How Much Should You Have In Common?

[aribell]

Aside from faith in Christ?

I was talking to someone who said that they believed that the only important thing in marriage was that the two people agree on the fundamentals--commitment to Christ, and that differences like theology, politics, etc. shouldn't matter as God can still bless it, so long as both people are 100% committed to one another.

I said that to me, commitment would be like the structure and foundation of a house. So long as it's solid, that house should stand. But what makes you want to be in the house are the little things that are shared, the humor, the attraction, shared interests. That's what makes it nice and warm on the inside.

Even if you know that it would last over time, that doesn't necessarily mean that you want to live there.

Does that analogy make sense? Would you change it?

 

[inthepink]

For me, I would need more than just the basic fundamentals. There are a lot of people I could have that in common with but I certainly would not want to be married to them.

 

[momi]

Aside from faith in Christ?

I was talking to someone who said that they believed that the only important thing in marriage was that the two people agree on the fundamentals--commitment to Christ, and that differences like theology, politics, etc. shouldn't matter as God can still bless it, so long as both people are 100% committed to one another.

I said that to me, commitment would be like the structure and foundation of a house. So long as it's solid, that house should stand. But what makes you want to be in the house are the little things that are shared, the humor, the attraction, shared interests. That's what makes it nice and warm on the inside.

Even if you know that it would last over time, that doesn't necessarily mean that you want to live there.

Does that analogy make sense? Would you change it?

I agree that faith in Christ should be the cornerstone for a marriage and a non-negotiable... however IMHMO the balance of this statement could not be farther from the truth.

The couple should have a shared "world-view" as well. The "lens that you see life out of" should be very similar or else you are bound for challenges. If one party is more of a conservative Christian and the other is liberal... things are bound to get rocky. How are roles in the marriage viewed? Who is primarily responsible for financial provision? Managing the home? Are biblical truths open to personal interpretation?

I could go on...

 

[joy2day]

Co-sign with Momi.

 

[goldielocs]

^^^ So do I.

 

[chrstndiva]

I agree that faith in Christ should be the cornerstone for a marriage and a non-negotiable... however IMHMO the balance of this statement could not be farther from the truth.

The couple should have a shared "world-view" as well. The "lens that you see life out of" should be very similar or else you are bound for challanges. If one party is more of a conservative Christian and the other is liberal... things are bound to get rocky. How are roles in the marriage viewed? Who is primarily responsible for financial provision? Managing the home? Are biblical truths open to personal interpretation?

I could go on...

Agreed. Especially if the bolded is an issue, it will be very challenging to come together on decisions for your family and work together towards a common goal. This could cause a lot of friction.

 

[aribell]

I agree that faith in Christ should be the cornerstone for a marriage and a non-negotiable... however IMHMO the balance of this statement could not be farther from the truth.

The couple should have a shared "world-view" as well. The "lens that you see life out of" should be very similar or else you are bound for challenges. If one party is more of a conservative Christian and the other is liberal... things are bound to get rocky. How are roles in the marriage viewed? Who is primarily responsible for financial provision? Managing the home? Are biblical truths open to personal interpretation?

I could go on...

Please feel free to do so.

A man made this statement to me, and I wonder if those other differences may matter less to a man if he believes that he's going to be the head of the household and will have the authority to say what's what at the end of the day. As a woman, I wouldn't want to be in the position of constantly "submitting" to someone I disagreed with all the time.

 

[aribell]

Bumping with a slightly different question:

How much does that feeling of being "in love" matter to you in a marriage? There are a lot of godly people out there, but just because someone is a faithful Christian and would make good spouse and parent doesn't mean there's that connection or "chemistry" there. Should that make a difference?

 

[sidney]

Can two walk together if they are not agreed? Amos 3:3

 

[sidney]

Bumping with a slightly different question:

How much does that feeling of being "in love" matter to you in a marriage? There are a lot of godly people out there, but just because someone is a faithful Christian and would make good spouse and parent doesn't mean there's that connection or "chemistry" there. Should that make a difference?

Why can't you have both agreement and chemistry. I think the chemistry will sizzle down if the two keep bumping heads about everything. But maybe there are always exceptions. Personally, I wouldn't do it. Attraction and chemistry are so fickle.

 

[inthepink]

Personally, I'd need SOME chemistry.