How do I heal from this?

[mrselle]

I’m not really sure how to word this…I guess I’m looking for guidance. What is the right way to handle a less than stellar relationship with parents? I love my parents, but since I can remember there have always been issues with our relationship. Particularly my mother, but lately some of it has transferred over to my dad. In the past my dad has said that I am a burden, told me that I am just like my aunt (in his eyes she never really amounted to much) and over the past year there have been a host of other comments he has made to me that are quite bothersome. I’ve always felt like they give my brother more guidance and support than they gave me at his age. Over the weekend I was reading some of my old journals and I realized that my issues with my parents have never really changed. The issues go away for a while and then they pop up again. I thought this was something that would go away once I graduated from college, but here I am. I’m 31 years old, graduated from college eight years ago, been married for six years, have a step-daughter and 8 month old baby. But still…there are issues.

I would talk to my parents, but it’s not easy. They are not good listeners and they do not take constructive criticism from me very well. If I were to tell them that they have hurt me their response would be, “Well, you’ve hurt us too.” They seem to be disappointed in me for not visiting more often. The truth is that I don’t have time. My husband and I work full-time, I go to school two nights a week, we have two kids….there is so much to be done. My husband travels with his job and our weekends are filled with taking care of our home (grocery shopping, doing things for our girls, etc…). In the past I have visited my family at least once a month. Of course, once I got married that tapered off a little, but I still made it at least every other month. Over the past year or so I haven’t visited as often. We are just at a place in our lives where we are not able to visit as often. I just accept it as this is where we are in our lives right now.

How do I get over wanting my parents to be proud of me? How do I accept the fact that they may never accept my decisions? How do I still show them that I love them and respect them when they have hurt me and have let me down? How do I continue to do what is good and pleasing in God’s sight when they may not agree with it?

 

[klassykutie]

Pray and forgive them.

You have always kept journals as an outlet, maybe you should write your parents a letter letting them know how you truly feel. When we vent in person, people tend to have their defenses up, and they may feel they are being attacked.

I go through this with my mom, as well, and I found that writing to her is better than talking to her cause she gets upset so easily and I can't communicate how I feel effectively without being too emotional when it comes to some issues.

Your parents can't expect to live their life thorough yours and they need to know that. You can set boundaries sternly, but lovingly. Forgiveness is so important, and understanding your parents past can be as well as it can give you an understanding of why they behave the way they do sometimes.

My mom is not perfect and she does so many things that are uncalled for. But I will always love her. If she is irrational, I just give myself some me time away from her, and write her to let her know why an action of hers is bothering me. We later come together and talk. She has changed a bit, and our relationship is slightly better than it once was. But she is willing to work WITH me.

You are in my prayers.

 

[Nice & Wavy]

This was very well put and I agree with klassykutie 100%!

Pray and forgive them.

You have always kept journals as an outlet, maybe you should write your parents a letter letting them know how you truly feel. When we vent in person, people tend to have their defenses up, and they may feel they are being attacked.

I go through this with my mom, as well, and I found that writing to her is better than talking to her cause she gets upset so easily and I can't communicate how I feel effectively without being too emotional when it comes to some issues.

Your parents can't expect to live their life thorough yours and they need to know that. You can set boundaries sternly, but lovingly. Forgiveness is so important, and understanding your parents past can be as well as it can give you an understanding of why they behave the way they do sometimes.

My mom is not perfect and she does so many things that are uncalled for. But I will always love her. If she is irrational, I just give myself some me time away from her, and write her to let her know why an action of hers is bothering me. We later come together and talk. She has changed a bit, and our relationship is slightly better than it once was. But she is willing to work WITH me.

You are in my prayers.

 

[dreamer26]

Pray and forgive them.

You have always kept journals as an outlet, maybe you should write your parents a letter letting them know how you truly feel. When we vent in person, people tend to have their defenses up, and they may feel they are being attacked.

I go through this with my mom, as well, and I found that writing to her is better than talking to her cause she gets upset so easily and I can't communicate how I feel effectively without being too emotional when it comes to some issues.

Your parents can't expect to live their life thorough yours and they need to know that. You can set boundaries sternly, but lovingly. Forgiveness is so important, and understanding your parents past can be as well as it can give you an understanding of why they behave the way they do sometimes.

My mom is not perfect and she does so many things that are uncalled for. But I will always love her. If she is irrational, I just give myself some me time away from her, and write her to let her know why an action of hers is bothering me. We later come together and talk. She has changed a bit, and our relationship is slightly better than it once was. But she is willing to work WITH me.

You are in my prayers.

I like what klassykutie had to say. I only want to address this statement

How do I continue to do what is good and pleasing in God’s sight when they may not agree with it?

When the enemy finds out what will cause you to question God or back up from what God wants you to do, he will use it to no end. How do you continue, by continuing. In this walk with God sometimes you will lose people, some of those people might be family members.

Psalms 27:10
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

Love and respect your parents but put God first.

 

[klb120475]

Psalms 27:10
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

Love and respect your parents but put God first.

Thanks for posting this scripture...this blessed me.

 

[mrselle]

Thank you all so much for your help and guidance.

I love this...

Psalms 27:10
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

Love and respect your parents but put God first.

This reminds me of what a dear friend said to me almost 10 years ago when I was going through some stuff with my parents. I told her that I felt like my parents were ashamed of me. She told that even if they are ashamed of me, for me to not be ashamed of God.