mw138
Well-Known Member
Sorry this long. There are a lot of details.
I have a close friend who is in a predicament. I really feel for her, but I don't know what else to tell her other than move on.
My friend, we'll care her Tara, has been with her man, David, for close to 5 years now. They live together and are in the process of planning their wedding. The other night, I received a phone call from her in which she said that she had a conversation with David that left her practically broken. They have been having problems lately because David goes out with his friends every weekend and does almost nothing with her. He'll go out with his friends for 12 hours at a time or on overnight trips to play cards, etc. He has always been very upfront with her in regards that he wouldn't cheat, which was my first thought. Evidently he has never really exhibited behavior that would point to him cheating. However, with his going out with friends all the time, the seed has been planted in her mind.
When I've spoken to her before, I've suggested that she talk to David about how she was feeling. She says that she has, but nothing has changed. She said that it's to the point where he's almost trying everything in his power to stay away from her. When they do go out together, she says that he's constantly texting his friends and won't talk to her.
This brings me to the present. Tara had a long talk with David and he basically said that he does not like hanging out with her or being around her because they do nothing at home. He is more outgoing and she's more introverted. When they first started seeing each other, they did things together regularly, but in the last year or so, since he's made new friends, he wants to do everything with them. David likes sports and video games, Tara's not so much. Tara said that David makes excuses that there is nothing to do with her, but always finds something to do with his friends, even to the point of playing with his friends' kids (David and Tara do not have kids by the way).
He told her that in the beginning of the relationship he changed how he really was "for the relationship," but feels that now his true self (how he was before her) is coming out. All he wants to do is play video games, watch sports, and sit around at his friends' homes doing nothing. I told Tara that she should not be punished for his false advertising because that's a decision that he made. Now he wants nothing to do with her because she doesn't like the same things she does, which didn't seem to be a problem in the beginning.
I feel so bad for her because he basically has no faith in the relationship, yet still wants to marry her. Tara says that she can't be with someone who doesn't even like her, even though he claims to love her very much.
I told her that he seems to be making a lot of excuses and putting all of the blame for their strained relationship on her. Tara is so torn.
What do you all think? I say that she should just move on, but she said that he still wants to work things out. They're considering counseling. IMO, if the relationship is this broken now, how in the world can a marriage work?
I have a close friend who is in a predicament. I really feel for her, but I don't know what else to tell her other than move on.
My friend, we'll care her Tara, has been with her man, David, for close to 5 years now. They live together and are in the process of planning their wedding. The other night, I received a phone call from her in which she said that she had a conversation with David that left her practically broken. They have been having problems lately because David goes out with his friends every weekend and does almost nothing with her. He'll go out with his friends for 12 hours at a time or on overnight trips to play cards, etc. He has always been very upfront with her in regards that he wouldn't cheat, which was my first thought. Evidently he has never really exhibited behavior that would point to him cheating. However, with his going out with friends all the time, the seed has been planted in her mind.
When I've spoken to her before, I've suggested that she talk to David about how she was feeling. She says that she has, but nothing has changed. She said that it's to the point where he's almost trying everything in his power to stay away from her. When they do go out together, she says that he's constantly texting his friends and won't talk to her.
This brings me to the present. Tara had a long talk with David and he basically said that he does not like hanging out with her or being around her because they do nothing at home. He is more outgoing and she's more introverted. When they first started seeing each other, they did things together regularly, but in the last year or so, since he's made new friends, he wants to do everything with them. David likes sports and video games, Tara's not so much. Tara said that David makes excuses that there is nothing to do with her, but always finds something to do with his friends, even to the point of playing with his friends' kids (David and Tara do not have kids by the way).
He told her that in the beginning of the relationship he changed how he really was "for the relationship," but feels that now his true self (how he was before her) is coming out. All he wants to do is play video games, watch sports, and sit around at his friends' homes doing nothing. I told Tara that she should not be punished for his false advertising because that's a decision that he made. Now he wants nothing to do with her because she doesn't like the same things she does, which didn't seem to be a problem in the beginning.
I feel so bad for her because he basically has no faith in the relationship, yet still wants to marry her. Tara says that she can't be with someone who doesn't even like her, even though he claims to love her very much.
I told her that he seems to be making a lot of excuses and putting all of the blame for their strained relationship on her. Tara is so torn.What do you all think? I say that she should just move on, but she said that he still wants to work things out. They're considering counseling. IMO, if the relationship is this broken now, how in the world can a marriage work?
Last edited:
Long story short, the guy is now my ex. I eventually got tired of the foolishness, and hopefully your friend will too before she makes the mistake of marrying him. She can find a guy who likes the same things she does (or similar). 
