HELP!!!! How do you change a young girl's mindset about her hair?

X

Xavier

Well-Known Member
*sigh* My aunt and I try to positively reinforce to my little cousin who is 5 that her hair is beautiful. She still believe that straight long hair is better than her 4b textured hair. My aunt just emailed me asking for photos of young girl with 4b natural hair to show to her daughter as encouragement. Any other suggestions ladies? I know I kept is short and to the point but feel free to ask questions if you need more details.
 
For my daughter, who has type 4 hair, I make a big deal over how beautiful and healthy it is. We love trying new products and emphasize the healthiness of her hair.
 
Acknowledge to the fact that yes her hair is different from what she sees. But even though its different, it is indeed beautiful. She needs to understand that beauty comes in all shapes forms and sizes, all different but all beautiful.

I would maybe send picture of different styles for her hair type, maybe if she had a bit of a choice in how her hair is styled that would make her feel beautiful. I can empathize with her, I remember being a little girl and my hair could not do what "other" hair could.
 
all good suggestions which I totally agree with
BUT and this is a huge BUT

if she is in an environment where she is constantly bombarded with negative images (her mom or caregiver telling her her hair is ugly or unmanagable) then I think it will be difficult to overcome even with your very good intentions

I dont know your situation ie:how much interaction you and your aunt have with your little cousin, but I think you all may have to work on the negative influence in this poor childs life.
 
Everyone gave good tips. i have nothing to add. I'm glad that you and you Aunt are doing this though and it's good that you are doing it early. I hope more mothers do this with their young daughters.
 
By openly loving, caring for, and wearing natural hair around her as much as possible.

This is just *my* personal opinion, but I don't think it's possible to preach self-acceptance to a little black girl who's struggling to accept her beautiful kinks if she only sees the female role models in her life (mom, aunts, etc) wearing straight hair. That may work for adults, who can reason (read= rationalize), but not for a 5 year old child :nono:.

Just keep doing what you're doing- only use positive words to describe not just her hair, but all black hair in general; point out images in the media of natural hair and comment on their beauty; and most importantly, be sure she is surrounded with heads of natural hair in real life as well.

Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. Always.
 
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There are now GORGEOUS natural hair barbie dolls that you can order online, or, look up the tutorials to kink their hair up yourself! I definitely recommend this.

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playing.jpg
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Exposure exposure exposure, show her fotki's youtubes, images and provide positive reinforcement for her by telling her how gorgeous her hair is. If she enjoys length like most girls do show her all the success stories prevalent throughout the net ie. LongHairDontCare, Sera, RusticBeauty etc

Grooming of her hair should always be positive comfortable and most importantly pain free. If not this will reinforce this notion of her hair being a problem that needs to be resolved, and it may set the stage for reinforcing a hair type inferiority complex. As her hair is being styled there should only be positive affirming comments coming from the styler, even when people think they're being funny it can be scarring to hear disparaging comments in regard to something that comes natural to you.

Also having natural role models like her mom or aunts will make a world of difference, my mom rocked her natural hair with pride and looking back it made a big impact.

ETA: As for kids with 4b hair, I would say check out GirlsLoveYourCurls on YT, they have 4a hair, but it will be similar enough for her to relate.
 
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I am asking these questions with the utmost respect. Are both you and the aunt natural? Do you wear straight weaves or wigs?

If she perceives you to be doing something different to what you are telling her, she may not listen. I have watched the news where mother's have gone natural to encourage their daughters to love their own hair. It's tough. I hope everything works out for her.
 
I agree with getting the dolls. In addition, isn't there a sesame street episode about natural hair? Maybe you could find it on You Tube. A 5 year old may not believe you... But if Big Bird says it?? Well, it must be true! :lol:


I'm sure she'll come around :)


Sent from my iPhone.
 
I agree with PP about having her exposed to people with natural hair. Also try to find out what features about "other" hair she likes. My DD likes length and movement so I take the time to braid her own hair in a way to show length and I add beads for movement since her fine hair is about weightless. I always make sure to compliment the beauty and versatility of her hair.
 
NicWhite said:
I am asking these questions with the utmost respect. Are both you and the aunt natural? Do you wear straight weaves or wigs?

If she perceives you to be doing something different to what you are telling her, she may not listen. I have watched the news where mother's have gone natural to encourage their daughters to love their own hair. It's tough. I hope everything works out for her.
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I agree with much that has been suggested but this one speaks volumes. Children really do pay attention to things we don't think they pay attention to including how care for our hair and selves.
 
SimJam said:
all good suggestions which I totally agree with
BUT and this is a huge BUT

if she is in an environment where she is constantly bombarded with negative images (her mom or caregiver telling her her hair is ugly or unmanagable) then I think it will be difficult to overcome even with your very good intentions

I dont know your situation ie:how much interaction you and your aunt have with your little cousin, but I think you all may have to work on the negative influence in this poor childs life.
Click to expand...

bride91501 said:
By openly loving, caring for, and wearing natural hair around her as much as possible.

This is just *my* personal opinion, but I don't think it's possible to preach self-acceptance to a little black girl who's struggling to accept her beautiful kinks if she only sees the female role models in her life (mom, aunts, etc) wearing straight hair. That may work for adults, who can reason (read= rationalize), but not for a 5 year old child :nono:.

Just keep doing what you're doing- only use positive words to describe not just her hair, but all black hair in general; point out images in the media of natural hair and comment on their beauty; and most importantly, be sure she is surrounded with heads of natural hair in real life as well.

Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. Always.
Click to expand...

bride91501 and SimJam
NicWhite

I totally agree with what both of you have added. I am newly natural. I went natural back in 2004 but relaxed shortly after. I did my second big chop this summer. I plan to stay natural this time around. I also have an aunt who has been natural for years and she and I are very active in my little cousin's life.

My aunt, the little girl's mom, is struggling to transition. She is having a hard time and is thinking about relaxing but I have been trying to encourage her. She does wear straight style weaves but she does not have a negative attitude towards natural hair. She comes to me for hair care advice for her and her daughter all the time. We are very close and we always display positive feedback and praise toward my cousin's hair. I have done a lot of the things already mentioned in the thread but it always goes back to her wanting very long straight hair. We will continue to stay positive and reassure her that she is beautiful just the way she is.

Thank you ladies for all the suggestions.
 
Xavier thanks for your response, and its great that your niece positive influences regarding natural hair.

have you ever asked her why she wants to have long straight hair? what did she say.

Im really curious because the kids dont just come these conclusions without some reason, they are young but they do have some amount of reasoning behind their actions, especially when they are so adamant about something:yep:
 
SimJam said:
@Xavier thanks for your response, and its great that your niece positive influences regarding natural hair.

have you ever asked her why she wants to have long straight hair? what did she say.

Im really curious because the kids dont just come these conclusions without some reason, they are young but they do have some amount of reasoning behind their actions, especially when they are so adamant about something:yep:
Click to expand...

I don't want to jump to conclusions but she is the only black girl out of all the first grade classes and one of about 4 AA in the entire school.
 
Xavier said:
I don't want to jump to conclusions but she is the only black girl out of all the first grade classes and one of about 4 AA in the entire school.
Click to expand...

Oh wow ... Ok that can have an effect on her ... I guess the best bet will be surrounding her with positive reinforcement.

I remember my older niece once asked her mother why she was so different from her classmates, she told her that different is good and reminded her about how God created people of all colours sizes etc, and she also pointed out persons from our extended family who are Polish, Polynesian, Columbian, Mexican and all shades of black/brown and her cousins from these marriages to reinforce thaat everyone is different but also the same.

I hope you have a breakthrough with your niece :yep:
 
Ivonnovi said:
Here's a like to a YouTube Channel that I enjoy, the styles and creativity on.

http://www.youtube.com/user/GirlsLoveYourCurls

A Natual Hair Care forum's thrad on Children's hair Styles.

http://www.nappturality.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1196

Her mindset may change but it won't be overnight...
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That youtube channel is fantastic
May be an idea to show your little cousin the beginning of this video where girls are talking abut their natural hair.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaVlWkmGjvI&list=UUeclebOmeBp2_b2QqFaYc_Q&index=3&feature=plcp
 
I hope this doesn't come out wrong, but why is she at a school where she is only one of 4 black kids in the entire school? Of course that's going to have an effect on her psyche.:nono:

My suggestions echo everyone else's, but I also want to add that if possible, the little girl needs to spend time around other children who look like her.
 
Southernbella. said:
I hope this doesn't come out wrong, but why is she at a school where she is only one of 4 black kids in the entire school? Of course that's going to have an effect on her psyche.:nono:

My suggestions echo everyone else's, but I also want to add that if possible, the little girl needs to spend time around other children who look like her.
Click to expand...

The area in which she lives is predominately white but since she is also goes at a catholic school the black population decreased to practically nothing.

Even though she does go to a school where the majority of the kids do not look like her she does have cousins who look like her that she spends a significant amount of time with.
 
@Xavier How is she treated in school? She may feels a sense of bias from the nuns...teachers perhaps? If she feels that certain girls with very long straight hair are more liked by teachers "pets" and other students, that may translate into her desiring these traits. Is she being teased. This may go beyond the racial make up of the school and its natural influence.
 
Carrie A said:
@Xavier How is she treated in school? She may feels a sense of bias from the nuns...teachers perhaps? If she feels that certain girls with very long straight hair are more liked by teachers "pets" and other students, that may translate into her desiring these traits. Is she being teased. This may go beyond the racial make up of the school and its natural influence.
Click to expand...

She is very liked and never mentions any teasing or favoritism. She loves her school so I don't think this is the case.
 
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