How Not to Be Bitter...

[ellennicole]

Okay. I'm curious. I went to dinner with my girlfriends and my sister this past Thursday. We get together every few months or so. It was sweet b/c they surprised me and my friend (both going through pretty rough breakups) with roses and cards.

Throughout the course of the conversation it became clear that she and I are both "bitter". The basic view is that 1) relationships don't work, 2) most men want to take advantage of you for their own egotistic reasons, 3) relationships/marriage/family just is not meant for everybody. . .

I've had some pretty bad breakups (this one takes the cake), yet I've always been able not to lose who I am or my ability to care for others; however, at this point I can definitely feel a huge change in my perceptions of men and relationships in general. . .

How do you keep yourself from turning into the "bitter woman"?

 

[AstroQueen77]

I know its tough...but it all comes down to forgiving the past, forgiving others, and forgiving yourself. Release all those resentments that your holding on to as well as look objectively on how you playd your own part in the relationship that ended up hurting you. I know it sounds easy and simple, but it really is the key.

 

[firecracker]

I know its tough...but it all comes down to forgiving the past, forgiving others, and forgiving yourself. Release all those resentments that your holding on to as well as look objectively on how you playd your own part in the relationship that ended up hurting you. I know it sounds easy and simple, but it really is the key.

I agree also don't allow an a-hole to change who you are. Take some time with self and love again one day.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Okay. I'm curious. I went to dinner with my girlfriends and my sister this past Thursday. We get together every few months or so. It was sweet b/c they surprised me and my friend (both going through pretty rough breakups) with roses and cards.

Throughout the course of the conversation it became clear that she and I are both "bitter". The basic view is that 1) relationships don't work, 2) most men want to take advantage of you for their own egotistic reasons, 3) relationships/marriage/family just is not meant for everybody. . .

I've had some pretty bad breakups (this one takes the cake), yet I've always been able not to lose who I am or my ability to care for others; however, at this point I can definitely feel a huge change in my perceptions of men and relationships in general. . .

How do you keep yourself from turning into the "bitter woman"?

Well...I guess by being thankful. Now hold on. I mean from a position of being thankful that he showed you who he was before you spent another dime (considering all the dimes you have spent and some you might have), second of your time, ounce of thought on this person.

Don't let a Reason or a Season, detain you from your Lifetime. Because he is still out there waiting for you. Don't get me wrong. I get angry too. But I realize I'm really angry at myself...for trusting...loving...hoping....allowing myself to be disappointed...again.

Girl if you ever forgive anyone start with yourself. You will always deserve to give you a second chance.

Could you ever imagine going down a long dark road trying to get home. Realizing you are going the wrong way and then what keep going the wrong way. No you will change direction and if lost hope you are now headed in the right direction to get you where you want to be.

So you check yourself...is you your transportation on point, do you have what you need physically, emotionally and spiritually. Okay then you get the car in the right direction and move forward. But what you don't do is turn around and stop. You don't kill the engine and just sit there. You have to keep moving forward if you want to get to your destination.

This is how I see my relationships. Yeah some of us get it right the first time and marry the boy who was our first crush in the third grade. Some of us are lucky in that way. Some of us get with Johnny from the third grade and spend the rest of our life wondering about Stevie who was much more creative and might have been a better match.

Regardless. For those of us who have yet to get it right. We just have to keep it moving. But you don't kill the engine. You just turn around and keep it moving.

 

[drasgrl]

For me it's coming to the realization that I am the only one responsible for how my life turns out. I am responsible for every thing that happens in my life. I had some issues with an ex I really regret ever having a relationship with him but when it's all said and done I was 100% responsible.

I had bad feelings about the whole thing because I felt guilty. It took me a while (years) to understand that I was responsible for what happened. When I realized this I was able to release all the negative energy I had towards him because I put the blame on him and not me.

Now he wasn't a bad person and he didn't abuse me or do anything so horrible but the fact was I didn't have any business being with him but I guess I had to for whatever lesson I was suppose to learn. I had a hard time letting the anger go but I was really angry at myself. I can no longer be so bitter towards him because I had choices that I didn't exercise and that was my responsibility..

 

[winterinatl]

I agree with what everyone else has said.

When I was feeling bitter my friends helped me to realize that I was really angry with myself, because I had decided after a point to go ahead with what I was doing although I knew it might not turn out how I wanted...

You have to really understand your part in the breakups...and sometimes that take you to actually your choice of man. And then you have to forgive yourself, and boy that takes a lot more work than forgiving a man.

 

[bermudabeauty]

Unfortunately too many of us have been there. (Myself Included). I think I keep myself from being bitter is to realize that that particular dude I was with was the a hole and there are plenty of other men out there that are worth my attention, time, and affection. I just have to give myself the opportunity to meet that brotha and let him into my life. I think if we pray and wait on the Lord we will get the right guy in our lives. I am about to be 31 and have kissed alot of frogs. I just have to have faith that someone special is out there for me. Hope you find this helpful

 

[cocoaluv]

*Reads and takes notes*

 

[jrae]

I agree with what everyone else has said.

When I was feeling bitter my friends helped me to realize that I was really angry with myself, because I had decided after a point to go ahead with what I was doing although I knew it might not turn out how I wanted...

You have to really understand your part in the breakups...and sometimes that take you to actually your choice of man. And then you have to forgive yourself, and boy that takes a lot more work than forgiving a man.

^5 Don't focus on what an a%% he is. I focus on the lesson I need to learn - the bigger picture.