ball is in his court. his choice whether to stay or go.

I don't believe in the karma foolishness. esp since it allegedly goes both ways which would mean someone deserved to have the things happen to them that happen. People determine their own fate and control more than they think. which applies to both you and him.

people have said it a thousand times over about male relatives, friends and even their DH. When men decide to marry, they just pick one they kept around. Give yourself those same options. If not, you'll likely regret it. Always date in multiples unless you are engaged or at the very least ring shopping. Watch your sexual interaction as well.

 

[preciouzone]

Honestly, no man that is SO into a woman wants to stick around and
merely just be 'friends' with her.

I agree with the other ladies in terms of letting him go, but I would go
one step further and say let him go completely. He will feel that he still
has a chance to change the way you feel if you keep him around and
someway feel hopeful.

In the situations that I've been in where the roles were reversed, I
respected the men that were upfront with me and then exited the
picture! It sucked, but it was so necessary. Why force something
that is not meant to be or keep someone that doesn't want to be
kept?!?!

Oh my, I can feel your frustration of being caught in the middle of
wanting to release him yet keep him because he is a 'good' man.
If he is not 'the one', then he has no reason sticking around.

Let him go and start over with a completely new slate by taking some
time to yourself and allowing yourself to be emotionally free and ready
for the RIGHT man to come along that you will dig as much as he digs
you!!

Hope all works out well and let us know how things turn out!

~Preciouzone~

 

[Evolving78]

don't even be his friend anymore. you need to let him go. he doesn't want to be your friend, he wants to be your man. you knew from jump you wasn't feeling him. you tried to talk yourself into having feelings that were clearly not there. you did it to yourself, now you need to make it right. let him go.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Honestly, no man that is SO into a woman wants to stick around and
merely just be 'friends' with her.

I agree with the other ladies in terms of letting him go, but I would go
one step further and say let him go completely. He will feel that he still
has a chance to change the way you feel if you keep him around and
someway feel hopeful.

In the situations that I've been in where the roles were reversed, I
respected the men that were upfront with me and then exited the
picture! It sucked, but it was so necessary. Why force something
that is not meant to be or keep someone that doesn't want to be
kept?!?!

Oh my, I can feel your frustration of being caught in the middle of
wanting to release him yet keep him because he is a 'good' man.
If he is not 'the one', then he has no reason sticking around.

Let him go and start over with a completely new slate by taking some
time to yourself and allowing yourself to be emotionally free and ready
for the RIGHT man to come along that you will dig as much as he digs
you!!

Hope all works out well and let us know how things turn out!

~Preciouzone~

don't even be his friend anymore. you need to let him go. he doesn't want to be your friend, he wants to be your man. you knew from jump you wasn't feeling him. you tried to talk yourself into having feelings that were clearly not there. you did it to yourself, now you need to make it right. let him go.

too many women abide by this mindset. It's unfortunate. Which is why there are so many that keep around a single man and when that situation fall through or doesnt work out they are left with ZERO options. End up looking all sad and pathetic like "where are the good men?" umm boo, you let him go/ran him away.

And yes men do hang around with honesty. Wanna know why? Because men are competitive by nature. Some women you don't have to compete for or require less effort and energy, wanna know what happens to most of those women........

 

[Evolving78]

too many women abide by this mindset. It's unfortunate. Which is why there are so many that keep around a single man and when that situation fall through or doesnt work out they are left with ZERO options. End up looking all sad and pathetic like "where are the good men?" umm boo, you let him go/ran him away.

And yes men do hang around with honesty. Wanna know why? Because men are competitive by nature. Some women you don't have to compete for or require less effort and energy, wanna know what happens to most of those women........

i get the good man thing. but if it's not there, it's just not there. she is complaining about him and saying she just wants to be his friend. she is not seeing the big picture. this man is ambitious and very driven. he is so into her right now (that could be because he is just getting his feet wet and she is emotionally blowing him off). he could very well be a good catch. she would have to look beyond the surface. what is it about this man she isn't feeling?

i think keeping him around is settling, unless she has other suitors.

 

[barbiesocialite]

i get the good man thing. but if it's not there, it's just not there. she is complaining about him and saying she just wants to be his friend. she is not seeing the big picture. this man is ambitious and very driven. he is so into her right now (that could be because he is just getting his feet wet and she is emotionally blowing him off). he could very well be a good catch. she would have to look beyond the surface. what is it about this man she isn't feeling?

i think keeping him around is settling, unless she has other suitors.

meh. I kept my guy around for almost 3 years....I'm happy.

*DELETED*

 

[SmileyNY]

Girl, let me take him off of your hands. Send him this way!

Seriously, though... I tried to stay friends with a guy who was so into me when I wasn't into him. After he saw me with my ex SO, he would make random rude comments about it and eventually things were not the same. Funny thing is, we've been friend's for years after I turned him down. Idk if he just thought I was single all those years or what. I guess it's different when you see it in front of you.

Even though I'm not with my ex, he still brings it up. I'll say my sister's are in town. He'll ask if they are going to meet "your boyfriend" (he doesn't know we're not together btw). I just don't have time for it.

Unless you like using people, there's no benefit to being friends with a guy who is in love with you if you're not into him.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Girl, let me take him off of your hands. Send him this way!

Seriously, though... I tried to stay friends with a guy who was so into me when I wasn't into him. After he saw me with my ex SO, he would make random rude comments about it and eventually things were not the same. Funny thing is, we've been friend's for years after I turned him down. Idk if he just thought I was single all those years or what. I guess it's different when you see it in front of you.

Even though I'm not with my ex, he still brings it up. I'll say my sister's are in town. He'll ask if they are going to meet "your boyfriend" (he doesn't know we're not together btw). I just don't have time for it.

Unless you like using people, there's no benefit to being friends with a guy who is in love with you if you're not into him.

why is it using?


Also, do you believe in multi-dating? If so, it's a bit far-fetched to believe you will be madly in love with every suitor. Men should fall in love with you. That's your role and job as a woman. If only one man is in love with you, you aren't doing womanhood right.

Even my male friends and relatives (not in an incestuous way) are in love with me. I am their standard in their minds....Every male friend I've ever had began as a suitor. Every single one. Even when I was gay!

Furthermore, my female friends are rude about certain people I've dated. No worse than the guys. Any man can become a friend. And If you are honest and upfront yet still femininely alluring he will choose to turn himself into a friend. Of course that means you have to be open to the possibility he will meet someone new. But if you have options none of that matters anyway.....

 

[SmileyNY]

why is it using?

Also, do you believe in multi-dating? If so, it's a bit far-fetched to believe you will be madly in love with every suitor. Men should fall in love with you. That's your role and job as a woman. If only one man is in love with you, you aren't doing womanhood right.

Even my male friends and relatives (not in an incestuous way) are in love with me. I am their standard in their minds....Every male friend I've ever had began as a suitor. Every single one. Even when I was gay!

Furthermore, my female friends are rude about certain people I've dated. No worse than the guys. Any man can become a friend. And If you are honest and upfront yet still femininely alluring he will choose to turn himself into a friend. Of course that means you have to be open to the possibility he will meet someone new. But if you have options none of that matters anyway.....

Keeping someone around just to have them fawn over you & boost your ego knowing you have no interest in them is using, IMHO.

Yes. I believe in multi-dating. However, I don't believe in dead-end dating. There has to be potential there for me to pursue. If I find that a I'm not into a guy, continuing to date him would be a waste of my time and his... But most importantly mine. Being the type of personality I am, I need to be moving forward or making progress. Anything else is pointless.

In terms of friends... Yes I can be friends with guys who get it. My ex of 5 years is one of my best friends and he gets it. We talk to each other about everything. We've even been on double dates. If I was open to a sexual relationship, would he be game? Yes. He's a man. However, he's not sitting in a corner somewhere fawning over me and dreaming of white picket fences. He knows that friends means friends and there's no room for confusion. That's the only type of friendship I need with a guy I'm not interested in.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Keeping someone around just to have them fawn over you & boost your ego knowing you have no interest in them is using, IMHO.

Yes. I believe in multi-dating. However, I don't believe in dead-end dating. There has to be potential there for me to pursue. If I find that a I'm not into a guy, continuing to date him would be a waste of my time and his... But most importantly mine. Being the type of personality I am, I need to be moving forward or making progress. Anything else is pointless.

In terms of friends... Yes I can be friends with guys who get it. My ex of 5 years is my best friend and he gets it. We talk to each other about everything. We've even been on double dates. If I was open to a sexual relationship, would he be game? Yes. He's a man. However, he's not sitting in a corner somewhere fawning over me and dreaming of white picket fences. He knows that friends means friends and there's no room for confusion. That's the only type of friendship I need with a guy I'm not interested in.

I guess it's a case of tomato, tom-atoes now isnt it. Every one knows you'll have to stop being friends with certain people once you get married. Some people are just more upfront about it.

I'd say you're using these friends.....because they likely cant be permanent friends due to their wife or your husband....

 

[SmileyNY]

I guess it's a case of tomato, tom-atoes now isnt it. Every one knows you'll have to stop being friends with certain people once you get married. Some people are just more upfront about it.

I'd say you're using these friends.....because they likely cant be permanent friends due to their wife or your husband....

That's a cross that bridge statement. Whatever will be will be. All I know is, I'm not wasting my time dating guys I have no interest in. Period.


ETA: But I will say all friends have reasons & seasons. It's not using if both people are on the same page. It's just life.

 

[barbiesocialite]

That's a cross that bridge statement. Whatever will be will be. All I know is, I'm not wasting my time dating guys I have no interest in. Period.


ETA: But I will say all friends have reasons & seasons. It's not using if both people are on the same page. It's just life.

ahh and here we reach agreement.

now why doesnt that apply to the OP? The man she's around serves a purpose correct?

My parents, grandmother, brothers, even a number of my friends annoy the **** out of me. Literally all the time I still keep them around, they serve a purpose.......

 

[FlyyBohemian]

So he was not in a relationship for 7 years because he was working on his career... Hmm...interesting. He probably had someone who wanted to commit but he blew her off. You aren't obligated to like him. He just needs to deal with the decisions he made and find someone who wants him.

 

[SmileyNY]

ahh and here we reach agreement.

now why doesnt that apply to the OP? The man she's around serves a purpose correct?

My parents, grandmother, brothers, even a number of my friends annoy the **** out of me. Literally all the time I still keep them around, they serve a purpose.......

Unfortunately, we can't pick our family lol. We can, however, choose who we date and who we're honest with. What purpose does he serve if she's not into him? ...I mean, besides wasting her time. I know she's serving a purpose for him... as his potential life partner. If she doesn't feel the same, that's a sad situation... especially for him because he's driving down a dead end road and doesn't even know it.

 

[barbiesocialite]

So he was not in a relationship for 7 years because he was working on his career... Hmm...interesting. He probably had someone who wanted to commit but he blew her off. You aren't obligated to like him. He just needs to deal with the decisions he made and find someone who wants him.

ALL.OF.THIS.

exactly my point. My guy is in his forties and never married. hmmm, i wonder why. He spends his time investing in women that aren't emotionally and/or physically available.

I've posted about my guy numerous times and how he had the audacity to say I was worth 3 years off his 70 or 80-something dad's life . ***!!! Who says that?! I'm not married because I don't want to be. He's not married because he's spent his life chasing after heifers like me His choice. I told him one time: I was moving to Texas. 2nd time: I was going to law school. If that aint a red flag and me telling you ninja you aint it. I dont know what is. Mind you, I have another guy "friend" that offered to buy me a new car and asked if it was ok for him to pay my tuition and both visit and fly back and forth to Texas. Like I said, who da hell says this ish?! **** is wrong with these men

Again, HIS CHOICE.

To OP, live your life and do you. He gets in where he fits in. His choice.....

ET: On the flipside of my experience, if I end up alone later in life and I don't want to be, it'll be my choice/fault. I didnt marry the ones that wanted to marry me. oh well. ish happens. ya dig

 

[Middle]

Ah well, if you were up front with him and he still wants to try not your problem. Be careful though, he may start to wear you down. If the reason you're not into him is because if a red flag like priors, substance abuse, weird crazy family you should just end it though, now when you still have clarity of mind and good judgement. Cuz sometimes this dudes have a way of working themselves into your heart!

 

[barbiesocialite]

Ah well, if you were up front with him and he still wants to try not your problem. Be careful though, he may start to wear you down. If the reason you're not into him is because if a red flag like priors, substance abuse, weird crazy family you should just end it though, now when you still have clarity of mind and good judgement. Cuz sometimes this dudes have a way of working themselves into your heart!

I knew I liked you!

Even though some of your posts are little interesting

 

[C@ssandr@]

Ah well, if you were up front with him and he still wants to try not your problem. Be careful though, he may start to wear you down. If the reason you're not into him is because if a red flag like priors, substance abuse, weird crazy family you should just end it though, now when you still have clarity of mind and good judgement. Cuz sometimes this dudes have a way of working themselves into your heart!

We fall for that "familiarity" business. And that is no reason to be with someone (At least not the whole reason). Because once someone with that fiery chemistry comes along (and for some reason they always do ), you will be curious.

I sorta agree with barbiesocialite. The men that 'barbie' is talking about really enjoy the chase. If you make it clear that he has no chance with you, and he chooses not to back off, I don't see the problem with entertaining his friendship. Do you at least enjoy his company? Then there you go! The golden rule is to avoid sleeping with him, because that will definitely complicate thangs. Just know that he may up and marry someone else, the same way that you might too.