How To Be More Interesting On Dates?

[GraceJones]

I've started the online dating thing and I've been going on a couple dates. I get soo nervous and shy and I feel as thoughI don't talk much at all. I got asked back on out second dates, but some those fizzled out for unrelated reasons.

Sometimes me and my dates share common interests but I feel like we run out of stuff to talk about sometimes lol. Like we'll start talking about a subject in art or technology that I know nothing about. How do I make the guy feel "manly" on the date? Should I just ask questions about what we're talking about? I don't want to seem like an airhead lol

 

[CaraWalker]

I've started the online dating thing and I've been going on a couple dates. I get soo nervous and shy and I feel as thoughI don't talk much at all. I got asked back on out second dates, but some those fizzled out for unrelated reasons.

Sometimes me and my dates share common interests but I feel like we run out of stuff to talk about sometimes lol. Like we'll start talking about a subject in art or technology that I know nothing about. How do I make the guy feel "manly" on the date? Should I just ask questions about what we're talking about? I don't want to seem like an airhead lol

i think if youre getting second dates you are doing fine and should approach it as such (as long as you arent the one initiating them). second dates are very hard to secure with online dating (for both men and women).

its probably more that by the second date the guy is like "eh, im not super interested" and does a fade. and you should be ok with that too - online dating is so flaky and rejection is the default, imo. also if you're "running out of stuff to talk about" that's his fault too. it takes 2 people to contribute to a conversation. i dont have this problem but it gets old real quick having to carry a conversation just to help a guy out.

 

[awhyley]

But for those of us who aren't getting to the second date, what can be done?
(Besides reading, and making reference to general [and current] information, etc.)

 

[Kimbosheart]

ask him about himself and really listen to him. He will feel more connected to you, if he feels like you are safe to talk to. Continue to be smart, knowledgeable and "awake" but the point of dating for you should be to get to know him and decide if you want to allow him to take up more of your time. Not hoping he will choose you. The best way to do this is just ask him about himself.

- are you born and raised here... if not where?
- tell me about what you do for a living, why did you choose that?
- any siblings? (if not or thats a touchy subject ask about his friends)?
- whats the most fun you've had this year?

If you listen, especially the way Allison Armstrong teaches (please reference The Queen's Code thread or Feminine Belles thread) you will learn so much about him and how you may or may not find him to even be worth further dates, let alone actualy pursuing a relationship.

ETA: these are just suggestions. Not a script to follow. Just a way to get on an open needed question that he can take his time to respond and a question where you can learn quite a bit about him and his priorities from the answer.

 

[ladysaraii]

I want to throw out a book that was recommended here in the past: How to marry the man of your choice.

She has a section on "interviewing" a man, but it's not so clinical. She gives lots of advice on what to ask. She recommends starting with his childhood.

Now, I don't agree with every single thing written in the book (like not requiring a man to wear a condom), but there is a lot of good info. There have been threads on it in the past.

 

[CaraWalker]

But for those of us who aren't getting to the second date, what can be done?
(Besides reading, and making reference to general [and current] information, etc.)

I always assume second dates are looks or chemistry based, because lack of conversation certainly isnt a factor for me. do guys even care that much what we are talking about? I think subconsciously they will have a favorable or unfavorable impression based on how the conversation makes them feel, but the actual content? im on the fence.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I'm strongly against women worrying while dating. It sounds like it's killing your mojo which is what you need to avoid.

For many men, especially if they see you as attractive/a catch, the fact that you showed and are sitting across from them is great enough lol. Remember that... He's the one who expressed interest in being in your life and if there is any element of pressure it should be on the man to prove himself to you surely? If the chemistry doesn't pop off that's not your issue either, just life. You didn't promise a spark, just agreed to a date at his request.

I aim to relax, enjoy getting to know someone and be myself. That includes being honest if I don't know much about a subject. I like to assess if the guy is good enough for me, or if there is any chemistry - that's it.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I've started the online dating thing and I've been going on a couple dates. I get soo nervous and shy and I feel as thoughI don't talk much at all. I got asked back on out second dates, but some those fizzled out for unrelated reasons.

Sometimes me and my dates share common interests but I feel like we run out of stuff to talk about sometimes lol. Like we'll start talking about a subject in art or technology that I know nothing about. How do I make the guy feel "manly" on the date? Should I just ask questions about what we're talking about? I don't want to seem like an airhead lol

*Running out of stuff to talk about may mean it's time to end the date.

*If you know nothing about the subject at hand, say so. Men love to explain stuff and feel smart.

*An easy way to make a guy feel manly is to be receptive to the things he does. Did he hold the door? Say a quick thanks. Did he pull out the chair? Say thanks or be faux flirty and say "you are so sweet". Acknowledge the manly stuff....this will only work if he does manly stuff though.

It seems that you are worried about your appeal as opposed to how to act right on a date. If you were a bad date, you wouldn't get called back for a second...so it's clear that you know how to hold it down. My advice to you is to gain confidence. The guys seem to like you already, you just don't believe in yourself.

Now, I'm curious about why the second dates fizzled out. You don't have to answer, but I am curious, lol.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

I've started the online dating thing and I've been going on a couple dates. I get soo nervous and shy and I feel as thoughI don't talk much at all. I got asked back on out second dates, but some those fizzled out for unrelated reasons.

Sometimes me and my dates share common interests but I feel like we run out of stuff to talk about sometimes lol. Like we'll start talking about a subject in art or technology that I know nothing about. How do I make the guy feel "manly" on the date? Should I just ask questions about what we're talking about? I don't want to seem like an airhead lol

Why are you nervous? You're the prize. First date is screening interview. If he's talking about something you know nothing about follow up the way you would with anyone discussing an interesting topic. It's not your job to make him feel manly. It's his pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Practice having conversations. You don't have to share same hobbies in order to talk and listen. Be interested in what's being said not just because you want to have another date. Online dating is like advertising for a job on Craigslist. You're going to sift through a lot more resumes to reach contenders. It's not about conforming to what you think he wants. You need to be listening to see if he fulfills your requirements. For example is he really passionate about art or is he a pretentious snob trying to impress you with his accomplishments/knowledge?

Stop putting pressure on yourself to be "on". Just be.

 

[GraceJones]

*Running out of stuff to talk about may mean it's time to end the date.

*If you know nothing about the subject at hand, say so. Men love to explain stuff and feel smart.

*An easy way to make a guy feel manly is to be receptive to the things he does. Did he hold the door? Say a quick thanks. Did he pull out the chair? Say thanks or be faux flirty and say "you are so sweet". Acknowledge the manly stuff....this will only work if he does manly stuff though.

It seems that you are worried about your appeal as opposed to how to act right on a date. If you were a bad date, you wouldn't get called back for a second...so it's clear that you know how to hold it down. My advice to you is to gain confidence. The guys seem to like you already, you just don't believe in yourself.

Now, I'm curious about why the second dates fizzled out. You don't have to answer, but I am curious, lol.

One dude asked for me to go dutch and THAT WASN'T HAPP'N'N! One just turned out to be a stubborn jerk, he was just really pushy. The other one I think we just didn't have enough masculine/feminine polarity because he hasn't contacted me since. One I went out with on Friday night. We had only been contacting on OKC but he finally asked for my number when the date ended, so I guess he wants to continue speaking to me.

I have another date this Saturday and I don't want to screw it up. I also want to make my profile more interesting. I have 3 pics: a selfie, a half body shot, and one of lose arm above body shots. I just put a little about my interests and that's it. I hear some women get dozens and dozens of men messaging them but I only juggle about 6 or so at any time. Most of them I don't think I should be taking so seriously lol

 

[Kimbosheart]

There's a show on TLC that does a makeover on your style and your online dating profile. The lady who does the online dating profile is a Black. She gives some decent advice on jazzing up your profile and what pictures you should include.

 

[GraceJones]

There's a show on TLC that does a makeover on your style and your online dating profile. The lady who does the online dating profile is a Black. She gives some decent advice on jazzing up your profile and what pictures you should include.

Ok Ill try to check that out

This dating thing is very new for me. I just decided to put myself. I'm really quiet and don't usually interact with men. Until recently I was fairly certain I was complete invisible to the opposite sex.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Ok Ill try to check that out

This dating thing is very new for me. I just decided to put myself. I'm really quiet and don't usually interact with men. Until recently I was fairly certain I was complete invisible to the opposite sex.

Well, the more you date the more comfortable you'll get. Sounds like you're not doing so bad either. Just go with it, and make sure that you're having fun while doing it .

 

[bklynbornNbred]

One dude asked for me to go dutch and THAT WASN'T HAPP'N'N! One just turned out to be a stubborn jerk, he was just really pushy. The other one I think we just didn't have enough masculine/feminine polarity because he hasn't contacted me since. One I went out with on Friday night. We had only been contacting on OKC but he finally asked for my number when the date ended, so I guess he wants to continue speaking to me.

I have another date this Saturday and I don't want to screw it up. I also want to make my profile more interesting. I have 3 pics: a selfie, a half body shot, and one of lose arm above body shots. I just put a little about my interests and that's it. I hear some women get dozens and dozens of men messaging them but I only juggle about 6 or so at any time. Most of them I don't think I should be taking so seriously lol

Don't worry about quantity focus on quality. Those talking about large numbers of responders are not solely sorting through MBA entrepreneurs.

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

I always assume second dates are looks or chemistry based, because lack of conversation certainly isnt a factor for me. do guys even care that much what we are talking about? I think subconsciously they will have a favorable or unfavorable impression based on how the conversation makes them feel, but the actual content? im on the fence.

I think in general men go by their gut /instinct so I agree...topics or content may not matter so much. It's more about how they felt with you, were they attracted to you and did they find you interesting. Interesting doesn't mean you are an encyclopedia of facts regarding every subject...even if you are unfamiliar with a topic you can still have a good convo about it by being engaged, witty, asking thought provoking questions, using it as a foundation to hit in other topics, etc

 

[summertimewine]

I talk to men like I would talk to most strangers. I feel most women fall short when they want to impress men, it's very inorganic and definitely comes off as forced. It makes the conversations lull because you're trying to think of the next best thing to say.
I go on dates with no expectations. I'm never nervous because what's the point? If he doesn't get along with the real you then it's all fake anyway.
But I'm a naturally charming and sensual person and hear so quite often.
If you're naturally awkward then just stop, or date other awkward people

 

[julzinha]

I talk to men like I would talk to most strangers. I feel most women fall short when they want to impress men, it's very inorganic and definitely comes off as forced. It makes the conversations lull because you're trying to think of the next best thing to say.
I go on dates with no expectations. I'm never nervous because what's the point? If he doesn't get along with the real you then it's all fake anyway.
But I'm a naturally charming and sensual person and hear so quite often.
If you're naturally awkward then just stop, or date other awkward people

That's part of the reason I hate dating, I don't want to meet a person and have them not be themselves. I want to see it all, I want the person to act the way they would if we had been in a relationship for a while.

 

[summertimewine]

That's part of the reason I hate dating, I don't want to meet a person and have them not be themselves. I want to see it all, I want the person to act the way they would if we had been in a relationship for a while.

You don't get to control that. The only thing you can control is how authentic you are. If someone is being fake your authenticity and effortlessness will intimidate them.

 

[Fine 4s]

I love dating although I don't date often.
I actually approach interviewing the same way. If we don't fit, hey....keep it moving.
But I love the challenge of getting the interest using my natural self.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

That's part of the reason I hate dating, I don't want to meet a person and have them not be themselves. I want to see it all, I want the person to act the way they would if we had been in a relationship for a while.

Me too. This is why I get on people when they get caught up in superficial stuff then act like victim afterwards. Don't fall for what sounds good. If words and actions don't match move on.

 

[GraceJones]

I'm just worried that since I'm so awkward (social anxiety) that they're gonna be like, "Man, I don't want to be with this girl any more. She's too weird."

Edit: I think I'm doing something with my body language also. Like the only place I get asked on dates is online. I never get approached in real life really, only by men at work and I'm not dating there.

 

[awhyley]

Do you go out? Like activities outside of work/home/church/etc.? You may find guys in groups where are similar interests.

 

[Oasis]

what do most men want? sex. how do they want a woman to look? hot. it's not hard to impress them.

i'm very much like you. quiet, shy, nervous, awkward. i could go on and on. the very first dates i went on were with guys i met via Okc and inside i was a nervous wreck. after i stopped worrying about how boring i may seem and what subjects i should talk about and started going in knowing im cute af and the guy is lucky to be in my fine a-- presence it became much easier for me to loosen up and be myself. i guess it was sort of a fake it til you make it approach.