How exactly do people get into relationships, especially if they're shy?

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

I've always had much difficulty getting into relationships or even getting on dates with people. I think it might be a combination of me being shy and also just generally being unsure about how to go about these sort of things. I find it a bit bad that I'm now 20 and still very inexperienced. I know it's all very well saying stuff like "you're still young and have plenty of time..." but I worry I might get annoyed if I get to like mid to late twenties when most people my age have already had lots of experience and are getting married and settled, whilst I'm still forever on my own. That's why I want to try to make a move on now.

People have told me that I can't just sit there looking pretty and expecting guys to just get with me, which I understand, but me being shy means it's difficult to make a move on complete strangers. And I'm not lucky enough to get approached by guys either.

I have been trying online dating but not really having much luck in finding anyone on my wavelength. Plus, there are too many weirdos on it anyway, so I'm not sure I want to rely on it too much.

So, a few questions:

Where exactly do you meet potential suitable partners? After all, we live in a society (in the UK at least) where strangers don't really chat to each other in the general public, so what can I do about this?

What exactly is the process of attracting men and getting on dates with them, then progressing it into a relationship?

Please no vague answers like "It'll happen when it happens, stop worrying..." because, really, how am I supposed to know if and when anything is going to happen? I am a big dating noob and pretty much need a step-by-step guide to be honest

And before anyone asks, no I'm not in college/uni nor working, so no meeting people there. And I unfortunately don't meet any new young guys at the volunteering jobs I do.

I'd especially like to hear from shy people who have managed to have successful dating and love lives. Thank you

 

[nlamr2013]

Bumping for you op.

Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier

 

[PretteePlease]

Are you less shy online/on the phone?

What is your wave length? IQ, education, or just general vibe?

Can you have friends hook you up?

Do you have female friends?

Tell me about the things you like to do

 

[abbygirl]

i used to be in your shoes(late teans) and what helped me was "faking the confidence" in the way i carried myself and talk to the opposite sex.
Also looking at people direcltly in the eyes helped too(in the past, i tend to look away or past the person).
a lot of my friends where in a relationship then and i did not want to feel left out , so i learnt the art of flirting (in a subtle manner doh)

looking back i think the flirting was what got me my first bf

 

[SummerSolstice]

I'm really shy but I do go out by myself when I feel like extroverting, and men do approach me on a regular basis. Bars aren't really a good place to find a relationship but I did get some drinks for free and I got to see what kind of men I liked and didn't like. And I found some nice female acquaintances and clients as well.

I'm on my phone effin up

 

[SummerSolstice]

Also be absolutely true to yourself. If you do get approached, be nice but don't say things to them just because u think they want to hear it

I'm on my phone effin up

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

1) Are you less shy online/on the phone?

2) What is your wave length? IQ, education, or just general vibe?

3) Can you have friends hook you up?

4) Do you have female friends?

5) Tell me about the things you like to do

1) Yep, I'm definitely less shy online. I feel like I can be more open with my thoughts and feelings on message boards, and there's a particular site I go on where I get into a lot of friendly chats with people and sometimes even a bit of online flirting. I don't know how to flirt in real life though. On the I'm not too bad though.

2) It's a bit hard to explain, but I just want someone who is truly nice and interested in me, and vice versa. I haven't quite found anyone who I've had constant communication with or arranged to meet up, as it just hasn't felt right.

3) & 4) I also have a bit of a strange relationship with my friends at the moment, if I can even call them that. I've drifted from them all and they don't really invite me to anything anymore. I've even tried to get in touch with them again but with much fail. So I'm not getting to socialise as much as I'd like unfortunately. Trying to find ways to maybe make new friends though.

5) I currently volunteer at a charity shop and youth club, and will soon start volunteering at an art gallery shop. I like to draw and paint occasionally. I like listening to music. I'm also interested in lots of different types of dances I want to eventually try, and I'm about to start pole dancing classes this week. I like shopping and art galleries and museums and walk in the park.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

I'm really shy but I do go out by myself when I feel like extroverting, and men do approach me on a regular basis. Bars aren't really a good place to find a relationship but I did get some drinks for free and I got to see what kind of men I liked and didn't like. And I found some nice female acquaintances and clients as well.

I'm on my phone effin up

You go to bars and clubs by yourself? I'm thinking of doing that, just worried about it being a bit weird and/or unsafe. Do you think I should just go ahead and try it?

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Are you in university? Friends with people from high school (not sure of the UK word)? I think you need to first get a good group of friends and then you meet people who know someone you may want to know.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

Are you in university? Friends with people from high school (not sure of the UK word)? I think you need to first get a good group of friends and then you meet people who know someone you may want to know.

I already said in the OP I'm not in uni (university).

Even when I did have a group of friends, I wasn't really meeting many potential dates through them. Now that I'm a loner it doesn't seem to have made much difference.

 

[NaturalEnigma]

Try to attend events or go do different activities. You said you like art why not attend a gallery opening or an art museum. You said you like music go to a concert or go watch a local band play at a lounge. You work for a charity organization, why not attend a charity event. Go buy a book at the bookstore. Spend an afternoon at a cafe reading the book. Go jogging, at your local park or subscribe to a gym. There's so many things you can do to make yourself available to guys.

I'm single too and instead of worrying about meeting guy I decided to do something different that I liked every week. One week I went salsa dancing with a group of friends another week I went to go see the Russian Ballet. Another week I went to eat frozen yogurt. The point is I was experiencing life having fun and trying new things. Also I was putting myself out there. You're not going to meet anybody at home. I also met some nice people along the way and I'm hoping that one day during one of my excursions I'll meet a nice guy too. But in the meantime, you 're young go enjoy life, and when you're out there having the most fun when you least expect it you'll find someone you like.

 

[Rae81]

i am shy as well and most of my friends are married. in the past i did not approach guys and they didnt approach me but last year i dont know what changed but guys started approaching me. i still havent gotten up the courage to approach anybody yet.

 

[ariqone]

*****poof****