How to stop the booty call!

Fine 4s

Fine 4s

Well-Known Member
Please do not quote

1. Bootie call with someone over years
2. Woman wants to stop because she knows it will not go anywhere
3. But truly enjoys friendship (they are close friends)
4. Woman feels guilty everytime she relapses (it happens maybe a few times a year or less really)
5. She thinks they can just 'sleep' in the bed together without doing anything :look:

She doesn't know which path to take.

I think they should just not be friends until all these emotions, desires calms down since she's been struggling for years with this.

Please do not quote
 
If she wants her life to change she must first change the things in her life.

I was in an similar situation. I'd like to think we had a great friendship (thats wat he fed my ear) which is why i felt we could just lay together but the fact that he always took it there w/ me (even though it takes 2) made me think he's not a real friend. He fed my ear the whole "friend first" bs to keep my trust and company.

At the end of the night, he was looking out for himself not our friendship.

She needs to make boundaries within herself and with him. Focusing on my dreams and goals help me let go entirely.

.
 
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Fine 4s I swear, your threads sound real too personal sometimes to be just about "friends/family" or hypothetical.

Anyway, she needs to cut all ties, this includes the quasi friendship and hanging out. Once you stop cold turkey it's hard, but just get rid of everything (delete his number, what ever gifts, etc)
 
Yay that means I'm a good story teller!!! :)

I don't want to tell her he's not a friend but that's what I suspect. I don't think she'll cut him off completely but will try again to stop...IDK
 
Fine 4s said:
Yay that means I'm a good story teller!!! :)

I don't want to tell her he's not a friend but that's what I suspect. I don't think she'll cut him off completely but will try again to stop...IDK
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If that's the case..he will be her long-term booty call until she either get's sick of him or finds someone else she wants to be with.
 
It's simple. She can maintain the friendship but not allow him to penetrate her. :) If she does spend time with him it should ALWAYS be in public. Problem solved, LOL!
 
It is very difficult to go to back to a platonic relationship once you've been physical with someone. You have to change so much about how you interact with that person and it can be draining.

I think MsDee14's prediction is correct.
 
I straight up told her she has to accept that he'll be long term! I don't foresee her stopping, she enjoys it too much. I agree with you Lucie, she just needs to stop. According to her though, the chemistry is off the chain!
It will stop when she finds a man....maybe!!!!
 
If the chemistry was that off the chain for HIM, he'd go ahead and be exclusive with her and make things official.
 
DarkJoy said:
If the chemistry was that off the chain for HIM, he'd go ahead and be exclusive with her and make things official.
Click to expand...

Strangely, guys have the power to continue just screwing you even with off the chain chemistry and pick a woman he thinks is better for him. Men are smarter that way. IMO.
 
loolalooh said:
I used to be this woman. Being just platonic friends was impossible because he would always want to take it there. One day, I woke up after our last get together and sent him a text message that I was moving on. I then deleted and blocked his number and deleted him from FB. I haven't looked back since.

It helped that I was fed up with being that chick. It helped that he would remind me of why I wasn't worthy to be "girlfriend" status. If her mind space isn't there yet ... isn't at being fed up with being that chick ... it'll make the ceasing of contact difficult. After several years of being with this man, though, I was truly fed up.
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this! when you are ready to be done, you have to truly be done.
 
Fine 4s said:
I straight up told her she has to accept that he'll be long term! I don't foresee her stopping, she enjoys it too much. I agree with you Lucie, she just needs to stop. According to her though, the chemistry is off the chain!
It will stop when she finds a man....maybe!!!!
Click to expand...

with that attitude, it will take another man for her to let dude go. that man will give her what she truly wants and she will see that booty call man is just that. he won't say all of the nice things new boyfriend would say, he won't do all of the nice things new boyfriend will do. he will come at her sideways and she won't think that raunchy, get in your panties type of conversation/game is cute anymore.
 
She must want or is hoping for more than friendship otherwise it would be easy.

Best would be to just stop dealing with him on any level. But if she's insistent about trying to maintain a friendship first off she should make it clear to him that there will be no more sex ever, ever, ever and hold to that.

No having him over to her house...ever. No going to his house...ever. No answering the phone after a certain hour. No answering the door when he comes over uninvited. Most likely he will lose interest in the friendship if there is no sex and that's probably what she fears. But nothing will change unless she draws a hard line.
 
Like Chasing Bliss said, men are smarter at this stuff than we are. They can be cold and logical about things that we have a hard time with. She just has to use her head and exercise some self-preservation and self-control in this matter.
 
Fine 4s said:
Problem according to HER Glam, is that she believes they are very close!
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She'll see how close they are when she cuts off the cookies. If he sticks around, he's really her friend. If not, well I guess she'll have her answer. Why even waste her time?
 
They've been "friends" for years and get along great. The last time it happened before the last time was a year ago. So they can have friendship moments ...with undercurrents of bootie I guess.
 
She's blocking her blessings. Her mind is sewn up and she won't even recognise that "good dude" who may be checking for her. A REAL MAN who respects you will exercise SELF-CONTROL. I can see them slipping up ONCE, but this annual thing . . . that's just him getting his "feet wet" ever so often. A real friend wouldn't cross those lines unless he was trying to be honorable about it. She needs to dead him STAT!
 
loolalooh said:
I used to be this woman. Being just platonic friends was impossible because he would always want to take it there. One day, I woke up after our last get together and sent him a text message that I was moving on. I then deleted and blocked his number and deleted him from FB. I haven't looked back since.

It helped that I was fed up with being that chick. It helped that he would remind me of why I wasn't worthy to be "girlfriend" status. If her mind space isn't there yet ... isn't at being fed up with being that chick ... it'll make the ceasing of contact difficult. After several years of being with this man, though, I was truly fed up.
Click to expand...

Funny I just did this before the new year. I deleted the number and deactivated by FB. I haven't deleted him from my page yet but that's something I will be doing in the future. I won't even give him notice I'm done, I'm just going to do it. When you get fed up, it's not hard to do.
 
Fine 4s said:
They've been "friends" for years and get along great. The last time it happened before the last time was a year ago. So they can have friendship moments ...with undercurrents of bootie I guess.
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Once a year?

Then honestly, other then the post coital guilt, this situation seems to be working for her. She needs to either fish or cut bait. Accept the situation as it is and let go of the guilt when they slip up or just have enough willpower to say no the one day a year they seem inclined to sex it up.
 
ambergirl
I didn't say it was once a year all the time now. I said last time it happened was a year ago. But prior to that, who knows how often it went down. But I still agree with you.
 
Fine 4s said:
@ambergirl
I didn't say it was once a year all the time now. I said last time it happened was a year ago. But prior to that, who knows how often it went down. But I still agree with you.
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Ok.

Still, this situation is odd. I wouldn't call this your classic booty call situation unless he's calling her up in the middle of the night, stopping by the house at all hours, only comes around for some sex. This is something else and she either needs to accept or reject it.
 
Boy this takes me back, I remember when I met my boogie. It was just about the sex. Told when I met him, I was into my career, and all I wanted was sex, he was like ok. Longest relationship I ever had. He took me out introduced me to daddy, and all his friend, trips, etc. but it was all about the sex.

To this day when I am with somebody else; I really want my boogie. Now I am bent on having a Godly relationship that is deeper than sex. I really feel her pain, and don't understand how she could even try to be friends; I would just be thinking about sex the whole time.
 
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I agree with you, Fine 4s. I also don't think close friends can go back to (purely platonic) business as usual after becoming sexual.
 
Being able to separate emotion and sex isn't smart, it's unnatural :lol: imho

i agree with everything else y'all said though.
 
MD_Lady said:
I agree with you, Fine 4s. I also don't think close friends can go back to (purely platonic) business as usual after becoming sexual.
Click to expand...

I've done it, but of course oh boy constantly flirts. I don't pay him any mind though. I find him very disgusting being that he is married now and still tries. :nono:
 
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