How do get over the feeling of just wanting.... "someone"

[SimpleKomplexity]

How do you get over the feeling of just wanting to be accepted. Just wanting "someone". I don't think I'm at the point where I would just accept "someone", like crackhead Jimmy on the street but I would accept a person lower than my standards just for the simple fact that I would have someone to talk to, express myself with, and I wouldn't be spending so much time with women....or better yet alone...and I know that the probability of someone actually coming up to me and actually approaching me is slim to none...and I'm done with approaching men so...I better take what I can get and work with it....

Back to my recent discontinuation from the only close friend guy in my life...

Since discontinuing our friendship, I'm at the point where I don't miss him like I once did. But I do miss the idea. I miss having a guy to talk to. I miss having a guy to open up to. To cry to. I miss having someone to hug me, show affection towards me, miss me, call me, take me out, need me. I don't miss being disrespected all the time, being a sideline chick, and being constantly reminded that I wasn't "enough" to be a gf...just a fling...but I do miss other things.

And I know getting rid of him was very much needed on my part, but I feel like I got the short end of the stick. I'm over here very much alone, not talking to anyone, not dating anyone, and alone. And he...it's like nothing happened. I was replaced like a used tampon and not thought of much afterwards.

And don't get me wrong. I put myself out there. I go out. I got out with friends. I go out alone. (That gets boring may I please add) I go to bookstores, browse through malls, go to movies, go to nearby things in the area, I look friendly, I always look nice. But it's not like I'm noticed. If I am it's in a condescending way. Eternally I got so upset last week. I went to the club,and the entire time I got stares like....wtf are you here . I thought I was the only one who noticed it, but a girl I was with started noticing it and tweeted: "Why are all the men looking at Kris like they want to eat her....and not in a good way? Men are rude." And then I knew....it wasn't just me. Rude conversations: "Such a a group of men discussing and arguing over whether I was a midget, in high school, or just short, right in front of my face at the club......get to me"

I just feel so out of place.

 

[8HoursFromHome]

*you're in my head*

 

[awhyley]

(SimpleKomplexity & Displacedcreole)

 

[Prudent1]

"How do you get over the feeling of just wanting to be accepted. Just wanting "someone".
You realize what a huge time waster it is to settle for the wrong somebody. If we do that, how are we any different than the jerks we discuss here who used us knowing we were just something to do?"And if you can't be with the one you love
It's alright
Go ahead and love the one, love the one, love the one your with..." catchy tune but complete garbage. You realize that time, like health, is something none of us will ever recapture once it's gone. When you really truly do, you start to be fiercely loyal to yourself. You start to be very protective of yourself in a good, balanced sort of way. And yes **unpopular comment coming** it does take time. It is worth it, you are both worth it ladies.

 

[ebonylocs]

I thought I was the only one who noticed it, but a girl I was with started noticing it and tweeted: "Why are all the men looking at Kris like they want to eat her....and not in a good way? Men are rude." And then I knew....it wasn't just me.

Even if it was true, it was very insensitive for her to tweet that. What was the point of that?


Hugs to you. You have a lot of love to give. I do hope you find the right one to give it to.

 

[zzirvingj]

How do you get over the feeling of just wanting to be accepted. Just wanting "someone".

If you "got over" this kinda feeling, you just might not be normal. In other words, everyone wants to be accepted. Even the people that say they don't. Almost everyone needs/wants someone. Rather, we all need/want someone who loves us and someone to give love to.

I don't think I'm at the point where I would just accept "someone", like crackhead Jimmy on the street but I would accept a person lower than my standards just for the simple fact that I would have someone to talk to, express myself with, and I wouldn't be spending so much time with women....or better yet alone...

What kind of standards would you be lowering? To say you're going to accept someone who's not as tall as you would before is not the same as accepting someone in your life who may have a problem respecting you. Beware of what you wish for, for you might just get someone with those lower standards - and then what?

...and I know that the probability of someone actually coming up to me and actually approaching me is slim to none...and I'm done with approaching men so...I better take what I can get and work with it....

If this is how you feel, then you will likely create this very environment for yourself. Not to say it's 100% going to happen, but it's very likely because it's what you're expecting for yourself. How long has it been since your breakup? I hate to use cliches, but misery loves company. How are you really feeling about yourself right now? What type of man do you think you will attract with your current mindset?

Back to my recent discontinuation from the only close friend guy in my life...

Since discontinuing our friendship, I'm at the point where I don't miss him like I once did. But I do miss the idea. I miss having a guy to talk to. I miss having a guy to open up to. To cry to. I miss having someone to hug me, show affection towards me, miss me, call me, take me out, need me.

Sounds like you were recently grieving the loss of the relationship you had with this person. This is normal and the feelings you are experiencing are normal; you are entitled to feel sad, to cry and to miss the companionship you once had with this person.

I don't miss being disrespected all the time, being a sideline chick, and being constantly reminded that I wasn't "enough" to be a gf...just a fling...but I do miss other things.

How did this relationship end? Keep in mind, for future reference, that none of these are standards worthy of you lowering simply because you are feeling alone right now. You are worthy of respect and you should expect that from anyone that wants to be your companion.

And I know getting rid of him was very much needed on my part, but I feel like I got the short end of the stick. I'm over here very much alone, not talking to anyone, not dating anyone, and alone. And he...it's like nothing happened. I was replaced like a used tampon and not thought of much afterwards.

Isn't it crazy how we can reject a relationship and still end up feeling like the rejected one? I know it's hurtful to see someone moving on with life so effortlessly while you are suffering in solitude. It's not easy. And it's never easy in the midst of it. But even you mentioned that it's "getting easiER" when you said you weren't missing him as much. Such is heartache - it takes time to heal. And you will go through a range of emotions during the healing process. Anxiety, sadness, fear, rejection, confusion, anger, loneliness, etc. But one day you WILL look back and be able to tell the story of how you moved on, and what you learned from all of this.

And don't get me wrong. I put myself out there. I go out. I got out with friends. I go out alone. (That gets boring may I please add) I go to bookstores, browse through malls, go to movies, go to nearby things in the area, I look friendly, I always look nice. But it's not like I'm noticed. If I am it's in a condescending way. Eternally I got so upset last week. I went to the club,and the entire time I got stares like....wtf are you here . I thought I was the only one who noticed it, but a girl I was with started noticing it and tweeted: "Why are all the men looking at Kris like they want to eat her....and not in a good way? Men are rude." And then I knew....it wasn't just me. Rude conversations: "Such a a group of men discussing and arguing over whether I was a midget, in high school, or just short, right in front of my face at the club......get to me"

I just feel so out of place.

You feel out of place because you are. I hope that didn't sound rude but what I'm trying to say is this:

I think your thoughts about yourself are creating your environment. Yes, there are rude people in life. But from the things you have written, you sound very down about yourself. You sound sad, a little defeated and frustrated. And you sound like you're beginning to doubt your self-worth by mentioning lowering your standards, that no one is going to approach you, and that people who are noticing you are doing so in a condescending way. I am not saying that people aren't acting a certain way towards you, and I'm definitely not saying that you deserve it.

What I'm saying is that you are giving off vibes that people are feeding off of. Your thoughts about yourself are creating a negative self-fulfilling prophecy. You can dress as nice as you like on the outside but clothes, makeup, nor hair can mask how you truly feel about yourself right now.

So my advice is simple: continue to take time to heal yourself first before you start focusing on the next relationship, who wants or doesn't want you, etc. Maybe try talking to some supportive friends about how you've been feeling (not the one that posted on twitter about guys staring at you!). Or journal about it. Cry some more if you need to cry. Don't stop living though. Don't stop being the things that make you the wonderful person you are. In time, you'll come around to being yourself again. You need to TRY to stay positive in the meantime. That takes effort. Try some daily positive affirmations. Try to smile more. Go to a comedy show. If someone is looking at you funny, turn the other way and focus on a positive convo with a friend you're with or something - you can't let others take your joy.

You will get through this. It will take time, but you will get through this.

(((hugs)))

 

[makeupgirl]

It's a learning process. I just broke up with a guy and realize that I would rather be alone than to go into a relationship with red flags and being unhappy. I knew I was going to be unhappy because the totem pole was going to include me and he had a lot of baggage that I wasn't able to deal with. Plus, he was an old BF to begin with.

Anyhoo, my grandma always said, you have to learn to love yourself. My mom also said, you have learn to be comfortable with yourself. I'll be 30 in April and for some reason, I'm ok with the fact that I'm not married and I don't have kids yet. It's just not my time. How I get over the feeling of wanting someone? I get busy. I work on me. As of now, I'm working on my health and i'm focusing on finishing school and kicking some major butt at work. If by chance, the Lord brings the guy he wants me to be with by and say J, this is him, it's time to do this; then of course, I'll be ok with that.

I used to worry, why am I being looked over so much. I'm beautiful, at least that's what I've been told. Why don't I pull guys like other women do? Simple, as much as it was painful to hear, it made a lot of sense. It's just not my time and season to be approached for dating/courting. I still need to deal with J first.

I did the desperado approach to much growing up because I was considered the ugly duckling. I thought I wasn't good enough. I thought my weight had to do with it too. Till this day, that still burns my mind. I'm just getting to the point where I can learn to be happy with myself. Am me and whoever comes into my life is just going to have to be down with that or bounce.

Just remember, your day will come when God will send your Boaz to you and it will be great and remember you are among friends and family.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Thanks guys. I hope this touched some other women as it touched me

 

[LovinLocks]

SK,

This is unconscientionable (sp.). I am soooo sadded to read this now. And, what's worse it has rendered me speechless; I do not know what to say of encouragement. Well, I suppose I could say to please not change YOU, and do NOT begin to isolate yourself, please.

 

[BGT]

I know how you feel SK. It's tough being the single one in the group when two of my best friends are engaged. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've been called pretty or gorgeous or beautiful. I'm told I'm smart and funny and cool to be around. Yet I'm single. I'm tired of people telling me to be patient and that "my time will come" when they have men. Shoot, I've been patient for over 21 years. I even wrote to a relationship advice columnist about m problems, and she told me to be patient.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I know how you feel SK. It's tough being the single one in the group when two of my best friends are engaged. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've been called pretty or gorgeous or beautiful. I'm told I'm smart and funny and cool to be around. Yet I'm single. I'm tired of people telling me to be patient and that "my time will come" when they have men. Shoot, I've been patient for over 21 years. I even wrote to a relationship advice columnist about m problems, and she told me to be patient.

Don't you just want to :hardslap: when you hear that. and then it's so easy for my friends to say that. BUT they're all in relationships...which more emotional baggage than me lol . But yeah one of my good friends told me you worry about that ish too much. We are 22 not 32. Who cares about having a man. Now if I get to be 35 and figure out that I'm still not married, with no prospects I'll think I have a problem but for right now I'm just enjoying my life. SN: Just found out she's in a relationship with a star player on one of the nearby colleges' football team. I wanna enjoy life like that hahahahaha.

But I guess people tell you to be patient....because...that's the only true answer... lol you just dun wanna hear it.

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

Just because someone is in a relationship...it's doesn't mean it's happy. If you want to know why being patient is the best advise....ask someone that wasn't patient and lowered their standards.

Relationships are HARD work. I was in your shoes a few years ago....I could not understand why everyone else had someone and I didn't. Well I had my lil boo's but I didn't have that ONE solid serious relationship. Now that I have that....I am like DUDE where is my engagement ring? Why does it take longer for me? Why WHy WHy?

Well let me tell you this....if I HAD lowered my standards and settled....I don't think I would be happy at ALL. I love my boo to pieces...but sometimes...this love/relationship stuff...is HARD. So with that being said....I think for it to work...it has to be with someone you truly love and value.

Just my .02.

Also...a lot of it is how you SEE yourself. I think you said no one would approach you. WHY on earth would you think like that? I walk in the room thinking.. "Ok...every dude in this room wants me" And...I am usually approached. It's an air that you have....and it should not be that way because you are "looking for someone" because I am not...but I think we should all be our biggest fans.

Again...just my .02. I by no means knw everything...and I could very well be wrong...but this is my personal theory on this.

Be encouraged sister. I hope Santa puts a nice handsome piece of man under your tree this year.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Just because someone is in a relationship...it's doesn't mean it's happy. If you want to know why being patient is the best advise....ask someone that wasn't patient and lowered their standards.

Relationships are HARD work. I was in your shoes a few years ago....I could not understand why everyone else had someone and I didn't. Well I had my lil boo's but I didn't have that ONE solid serious relationship. Now that I have that....I am like DUDE where is my engagement ring? Why does it take longer for me? Why WHy WHy?

Well let me tell you this....if I HAD lowered my standards and settled....I don't think I would be happy at ALL. I love my boo to pieces...but sometimes...this love/relationship stuff...is HARD. So with that being said....I think for it to work...it has to be with someone you truly love and value.

Just my .02.

Also...a lot of it is how you SEE yourself. I think you said no one would approach you. WHY on earth would you think like that? I walk in the room thinking.. "Ok...every dude in this room wants me" And...I am usually approached. It's an air that you have....and it should not be that way because you are "looking for someone" because I am not...but I think we should all be our biggest fans.

Again...just my .02. I by no means knw everything...and I could very well be wrong...but this is my personal theory on this.

Be encouraged sister. I hope Santa puts a nice handsome piece of man under your tree this year.

Because that's just how it is. You can say pooh smells like roses....but at the end of the day....it's simply still a waste product from the digestive tract...that stinks. I see myself as a beautiful young lady, and often think that of course every guy would be lucky to have me on their arm....but that's my opinion and others don't have to agree....and most of the time they don't. Our opinions collide. On a scale of 1-10 I say 9...they say...5. I say thick, they say little. I say petite, they say midget. I say unique, they say disabled. Get what I'm saying. So yup the odds are not in my favor. Get what I'm saying. I might be my biggest fan....but I just might be my only fan too. Well of course aside from friends and family.

But I'ma try to be patient and keep pressing forward.

 

[lushcoils]

Maybe you should try looking into the visual manifestation board thread to start to start manifesting what you want.

 

[lushcoils]

Seriously, make it a new years resolution not to make any more posts, blogs, messages, thoughts, words, about how men don't want you, or that you're too short or unattractive. Don't post in those I'm doomed to be single forever threads.

Focus on what you want. Make a vision board. Affirm. Find examples of women you look like/act like you who are in happy relationships and look at that everyday.

Do this for a whole year. And see if anything changes. And no, being positive for a week and coming back complaining that nothing changed doesn't count. You've ingrained into your subconscious that you're unattractive for how many years now? It's going to take some time to fix.

 

[HoneyA]

I know you've been through a lot and I am happy to see that you are putting yourself back out there. Every day is not going to be a walk in the park, cry when you have to when the pressure builds. Take it slow and eventually you will get to the point where nothing phases you and you begin to see yourself as attractive, gorgeous. You have to get to the point where you look into the mirror and say "you are so gorgeous" and mean it.

Because of where you are now, you might have to talk to yourself quite a bit to get there but eventually you'll get to the point where you don't want or need anyone because you are happy with yourself and where you are and then your "one" will show up. At that point you'll probably also be beating guys off with a stick

ETA: I just saw the post above mine. It's true you have to stop talking negative. It may seem hard right now but focus on what you want and get happy about getting it. That is where you want to get to. No point looking back unless you want to go back there. Get specific about what you want (all the wonderful things you want) and be positive about it until you get there. Period.

 

[Lady_q_tee]

I don't believe the tweet part at all.

Sent from my GT-I9000 using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[Mena]

You get over it when you realize people arent that special and love yourself more. Really, people have baggage and issues. I rather be alone enjoying my life than dealing with someone else issues for the sake of being in a relationship and so I can parade in front of others.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Growing up, my family was close friends with a family next door. One of their daughters was mentally kind of slow. I remember her rocking on the couch a lot. She was the sweetest thing. We use to tell her that boys liked her so that she would blush. Out of all of the daughters, everybody just assumed she would be taken care of by their mom, and live at home.

Both our families moved away when we were in our late teens.....but we kept in touch sporadically.

Recently, we got notice that she is getting MARRIED!!!! I had never seen her with a boyfriend or a date. But yep, she's getting married. Her family says he's a great guy with a great job, A nice big house, he's respectful, etc. Oh, and he's CRAZY ABOUT HER!

If she found someone, so can you OP. Just wait, and don't just go for anyone.......please don't.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I don't believe the tweet part at all.

Sent from my GT-I9000 using Long Hair Care Forum App

I don't have time to makin random ish up... or the memory to keep the story straight

 

[Keshieshimmer]

I am with you OP!

I need a more exciting life to get over that feeling. But sadly I am in the very non-fun graduate school where there are no attractive guys in microbiology.

Thankfully I don't want a particular person because I know they are bad for me. But like others my friends are in relationships. And yes they are hard, but there is also so much joy. I see it. So that whole "you don't want it b/c it is hard," is such BS to me.

 

[myronnie]

aww girl. Some people are so rude. I think that you look cute!! Shorter girls are always prettier to me
I say focus on you.. The more you focus on trying to get a guy the more insecure you will feel. Your life is for YOU to make the most of it, not for someone else to do so for you.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

You say that you feel different, and out of place. Well have you ever considered meeting guys with a similar disability to you, or a guy who has some sort of disability. I don't mean that in an offensive way at all but they would be more understanding and less judgemental.

For example tall people go on sites to meet tall people. Big people go on sites to meet big people. I don't know what you have but have you ever thought of googling them and meeting people similar to you, who share your struggles?

As humans we just like people who are similar to us. That is why people usually date somebody of the same skin colour etc etc. A lot of people are nice to people with disablities, but the truth is somebody who hasn't face your struggles in life will not be quick to make a move to you. I don't know how tall your men are, but maybe you can try to date little people? Again, please don't take my words as offensive. I'm just putting forth a different solution to your problem.

I hope you get somebody who truly loves you, and you never feel the pain of love again. Best wishes!

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

You say that you feel different, and out of place. Well have you ever considered meeting guys with a similar disability to you, or a guy who has some sort of disability. I don't mean that in an offensive way at all but they would be more understanding and less judgemental.

For example tall people go on sites to meet tall people. Big people go on sites to meet big people. I don't know what you have but have you ever thought of googling them and meeting people similar to you, who share your struggles?

As humans we just like people who are similar to us. That is why people usually date somebody of the same skin colour etc etc. A lot of people are nice to people with disablities, but the truth is somebody who hasn't face your struggles in life will not be quick to make a move to you. I don't know how tall your men are, but maybe you can try to date little people? Again, please don't take my words as offensive. I'm just putting forth a different solution to your problem.

I hope you get somebody who truly loves you, and you never feel the pain of love again. Best wishes!

No. It doesn't work like that. lol Yup I've tried. They are often just a guilded as others. I dated a guy who had a sister he was living with who had Multiple Scelrosis, I dated a guy whose two parents are both disabled, and I talked to a guy who was paralyzed.

All of them ended up the same. They first two didn't want lives like that. The first guy it seemed like he didn't want to possibly be in a relationship where the girl might need him help more than normal and possibly rely on him to do things for her. And he didn't want to see his gf in a similar situations as his sis.

The 2nd one seemed to not want to continue the cycle. His parents both live check to check and it's hard to save and prosper because both of them are unable to work. They live on a prayer and a dream. They live well, but it's hard, and it seemed like he didn't want his life to possibly be like that.

The 3rd one would rather have the model type or pretty girl next door girl just like most of his friends. People look for someone that can help them. I always make this joke, but in part i'm being truthful. What happens if we both fall out the bed one night? He can't pick me up, I can't pick him up we just stuck lol. It seemed like he was looking for someone that could be his lover and caregiver, and I could not give that to him.

To me a man is a man. Disability or not. Short or not. They basically all want the same things.

BUT back to the topic, another poster summed it up. My plan of action is to make a list of things I look in a man. Not get sidetracked by loneliness or lust and stick to my standards. Stay positive and make a vision board. And just live life. Everyone wants someone, it just depends on how you deal with these feelings what will be your outcome.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

lol Your personality is just awesome, you have such a great sense of humour. I'm a girl, and right now I wanna date you.... no homo

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

lol Your personality is just awesome, you have such a great sense of humour. I'm a girl, and right now I wanna date you.... no homo

LOL This made me bust out laughing so hard. LOL THANKS! Like they say in boondocks," #Pause #NoHomo "

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I am with you OP!

I need a more exciting life to get over that feeling. But sadly I am in the very non-fun graduate school where there are no attractive guys in microbiology.

Thankfully I don't want a particular person because I know they are bad for me. But like others my friends are in relationships. And yes they are hard, but there is also so much joy. I see it. So that whole "you don't want it b/c it is hard," is such BS to me.

I'm going through the same thing as you two. I'm at a really small law school and I'm finishing my Masters and the guys are either not available or not my type. Hardly any of my close friends are in relationships but I'm going through a phase right now where I want to meet someone I'd at least want to get to know.

 

[Irresistible]

baby girl, I don't have nothing to say, forgive me for calling you babygirl, but my daughter is 21, so you know.....it's just like that

All of your feelings are valid, you do have the answers, you are already taking the steps , you just have to keep doing it daily , I know you don't want to hear that. But I mostly wanted to say , I am so proud of you, I know I went away for a while and it's like you grew up (Matured) so much. I'm sorry I know you are having your moment, but I just think that fact is so precious! Trust me, in spite of your feelings you are on the right path. I am actually just happy to read this.....but don't mind me

 

[Glamorous_chic]

i understand how u feel. i was exactly the same way too. all of my friends were in relationships and i was seeing no one. i would sometimes go on a date or 2, but that was few and far between. it sucked and i was lonely. and everyone told me to be patient, or people would be soo surprised i was single. the few prospects i had usually turned out to be total jerks or didnt want anything serious. when me and my friends would go out guys would flock to them and i'd be left staring at the wall drinking my drink by myself. i couldnt understand it. the strange thing was that i would be approached by men when i least expected it. when i looked my worst in jogging pants or a ponytail, when going to homedepot for nails, when going to a friends work happy hour. so, upon reflection, u do have to be patient. when i was 21, i thought i'd never date or meet anyone and i was soo lonely. but things will get better. i used to think, maybe its b/c im too short, maybe its because my hair is not done, maybe its bc ect ect. but there is someone out there who will love you for everything that you are. and when you're 30 reflecting on your 20's you will realize wow, everything everyone said was right, even when u thought it was stupid or didnt want to hear it. lol

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

i understand how u feel. i was exactly the same way too. all of my friends were in relationships and i was seeing no one. i would sometimes go on a date or 2, but that was few and far between. it sucked and i was lonely. and everyone told me to be patient, or people would be soo surprised i was single. the few prospects i had usually turned out to be total jerks or didnt want anything serious. when me and my friends would go out guys would flock to them and i'd be left staring at the wall drinking my drink by myself. i couldnt understand it. the strange thing was that i would be approached by men when i least expected it. when i looked my worst in jogging pants or a ponytail, when going to homedepot for nails, when going to a friends work happy hour. so, upon reflection, u do have to be patient. when i was 21, i thought i'd never date or meet anyone and i was soo lonely. but things will get better. i used to think, maybe its b/c im too short, maybe its because my hair is not done, maybe its bc ect ect. but there is someone out there who will love you for everything that you are. and when you're 30 reflecting on your 20's you will realize wow, everything everyone said was right, even when u thought it was stupid or didnt want to hear it. lol

lol That is soo true. I've always gotten picked up when I looked not my best to me, but I'm guessing my personality shined through anyway. I'm trying to work on gaining patience. I need it for many other areas of my life, not just relationships. My day will come, but I need to be patient and enjoy the current day...because when I think about it...it's not a bad day at all.