How to tell your SO he needs to lose weight

cookiemonster287

cookiemonster287

Well-Known Member
OK so we're getting married this summer and I've been really trying hard since October to lose some weight.

My fiancé recently had something happen to his back and went through physical therapy for a few months so he couldn't exercise....
He's better now, but not quite enough to exercise like he used to.

I know he can't exercise that much, but he still eats bad all the time.

I'm not a very blunt person, and he's kind of sensitive about how much weight hes gained over the past 2 1/2 years so its hard for me to tell him to slow down.

Am I selfish for wanting him to lose some for the wedding though?

I'm still attracted to him and he didn't gain so much thats its risking his health, but its noticeable....:perplexed.... I just don't know how to say it.
 
Honey... I'm worried about you...

I think you should do it soon because it's January and you can peg it on the New Year's Resolutions atmosphere right now. It would help to phrase it very very sensibly (you must, actually) and maybe offer to work out with him. Low impact stuff. Or get him to do a cleanse with you. You both go to buy the groceries, and the bad stuff in his fridge can mysteriously disappear... you know... all in the name of this health challenge you're doing together lol.
 
Do you cook for him? Just cook him healthier meals. I wanted to start eating healthier, so my family is eating healthier. If i'm doing the cooking they eat what I cook. :lol: Make it a couples thing. Talk about how you both should lose weight for the wedding and do it together.
 
Wow..... OP this is a very tricky and sensitive situation to be in. :ohwell:

Nobody really likes to hear that they need to lose weight......especially from an SO. :perplexed

I agree with encouraging him by cooking healthier meals, keeping junk food out of the house, and trying to get back on the "healthy kick" now that the new year is upon us. :yep:

Also, is his back well enough to work out or is he still sore? I was going to say...if he's able to, maybe you can ask him to join you at the gym. Even indoor swimming would be a nice low-impact activity. :yep: And when the weather gets a little nicer, perhaps you two can engage in a game of tennis together or something. Just SOMETHING to keep him active ykwim? :)

Try the "sly approach" first, and if that doesn't work, then maybe THEN resort to the more "blunt" approach lol :giggle:
 
Me and SO have both gained roughly 50 lbs each since dating each other. I'm on track to losing it (down 10 lbs so far) whereas he hasn't. I have the benefit of belonging to a $10/month gym whereas he is closest to a $50/month gym. I am worried about him because he has developed sleep apnea. He has woken me up at night coughing and choking when he stops breathing and it bothers me a lot. I try to help him but you can't really make someone want to get in shape.
 
just tell him, but i hope you can handle it when he tells you something you need to fix or change.

just tell him he needs to exercise and start eating better. you don't have to tell him to lose weight. i talk to my SO all of the time about his eating habits. thank the Lord he is active and works out several times a week. he already let me know, to get it together after i have the baby. just be honest, but not hurtful.
 
BGT said:
Me and SO have both gained roughly 50 lbs each since dating each other. I'm on track to losing it (down 10 lbs so far) whereas he hasn't. I have the benefit of belonging to a $10/month gym whereas he is closest to a $50/month gym. I am worried about him because he has developed sleep apnea. He has woken me up at night coughing and choking when he stops breathing and it bothers me a lot. I try to help him but you can't really make someone want to get in shape.
Click to expand...

Unless he's in his 50s/60s..he's too young for that. You should talk to him seriously.
 
I wouldn't say a word :nono:. He knows that he's gained weight. I would do the sly things like cooking healthier, keeping junkfood out of the house as much as possible, walking together. Dh and I prepared for and completed two half marathons, men love challenges :yep:. Even a 10k or 5k to start would be good. Preparing for them was the best part because we spent so much quality time together walking and talking. We also use a vitamix machine and enjoy making different smoothies and soups, shopping for fresh fruits and veggies together. Make him big glasses of ice water as a gesture of kindness. Buy him new workout clothes. But please don't ask him to lose weight. How many people you know lost weight because someone told them they needed to? Again, he knows he's gained weight and is likely frustrated about it but doesn't quite know what to do about it yet. You can be his inspiration and partner in this. You are so blessed to have found love, trust me, as the years pass, his not being in perfect shape for your wedding day will not matter to you in the big scheme of things.
 
OP, you're making him out to sound weak. He's a man, I'm sure he can handle it. I would just tell him and if he can't take it? He's the one with the problem.
 
You've gotten some good advice.

I knew a couple in which the man started gaining weight the second they got married. Wife started cooking healthier, all that. He'd eat it and then go get crap from the corner store. He got heavier and heavier. Ironic cause he'd been an Army man and in excellent shape.
 
This is *not* advice, just an idea. Since you all are getting married in the summer, could you say something like, "Hey, I want to do one of those PX90 [or some other fitness thing] challenges to look great for the wedding. They have a couples competition, too. Wanna do it together?"

Again, not advice, but it seems like it could be an "us" thing, something to do together while looking forward to the wedding, rather than a "there's something wrong with you" thing.

ETA: Oops, saw the part about him not being able to exercise. Well, yeah, it seems like it's on him. You can certainly set a good example though.
 
UmSumayyah said:
You've gotten some good advice.

I knew a couple in which the man started gaining weight the second they got married. Wife started cooking healthier, all that. He'd eat it and then go get crap from the corner store. He got heavier and heavier. Ironic cause he'd been an Army man and in excellent shape.
Click to expand...

I'm sure the wife must have been out done, thinking she was marrying this buff military guy. I wonder what was/ is going on with him?
 
The best thing to do when somebody in your life needs to loose weight is to do it with them...not tell them they need to loose weight, and make sure you're eating healthily also. OP if your FH can't exercise that much, ask him to go for evening walks with you, and build from there.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
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I don't live with him, and don't plan to until we're married, so I don't cook for him....so he eats whatever he wants.

I've invited him to the gym with me once, but it ended badly because his back and leg really started hurting, and he felt bad because he could barely do anything.

I guess I'm not gonna say anything.
I thought there might've been an easier way to say it, but there really isn't.

He knows he could be trying to at least eat better, but he chooses not to, and I have no control over what he decides to eat.

I think its because he doesn't know it bothers me. Oh well.

Thanks for the advice ladies.
 
UmSumayyah said:
You've gotten some good advice.

I knew a couple in which the man started gaining weight the second they got married. Wife started cooking healthier, all that. He'd eat it and then go get crap from the corner store. He got heavier and heavier. Ironic cause he'd been an Army man and in excellent shape.
Click to expand...

I would be so upset :lol: :nono:
 
cookiemonster287 said:
I don't live with him, and don't plan to until we're married, so I don't cook for him....so he eats whatever he wants.

I've invited him to the gym with me once, but it ended badly because his back and leg really started hurting, and he felt bad because he could barely do anything.

I guess I'm not gonna say anything.
I thought there might've been an easier way to say it, but there really isn't.

He knows he could be trying to at least eat better, but he chooses not to, and I have no control over what he decides to eat.

I think its because he doesn't know it bothers me. Oh well.

Thanks for the advice ladies.
Click to expand...

If he's still having pain I would suggest that he return to his physical therapist. Maybe tell him to include his weight gain as a symptom as well when describing how his previous injury has affected his life. Ask him to list how he thinks his life has changed since he got hurt. More than likely he'll include his weight gain. Who knows, maybe he has a deeper more serious underlying injury that's prevented him from working out and he just hasn't been able to face it as yet.
 
Phoenix14
Excellent points. I think the main issue is that gaining weight is just a symptom. That is why "dieting" doesn't work long-term because the underlying problem is still there. Anyway, yes he should return to the physical therapist.
 
hopeful said:
I'm sure the wife must have been out done, thinking she was marrying this buff military guy. I wonder what was/ is going on with him?
Click to expand...

He figured he had her and she wasn't going anywhere. Especially, I suppose, because they had their first kid in the first couple years of marriage (at his insistence). He started slipping in other ways too.

He thought she was locked down. She showed him otherwise. :lol:
 
Tell him. Believe me, men are NEVER shy about letting a woman know he wants her to gain/lose weight, wear more/less/none makeup, go natural/get a weave/get a relaxer, etc.

Tell him.
 
cookiemonster287 Hmmm...I agree with not outright telling him.

Maybe you could make into some sort of game. Like say that you read somewhere about a "game" for couples ready to marry where whoever lost the most weight had to receive some sort of...idk reward from the other person. You could say that the purpose of the game was for the new couple to begin their lives together as healthy and happy as possible. You could each choose each other's reward. For example if you won you may want your reward to be him dedicating an entire day of satisfying every desire you had. Whether that be breakfast in bed, spa day, rough sex lol you get the drift?

I'm not exactly sure how to approach this but it's just an idea.
 
gabulldawg said:
Do you cook for him? Just cook him healthier meals. I wanted to start eating healthier, so my family is eating healthier. If i'm doing the cooking they eat what I cook. :lol: Make it a couples thing. Talk about how you both should lose weight for the wedding and do it together.
Click to expand...

What she said^^
 
Ok men don't like games and they don't understand when you don't state things clearly.

This is the man you're going to marry; you should be able to have that conversation easily. SO and I talk about that kind of stuff all the time, we eat healthy together, work out together etc... When he doesn't like my hair or attire he tells me.....if he outs on a couple pounds I tell him and vice versa.

Tell the man... This is not child's play
 
Honestly, how would you want to be told? Would you not pop an attitutde? I know I would and I would lose my religion cursing a fool up and down about it, as if I didn't know that I had put on weight.

Just keep offering him to work out with you. He has to make the decision about losing weight, not you.

What are you going to do if he doesn't lose the weight? Are you not going to marry him? Marry him and still bug the heck out of him because of his weight? For Pete's sake, you said the man had medical issues.
 
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