How did you get over your first heartache?

[tamikachu =]]

I feel as if i'm going through mine. My (ex)bf and I broke up a while ago and it was a really bad one. When we first broke up he insisted that he still wanted to be friends while I just wanted to end all contact, but because of the fact that we work together I thought it was best that I atleast try to be friends. That hasn't worked because all he does ALL THE TIME is talk about other girls he's attracted to or ogle at them when we are out somewhere and he does other little things to piss me off. About 2 weeks ago I told him that I think we should keep less contact with each other and now I find out thats he's been HEAVILY flirting with anything in a nursing uniform. I know I shouldn't care but the fact that I helped him get this job and the fact that my mother works here makes this very disrespectful. I had to work with him today and seeing his face made me so angry that I asked to leave a half hour early and I posted this message of facebook:

"Tamika Jervis Is thinking how funny it is that you could help someone out when they have NOTHING, no job, no car, not in school, living off credit and when they get back on their feet they ish on you. Men are so quick to call women a golddigger but who the hell wants to deal with a person like that? You are a mess and I hate you."

To make a long story short, how do I get over this/him? I'm normally the type to just cut someone off completely and never see them again but I cant do that and keep my job.

By the way, I'm 18.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

He's doing it to get a rise out of you. Don't give in. He wants your attention it sounds like if he's doing all this ogling and such right in front of you. Even if you are dying inside, outwardly give him no reaction. Also, limit your time with him as much as possible. Lastly, live your life and start having fun again because for damn sure he will be.

 

[tamikachu =]]

When I see him I just wanna

seriously.

 

[BrownieBrie]

I didn't. I just ignored the feelings and carried the baggage to a new relationship. That's pretty much the worst thing you could do though. My advice is to surround yourself with things and people you love and just stay away from romantic relationships until the pain passes.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

First of all take the message off of facebook. It isn't doing anything but letting him know he got a rise out of you and perhaps giving him a good laugh.

1) cry as much as you need to but only at home or around friends
2) 'itch to friends who care and are willing to let you have the pity party you want
3) Get some chocolate
4) Have a pity partyfor a while and then
5)Pop the balloons at your imaginary pity party, wrap it up, and tell yourself you won't shed another tear on him.
6) Do not unravel when you're around him. Keep it together.
7) Realize there is someone wonderful out there waiting to find you (or you him) and be thankful he revealed who he was so that he could move on and you could find the right guy for you.

All the while make sure you are going out with friends, having fun, and watching funny movies and/or doing things to distract yourself from his silliness.

And remain professional at work but keep your distance (only work related).

And for Goodness sake stop posting face book updates on him!

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

I never did, i'm a fool, I keep letting him hurt me ....as you all see in my thread "Getting Back With The EX"

 

[VioletWylde]

I cut off all contact. He too wanted to be friends. I told him that I would call him back later. Later has never come. I surrounded myself with my best friends--the ones I knew had no ties/loyalties to him or his boys because I didn't have time to deal with the crap that can come with that.

You can take your time to handle your emotions for your own health, but no more friendship. No being acquaintances. Don't worry about being cordial or pretending that he is dead because HE NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE. Don't even waste the energy to make a stank face when he walks by because you don't see him at all. Don't respond to any updates/comments that friends or coworkers bring you to gauge your reaction. I stayed not knowing who my ex was so people stopped mentioning him.

 

[tamikachu =]]

Thank you guys so much for your feedback, you have no idea how much it means to me.

 

[*CherryPie*]

You got a lot of great advice here. Don't worry, you'll be okay. Remember, you don't have to be friends with exes just because they asks you to. You don't have to be nice to them either.

 

[sky_blu]

The only thing thats going to help you get over this simply put is TIME. Also DONT UPDATE your facebook status with anything to do with him.

 

[carcajada]

Toni Braxton's Secrets CD, letting me process my feelings, him moving to another state (out of sight out of mind), carrying on with a lot of school activities, and meeting new guys. You know the saying the best way to get over a guy is with another one. *shrug*

oh and stop FBing about this dude. He doesn't deserve it.

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

When you have so many heartaches like I have, you get to the point when you say "enough is enough".

 

[Mleah]

When I see him I just wanna

I just about died!!!!!!!!! Srsly, I can relate.

 

[tamikachu =]]

Toni Braxton's Secrets CD, letting me process my feelings, him moving to another state (out of sight out of mind), carrying on with a lot of school activities, and meeting new guys. You know the saying the best way to get over a guy is with another one. *shrug*

oh and stop FBing about this dude. He doesn't deserve it.

I was talking to my best friend about this and she said the same quote. lol. MY mom also said something about a distraction. Thank God classes are starting up again so I can be focused on that. I feel like trying to get a new job but I don't want him to feel like he "won." I want to be able to smile all up in face and be like "I'm happy and what ni@@a." lol. I think the whole "he doesn't exist" thing will work though.

 

[MzLady78]

When we first broke up he insisted that he still wanted to be friends while I just wanted to end all contact, but because of the fact that we work together I thought it was best that I atleast try to be friends.

*** what he wants, do what's in your best interest, which right now is not having any communication with him aside from work.

All that "let's still be friends" stuff is just his way of keeping one foot in the door with you in case nothing jumps off with any of the other chicks he's been flirting with.

As for how to get over it, unfortunately, there isn't a magic fix for a broken heart. I think LuckiestDestiny gave you some good tips for lessening the pain, but really, it's just gonna take time. I wish you didn't work with this dude, because honestly, I think going to make it a little trickier- it's definitely easier to move on when the person is out of sight and out of mind. But it will happen, though, I promise.

 

[MzLady78]

Oh and if you're FB friends, delete him immediately. I won't lie, the queen of FB passive-aggression, but the folks I vent about don't know because they're not my friends, LOL.