How to accept love

[LifeafterLHCF]

I'm going to be a bit transparent but not too much bc these boards can be a mess.I'm lying here in bed trying to make sense of my life.I have for as long as I could remember I have been sad.I read the Word and it says many things in regards to be sad and that you should not be troubled.

I read here and many say allow God's love to soothe you.Also many say you need to be kinder to your self.I don't know if I'm capable of doing so.I want to not rush as my supervisor told me this past week but I can't help it.I know that things don't align with what I want.For instance I look at my housing situation.If I take macro look at it my situation has gotten better and better minus the year I had to live with family.But all the places I have had on my own have gotten so much more fashionable over time.

In 2012 I can't afford to but a weapon to do mass destruction to myself.I keep telling myself if I can make it to 30 I will be ok.I'm trying to not die mentally so I have to try new things.Its even hard to accept love from people esp with my past.When I read or hear your voices on the prayer line I get sorta anxious as they really can't feel that way about me I'm a misfit in society.

I want to know how do you accept this so called love or be gentler to yourself?

 

[LongTimeComing]

I am not sure if this really answers your questions, but I will take a stab at it.

I started tearing down my own walls. When people walked up to me and gave me a hug I let them. When people reached out to me I reached back. I smiled and said good morning to everybody in my office out of desperation. I had/ have to feel something. And I know I don't want it to be negative, sexualized, or self seeking. So even though it went against everything I normally did, I tried to make it a habit. Eventually it became normal and I realized that I had craved that interaction all along.

I ask God to make His love and touch tangible to me. Let me feel it, literally, because I don't know how else to feel it. To please meet me where I am at and love me, because no one else can meet me >here<. I am too scared and scarred to let anyone see this. And He has. Some days felt like he was laying right behind me in my bed telling me it would be ok.

 

[MSee]

My way of getting past persistent sadness has always been returning to focused prayer, fasting, searching the scriptures, listening and praise and worship. As I read your post I'm aware of your progress though it seem miniscule to you. I'd encourage you to treat yourself for having made some progress. There were times in my life while going through some painful changes that I'd become wiped out by any failure and go into what I could only describe as mourning Now I've learnt to acknowledge my failures, repent if it's something that requires it, forgive myself and focus on whatever progress I know I did make. I'd get busy purposefully giving God thanks for the little step forward even if I ended up running 10 steps back.

You need to nurture your emotional health. They Bible is best for this, but good books about overcomers can break it down in a way you find more relevant to your situation, or easier to understand. Even short articles could surfice if you do not have time for much reading.

Some people can easily shake off negative feelings, some of us have to fight to get over them. I've learnt to just let it all out to God and just like many of the Psalms, before I'm through venting, wailing, complaining, I start remembering how good God is to me...Even if I don't feel better right away, I will remind myself vocally of God's truth and wait. He truly draw's near to them who draw near to Him.

Examine yourself also. Is there a deep seated desire that you've been downplaying? Is there an unspoken fear that you have not acknowledged? Is there an unmet expectation (or unrealistic one)? Ask God to search you and reveal the root of your sadness. Ask Him for the answers that are specific for you. I'll pray for you. You are loved

 

[MSee]

By the way, I am a misfit also. After years of trying to alter myself to 'fit in' I'm now in the process of undoing that foolishness and being who God made me to be. I've gotten more concerned about learning to love myself in a healthy way and stepping up my love walk to others and accept the fact that, that doesn't mean reciprocity. Give to yourself, give of yourself expecting returns only from God and He will send people your way who genuinely loves you. I've started being grateful for every smile, wave, hello without getting that desperate "could they accept my freindship" feeling. Just, "that was sweet, thankful" sort of feeling.

 

[Prudent1]

Hi GoddessMaker,
I could probably qualify to be the 'queen' of misfits but that's another post. ITA with what the others have posted but would also add not something new but something we all know but don't always practice. The kingdom works on the principles of seed, time, and harvest. I have learned (still have to consciously do erplexed )the neccesity of giving away (sow) the very things I would like to receive myself (love, friendship, money, babysitting for couples on date night, whatever). You have recently expressed a desire to give young girls the gift of mentoring (love) by sharing some of your experiences with them. In an effort to show them something you couldn't see at the time. Mainly, that we all have choices and are loved by God even when it seems we don't/aren't. Sometimes we have to do the right thing even when it seems useless and as if it doesn't apply in our situations(sowing) . It also helps me to look back at old journal entries to see the things I asked God for and remember how he has moved in my life since then. For me, at this time, it is a constant process (it is nothing more than renewing our minds but practice makes perfect) to learn to accept God's love. Don't feel bad about that. Everyone's walk is different even though we are trying to get to the same location. We really do love you here and we truly can see godly changes in you.