How Common Is It?

[Aviah]

In your circle of friends to never see their hair out? I'm not talking about those who are long-term protective styling. I'm talking about those who just do back to back weaves, braids, wigs, etc. without caring for it.

Quite a few people I know fall into this, and where you do see their hair (leave out hair) its short, broken and damaged.

What's your experience?

 

[blackbarbie986]

I know a couple like this, one I've known since 97, 98 only seen her hair once but she just cut it this weekend so I guess I'll be seeing it a lot more often.

 

[nzeee]

i don't know that many personally but i see it around me a lot in random co-workers or just people i casually but regularly encounter (like braiders and most stylists, people on public transit etc).

i do have this to say tho: i am really loathe to to create a big thread on the general rattiness of most black women's hair. we're put down enough. rants i'm cool w/ cuz it's personal and normally targetting an individual or smaller subset of our group but i don't like to talk about 'us' as a large group like we're dirt.

there are really valid reasons why we've been left behind in hair care: for decades products made and specifically marketed to us have been the lowest of the low in terms of ingredients and impact on the health of our hair and ourselves; our natural texture has been vilified to the point where self-hatred is rampant; we have been grossly miseducated on even the basics of hair care (like benefits of water and frequent washes).

these are no small barriers but thankfully over the past 8-10yrs more and more of us are learning proper techniques and undoing a lifetime and generations of bullsh!t. the best we can do for each other is spread the word and/or lead by example.

all my posts are an essay but this one is particularly so because i just think of the power of google and what a random person finding this thread will glean from it about black women as a group.

were this thread educational i'd bite my tongue for a bit but from jump this seems like it's meant to denigrate rather than educate and that's just

i know this may sound harsh and it's likely not your intention to 'cast aspersions on all black women' Aviah but it's easy for a thread like this to spiral there so i'm trying to nip it in the bud

 

[melissa-bee]

Yes, I do have them.
It's such a norm for them that since I stopped relaxing my hair they ask me, "what's going on with your hair?"
One time one of them had her hair out, well she was wearing a phony pony and obviously the front was out. Her hair was so thin the first few times I looked at it I thought she had shaved the sides. Good thing I never said anything to her, LOL.

 

[Aviah]

I ask because I have friends that say "I need my hair done, what style should I get next?" in reference to the styles listed above. Its not about bashing people, I just wondered, what's wrong with leaving your own hair out? Some I know never really learned how to wash their own hair for years because after her mom stopped it was straight to the salon. Even before I cared for my own hair I did simple ponytails and other things. My hair might have been thinner and less healthy (due to lack of haircare) but I never wanted it "away" all the time. It was never in my family to do so either but as I got older I noticed these things where I was, and with the friends I kept.

I just wondered if it was somewhat of a norm to do this without breaks.


nzeee - Fair point. Bashing was not the objective, however if the thread goes downhill, I don't really care (no offense to you). I have a simple curiosity about something and regardless of your best intention sometimes on here, it can turn ugly.

 

[lilyofthenile]

I have to say I have friends who I have never seen their real hair... I think even to the point of family members... just back to back styling..

I guess they're not comfortable with wearing their own hair out. Upon observation and questioning, some of the people I've encountered feel their hair needs to be done with extensions, braids, wigs and weaves in order for them to feel confident enough to go out in public.

 

[ErikaUK]

I have a friend who would not dream of wearing something on her head, be it wigs, weaves or hats, and I saw recently for the first time why: Her hair is a neglected and broken off mess. The damage is due to the wigs/weaves, and so the cycle continues. I have tried to encourage her to at least look after her hair underneath, but she feels her hair is naturally bad and has resigned herself to always covering it. That said, it wasn't long ago I felt the same way! I think, give it time, the knowledge about afro hair care will spread and women will be weave and wig wearing because they want to, not because they have to.

 

[NikkiQ]

Actually I am that friend. I rarely wear my hair out and have friends that have rarely seen my hair. They all know that I'm growing my hair out and it will be out once I reach the length that I want.

 

[Uniqzoe]

I don't have any ppl in my circle but I used to work for this lady that NEVER let her hair see the light of day with the exception of few leave out pieces. I asked her one day why she never let her hair out she said it was too thin and that she had been wearing a sew in since she was 15. I remember thinking that she would never repair her hair that way.

 

[Windsy]

My sister does this....I saw her hair 1 time in yearssssssss.....it was nice and long but very thin.

 

[qchelle]

I have a best friend who I've known since kindergarten and the last time I've seen her hair out for an extended period of time was in like 5th grade. That's when she started wearing weaves. She STAYS in a glue-in weave. I saw her hair once like a little while ago and it was short, damaged, broken, etc But get this.....she's in hair school right now! I just don't understand....

 

[Aviah]

I have a best friend who I've known since kindergarten and the last time I've seen her hair out for an extended period of time was in like 5th grade. That's when she started wearing weaves. She STAYS in a glue-in weave. I saw her hair once like a little while ago and it was short, damaged, broken, etc But get this.....she's in hair school right now! I just don't understand....

qchelle, it seems in hair school its more about style than health. Its crazy how many stories there are of stylists doing all kinds of backward things and still getting a lot of custom. I don't get it.

 

[10WordzOrLess]

Aviah: My co-worker Louis loves your siggie hair!

 

[isawstars]

I dont know if this thread is only about black women but I have a white friend who has long hair of ringlet curls. She always has it in a high wet bun. sometimes she will let it out to help it dry faster but will put it back up in a bun in an hour. I always found that interesting.

I also know of a white girl who shaves her head and wears wigs all the time just because she doesnt like styling hair.

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[iri9109]

2 of my close friends NEVER...and i mean NEVER wear their real hair out...they take it out at the shop and get it put back in the same day...and i know they don't take care of it because i can see their messed up hairline/edges, and one had a weave for the WHOLE SEMESTER (August-December) and didn't wash it not one time because she didn't want it to mess up... the closest i got to seeing one's hair was when she had some leave out for a weave and abused it and it all broke off down to the new growth....we were talking about hair one day and me and my other friend were talking about growing our hair out, and one of the weavies said even if she grew her hair out (which at this rate, will never happen), she would still wear weaves all the time because its professional and mature and wearing your own hair isn't

 

[silenttullip]

I don't know whether they take care of it or not cause I'm not with thm all the time. I do know many younger people 25 and under who rock back to back weaves wigs and braids. I haven't seen their hair to know if it's all broken or not.

 

[adamson]

My hair was like that - my mom wanted me to wear braids ALL of the time and I *hated* it.


edit: My hair w/o extensions was fine. It was just that she didn't want me to style my hair.

 

[tiffjust2002]

I haven't seen my cousin's hair in about 6 years, she always wears braids, but her sides are virtually gone and I've noticed a bald patch in the middle of her head so I would assume her hair is probably a hot mess without the braids, so sad.

 

[kandiekj100]

My BFF is constantly in wigs. Because I am the BFF, I see her hair. But ain't no one else seeing her hair. Her actually isn't all that bad at all. It is natural and about BSL if I had to guess. She keeps it braided up under wigs. Her hairline is intact. She could probably use a trim, but since she doesn't wear her hair out, it isn't something she thinks about doing.

Her reasoning (which I don't know if I buy 100% - maybe 50%) is that she is just too busy to worry about her hair. The girl is stays busy with work and school. She gets up before dawn and is in bed after midnight, so I get it. However, she has the option just to wear her own hair in a puff, or ponytail. I know that if her hair was a 3B-3C type, she would most certainly wear it. This is based on the type of hair that she does get. It is always the Beyonce-esque type curly or wavy wigs.

I am just glad she didn't go back to relaxers. It totally messed up her hairline (reason why she started rocking weaves and now wigs) in the first place. She wanted to go back to relaxing, but I had to remind her what happened to her hair before and inform her there was no real point if you never plan to wear it out.

 

[Miss*Tress]

I dont know if this thread is only about black women but I have a white friend who has long hair of ringlet curls. She always has it in a high wet bun. sometimes she will let it out to help it dry faster but will put it back up in a bun in an hour. I always found that interesting.

I also know of a white girl who shaves her head and wears wigs all the time just because she doesnt like styling hair.

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It could be more common than we think. Has anyone ever seen Dolly Parton's hair?

 

[Giselle685]

I remember wearing back to back weaves. Some just get embarrassed about the unhealthy state of their head, or they don't want to deal with the drastic change in appearance due to wearing their OWN hair.

Kind of like any dependency.. the person doing this... has to choose first. However, I don't think that a person should feel badly about choosing wearing false hair often, or strongly encouraged to show their hair to their friends. It's not a self esteem booster if that route is taken.

 

[Oasis]

i used to be this girl. i wore my hair in mirco-braids from age 13-18. non-stop. my real hair was APL but i just didn't like doing it. wearing braids was so much easier.

I have a best friend who I've known since kindergarten and the last time I've seen her hair out for an extended period of time was in like 5th grade. That's when she started wearing weaves. She STAYS in a glue-in weave. I saw her hair once like a little while ago and it was short, damaged, broken, etc But get this.....she's in hair school right now! I just don't understand....

i know three girls like this! always weaved up with extremely damaged hair underneath and all three in cosmetology school.

 

[SuchaLady]

My bestie is in braids most of the year. She has a full head of healthy hair. That is just her preferred style. How can I think any differently of her when my hair is in a ponytail or bun just as much as hers is in braids.

 

[RoseTintedCheeks]

Interesting thread. My friend wears her hair out only if it's bone straight. Her hair is neck length, so she is afraid of how short her hair will look if she wears any curl in it. Otherwise she is in a weave. Because of this, she won't do any type of heatless styles.
She admitted she doesn't feel good about her real hair.

 

[GulfCoastChica]

I have a relative like this; however, there are a lot of people outside of LHCF who could really give a rats arse about the length and health of their own hair. They prefer to wear wigs and weaves and have no interest in going on a hair journey at all. I see no difference between this and women who completely shave their heads every week. To me, hair should be seen as an extension (no pun intended) of ones self, as opposed to, a validation of ones self. My mother has beautiful, natural thick hair but ever since she turned 45 or so, she has opted to wear wigs out 100% of the time because she finds them convenient. She doesn't like "fussing" with her own hair as she gets older.

I say all this to say that, I personally don't see the problem with people who wig/weave constantly unless they see a problem with it. If someone I know comes to me and says, I really want my hair to be healthy, I will try to direct them to the right things. Otherwise, I let people be. I don't find it to be that serious in the bigger scope of things.

 

[Aviah]

Interesting thread, thanks for the responses. The reasons (to me at least) are very obvious as to why people do this (convenience, insecurity, simple preference, etc). I'm sure its not only black people that do this, but this is the majority of people that I am surrounded by and see it on. I personally don't see anything wrong with weave, but think its not good to be used as a crutch. However, its not on my head so it doesn't bother me.

 

[Carisa]

Actually I am that friend. I rarely wear my hair out and have friends that have rarely seen my hair. They all know that I'm growing my hair out and it will be out once I reach the length that I want.

lol me too! I just wore my hair out at work this summer and people were truly shocked that I had any hair at all (I'm only apl by the way) because I wear weaves/wigs so much. Everyone now realizes I'm growing my hair out since i had to explain to ppl why i always wear the wigs (best retention for me). And for my friends its half and half. Some I have known for years and have never seen their real hair and some only wear their real hair.

 

[locabouthair]

I have friends who wear weaves back to back. My friend said her own hair is really long.

 

[SheenaVee]

Yeah, most of my friends and cousins. The only time I see their hair is when they're taking out the weave or braids and are gonna go to the salon the next day or something.

 

[kupenda]

I don't know anyone that's a friend but I have coworkers that do that. They are forever in weaves. This one lady was always making it sound like I was crazy for being interested in hair. Her hair is between SL and APL. But she doesn't take care of it. She insists a dirty scalp grows hair. I mean if it works then hey idc. Theyre always pretty. But she was self righteous. Like she was telling me something I didn't know.


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