Hubby hates my protective styles!!! Whatever

[kbragg]

Hmm...Maybe i'm missing the point

The key word is: compromise

PSing doesn't always= Braids or weaves.... However bunning or updos may have to be the styling option....

She could always wear her wigs at work during the day and in the evening let her hair down and just drape a silk scarf across her shoulders to protect her ends. I mean if her DH find her sexy with her hair down.....well I know for me if that was the case, seeing as I looooooooove when my DH drools over me, I'd let the hair down, and eat all that attention up!

 

[nysister]

I'm of the opinion that it's my hair and I'll do what the freak I want with it. If he's honestly going to leave you over a hair choice, than he has serious issues. A woman shouldn't have to bend to someone else's will about her hair. If you want to take him into consideration, and not wear a weave, than you most certainly should look for an alternative, but if it means a lot to you to PS with a weave, than I think you should do just that.

IMO the alternative, is HE can do your hair for you in a protective style every day. Let's see how long that lasts. BTW I've been married 11 years, and still going strong.

Every relationship is different don't let people (especially those who don't know what it's like to be married) make you feel like you're doing something wrong if you want to do what you want to do with your hair. They really wouldn't know would they? :/

I don't and would never live my life just to keep my husband happy. But in living my life am who I truly as he's happy. The issue really isn't your hair, it's him.

Side note: I'd like for him to wear a mustache, he doesn't like them. I get over it. And I'm not upset about it either, it's his body.

 

[kbragg]

I don't know where the heck people are getting "DH hates my fake hair" = "Dh is gonna leave me"

How are people coming to that conclusion I mean dang

I'm not going to take my 4 kids and leave DH if he grows a full beard and waist length ponytail, but I sure as heck ain't gonna be like "Oooh yeah baby that's soooo sessy"

He's not asking her to change anything about herself, he just wants to see her, the real her, including he real hair that he finds incredibly sexy. What the hell is offensive about that!?!?!?

 

[nysister]

^^^ Personally I was just stating a full thought on what's being discussed. I highly doubt any man would leave a woman over a hair style. (I'm a very heated person when it comes to men telling women anything. lol)

I don't believe in bending to a man's will, but that's just me. Asking might get him somewhere if I was going to do that anyway, a stern request will not get him anywhere, my way works for me just great, but, I'm sure the OP does what she feels is best in her relationship.

 

[Cisselette]

But what would you rather he do, pretend he likes it? What if you decided to do a Rihanna hair do complete with the blonde.....the peacock style and that look totally turned him off. Would you not want to know? Maybe him saying he doesn't like it is not suggesting you are somehow doing it to get at him but rather him just not finding that particular look attractive?

Like Janet's new look. I think it's pretty when it's styled but makes her look old and nearly bald when she gel's it down. It's not me thinking she gels it to piss me off, I just don't find it attractive.

I do feel this is different. For me, PSing serves a particular purpose that is limited in time. Out of the many PS that exist, my favorite one is braiding because I can't stop playing with my hair if I don't hide it. Yet wigs/weaves are too fake for me.

I don't braid my hair because I really want to. I prefer wearing my natural texture. But I do have hair goals that I don't think I can reach (fast enough) with my hair out.

That's what I would explain to my future husband. I mean I'm not talking about a rainbow mohawk here. And if he still doesn't like it... well it's still MY hair!

 

[Lady S]

What happens when you're married and your husband wants you to relax the natural hair that you've been growing for 5+ years? He wants your hair to be straighten at all times and doesn't want you spending time twisting, fro-ing and so on. He says you could be making better use of your time and doesn't think natural hair is attractive on you/ or looks unkept. He just doesn't like any of your natural styles and is affecting your sex life.

Or if he wants you to go natural because he does not like relaxers. He wants his wife to wear her hair natural without chemicals. He even says he is not attracted to women who relaxes their hair anymore.

Would everyone here still have the same response?

Where do you draw the line?

I've noticed hypothetical questions that begin with "what if. ." or something similar don't go down to well in LHCF. *shrugs*

Personally, we would really have to talk about why one is better then the other. And after the discussion, I'd probably still do whatever. I think that's where wigs and extensions would come in handy as far as compromise. Do your normal thing and then switch to a kinky or straight half wig. Or weave.

If it caused a large amount of static (more then just, whining or stating opinions), I'd probably back down. Maybe. But I know me and I'd hold a grudge. Silly, but I would.

I'm of the opinion that it's my hair and I'll do what the freak I want with it. If he's honestly going to leave you over a hair choice, than he has serious issues. A woman shouldn't have to bend to someone else's will about her hair. If you want to take him into consideration, and not wear a weave, than you most certainly should look for an alternative, but if it means a lot to you to PS with a weave, than I think you should do just that.

IMO the alternative, is HE can do your hair for you in a protective style every day. Let's see how long that lasts. BTW I've been married 11 years, and still going strong.

Every relationship is different don't let people (especially those who don't know what it's like to be married) make you feel like you're doing something wrong if you want to do what you want to do with your hair. They really wouldn't know would they? :/

I don't and would never live my life just to keep my husband happy. But in living my life am who I truly as he's happy. The issue really isn't your hair, it's him.

Side note: I'd like for him to wear a mustache, he doesn't like them. I get over it. And I'm not upset about it either, it's his body.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who likes mustaches. Yeah, I took the thread of topic. Cause I'm a rebel like that.

 

[nikolite]

I don't know where the heck people are getting "DH hates my fake hair" = "Dh is gonna leave me"

How are people coming to that conclusion I mean dang

I'm not going to take my 4 kids and leave DH if he grows a full beard and waist length ponytail, but I sure as heck ain't gonna be like "Oooh yeah baby that's soooo sessy"

He's not asking her to change anything about herself, he just wants to see her, the real her, including he real hair that he finds incredibly sexy. What the hell is offensive about that!?!?!?

I agree, it really isn't that serious. I don't think he's trying to change her and of course not leaving her over it.

The difference in this situation is that he probably met her while her hair was out, and maybe now she is changing it up on him. So while this shouldn't (and prob won't) be a deal breaker, he's kinda justified in saying something about it. Its up to her to deal with it in the same way she would with any other marital disagreement: through compromise, or if its that serious to her, by putting her foot down in this one instance but only after he fully understands why. He'll give her his support anyhow (albeit begrudgingly), but it doesn't hurt to help make it easier for him a little.

 

[lilsparkle825]

The portion of my post that you highlighted and your response don't coincide so I'm confused as to what you're saying "isn't necessarily true"

Let me try this again. Chick said "what if your husband wants you to relax your hair?" and YOU said "that's assuming she spends all day working to make it look nice." I said that is not necessarily true, he may just be one of those guys who doesn't like natural hair and is not willing to change his mind about it. The second part of my post had nothing to do with my response to you.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Oh, well okay then...it was a hypothetical anyhow so

 

[yods]

My DH is also my best friend so if something isn't cute he will say it and you know what it is probably telling me what other ppl are thinking but wouldn't dare say. He doesn't like weaves and wigs either btw which seems to be a running theme with all these men.

This isn't about control it is about respecting the opinion of the other person in your life just like he always asks me my opinion about a new shirt or whatever.

 

[Sosoothing]

OP, sounds to me like you had your mind made up before you even posted. I suppose you just wanted support.

If you feel your hair is yours and you want to keep doing what you like regardless of what your husband doesn't like, then by all means, enjoy your protective styles.

 

[it_comes_naturally]

My Husband wouldn't leave me over a hair style....That's extreme.

I just enjoy HIM when he at lost of words b/c he thinks I'm drop dead beautiful at the moment ...I love the way he can't keep his hands out of my hair b/c its so soft..

Just like how he shaves his head b/c I think its sexy...

I want to be appealing in his eyes.... Maybe I'm the strange one for wanting to keep it HOT

Nope, not strange at all. My DH gives me more attention than I really want (now that's probably strange to most), so I don't want to "draw" any more attention to myself.

 

[it_comes_naturally]

I don't know where the heck people are getting "DH hates my fake hair" = "Dh is gonna leave me"

How are people coming to that conclusion I mean dang

I'm not going to take my 4 kids and leave DH if he grows a full beard and waist length ponytail, but I sure as heck ain't gonna be like "Oooh yeah baby that's soooo sessy"

He's not asking her to change anything about herself, he just wants to see her, the real her, including he real hair that he finds incredibly sexy. What the hell is offensive about that!?!?!?

Ok, maybe not "DH hates my fake hair" = "DH is going to leave me" but
maybe "Dh hates my fake hair" = "Dh is gonna have his lip poked out"

For me "Dh is gonna have his lipped poked out" = "I don't care" (based on a hairstyle)

 

[it_comes_naturally]

IMHO it's "not just hair"

At the end of the day I want to keep my man happy. Period. We want our guys to go on a limb most of the time for our sake, but a simple hair style is too much? I think it takes a stronger woman to fulfill her SO's wants and desires. If its all done in the name of love and compromise... I see no issue!!!! I needed to work on my rollerset anyway!

D

I guess I lucked up, b/c I have someone who will go out on a limb even if I won't. And yeah....a hair style (if I'm not feeling it) is too much.

My man doesn't like natural hair, but I transitioned for a yr and have been natural for 1.5yrs. I do want I wanna do when it comes to my hair.

I don't see anything wrong with any of the ladies here compromising if they want to, but it's just not an option for me.

 

[Lady Esquire]

My husband has seen my hair from a teeny weeny afro and down to MBL. Now that I am regrowing my hair again, from postpartum issues, I mentioned that I would install braids for about a year. He looked me dead in the eye and said, "Babe, you're beautiful with whatever length. I never told you this because you had grew it long and said you were done with those. But I gotta tell you, I despise braids with a passion.."

I always thought I wouldn't care what he thinks, but the way he said gave me pause. I'm not saying I won't install them, but its taking me a minute. I had a wig on for the last few months and when I finally decided to cut and just wear my hair out, he said, "My baby is back." So, I'm just now realizing how much he dislikes them. He really really has a strong opinion about all PS styles (other than a bun). Who knew going on 14 years and I learn this.

 

[coolsista-paris]

Well, i guss lots og gys don't like wigs. Mine HATES THEM! hats wigs, sew ins, and all. he prefers my real hair. So i protective syle by doing twists or if extensions i do naturak hairstyles, cornrows and braids. He likes them but finds wigs too fake.

 

[Solitude]

Well, i guss lots og gys don't like wigs. Mine HATES THEM! hats wigs, sew ins, and all. he prefers my real hair. So i protective syle by doing twists or if extensions i do naturak hairstyles, cornrows and braids. He likes them but finds wigs too fake.

Yes, this seems to be the case. I really, really wish more black women knew this. I don't have a hubby, but all of my boyfriends have told me that they prefer real hair and the fact that I wear my real hair 99% of the time is part of their attraction to me.

My current boyfriend told me that he doesn't mind a TWA (I asked him after one of my best friends cut her hair to go natural), but he truly doesn't see the point of weaves. He's been with me when my hair was it's shortest and now that it's at it's longest.

I'm really enjoying reading all the different perspectives from the married ladies.