How do you stand up for yourself in the Hair dressers??

[thefineprint]

just remember - when your stylist is jacking up your hair, not speaking up means that you approve of her actions. this is your hair and your body and I feel sorry for those who can't understand that. Stop paying other people to jack your hair up! You can always do it yourself for free!

 

[Nuelle]

This is a very interesting post and I agree with most of the opinions expressed above but wanted to add another twist. The title of your post says a lot. I have found what works for me is to have conversations at the salon while I am in fact, standing rather than sitting. Before I let the wash ladies wash my hair, I speak with her standing because she is standing. I hand her my products and combs and explain what I need from her. She and I have to speak eye to eye and come to an agreement about how she is going to proceed before I will sit in her chair. If we can not, then I won't sit in her chair. I do the same with the stylist. We stand, speak and agree before I sit in her chair. This technique (part psychology/part body language) has served me well.

I think when you sit and the stylist is standing she is physically in a superior position and you have implicitly given your consent to let her make the decisions. I think if you stand you let the sylist know that you are equal decision makers (for the moment at least although you should always consider yourself in charge) in caring for your hair. You also put her on notice that you have not yet agreed to have her perform any services and will walk if you don't/can't agree.

Basically, I think from being children and students, we learn that someone standing while we are sitting is the teacher/leader/authority and this diminishes your own power. This happens in church, school and the workplace.

All that to say, STAND.
(This post reminds me of a great song by Sweet Honey In The Rock 'I'm Gonna Stand.")

Vslady, thank you so much for this advice. You're definitely right. The moment you sit down in their chair, it leaves you vulnerable. It's happened to me before. I sat down and then tried to to explain what I wanted done to my hair, but she didn't even let me. Instead, she was complaining about my stretching so long and I can see now how sitting in her chair without voicing my likes and dislikes first could be seen as an act of submission.

I found it hard to speak up, although throughout the whole process, I was rehearsing different ways I could tell her to stop ripping my hair out without her getting defensive. In the end, I didn't say anything and I regret it...I understand why some people don't speak up. It's hard to find a good stylist, and sometimes, it's about appearance/confidence/vanity. I wanted to look good. What we do in the name of beauty

 

[Energist]

It's important to observe any new stylist before sitting in that chair. If you're still not comfortable, you need to have a brief sit down and express your concerns and make sure they understand what you want. If the stylist cares she/he will not mind taking the time out. If they are in a rush and act like they don't have time to accomodate you then WALK! It becomes too late after you are sitting in that chair all vulnerable.

 

[Guyaneek]

I find that speaking up before I even sit down sets the tone for me and makes me feel more comfortable when I have to stop the hair dresser later on. With braids, I will go to the woman, tell her what I want exactly and then say I want them this size and I don't want you to pull my hair or braid it tight. They always start off good but after a few braids they forget what I told them but I remind them of what we started. I don't think it will ever be totally comfortable but it will be a little easier for you.

 

[SerenityBreeze]

I can understand where you are coming from and feel at times speaking up can be very challenging. For me I finally mustered up the confidence after one too many setbacks or excessive trims caused by my silence.

Now when I go, I express myself as a hair fanatic and let them know up front that if they LISTEN to me, I will take care of them. I let them know from jump that I am not the ordinary client.

Before, I went to the extent of telling them I had a $5,000 bet with a friend on who can reach brastrap first. While it probably was uncesessary to come up with a lie, it really put things in perspective for the stylist who was very careful about how she then cut.

Good Luck and sorry you had to go thur what you did!

 

[mscocoface]

I use to be where you are now, but I am much older and wiser now and realized that I don't care if the person does not like me or thinks I am posessive of my hair. It is my hair and it takes tooo long for it to get length or anything else so I want it the way I want it.

I was getting my hair done on 7/6 the day before my wedding and I had consulted with this stylist two weeks in advance, told her I was a hair fanatic, would bring my own product and tools and needed her to do exactly what I wanted. She said okay, not a problem she would mark that time off and no one else would be there to bother us.

My sister made me call her just as I was going to the car to go to her salon to be sure she was still on time. Guess what? Not only was she late with other hair appointments she was 2 HOURS late! Can you say Noooo Waaaay! I knew I would be there all night the night before my wedding.

I actually pondered going then said, ain't no way I am going to pay $70.00 dollars for this and have to sit and wait.

Needless to say I was up late doing my hair with some friends who came to my rescue.

Couldn't do it wouldn't do it. I had not been to a salon in years and guess what it will be a long hot day before I entertain that thought again.

I just can't find anyone who I can trust. Well, I will learn to just deal with that and my hair. At least with me I know it is growing and if I make a mistake I won't make that mistake again.

Remember this about insanity, doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

I think my hair turned out pretty decent for my wedding and photos.