Help for someone who can't decide!

[Yen Oak]

Sorry if this is long, but this is my first official post!

For the past two years I have gone back and forth between relaxed and natural hair. After a stressful divorce (back in 2007), I began losing my hair. After checking me for thyroid issues and anemia, my doctor concluded that I was losing my hair due to stress and I should lay off the chemicals for a while. I did my first BC on my 31st birthday.

Since then I have texturized, relaxed, and BC'd back to natural a couple of times. My 33rd birthday is approaching this weekend and I am having issues again. Right now my hair is relaxed, but I can't do it to save my life!!! I am a slave to my stylist (always have been except when natural). It's very short right now, from multiple BC's over the past two years. I am beginning a new job next Monday and would love the ease of being able to get up and go like I did when natural.

I guess my dilemma is...I want my hair long again. Like it was prior to my divorce and the stress of losing my hair. My new boyfriend and mother (who both love my hair in a TWA) are trying to convince me that I should go back to natural. They say that my "relaxed" years are over...and I should not try in vain to regain something that may not be for me anymore.

I have an appointment on Thursday to get my hair done. I'm scheduled for a relaxer (8 weeks post), but I'm hesitant. Something is telling me not to do it again. However, I'm worried that my hair will never grow long in its natural state. I have attached pics so you can see my natural texture.

Okay...I'll stop now because I'm rambling! Any advice or suggestions from those of you who have gone back and forth with this issue? Also, I would love to hear from those who had to mentally transition from having long relaxed hair.

Thanks in advance.

 

[SelahOco]

If you like the freedom of natural hair and want it to be long - you can have both!! It will be so pretty. Do it...do it...

 

[BostonMaria]

Welcome!!!!!

That's a decision that only you can make. Why don't you reschedule your appointment and give it some more thought. Do you want to continue going to a salon or did you join the site to learn how to become a DIY'r? I can only speak for myself, but I've learned that my hair can only grow and thrive when I do it myself. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[curlicarib]

I'm with BM. Give it more time to decide. Can you flat iron it (use lots of protection) for now and put off the relaxer?

 

[SkorpioLust]

I'm relaxed because it's easy and low-maintenance for me. I can wash it every day and not use heat on it.

But since relaxed hair doesn't seem as easy for you and you are frustrated, go back to natural. You're a length where you wouldn't miss any hair you cut off.

Frankly if I had you length I'd likely go natural -- because I do think you can grow it long natural. However, natural is never easy for me... with the knots, dreading up, tangles, etc.

Like someone else said, it's a personal decision only you can make.

 

[Salsarisma]

I agree with the other ladies! This is a personal decision that only you can make. Maybe you should consider BkT until you make up your mind. It's not permanent and will give you some breathing room to think things through...it sounds like you have a lot on your mind. Take some time and reflect and do some soul searching as to what you want from your hair.

Also, your family may mean well, but no one else knows what's best for you: Only you do! Do what's in your heart.

Ok, one last thing: learn how to take care of your hair! I have been going to a stylist every two weeks since I was 9! Before I began my HHJ, I had not washed and styled my own hair in over 2 years. There is nothing wrong with going to a salon, but trust me: Learning to take care of your own hair is soooo empowering! I only go to the salon for relaxers now. Hope that helps and HHG!

 

[yardyspice]

My 2 cents: get a weave or a wig. Don't rush to make a decision that is so permanent. Instead buy yourself some time with a fun weave. Better yet, get a curly that is similar to your texture so you can see that you can have the best of both worlds as a natural -- curly or straight.

 

[shinyblackhair]

That "something" that is telling you not to relax again is your gut. Follow your gut! I think if you go and get a relaxer right now you will regret it. You have the support of your mom and boyfriend, plus you enjoyed the ease of a twa...I say go for it! When you get that craving for length get a weave or a really nice wig. In this day and age relaxers aren't even necessary. A natural woman can achieve any style she wishes because of all the amazing options out there with weaves, quick weaves, lace fronts etc.

If your hair is already short right now, what is a relaxer going to really do for you? It certainly won't help you to achieve length any faster, in fact it may even impede growth.

When all is said and done only YOU can make this choice, but speaking from experience I would advise you to go with your gut feeling.

All the best! Let us know what you decide!

 

[ceebee3]

Wow, you have really pretty hair. Why do you think it will not grow long? I'm sure if you take a look around this site you will see some beautiful long natural hair.

If your gut is telling you not to relax don't do it. You can have long natural hair.

Just don't rush into any decisions. Remember relaxing is permanent so if you relax and regret it, you would have to big chop again.

Maybe try hiding your hair for a while with a weave, wigs, or braids until you're better able to make a decision.

 

[Yen Oak]

Thanks, ladies, for all of your advice. I really appreciate the support that a forum like this can provide.

I think you guys are right. I shouldn't relax yet...at least not on Thursday! It's best not to do something too hasty. I always tell my pastor I am praying for patience and he tells me not to. That God will really test me then to build that patience!

Decisions...decisions!

 

[Yen Oak]

Bumping this

 

[Ronnieaj]

Just my story. My last perm was in May 2007 and I cut almost all my hair off in December, and went fully natural in March 2008 with hair about your current length. I've had 3 pretty substantial cuts since then (all at least 3 inches) and my hair is back to collar-bone length when straightened. I say this just to say that natural hair can grow, and quickly. I think you have beautiful curls and should give it a chance, but that's just me. As everyone else has said, it's a very personal choice. Someone mentioned a BKT, which could be an excellent option for you while making that decision, and longer if you so choose. Just because you're natural doesn't mean you can't wear your hair straight if you desire. I say put off the relaxer appointment and give yourself a little more time. Good luck!

 

[BostonMaria]

Wow, you have really pretty hair. Why do you think it will not grow long? I'm sure if you take a look around this site you will see some beautiful long natural hair.

And don't forget that some ladies here actually prefer to keep their hair short. They keep it short because they think it looks good, not because it can't grow. There are others with your hair texture that have long, beautiful hair. What you'll find is that both relaxed and natural hair takes time and patience to maintain. If you want to keep it natural and want it long that's not far fetched, but you will probably have to learn how to take care of your hair yourself. Natural hair salons are few are far between.

 

[Prudent1]

WELCOME!!

You have so much going on right now- new job, new beau, new start in life, take your time. I agree with the ladies here. Give yourself some more time.
HHG!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Why not blow out your hair strait to see how it would look. You may hate the strait look and regret your decision. You can also get an idea how you will care for relaxed hair if you choose to relax. If I knew how to braid or style my hair, I'd still be natural right now. We're here to support you no matter what you choose!

 

[Yen Oak]

And don't forget that some ladies here actually prefer to keep their hair short. They keep it short because they think it looks good, not because it can't grow. There are others with your hair texture that have long, beautiful hair. What you'll find is that both relaxed and natural hair takes time and patience to maintain. If you want to keep it natural and want it long that's not far fetched, but you will probably have to learn how to take care of your hair yourself. Natural hair salons are few are far between.

Thanks for the advice, BostonMaria. You're one of my hair faves

 

[Yen Oak]

Why not blow out your hair strait to see how it would look. You may hate the strait look and regret your decision. You can also get an idea how you will care for relaxed hair if you choose to relax. If I knew how to braid or style my hair, I'd still be natural right now. We're here to support you no matter what you choose!

Thanks, DD. I have followed your story for a while now. I know you have gone back and forth as well. I appreciate your support!