How often should a woman initiate dates?

[zzirvingj]

How often should a woman initiate dates?

Let's say you've been dating someone consistently for 3-5 months. How often do you think the woman should initiate?

 

[cheetarah1980]

3 weeks or 3 months, unless it's his birthday why would she initiate a date? If a man is into a woman she won't even have the chance to initiate a date because he's already done it.
This doesn't mean a man has to still plan every detail of the dates, but the actual "we should see each other on Friday/Saturday/Tuesday/whenever" should still come from him.

 

[Bmack]

Times have changed, but I would let the ball be in his court most of the time...However, I would not wait around if I am truly interested.

 

[MzLady78]

3 weeks or 3 months, unless it's his birthday why would she initiate a date? If a man is into a woman she won't even have the chance to initiate a date because he's already done it.
This doesn't mean a man has to still plan every detail of the dates, but the actual "we should see each other on Friday/Saturday/Tuesday/whenever" should still come from him.

So 6 months later, you should still be sitting back waiting for him to initiate? I don't agree with that at all.

If he's still in the picture after all that time, wouldn't that be indicative that he's into you enough that you can pick up the phone and be like "hey, let's do x, y and z"?

 

[cheetarah1980]

So 6 months later, you should still be sitting back waiting for him to initiate? I don't agree with that at all.

If he's still in the picture after all that time, wouldn't that be indicative that he's into you enough that you can pick up the phone and be like "hey, let's do x, y and z"?

I guess I don't see it as sitting around and waiting for him but moreso just allowing him to steer the course (with my input, of course). If I had to wait for him to initiate I would start to think that he's not into me. Now if there was something specific that I wanted to do or an event that I had to attend and needed a date for, then sure I'd bring it up to him. But for the regular weekly dates I'd expect that he would continue to initiate them consistently so that I don't even have the chance to say, "hey...what are we doing this weekend?" He's already beat me to the punch.

 

[kandake]

3-5 months of consistent dating... I don't see the point in sitting back and waiting for him ALL the time.

If there's a movie you want to see, why not say "such and such movie comes out Friday. Want to go."

Or, "I really want to try such and such restaurant we should go there this weekend".

 

[MzLady78]

^^^ Ok, but if you're using him initiating dates as the measuring stick for how into you he is, why wouldn't it be the same thing the other way around? If I'm a guy and I'm ALWAYS the one initiating, especially after a number of months, I'm gonna question how into me SHE is.

 

[Makenzie]

If we've been going out consistently I have no problem telling him I want to see this movie or go to this place.

 

[Triniwegian]

I agree with Mzlady78, if you are into him why not suggest a date?
Though the man is suppose to be the suitor, I truly believe that they too sometimes like that we ladies initiate from time to time..as a sign of genuine interest.

Though we have been together for three years..I sometimes take him out. He does a lot for me and sometimes I just want to show him that i appreciate him. He does not really care for materialistic things, so I will take him on a date.

 

[cheetarah1980]

^^^ Ok, but if you're using him initiating dates as the measuring stick for how into you he is, why wouldn't it be the same thing the other way around? If I'm a guy and I'm ALWAYS the one initiating, especially after a number of months, I'm gonna question how into me SHE is.

I guess I just look at it in terms of different roles. He initiates/pursues and I encourage. If it's 3-5 months and I'm still spending time with him and saying, "yes when he asks" then obviously I'm interested. It's like positive reinforcement to keep doing what he's doing. Both roles are equally important, just different.
I'm not saying he has to go through all of the paces of planning every single date, but I think the idea of spending time together (i.e. "Can I see you Saturday night?) should come from him the majority of the time.

 

[ctosha]

I agree with Mzlady78, if you are into him why not suggest a date?
Though the man is suppose to be the suitor, I truly believe that they too sometimes like that we ladies initiate from time to time..as a sign of genuine interest.

Though we have been together for three years..I sometimes take him out. He does a lot for me and sometimes I just want to show him that i appreciate him. He does not really care for materialistic things, so I will take him on a date.

I agree, I have a guy friend who was dating a girl for about 4 months he always initiated the dates; however he would often say that everything was good but he would like her to initiate going out sometimes. Personally I don't see an issue if the women occasionally initiates the dates.

 

[Amcd]

I think that if you are exclusive with each other, you should initiate a date anytime you want to go out. Men need to feel that the are wanted also.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

If I'm in a relationship (and I wouldn't date the same guy for five months without deciding to be exclusive...that's much too long for me. Either he and I want to be together or not. By then we're either in a relationship or I'm on to the next guy or chilling by myself) then I just go with the flow. There are no set rules then. I find that guys initiate mostly. BUT if I find out a great venue, my fiance is on it...will get tickets, etc because I'll tell him I'd love to see (so and so) did you know they're performing at (bla blah)?

 

[kamille8]

I thought this was gonna be about intiating sex.......ooops my minds in the gutter. But ummm yeah I agree with Mizlady.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Once it's established the guy is into me I don't see why I shouldn't initiate dates sometimes. IMO dating 3-5 months without being exclusive is suspect. If we're exclusive, best believe I'm initiating dates.

 

[zzirvingj]

So does it changes anyone's answers if for the same scenario, the people dating haven't agreed to being exclusive yet??


I must admit, I'm not the best 'initiator' myself...partly because I am so used to guys that initiate all the time. I also agree with what MzLady said.

 

[chocolat79]

Well, I'm kind of with everyone else on the being exclusive part. I don't think I've ever dated anyone that long without being exclusive. I actually WOULDN'T do it. If a guy can know whether or not he wants to marry you in a few months (whether you know or not), then just dating that long with no commitment is not an option for me, but I digress.

To the original question: I see nothing wrong with women initiating dates as long as the guy has shown consistent interest and has planned a lot of the dates already. I'm with LuckiestDestiny in that I kind of go with the flow. I have no problem stating that I want to go to XYZ...and so it shall be done, LOL.

To the secondary question: IMO, not really. My answer would still be the same. Even when I'm just casually dating someone, I have no problem suggesting a place. I'm not sure if that's called initiating, but I'll say that I heard about a good restaurant that we should try.

 

[adf23]

3 weeks or 3 months, unless it's his birthday why would she initiate a date? If a man is into a woman she won't even have the chance to initiate a date because he's already done it.
This doesn't mean a man has to still plan every detail of the dates, but the actual "we should see each other on Friday/Saturday/Tuesday/whenever" should still come from him.

Agreed. My DH initiated almost every date when we were dating. If I initiated a date, there was always some reason thing didn't go smooth- he was late, etc. Leason learned.....I stopped initiating.

 

[JollyGal]

I agree, only on birthdays / holidays/ occasion (christmas and easter) IMO there is no need to do so otherwise.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

]So does it changes anyone's answers if for the same scenario, the people dating haven't agreed to being exclusive yet??[/B]


I must admit, I'm not the best 'initiator' myself...partly because I am so used to guys that initiate all the time. I also agree with what MzLady said.

The scenario wouldn't exist because I'd have moved on.

 

[qchelle]

Umm if he's my boyfriend, and I wanna go somewhere, I'm gonna tell him and we're gonna go