Help! Should I get a divorce?!
- Thread starter Luvcurlies1984
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JayAnn0513
I make 30 look good!
does the 1984 in your screen name refer to your year of birth? If you that would make you 27 now ans only 23 when you got married. So you have been with this man since you were 15 or 16 and you are ready to bounce because he went soft? Not acceptable. There has to be more to it than that. You can PM me if you dont want to post it here, but I assure you that I'm taking you seriously.
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
Ok I am thinking about getting a divorce.I have been with my DH for 13 years and married for 4 years. We have never had intimacy problems. Anyways, within the last three months he went Lazarus on me twice. I am convinced it is because he is cheating, he claims that it because he is tired from working 2 jobs and that it’s because he could tell that I didn’t want to. Am I overreacting? Does this warrant a divorce? If your SO or DH went dead during intimacy that he initiated, would you think that he is cheating?
lemme get this straight. u wanna divorce cuz his penis didn't stay hard? was this before or during da actual act, cuz if it was before da act...
ne'mind...imma wait for da response. but wait...if it only happened twice during a three month period..that just don't make sense to me.
what else is goin on chile?
this sounds like one of dem strawberry letters....
brb - gotta run to da licka sto for some newports...i done ran out!
qchelle
Well-Known Member
OP, you want to divorce him because he wouldn't have sex twice? Like farealzz?
ETA: OMG I read it wrong! His peen deflated???! That's why you want to divorce him?! Ahhh! That's even crazier!!
Luvcurlies1984
Well-Known Member
Yes I'm about to turn 27 and I've known him since I was 13 years old. Thanks for genuinely trying to give good advice.
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Transformer
Well-Known Member
Am I overreacting - Yes
Does this warrant a divorce - No
Would I think he is cheating - No
This is simple. Men can't always perform even when they initiate the intimacy. Maybe it's simple as something else on his mind.
Does this warrant a divorce - No
Would I think he is cheating - No
This is simple. Men can't always perform even when they initiate the intimacy. Maybe it's simple as something else on his mind.
married for 13 yrs i say go with concrete evidence and your female intuition..after 13yrs certain behavior changes are red flags....
yes ppl do change somewhat but i think after 13 yrs one can gauge levels of change in their partner...intimacy is a huge indicator of what sup in a rlp especially if you guys hadnt had intimacy probs prior..
good luck..
and take everyones opinion with a grain of salt...
yes ppl do change somewhat but i think after 13 yrs one can gauge levels of change in their partner...intimacy is a huge indicator of what sup in a rlp especially if you guys hadnt had intimacy probs prior..
good luck..
and take everyones opinion with a grain of salt...
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qchelle
Well-Known Member
LovelyNaps26
Well-Known Member
OP, sorry if you feel like people are being insensitive but with all of the difficulties that individuals encounter in marriage, not being able to perform in bed on two occasions is fairly minor in the grand scheme of things. I was concerned that your post wasn't genuine because...let's just say there have been a host of interesting characters on this forum.
Given the back story, which you didn't provide in the OP, it is possible that he feels your resentment/anger/hurt over the cheating that took place before marriage and it's affecting your intimacy.
He probably needs to feel like you've forgiven him, which isn't easy. I hope you consider marital counseling.
Given the back story, which you didn't provide in the OP, it is possible that he feels your resentment/anger/hurt over the cheating that took place before marriage and it's affecting your intimacy.
He probably needs to feel like you've forgiven him, which isn't easy. I hope you consider marital counseling.
mzteaze
Pilates and Yoga Kinda Gal
OP you asked for an opinion, so here it is: NO based on the details you have disclosed. Does that help?
Now for more rational discussion:
Why are you so quick to toss a 13+ year relationship because of a physical, personal deflation problem? I read your answer that you found out that he confessed to cheating prior to marriage but while you were dating (?) However, as other have suggested, you don't have proof that he is cheating now other than the deflation issue. Wouldn't it make more sense to either get proof of cheating OR consider other potential reasons for said, deflation?
Now for more rational discussion:
Why are you so quick to toss a 13+ year relationship because of a physical, personal deflation problem? I read your answer that you found out that he confessed to cheating prior to marriage but while you were dating (?) However, as other have suggested, you don't have proof that he is cheating now other than the deflation issue. Wouldn't it make more sense to either get proof of cheating OR consider other potential reasons for said, deflation?
moda
New Member
I believe the information of his previous infidelity is weighing heavy on you and if that's what it is I totally understand but I am still not sure if that is a reason for you to get a divorce, only you know the true answer to that question.
I know if I found out my husband hand previously cheated it would be hard for me to get over.
Did he tell you about the infidelity before or after the "issue"
I know if I found out my husband hand previously cheated it would be hard for me to get over.
Did he tell you about the infidelity before or after the "issue"
JayAnn0513
I make 30 look good!
The first thing I suggest you do is get past the cheating issue from 5 yrs ago. Until you do EVERYTHING he does will be suspect. There is no way your marriage can work until you move past that.
MaryJane3000
New Member
Seriously...what happened till death do you part? I'm sure there's been a couple times aduring those 13 years that you were a little drier than desired...he didn't leave you did he?
Keeping it real though, men tie a lot of their self-esteem and worth into their jobs. Maybe he's just stressed and has other things on his mind. And if he initated it and went limp that prolly syched him out for the second go round. You're married so go suck his wang and see what happens or surprise him wearing nothing but a trench coat and some thigh high boots.
Keeping it real though, men tie a lot of their self-esteem and worth into their jobs. Maybe he's just stressed and has other things on his mind. And if he initated it and went limp that prolly syched him out for the second go round. You're married so go suck his wang and see what happens or surprise him wearing nothing but a trench coat and some thigh high boots.
~Sparklingflame~
New Member
Just looking at the thread title, Im betting that the consensus is DIVORCE HIS ***!!! Now lemme go read the OP and the rest of the thread. ETA: Ok I have been proven wrong about this! but LWD I see why!
OP, what you are saying based on what you have written here is that I should, like, contemplate divorce because DH wont put the lid of the toilet seat therefore he must be cheating because he USED to always put it down but since he is able to leave it up at the other womans place he MUST be cheating.
No.
OP, what you are saying based on what you have written here is that I should, like, contemplate divorce because DH wont put the lid of the toilet seat therefore he must be cheating because he USED to always put it down but since he is able to leave it up at the other womans place he MUST be cheating.
No.
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Arcadian
New Member
If he told you he cheated, did you ask him why it happened? Did you tell him (without getting crazy) how it made you feel. Did either of you consider marriage counseling after the fact?
An ED for a guy is really embarrassing especially if it happens in the middle of well...you know... and if its happening often enough, then then may be stemming from a lot of reasons, be it the pressures of his job(s) or illness.
So based on what you've said in this thread, I think IMO you're rather jumping the gun on divorce.
You SHOULD be likely considering marriage counseling to get both of you back on track.
-A
An ED for a guy is really embarrassing especially if it happens in the middle of well...you know... and if its happening often enough, then then may be stemming from a lot of reasons, be it the pressures of his job(s) or illness.
So based on what you've said in this thread, I think IMO you're rather jumping the gun on divorce.
You SHOULD be likely considering marriage counseling to get both of you back on track.
-A
Luvcurlies1984
Well-Known Member
I've asking him for years and he denied it on his Momma's life
. He just fessed up last week
LaFaraona
Well-Known Member
As other ladies said OP, people on the board will give you advice based on their OWN experiences.
Trust your gut and talk to someone trusted by you IRL , a friend, family, your priest or counselour.
LovelyNaps26
Well-Known Member
I've asking him for years and he denied it on his Momma's life
Luvcurlies1984
Based on the emotionally tense time your facing I'm not sure sexual performance is even the main issue.
i think you should edit your OP to mention the cheating issue. based on what you wrote it seems like everything was going well, he couldn't perform 2 times and now you're ready to go to the courthouse. at least, that's what i thought.
Detroit2Dallas
New Member
I've asking him for years and he denied it on his Momma's life
ooooooooooooo,ok, I see how you can begin to feel some kind of way. When a person holds on to a lie so hard and for so long, once you find out EVERYTHING they do will be suspect. But in the end, you have to handle this like a grown woman. None of us can tell you to end a marriage that we arent in. Its not our call..plus your giving bits and pieces (I dont blame you, I prob wouldnt have even bothered putting it on here tho, too personal).
Bottom line, you have to go with what you truly believe and not with what you think MAY be the case. I dont think you really want us to tell you what to do as far as keeping or letting your marriage go, but I think you needed an outlet to let out what your holding in and you may have felt desperate, depressed and angry and therefore you typed what you felt and to us it comes off a little nuts but too you it makes perfect sense because you know the whole story. The only one who can make the decision your seeking is the one who wrote the OP...
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TrueToHair
Well-Known Member
As other ladies said OP, people on the board will give you advice based on their OWN experiences.
Trust your gut and talk to someone trusted by you IRL , a friend, family, your priest or counselour.
@ the bolded - why you say that girl?
In the context of what you quoted and bolded you wrong for that. That said, I agree with talking to someone she trusts. Have you considered real counseling in addition to medical help? There are legitimate sex therapists out there to focus on this specifically.
Luvcurlies1984
Well-Known Member
Yes I was nagging him for years about it.Ok by reading the responses, it seems like I'm very unreasonable and dramatic like he said.:wow: Well thanks to all who genuinely tried to help.
We r all human and have rough times, so pardon me. I am very overwhelm right now.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Most men are reluctant to speak with a doctor on this issue, especially at his age. But believe me...if you ever peek into a urologist's office...it's FULL of men of all ages with this issue.
Luvcurlies1984
Well-Known Member
Would you want your husband to divorce you if you went "Red Sea" in the middle of sexor some other more appropriate equivalency.
I get your point and read all of your comments. So u can quit now.
Luvcurlies1984
Well-Known Member
Yes Girl the bolded is exactly why I posted this. I thought I could get feedback before I did something crazy. I don't have any pics up and I don't know anyone personally on this forum, so I prefer getting feedback here. I would never tell anyone I know about my personal problems. I Don't want people laughing behind my back like some on this forum and I didn't want to keep it inside and go crazy either. Thanks for understanding how I feel
Lucie
Dancin' on sunshine!
Yes I was nagging him for years about it.Ok by reading the responses, it seems like I'm very unreasonable and dramatic like he said.:wow: Well thanks to all who genuinely tried to help.
Yes, we all are human. I hope you are feeling better.
One thing to keep in mind, no matter how angry you get, is not to throw around the D-word (divorce) all willy-nilly. I used to be guilty of that. 
It can cause your DH to feel insecure. I hope you guys have a long talk and get your feelings out. It was not right of him to lie to you and it is only natural that you feel resentful. But, you can get through this. Good luck hon.
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
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