How do I move on?

[charmtreese]

I've had a long distance relationship with this guy for over 7 years (he lives in NY I live in VA). To make a long story short we got caught up in who was moving where, which basically resulted in neither of us moving anywhere. We still have feelings for each other, however he now has a girlfriend and Im dating. The problem is I find it hard to move on because I compare every guy I meet to him. How can I put the past behind me and move on.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Hopefully you've cut off communication with old dude, if not and you don't want to remain stuck while he moves on, possibly gets married and whatnot with you looking through his window crying...cut off all communication. It's not easy but it's the best thing to do when you truly want to move on, change your number..new e-mail account, whatever and don't tell him just do it ASAP. And perhaps you shouldn't rush into dating again if it isn't in your heart to do so, fill those times you'd talk to him or see him with other activities, there are many enjoyable things in life to do that have nothing to do with a man. The next time you do date, let it be unexpected, an attraction you can't deny that catches you off guard, not just some dude you think is kinda cute and wants to take you out. Your next dude should be someone that trumps your ex in all areas. Time heals all, you'll be fine as long as you stop giving time to the past, the future will open up for you. GL!

 

[charmtreese]

SvelteVelvet, I know thats what I need to do...its just so hard. However, I cant keep living like this prolonging the enevitable. Thanks for your wonderful advice.

 

[Lindy]

I was in a similar situation. Long distance rlp. for 6 years (NY/MD). I guess it's pretty amazing that it actually lasted that long. Anyway, after the relationship ended, I didn't date for over a year ~ really had no desire to... I've never been one to jump from one man to another... always felt that I need time to "recuperate" and evaluate things before embarking on another adventure, ya know??

I'm just getting back onto the dating scene and I'm finding things pretty grim out here. I don't really compare men to my ex because I was ready to end it, plus it's been a long time so that doesn't factor into things.

Maybe you two will realize that you actually do want to be together. Sometimes when things get stale you need a reality check... perhaps when the two of you see how difficult it is to find love, you will realize that what you had was worth moving for. Ya never know!!

 

[tyrablu]

I'm being faced with something similar, only thing is it wasn't long distance. The person lives 10 minutes away...

It hard, but somehow I know that I must get over this person one way or another...

I know I won't be dating anybody else for a very long time, and filling myself with activities is what I will have to do, I guess..

But ((((hugs)))) for you and you will get over it...

 

[charmtreese]

Yeah, I would have never thought in 100 years I would have dated someone long distance for this amount of time.

I guess what makes it so hard to move on is that we didnt really have any bad times. Maybe the fact that he was not willing to comprimise was bad enough.

So, today is a new day...and Im trying really hard to think positive and keep myself busy. Any down time I have, I find myself falling back into feeling bad all over again.

Thank you Lindy and tyrablu for you'lls sweet responses.

 

[poetist]

Break ups are never easy - especially when you've been in the relationship for a long time. Grieving is part of the process, so dont feel like something is wrong with you, just because you find yourself sad or reminiscing. Like you said, there were many good times, so if you felt nothing...no sadness or anything.....something would be wrong. I did the LD and breakup thing from NY/CA and you just have to tell yourself that its OK to cry. BUT, after you have a good cry, figure out what you want for yourself. How will your heal and begin your new life? Pray and ask God to comfort you and show you why you're going through this and trust that something even better will come along.

I def agree that this may not be the end. Especially since, as you say, there wasnt any horrible times or real catalyst for the breakup except that you couldnt compromise on who was moving. Maybe you 2 need time to figure things out.

I'm sure you have been to NY to visit him and its not for everyone, but girl, I wish I could move back to NY. I loooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeee that place.