How often do you pay for things on dates with your boo?

Glib Gurl

Glib Gurl

Well-Known Member
This is for folks who are not just dating, but who are actually in an exclusive relationship. Should the man be expected to pay all the time? If not, when does the woman pay?

I've heard that the rule of thumb is that whoever asks, pays . . . but I dont' wanna pay for every movie I say I want to see or restaurant I want to go to *stomps foot, pouts*

How do y'all handle paying for dates? Do you just take turns?
 
I don't know how it came out this way, because we never openly set any ground rules, but pretty much, if we are going out to eat, he pays for our meal. Usually, we will walk around afterward, so if we go for ice cream, I will try to pay for both of us.

I think generally, what ends up happening is that he pays for "the main event" and then if there is anything that comes after that, I will try to pay for it (sometimes he'll just shrug me off and thrown 20 bucks down in front of the ice cream cashier).

When it comes to concerts and the like, I have never tried to take him to any of mine because my tastes are Western classical, opera, musicals, plays, and other things he would rather eat coal than pay to watch. :look: So, all concerts we've attended together have been his preference. I think it is unspoken that because he wants my company to attend a concert that is solely HIS musical taste, that is why he always buys my ticket without asking me to pay.

But I don't know what would happen if we both had the same musical taste and wanted to see the same thing. :perplexed:
 
:yep:

When DH and I were dating, he paid for the 'main event', and I handled the 'little stuff', or sometimes just the tip.
Something like music - he would buy the tickets, I would buy the drinks at the event - sometimes.
I would pay for the main event, sometimes - usually if I wanted to go someplace pretty pricey, as I was making a crapload more than him. :rofl:
 
YankeeCandle said:
But I don't know what would happen if we both had the same musical taste and wanted to see the same thing. :perplexed:
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Actually, I do. I guess we would each buy our own tickets and then sometimes, we would take turns treating the other.

ETA: I don't know if he would be down with this plan, though. He pretty much just takes it upon himself to pay my way in most cases, so maybe he would be offended if I suggested this plan.
 
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JustKiya said:
:yep:

When DH and I were dating, he paid for the 'main event', and I handled the 'little stuff', or sometimes just the tip.
Something like music - he would buy the tickets, I would buy the drinks at the event - sometimes.
I would pay for the main event, sometimes - usually if I wanted to go someplace pretty pricey, as I was making a crapload more than him. :rofl:
Click to expand...

yeah, I just thought of another one--- he pays for the movie (main event) and I do indeed buy the drinks or snacks as a nicety for him. If he specifies a particular snack or something, he might buy it himself.
 
Pretty much what they said.

My SO pays for the majority of stuff we do. It's been that way from the beginning. I don't even reach for the check. :D

Now, one thing I did on the fourth date was contribute a $10 coupon to the bill at a restaurant we visited. He smiled when I did that (I slipped it in at the end) and thought it was a nice gesture.

Once we became official, I began doing that more... I am a coupon goddess. I also am a big mystery shopper, so I've found lots of restaurant/movie mystery shops that allow us to go to nice places for free or minimal cost.

Or like YC and JK said, if he pays for dinner, I'll buy ice cream.

For the most part though, I just refuse to be the one to ask a dude out or take my man out and then pay for everything on GP (unless it's a birthday). I'll pay for snacks/dessert, use coupons, cook dinner or pay for everything through a mystery shop, but I don't really like upsetting the general dynamic by being the main one paying and paying for big stuff... I like to contribute in "womanly" ways, if that makes sense.

No taking turns or anything like that... I don't want "equal dating," but more like "complementary dating," if that makes sense. I can definitely bring something to the table, but it's not going to be handling the date like a man.
 
Almost never. :look: I probably pay on average for one event out of 15. Though like others have said, I might buy something small at a side event (e.g. the ice cream). They've always had way more money than me.
 
I am married so... I will pull out my card or he will pull out his card. Most times he does the pulling out, but the money is coming from joint account anyway so lol. I think it’s okay if I do, the man already bought me my Gibraltar and a house so a few meals on me will not hurt us. lol.
 
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Mystery shops are secret shops... you sign up with a company that evaluates restaurants, retail establishments, hotels, etc., and then you are assigned to different locations. You follow the instructions for the location, and then when you're done, you write a report about the experience.

You will then be reimbursed (and maybe receive extra pay as well) for the cost of what you did.

If you get good at this and are a good writer, you can do high-end restaurants, hotels and even cruise lines for "free." Be mindful though, the reports are LONG and you will end up working for your meal/trip with all those reports that you do! So, when I do treat my man through a mystery shop dinner, he knows I am doing some work by writing the 2-3 hour report!

There's a thread in the Career and Financial Forum on it... I'll bump it for ya!

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=271829&highlight=mystery
 
Bunny77 said:
I don't really like upsetting the general dynamic by being the main one paying and paying for big stuff... I like to contribute in "womanly" ways, if that makes sense.
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That makes total sense . . . I am just sensing that DC is starting to grumble a bit about paying for everything :giggle:
 
Glib Gurl said:
That makes total sense . . . I am just sensing that DC is starting to grumble a bit about paying for everything :giggle:
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Oh, so he is paying for everything now? :D

How often do you all go out and what do you do?

Of course, we live in the Midwest (and mid-sized Midwest towns at that), so going out and doing stuff is pretty cheap here. Plus, we're at a point where we're pretty comfortable with each other, and might just cook food together or go to the Middle Eastern take-out joint down the street and get lunch for two that costs $15.

It would be hard to maintain a steady schedule of dinner, movies, shows, concerts, etc.
 
My SO pays for everything. Any time he doesn't have enough cash and I pay for something, as soon as he locates an atm, he withdraws money and pays me back twice what I spent. I've told him repeatedly to let me pay for stuff sometimes but he won't hear of it.
 
Bunny77 said:
Oh, so he is paying for everything now? :D

How often do you all go out and what do you do?
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Pretty much. We do a variety of things - go out for a nice meal, the movies, grab a drink or a gelato . . . so the price point varies. I'm not asking for 5 star dining every weekend . . . shoot yesterday we went to a salad shop. On the way he was like, "I smell STEAK!" and I was like, "If you want to buy me steak, I'm not gonna stop you" :grin: But then he was like, "We will do that soon enough" (or something like that - I wonder if he's going to use that as a reward for me putting out :lol:)

locabouthair said:
It's still a new relationship but he has been paying for almost everything.
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Hold up . . . I missed this. Details, please! :grin:
 
Try paying for the gelato's and coffees, Glib - or at least offer. :yep: That to me seems to be a nice balance to strike.
 
I NEVER paid for any dates when I was dating. One time a guy asked me to go half and that was it for him.
 
I paid for breakfast on his birthday and I paid for tickets to a comedy show I wanted to see and he paid for food and drinks..maybe some other occasions but that is what comes to mind. I don't do splitting the bill but I don't mind treating him on occasion.
 
SO pays for everything. If I attempt he pouts. Even when I hang out with my guy friends they pay for things. They really don't like it when women try to pay, I think it is a machismo thing.


The other night I attempted to go out and decided to meet my best male friend and was bringing some ladies with me. The place we met him at was a bust for us ladies. My bestie seeing that we weren't happy offers to buy some bottles but I declined, would have been a waste of his money since we didn't want to be there. He also offered us cab money to go to another spot. I do seem to get lucky like that with guys, even had a family member decide she didn't like that. I may try to take him to a Brazilian spot tonight that offers 20 bucks all you can drink, see if he will accept that.
 
When hubby and I were dating he paid for everything, even the ice cream. Only special things that I planned for him I paid for. I would plan little excursions or book activities and surprise him with it. Now that we are married with a toddler, we don't date often. When we do, I usually get it. We use our discretionary income and I usually have more because I earn more.
 
When I am in a committed relationship, I pay every now and then. Usually for a special occasion(his birthday) or a lower cost activity like a movie.

Just dating? I never pay.
 
SO doesn't like me paying for anything. Occassionally, I will treat him to dinner or something. And, I buy him gifts. But, he pays for everything mostly, including all trips, all movies, all meals, all entertainment, all gas if we are in my car. He also buys groceries when he wants to cook at my house. Not that I don't have groceries already, but he likes to cook with certain things right down to the spices and he insists on contributing to the household (no we don't live together). He told me early on, "my father raised me to contribute. What do I look like as a man laying up in a woman's house not contributing?" He is old school traditional and so am I.
 
Smuckie_Slick said:
SO doesn't like me paying for anything. Occassionally, I will treat him to dinner or something. And, I buy him gifts. But, he pays for everything mostly, including all trips, all movies, all meals, all entertainment, all gas if we are in my car. He also buys groceries when he wants to cook at my house. Not that I don't have groceries already, but he likes to cook with certain things right down to the spices and he insists on contributing to the household (no we don't live together). He told me early on, "my father raised me to contribute. What do I look like as a man laying up in a woman's house not contributing?" He is old school traditional and so am I.
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I don't know why I thought you were in a long term relationship and you two lived together?
 
I'm old fashioned he pays for every date except on his b-day or some special occassion i.e. he gets a promotion, or special recognition - then I pay or do something super special for him.
 
Smuckie_Slick said:
He also buys groceries when he wants to cook at my house. Not that I don't have groceries already, but he likes to cook with certain things right down to the spices and he insists on contributing to the household (no we don't live together).
Click to expand...

My SO does this too. When we go together to the grocery store and I pick out my own groceries, obviously I pay for them, but when I am home alone, he will often stop by with several bags of groceries so that "you won't be hungry throughout the week" or because he heard me say earlier that I fancied a certain fruit or what have you.

I myself am not "traditional" (i.e. gender-role-bound) and I don't necessarily think my SO is either; he treats everyone solicitously and with excess helpfulness/courtesy (including men), so he goes above and beyond for me.
 
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